ArieScream Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Im 24 years old now and im on my first gay relationship.. Im Bisexual.. I tend to date girls before but when i met and hang out with him (he's discreet)... I feel something like warm and fuzzy inside.. I enjoy his company... We tend to watch movies and series and i usually hang out and crash on his place on my day offs... He knows himself that being gay will lead to growing old alone.. But i dont want him to think it that way... He tends to chat any random guy in fb or any gay dating sites and ask them to crash over his place so that it would ease the pain of being alone.. And i hate him for that... I told him that he shouldnt be doing that because he is a good person and i dont want anyone will take advantage on his loneliness.. Well some already did and he ends up with bad breakups.. That is why i decided to date him to stop him from doing that... Weve been living together for 10 months now but ive known him for years already... And i never thought that i will fall over heels for him.. We tend to travel together, hang out and i got to meet his family and they all accepted me.. Also with his peers... But lately, he seems to be cold... Like each night we tend to watch downloaded movies and series then we talk silly things and cuddle or have sex... But it seems that each night when we are on our beds, after watching something, he tends to go over his phone and browse and read daily updates of his reality tv series (big brother, amazing race, survivor, master chef, etc) and im being ignored.. I tend to cuddle him and i talk any possible topics but he does not seems to show interest at all.. Im also hurt because he does not seems to like and even shows interest on things i like.. I go for anime and japanese movies and stuff and i like walking outdoors or hanging outside... But he does not like it at all.. Unlike before.. Even on sex, i have to keep on bugging him just to score... I even Swallow My pride and I even let him fuck me or i am the one who will initiate to suck him because i love him and im just afraid that he might get bored and might want to have sex with other guys instead because thats what he used to do, meet up and have sex with random guys.. I always ended up being frustrated and bash him about it if he is always bored of having sex with me and he wants to take on someone younger or someone who is handsome and a great body (just average looking and average body with not such big tool, i hate myself) and i feel so insecure everytime he is scrolling on Facebook and keeps on browsing and liking any handsome guys or even watch porn by himself whenever im not around.. I confronted him that am i stopping or blocking his sex drive whenever im around the house? Because he usually play with himself if im not around and I feel so insulted.. He will just answer that i just feel like that or he just saw something on the Web that triggers his sex drive.. I also tried taking different approach like downloading porns or gay themed movie just to incite him but still eventhough he already have a hard on he wont still like to have sex with me.. im just so insecure of myself.. that i am not good enough for him.. that there are better guys than me that he could look for.. im dying everyday of that thought... i keep saying that i should trust him... but when there are times that he consistently avoids me or ignores me... i cant help but panic... im so hopeless to anything that is running on my mind.. and the thought that he will be leaving me, kills me inside... i became anxious and i keep on searching signs that he may be so fed up of me already.. i know he do now.. but i keep on swallowing my pride because i just love him so much.. Our arguments usually ends up me threatening him that i will be breaking up with him, but it seems he dont want to save or try to stop me from that.. He will just say 'sorry it didn't work out ' and it kills me.. I beg for him to think it over and work it out together, and he will agree.. But still we ends up with arguments because he keeps on ignoring me and shows he does not care anymore and i became paranoid and i even threatened him that if he break up with me i will mess up his life and i will embarrass him in public or leak his pictures on Facebook but he does not seems to care at all... It still ends up me begging for forgiveness just to stay together.. He had white lies also... Lies that is very unnecessary and unreasonable... That's one thing that im troubled with him for why he could lie on things that it shouldnt be for i know where he was and i was confident on who he is with... And it hurts me for him to lie to me... I cant help to think that he could lie to me on small things, so much more on the big ones.. He does not open up to me if he has trouble nor talk to me about anything going on his head... my imagination is so overwhelming that it eats me up already.. i cant stop my brain creating possible scenarios of why he is ignoring me.. i even feel regret of not being able to do better on days when we're together.. i could have said this to make him feel better.. everyday i keep on falling on the Certainty Trap... that feeling that my relationship should go like this.. like that.. for us to keep a strong bond.. but if it seems not going on the way it is heading to, i panic... im always trap in my own 'mind-reading' thing.. that i know where his thoughts might be heading or what.. i lost all my senses because my mind is eating me up... i try to distract myself to other things but he's still on my mind.. i want to enjoy lots of things with him... to be with him for so long.. to see him smile.. i keep on watching and reminiscing on our 'Memory Board'... browsing my gallery.. times that he is smiling with me.. and i want to see that in more years to come with us together.. Help me.. Huhu... God bless, Xoxo, Troi Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Sorry for multiple post.. Cant find how to delete thread You can't delete stuff as a user; admods will delete or merge the threads when they see them. No worries, happens to all of us, especially at times like these when the server is all wonky again. :) Link to post Share on other sites
ArieScream Posted October 9, 2016 Author Share Posted October 9, 2016 Thanks... Hoping you could check on my other thread.. Link to post Share on other sites
ArieScream Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 Anyone? xD Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 2 hours ago, ArieScream said: Anyone? xD It is pretty late here. I am interested, but I can't get to it until morning. Take care, and have some cake. Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 @ArieScream, you are more than good enough for him. Please actually leave him rather than just threatening. This relationship is not good for you and it is pretty obvious that he does not care about you. The first time I became concerned for your wellbeing was when I read that he guilted you into dating him in the first place. It is like he has taken himself hostage and is implying that he will do horrible things to the hostage unless you do what he wants. You should be with him because you are in love with each other, not because he is threatening selfharm. What is this about him "knowing" that he will grow old alone because he is gay, and yet you being worried that he may leave you for someone younger, hotter, and better? If you think he will leave you and he is actively doing things to make you more afraid of that, then how can he also convince you that he cannot get together with another good person? He will obviously not grow old alone unless he wants to. More to the point, this is not something a loving person would do to you. One of the reasons he reacts the way he does to your breakup threats is probably that you have failed to follow through on them so many times that now he knows you are just bluffing. Does he know you got together with him in the first place because you wanted to protect him? Because, if he knows that then he also knows that he doesn't have to show you love to keep you; all he has to do to keep you is to allow you to think that he will hurt himself if you are not there for him. That brings me back to the reason you two got together in the first place: if you are there to protect him from himself rather than because you love EACH OTHER then you are there for the wrong reason, and if he treats you this way then you probably shouldn't be there at all. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
ArieScream Posted October 22, 2017 Author Share Posted October 22, 2017 On 10/21/2017 at 0:19 AM, Treesarepretty said: @ArieScream, you are more than good enough for him. Please actually leave him rather than just threatening. This relationship is not good for you and it is pretty obvious that he does not care about you. The first time I became concerned for your wellbeing was when I read that he guilted you into dating him in the first place. It is like he has taken himself hostage and is implying that he will do horrible things to the hostage unless you do what he wants. You should be with him because you are in love with each other, not because he is threatening selfharm. What is this about him "knowing" that he will grow old alone because he is gay, and yet you being worried that he may leave you for someone younger, hotter, and better? If you think he will leave you and he is actively doing things to make you more afraid of that, then how can he also convince you that he cannot get together with another good person? He will obviously not grow old alone unless he wants to. More to the point, this is not something a loving person would do to you. One of the reasons he reacts the way he does to your breakup threats is probably that you have failed to follow through on them so many times that now he knows you are just bluffing. Does he know you got together with him in the first place because you wanted to protect him? Because, if he knows that then he also knows that he doesn't have to show you love to keep you; all he has to do to keep you is to allow you to think that he will hurt himself if you are not there for him. That brings me back to the reason you two got together in the first place: if you are there to protect him from himself rather than because you love EACH OTHER then you are there for the wrong reason, and if he treats you this way then you probably shouldn't be there at all. I hope this helps. Thank you for your response and yeah i got an email notif... I really appreciate it... Actually this thread is a year ago and yeah i was checking on it because of a notification from the site... We're still together now and seems things going pretty well after that... I am thankful for the notification because i was able to look back to myself a year ago and it did really have a big gap to where we are right now... Last year, it was really painful because I was loving him so much and it seems I didn't leave a small portion of love to myself... What happened later after I initially posted this thread, we went on a separate ways during Halloween week last year because he went home to his parents and I was with mine... I was so stoked and I cant help myself to worry much because I know he knows several guys he usually do random hookups... But I eased myself about it and I tend to enjoy myself with my family... It just happens that he puts a tracker to my phone to which he will see whoever text or calls me... So, by the time I was at my hometown, I receive a few text from my friends and some of them got excited (yeah, that was the word they describe it) about the news of me being in a gay relationship... I was shocked that some of my friends I used to hangout with secretly likes me... Though they dont seem to show it because they said I am a very good friend, that it would hurt them alot if things will change about me finding their sexualities... My boyfriend that time was hysterically stalking my sms and fb chats and sees several post of me hanging out of random guys he didnt know... He keeps on texting me and chatting me about my whereabouts and sometimes he does message me that he will be meeting other guys because I am hangin out with other guys also, to which he seems does background checks and confirms that those guys I am hanging out are gays and bisexuals... Talking about how the tables have turned huh!!! Yeah!!! I did ignore him about it and I got hurt about founding out about the tracker, though it just hints me that he doesn't seems to trust me... I confronted him about it... He explained that because of several times we are arguing, I might find someone else and leaves him... I told him that I want to protect myself because he doesn't seems to care anymore and I told him that he is better off alone than me nagging him for attention... He begs that not to let go and it seems when he was at his home, going to bed alone without someone clingy like me that keeps on cuddling and kissing him every night makes him hard to sleep... Like there is really something missing that makes him awake at night... He told me that he misses my spooning and my breathing behind his neck or me keeps on smelling his head and telling me I love him before going to sleep... I keep my firm hold and i told him my heart aches... He explained that the reason of him dont want to have sex with me because he doesnt see me as a partner just for sex... He did apologize and he wants to keep it minimal because he felt that I began to become his Ex who just want to jave sex with him whenever they are together... To be continued.. Im still cooking.. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 @ArieScream, that sounds great! The tracker sounds creepy, though, and I have heard the "I don't want you just for sex, therefore I won't have any sex with you" line before. Can't wait to hear the rest of the story. ☺ Link to post Share on other sites
ArieScream Posted October 23, 2017 Author Share Posted October 23, 2017 11 hours ago, Treesarepretty said: @ArieScream, that sounds great! The tracker sounds creepy, though, and I have heard the "I don't want you just for sex, therefore I won't have any sex with you" line before. Can't wait to hear the rest of the story. ☺ Yeah it did freaked me out... because the tracker acts like a regular system app that is why I didnt saw it... He sorts of just want to have a regular partner not just for something that he has and something I am looking for, like his exes who tends only after for his money and to what he gives... Though it was kind of painful for me at those time to know that he doesn't see me as sex-worthy unlike those nights he was alone and every/mostly night he has booked someone from either grindr, PR or other stuffs (I only know Romeo but he introduced me to Grindr and I never knew you can also book guys via Facebook, lol)... Well, I did accept it and it seems fair to me... He went back the following week after the Halloween vacation and yeah we settle up and did lots of stuff together, though it's just staying at house every night and weekends... sometimes movies and shopping... nothing really special... Then Christmas vacation came and their company is off by the 22nd and he will be going home to his hometown by the next day. We bid kisses and goodbyes since I still have work after Christmas and I wont be able to go home not until before the end of the month, so yeah it was fine... We chatted and text everyday and this time, I was sneaking to his phone before he left and I secretly installed a different tracker to his phone because it was around 20th of December (if I remember correctly), I was getting to bed to sleep while he is still at his phone seems to be browsing again to his fave forums... He went out and left his phone and I am still having trouble sleeping... I looked at his phone to check at the time... I just noticed at the notification panel that there is a notification from Facebook about a "New Secret Conversation Message" and when I tap it, it asked for a password/PIN... my heart raced... I didnt talked to him about it... I did ask him that I will be in touch and in any event that he feels to meet someone over there, he needs to tell me... because I want him to be transparent with me... as I told him, "You need to tell me if you feel like it... so that I wont go crazy here speculating... You know that your siblings will always report to me to your whereabouts without me asking... and you dont have to worry about me... If I will be going to meet someone, I will let you know... as if it will happen anyway..." that's what I told him... he said that i dont have to worry about it as there will be no events like that will happen... so yeah, Christmas passed and I check on regularly about his text messages, location and browsing history... nothing in the ordinary... fast forward after Christmas, I forgot about the tracker thingy and I booked a ticket to be in his hometown by the 29th since he will resume by the Jan 3rd for work, so I didnt tell him about my arrival... I told him that I will be by the 30th to come... I was scheduled at 4pm for my trip, so yeah I finish packing for things earlier and was just checking on my email... since I was bored, i checked on his facebook since he usually checks mine (I turn on Login notification so that I will know if he attempts to check on my facebook, to which it is daily he is checking...) and then I went to check the tracker... I was devastated... by the 27th, he received a few text from unknown number about meeting up to this place and asking where he is already... I just filtered the app to text but when I update it to view the activity, it showed that he installed Grindr and a new sim card is being used... it really broke my heart because during the time that they are meeting, he said that he will be watching movies with his classmate... i dont really mind if I know if he is with his classmate... he did meet another guy the next day and it seems it was for a 3some... i was in tears... so bad... i will be meeting him tonight but it seems my heart tells me not to go anymore... it was hard... later that 3pmish, i was already at the terminal... and then when i checked again on the tracker, another text came in... he is meeting another guy... I called him and told him where he is... he said that he is just at home... I asked if he is going somewhere perhaps... he said no, he is sleepy... I just cant help myself and told him that I am coming and I am already at the terminal... he stutter all of a sudden and was very surprised... he was asking lots of questions if i am really coming... i just cried at the terminal and said... "Why? Is your plan with [name of the guy] will be cancel because of this?" He was shocked about it and dumbfounded... I was clearly sobbing bad at the terminal and he could hear the PA that my ticket is being called for the hour... he keeps on telling me to get into my gate for the ride... I was just silent, crying bad... then several people came and comfort me and asked what happened... I just shook my head... on the other line, my partner keeps on apologizing... i got off the phone and went to the gate with the other passengers... and people just pushed me forward to get in first... though i havent spoken a single word and I just handed my ticket pass... it was just an hour and a half boat ride but it seems to short... because my mind was so occupied about anything and I cant make up my mind... my eyes were bloodshot red because of crying so much... when we got there, i was helplessly tired to carry my stuff... some of the passengers I was with offer me a ride to whereever will I be... I was so thankful for them for comforting me and I just told them that I can just walk it alone... and they sort of understand and give me treats... I was in tears again... It was just a 30-minute walk to get to their place from the terminal... I could get a ride to get in faster but I plan on walking... at the entrace of the terminal... there he was, standing, sweating bad and seems has been running... he was just standing there, staring at me with a sad look... I was just walking like a zombie, dragging my things and just staring blankly at him... when I was standing in front of him, he hugged me so tight, saying sorry all over and over again... I was about to say something when someone from behind just pulled me over and my partner almost dropped from hugging me... it seems it was one of the old passengers I was with... I was so shocked... she began telling my partner that it was very inhuman of him hurting me like that... that he doesnt deserves me and he should ended up alone and not with someone like me... it was quite a scene for what she did and both of us was just standing there and staring at each other while the old lady was sermoning him... it was unbearable because it seems she was making out some major points of what we are going through and I was so shock because she was pointing out that my partner is not trusting me and he is cheating... and then she drags me and him out and there was a van waiting and she signaled the guy in front of it and open the van for us... we went it, still shocked and awe... it was funny because we were dragged in by some old lady... later on, she apologizes for the scene she had made... she introduced herself and we did... later on... something freaky just came out from her mouth... it seems that she is somewhat a person caught in the cross fire between me and my partner... the guy she had been chatting the 27th is the same guy that he is supposed to be meeting today, and that was this old lady's grand child... and then that guy was just in the front seat and said Hi... my partner just shock at what is happening... it seems that his grand son was forwarding pictures of my partner to which he got it from his facebook account and he was telling his grand mother about meeting a guy he had met, and to which he said that he would like to bring him over to meet her at the terminal... it was pretty amazing.. and I really cant believe to myself to what is happening... until now, if I bring it up to my partner, he just look down and frown and flustered... lol.. okay it seems i got carried away writing this.. lol... i really dont want to bring this up but it seems my hands was wrecking over my keyboard... lol... anyway... so yeah... it seems they met at the cinema and got eye contact and staring contest and yeah ended up in a room together on that the same day... and yeah everything went to cloudnine to both of them... and aparantly one thing hurt me the most, my partner did told him that he has a boyfriend already... yes that guy was hot as fk and cute... and he was just looking for someone to hang out with since he is also in a vacation to his aunts house until his grandmother arrives and they will be there til new year...then we went to a 1on1 talk after that since we decline their request for a dinner because we have things to catch up with each other... 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ArieScream Posted October 23, 2017 Author Share Posted October 23, 2017 13 hours ago, Treesarepretty said: @ArieScream, that sounds great! The tracker sounds creepy, though, and I have heard the "I don't want you just for sex, therefore I won't have any sex with you" line before. Can't wait to hear the rest of the story. ☺ we did talk about what was happening and he was crying explaining things about him missing me and yeah, it seems he just cant take it that no one is cuddling him... and i found that a stupid reason... weve been doing calls every night before going to sleep and then that was his reason? that was a BS... and I did told him all of that... luckily noone was home at their house so yeah we ended up in an argument.. I told him that i cant take that reason... I did even refresh his mind about what he said to me when I said yes to his month-long courting to me: "What is Steve's is Steve's... What is Joe's is Joe's"... I told him that I will really going to break up with him and I will just say my regards to his parents then I will have rescheduled my return to ASAP... he begs and he was on his knees about it... I told him that I cant give him another chance and it was too much for me to handle... that I have had enough already... He hugged me tight and he was begging... and I did told him that it is useless because you have done it in the past and even now that we have talked things over last month... I just cant trust him anymore... I did pay my respect to his parents about it but we didnt talked about our break up... and since it was a peak season, my request for reschedule was declined... and I have no choice but to stay... we talk like we used to do if people are around the house... but if we went outside, or alone in the room, I just look at the other side of the wall away from him... i just wept every night about it and he keeps on hugging from behind... I keep on my steady firm not to notice or even give attention to him... though by the time when he is snooring already... I cant help myself but to hug him and kiss him because I just love him that much... I know when he is asleep, he dont seem to notice any movements that I'll be doing... so yeah.. I took that chance to hug him tight... by that New Years eve... when we are celebrating with his family... at the strike of midnight... we hugged each other and I kissed him on the cheeks and I whispered... I will be breaking up with you now... I am officially ending our short-lived relationship... he cried... and then I told him... you better be prepared to court me again.. and he should give his all because I wont go easy on him this time... that he have to change if he still wants to win me over about everything he had done... I told him that I will forgive the guy I had with at 2016, and I want to start fresh with another guy at 2017... so yeah.. we had a couple of hung ups til now but everything went smooth and right now, we are working on a mortgage for our dream house... yeah... im still at the office right now... and its lunch break.. and im hungry... might continue this when i got another free time... lol thanks for reading... Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Wow, that is alot. How do you know that Joe or Steve won't just cheat on you again once you are locked in to a mortgage or a marriage, or both, with him? Are you planning to keep an eye on him day and night for the next 7 decades? I have been in the situation where I have to threaten leaving in order to get a significant other to take me seriously, and I think that in the long run going to that extreme shouldn't be necessary to have a good relationship. It occurs to me that your recent two posts have only covered 3 months. I imagine you could write a novel about you and Joe or Steve by this time next year. 😉 Link to post Share on other sites
ArieScream Posted October 24, 2017 Author Share Posted October 24, 2017 12 hours ago, Treesarepretty said: Wow, that is alot. How do you know that Joe or Steve won't just cheat on you again once you are locked in to a mortgage or a marriage, or both, with him? Are you planning to keep an eye on him day and night for the next 7 decades? I have been in the situation where I have to threaten leaving in order to get a significant other to take me seriously, and I think that in the long run going to that extreme shouldn't be necessary to have a good relationship. It occurs to me that your recent two posts have only covered 3 months. I imagine you could write a novel about you and Joe or Steve by this time next year. 😉 He is steve, and I am joe... Yeah.. i do write alot... even at my job right now involves writing... yeah... i tend to extend myself when i began to type something... well, this year has been good to us and we have couple of hung ups but its not about our relationship... its about just like where to eat, what to eat and who will do the dishes... so yeah... he's been good and he does give time for sex... just had one earlier this morning... we've been apart around April something for a seminar I attended to Perth and I will be away for a week... after that new year happenings, i uninstalled his tracker but before i left for Perth, he reinstalled it again on his device so that I could check on him for the week absence... I told him that I dont need to since I trusted him... but I left the tracker anyway... though the concern I had that time is that after we do our vid call for the night, he said he will go to sleep but upon checking on his tracker he is still awake for an hour or so and often times ended up with porn... i didnt mind that... atleast he isnt leaving... we've made future plans and also adopting soon... there are times that we argue of some stuff that we might not agree but it wont last a day before we settle and kiss and make up... its either gave in first or him... though often time its me... i just hate the silence between us in bed without having our bodies or skin kissing... lol... he even encourage me to quit my current job because its like an hour or two drive away from our home and he wants to work just within the city so that i could get home early and we could spend more time together... yeah.. we have plans for this halloween though we might not be together for some days because of tight schedules... so yeah.. cant wait... more to come if i can get more free time... Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 15 hours ago, ArieScream said: he's been good and he does give time for sex... just had one earlier this morning... Get it get it. 😉 15 hours ago, ArieScream said: we've made future plans and also adopting soon... That sounds adorable. I am still a little worried about you becoming dependent upon him for income if you quit your job, but if he really does give in from time to time without you needing to do anything drastic, then you may be in a good place with him. Good luck. ☺ Link to post Share on other sites
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