not sure if I'm asexual, need help

[sonybean]

Am I asexual. So I read FAQ and just to make sure I need to know. I'll try to give as much as details

- First I'm religious person. We believe in no sex before marriage.

- I'm a boy and I'm 18 years old.

- I read some erotic stories. However, I do not get turned on by the idea of intercourse with any kind people (males or female). I also do not get turned on by seeing naked people (on internet)

- I do get turned out by a fetish.

- I tried to fantasize having sex, however I do not get turned on by those fantasies at all. But when I fantasize anything concerned with my fetish I get turned on.

- I can masturbate. Actually I did that while fantasizing my fetish though I don't do that much (probably less than twice per year) since I do not like to masturbate very much besides I'm a religious person.

I'm waiting for your advice. I need to know if I'm asexual because I don't want to get married and ruin the marriage.

Also if it's possible, I would like to talk about fetish here and get some advices on how get rid of it because it is really weird and harmful fetish but I'm not sure if this the right place or forum to talk about it.

[Manticone]

Ultimately, I would go with the overall...definition. An asexual is a person that doesn't experience sexual attraction towards other. I think it's a very fluid thing for some people, on a continuum. Myself? I have never experienced sexual attraction, period. However, many will explain more about how libido is not the same thing as sexual attraction, and some asexuals may have a libido. If you've never once experienced sexual attraction for another person, and you feel comfortable self-identifying as asexual...I'd say, call yourself asexual. If you feel you generally do not experience sexual attraction but sometimes (rarely) do, they you may be more 'grey-A.' Some people self-identify as demi-sexual...they only feel sexually attracted towards those that they already have a deep emotional connection with...

But all the same, welcome :)

And keep in mind, some asexuals DO get married. Being asexual doesn't mean you can't get married. Some asexuals get married to other asexuals, which I assume might be the easiest, but some asexuals do marry non-asexuals, and have happy marriages :) Assume nothing.

[cavalier080854]

Hi sonybean. As a start I would probably go with aromantic / graysexual as a start. You can be into BDSM though it is not very common. As for some asexuals do get married, yes, though I'll probably be told I'm wrong, generally women say this. As a man you have to "get it up", if you have to masturbate to achieve this instead of being sexually attracted to your partner, then you are heading into trouble with a sexual woman. From my female sexual friends, this is very annoying and downright insulting, unless there is a reason behind it, such as drinking to much or impotence. How you are going to find out when your religious upbringing means loosing your virginity on your wedding night. As a man I cannot think of a worse situation for an asexual man to be in, no practical knowledge, no experience, minimal maturity, maximum pressure. Toss into the mix asexuality and you have a recipe for disaster added to your marriage. An understanding between you and your partner must be achieved before anything happens. Marry in haste repent at leisure. TALK about what your sexuality may be. See a therapist. Don't leave it to late. This is said from minimal experience, but the loosing your virginity part is real, I couldn't get it up on 2 separate occasions with same woman (my first), and failed again with 2 other women before I was certain I was asexual (I never masturbate, ever). I've never married and am happy, live alone and I am 62 years young, with plenty of friends, male and female. You may be uncertain but assume nothing. See a therapist.

[sonybean]

TALK about what your sexuality may be. See a therapist.

First thanks cavaleir and Manticone for responding

I don't think I could see a therapist. Here in our country sex and sexual related topics are taboo. I can not tell them since that would my relationship with my family.

I've never married and am happy, live alone and I am 62 years young.

I'm so relieved that you said that. Because even though I mentioned marriage, it's not like I want to get married and that's what I keep telling my family (tho I don't tell them about my sexuality, I just tell them I'm not interest in marriage and having family and it's true), but I was concerned that I might suddenly change in future (I mean maybe I not adult yet or such).

[sonybean]

TALK about what your sexuality may be. See a therapist.

First thanks cavaleir and Manticone for responding

I don't think I could see a therapist. Here in our country sex and sexual related topics are taboo. I can not tell them since that would my relationship with my family.

I've never married and am happy, live alone and I am 62 years young.

I'm so relieved that you said that. Because even though I mentioned marriage, it's not like I want to get married and that's what I keep telling my family (tho I don't tell them about my sexuality, I just tell them I'm not interest in marriage and having family and it's true), but I was concerned that I might suddenly change in future (I mean maybe I not adult yet or such).

[sonybean]

TALK about what your sexuality may be. See a therapist.

First thanks cavaleir and Manticone for responding

I don't think I could see a therapist. Here in our country sex and sexual related topics are taboo. I can not tell them since that would my relationship with my family.

I've never married and am happy, live alone and I am 62 years young.

I'm so relieved that you said that. Because even though I mentioned marriage, it's not like I want to get married and that's what I keep telling my family (tho I don't tell them about my sexuality, I just tell them I'm not interest in marriage and having family and it's true), but I was concerned that I might suddenly change in future (I mean maybe I not adult yet or such).

[sonybean]

Sorry I hit the submit button too many times by accident

[Starlit Sky]

I do not get turned on by the idea of intercourse with any kind people (males or female). I also do not get turned on by seeing naked people

The above is pretty much the only thing you need to know. :)

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and the lack of desire to have sex, and if you aren't getting turned on by bodies then that sounds like you're asexual to me. Of course, you're the only one who can decide that, but I am saying that you meet the requirements of being asexual.

Like was mentioned before, you might be aromantic and if you are then that's fine, too. If you do get married then you are not necessarily going to ruin the marriage by your asexuality. It's certainly true that sex / a lack of sex can cause any number of problems in a relationship, but it's also true that a lack of sex does not necessarily spell the end to a relationship, and your destiny in romance hasn't quite been decided for you. ^_^

You said before that you wanted to talk about your fetish? You can here if you like, but if it's very sexually explicit then please put a TMI (too much information) warning before you actually talk about it, as there are a number of asexuals who are completely sex-repulsed and can't stand hearing about it. :) On the other hand, if you want to talk about it more freely, then instead of posting about it here you can talk about it in The Sex Talk, where you will not need to put a TMI warning and all that before you say anything. :)