Gender Reassignment Surgery

[Light_Sunstone23]

Ok, where to begin? For the majority of my life I never really felt female. What I mean to say is that I have felt that gender, just not 24/7. I very rarely connected with women throughout my life (especially when I was younger). I was super asocial growing up and I barely had any friends. I have autism, so that explains a bit. When I was around 9 or 10 I felt this strange disconnect from reality. It felt like a dream. I remember feeling as if someone was watching me every time I would go for walks.

Even when I would go swimming I would experience this strange sensation. I still do. I could never find the right words to describe it, I still can't. I guess it feels like some sort of numbness whenever I submerge most of my body underwater. I was always weirded out by it. I was very emotional as a child. It could be the autism, but I really think it's a combination of different but related factors. I also remember connecting more with males than with females. Of course this was years before I found out I was nonbinary and genderfluid.

I used to create characters based on gemstones (I know, I know. I saw the future). For each stone there would be a male and a female counterpart. Even if I wasn't aware of gender (or a lack of) beyond the binary, my mindset was pretty queer. I even couldn't decide if Rabbit (from Winnie The Pooh) was male or female. Growing up I had no exposure to anything LGBTQPIA+ related (I had a little, but barely anything to call experience).

Years later, I'm finally connecting all the dots. It makes sense to me. I may be genderfluid, but I strongly feel transmasculine. There was even one moment where I realized that I'll never have an amab body type. I love androgyny, but I need to listen to my body, and if I don't, I feel off. I feel a little sad letting go of my lesbian identity, but sometimes I feel female. I am me and that's what counts. :)

When I'm ready I'm going to start hormones and hopefully have top surgery. My main fear is the gender therapist.

[Chardog]

If you go to a therapist that genuinely knows how to handle gender issues, you should be fine. That being said- look for people listed in WPATH's directory or ask for recommendations from your local LGBT center. Do not look up therapists in a generic directory or your insurance directory- even if they say they handle trans people, they've often had minimal training and can do more harm than good (personal experience- and I wasn't even going for gender issues, it was just intersectional to the reason I was going).

[Light_Sunstone23]

Thank you! Yeah, I was told that WPATH is helpful.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

If you go to a therapist that genuinely knows how to handle gender issues, you should be fine. That being said- look for people listed in WPATH's directory or ask for recommendations from your local LGBT center. Do not look up therapists in a generic directory or your insurance directory- even if they say they handle trans people, they've often had minimal training and can do more harm than good (personal experience- and I wasn't even going for gender issues, it was just intersectional to the reason I was going).

Or worse yet, they 'll be political like the ones down at JHU where I had my cerebrovascular work done.

[Light_Sunstone23]

I feel different each day, but generally I try not to overthink it. I think I'm willing to let go of labels and just be me, hormones or not. Sometimes it's tempting, though. Being genderfluid (as well as genderless) makes it so I wish I could change my body according to how I feel on a given day. The closest I can get to that is working on my diet and exercising daily (and/or wearing a binder). I'll just go with the flow and see where that takes me.

[Truth and Lies]

This is a topic I sometimes find myself curious about, and there's one site I have bookmarked. http://www.genderconfirmation.com/

This doctor is listed on the WPATH website. And a plus? He's located in California, specifically San Francisco. I've looked around the website, and it seems to have really good information, as far as I can tell. I'm not exactly one to say, though.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope all goes well. ^_^

[Light_Sunstone23]

This is a topic I sometimes find myself curious about, and there's one site I have bookmarked. http://www.genderconfirmation.com/

This doctor is listed on the WPATH website. And a plus? He's located in California, specifically San Francisco. I've looked around the website, and it seems to have really good information, as far as I can tell. I'm not exactly one to say, though.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope all goes well. ^_^

Thank you! :)

[Finn.]

Hi! The first two parts of your original post reminded me of dissociation, have you ever looked into that? This could be described as depersonalization and derealization. I doesn't really have anything to do with gender, but can definitely influence your experience of it. I'm sorry, I don't have enough time to explain it now, but if you want you can message me about it and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

[binary suns]

I was hesitant reading most of your post. being trans is not the same as being nonbinary. sometimes they do overlap of course, but cis people don't feel male or don't feel female, or only sometimes feel male or female, so declaring oneself as trans becaue of gender identity is kind of risky. when I learned that I was trans, I could look back several years and realize that i've always been trans, and also I can look at myself now and identify ways in which I feel like transitioning is correct for me to do. having surgery isn't something that can be reversed very effectively, so don't plunge into surgery just for the sake of it changing your looks. there are ways to hide breasts without removing them, so unless you are uncomfortable with having them at all, I would purposefully delay that decision until you are more sure that it's right or not.

[Light_Sunstone23]

I was hesitant reading most of your post. being trans is not the same as being nonbinary. sometimes they do overlap of course, but cis people don't feel male or don't feel female, or only sometimes feel male or female, so declaring oneself as trans becaue of gender identity is kind of risky. when I learned that I was trans, I could look back several years and realize that i've always been trans, and also I can look at myself now and identify ways in which I feel like transitioning is correct for me to do. having surgery isn't something that can be reversed very effectively, so don't plunge into surgery just for the sake of it changing your looks. there are ways to hide breasts without removing them, so unless you are uncomfortable with having them at all, I would purposefully delay that decision until you are more sure that it's right or not.

Each person is different. Some people do consider themselves as trans and nonbinary. Words change with time, and so do experiences. It's best not to judge. I'm mostly genderless, but I can definitely feel male, female, a mix of the two, or even more. You are not me, so please don't jump to conclusions. I do at times suffer from dysphoria and that's my business.

Please respect that. I chose to share some of my life experiences because at that point in time I was suffering. Right now I'm trying to find a balance between all of my identities. I am not cis, I know that for a fact. Even if I was, what difference would it make? Not all trans folks are binary. I enjoy feeling male and I enjoy being me.