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I don't know if I'm asexual


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Hi

New person here I just needed to get onto this forum for advice and help. I'm questioning if I might be asexual; I'm a straight woman, so is it possible to be attracted to guys but be asexual?

Bit of perspective;

I was shy and and didn't have many friends all the way through school, kept to myself, and looking back I suppose i never really 'noticed' boys. i was even worse at talking to them than most people.

First year of college i began to get more confident. My first kiss was a nice guy I started chatting to one night-I was enjoying the conversation, having a nice time, then he kissed me. I was surprised, but not...revulsed or anything. I kissed him back, It was enjoyable i suppose, part of me was feeling really self conscious and wondering if he thought I was a bad kisser but that was it. he went home. i kind of just didn't want to do more than that and he wasn't someone i really wanted to get to know.

Skip to end of college and there have been no more guys. I find some guys attractive, think 'oh, he's good looking/handsome' or whatever if I'm in a club. (but feel really uncomfortable obviously around really drunk guys who can get a bit touchy-feely). i've never felt a desire or attraction to approach these guys I find aesthetically attractive (is that what it's called?).

Recently I went on a date with a nice guy-it wasn't too awkward, we'd been chatting on Tinder, he was really nice and laid back when we met in person. He would subtly brush my arm or take my hand-i knew he was into me. It didn't creep me out exactly but somehow I didn't feel comfortable, a tiny bit tense (but didn't make me want to get away from him or anything). Maybe it's only because i din't know him-i take a long time to warm up to people, but I'm well able to chat and have a conversation. I have no problem with physical contact like holding hands with female friends, hugs/handshakes/kisses on the cheek, from men or women, being against people in a crowded space or whatever.

The thing is, i could tell he was into me (in a nice way, not the creepy only-want-one thing way from some Tinder people). He was kind of cute and we were getting along well and had stuff in common...but i just kind of felt...nothing.I always felt like the odd one out when my friends talked about sexual experiences they had, and he felt like this other world to me, that I'd never experienced.

So, I'm wondering if I might be asexual, or may be just so shy about opening up to people a bit more, and having never really had any intimate physical sort of interactions for so long that I'm just a bit inhibited and prudish-have i genuinely never met a guy yet who Iam sexually attracted to? Is that different to finding someone good-looking? I had one crush on a guy in school but never acted on it-do you have crushes on people if you're asexual?

I know this is very long and rambling but any advice would be so appreciated! Thanks

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There are straight aces and lots of aces have sensual attraction, that is they may enjoy physical intimacy like cuddling, kissing etc. Some asexuals even enjoy the pleasure of sex or watch adult videos, these things don't prevent you from being asexual.

Also romantic orientation is separate from a sexual orientation, you can be hetero-romantic and asexual.

Hope this helps! :)

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One of the hardest things for me to realise is that no one can tell you if you're asexual.

It's 100% based on your feelings. The only question you need to ask yourself is: have you ever experienced sexual attraction?

If no, you may choose to describe yourself as asexual. The advice usually given on AVEN, which I think is pretty good, is not to worry about whether you may experience sexual attraction later on. You can always reverse your asexual identity if it makes sense to do so, and you don't lose anything by subscribing to it in the meantime.

It's a hard but empowering thing to accept: your identity is yours to decide!

Good luck x

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