Self-confidence and attractiveness

[N3wt]

I have been talking to one of my friends about body confidence and self-confidence and was wondering if my views on it was shared with other asexuals. While I care about my looks, I only care to the extent that I want to look a way that reflects the person I am inside - it's all about expressing my personality, and is solely based on what I feel looks good. My friend, on the other hand, feels that she needs to change her looks to become what is widely perceived as being 'good looking' and 'attractive' by society in order to feel self-confident. I thought that maybe this difference in why we feel confident (or lack confidence) in the way we look is because I don't understand what attraction is like, and I therefore don't care whether others think of me as attractive (after all, I won't be returning the sentiment). I wondered what other asexuals felt: do you share my feelings on looks, my friend's feelings, or maybe have an entirely different view on it? This is merely for my own curiosity

[Crylliac's Backup]

With a slight twist, I share your feelings on that. I have a lot of self confidence, but absolutely none of it stems from my body image. I try not to stand out with my fashion sense, because if I gotta do invisibility, I'm going all the way with it, but I'd feel just as confident in a suit and tie as I would in my ratty t-shirts and jeans.

I ain't really sure about the lack of attraction thing, but that's because I never thought of it that way before. I can understand what other people find attractive in others, even if I can't see it or particularly care. But now that you've said it, that would make sense. Like, attractiveness in other people is a null set to me, so there's no point in basing a value on someone because of it, yeah? I can see that. With one less influencing factor, it would make self-confidence (or the lack of) stand out more in yourself.

If this turns out to be the case though, that's going to be a bit sad, isn't it? That non-ace people's self confidence can be affected by if someone wants to bang them or not, I mean >.<

[Yinlotus93]

I would say I share your views for the most part. I only care about what I wear, how I do my hair, and the excessories I put on based on my own preferences on how it refects me as a person. I will rarely ever use make up and when I dress myself, I like to wear things with a particular "me" style that flatters my body (and that also give good coverage, I don't do revealing). I kinda always been like that, just wanna wear what feels right. I usually consider mainstream fashion to be pretty weird and unnecessary (and revealing o_O). If I dont 'feel' it I won't wear it. And frankly I could care less what other girls or guys think. I'm not interested in impressing them, its all by how I feel about what I look like. :)

[Starlit Sky]

Nope, there are sexuals who feel the exact same way you do about feeling attractive. That's why you hear all the people saying that you should dress the way you want / look the way you want / just be you, after all.

Frankly, if I really cared about other people's beauty standards, I'd go out and stand under that Yellow Hurty Thing in the sky. ^_^ I don't, though, because I like being pale. Doesn't mean that I think tans / dark skin tones look bad at all, but it does mean that I prefer being pale myself.