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Self discovery on my first date


TheStarrySkai

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QUICK STORY TIME:

A friend of mine asked me out on a date, I said sure. I wouldn't say I have romantic feelings for the guy (as far as I know, I'm horrible at knowing if I do), but he is nice and really romantic and overall a good person. So I thought why not?

So he planned the date out [fancy restaurant and all that jazz]. After that, we sat outside on a bench and asked each other questions. We are friends, but we've only really met about a month ago, so there are still a bunch of things that we don't know about each other.

Anyways his last question was "Would it be crazy if I kissed you?" I was honestly taken aback. I said "I guess...?", real awkward I know. Anyways he kissed me. He also later kissed me again when he dropped me off at my house. To be honest I don't know what to think about it. It's an odd sensation.

My first thought: *this is weird, is this what kissing is like? Why do people like it?* Second thought *This is kinda boring, is it ok if we stopped kissing now?* Third thought: *This is hella embarrassing and odd, can I not do this again?*

END OF STORY

So now I'm thinking. Is that I don't like kissing? Is it that I don't love the dude super romantically? Am I just bad at kissing?

What do you guys think? What are your experiences with kissing?

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I don't know. It can be very difficult to say because it's all very personal. I think if there aren't any romantic feelings towards him, then it's not surprising that kissing creates no response. But even if there are romantic feelings, it can still be neutral to kiss. I know it was for me but then it changed after a while and now I get really into kissing my partner. The first few times though, it was just kinda neutral. It took a few days of us physically being together (we met online and were long distance for a few months) before the "click" happened. There were definitely romantic feelings involved before kissing though. Like, a lot. Like, floating on clouds, can't stop smiling, everything is rosey kinda stuff... but kissing was still just neutral the first few days.

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I had my first kiss in decades yesterday. I had the opposite reaction.

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Your first kiss sounds an awful lot like mine. I remember being underwhelmed, faintly grossed out with the tongue stuff, embarrassed and awkward. My second kiss was kind of a turn-on because I was already a bit hot and bothered (sorry if that's TMI) but pretty much every kiss after that was mildly unpleasant. I'm not sure if that's because of ace-ness, aro-ness or both.

I don't think anyone dislikes kissing because they're not good at it. There are plenty of bad kissers in the world who still love doing it, so it's more likely that you didn't enjoy it either because you're not romantically interested in the guy, or just not into kissing (at this point in your life - desires can change, of course).

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I felt exactly the same way during my first (and second) kiss. I was just thinking 'ok... can we stop already? This is weird and boring.' My third kiss hasn't happened yet and I don't mind that. I used to be curious about kissing, but I really don't care anymore.

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Lots of people who are romantics don't like kissing. I definitely don't like the idea (but I might like it if I did it, who knows) of it.

Basically, you can like kissing without liking romance or sex; you can like romance or sex without liking kissing. Kissing =/= lovey dovey stuff. ^_^

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I am romantic as romantic gets (one could call me hopeless, and they would not be wrong), and I am as repulsed to kissing as I am to sexual activities. Just, no thank you. The two are not necessarily linked for everyone, and can be linked in different ways for different people.

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I am romantic as romantic gets (one could call me hopeless, and they would not be wrong), and I am as repulsed to kissing as I am to sexual activities. Just, no thank you. The two are not necessarily linked for everyone, and can be linked in different ways for different people.

I feel like I would rather have sex once a week than I would make out once a week. *shudder*

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I am romantic as romantic gets (one could call me hopeless, and they would not be wrong), and I am as repulsed to kissing as I am to sexual activities. Just, no thank you. The two are not necessarily linked for everyone, and can be linked in different ways for different people.

I feel like I would rather have sex once a week than I would make out once a week. *shudder*

The mere idea of doing either one makes my skin crawl. I've been kissed without my consent before, and every muscle in my body tensed up. It was bad.

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I can't say I've kissed/been kissed a lot, but I've never felt any sort of spark or good feeling from it. Not a horrible feeling either--more indifference. It's just a press of lips to me, and I'm not interested in it lingering, haha.

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I'm not really sure an accurate judgement can be made from just a first few kisses. (Actually, I think one's opinion towards kissing prior to having actually kissed would be more accurate than judging by first few kisses.) "Bad" kisses are very much a thing, and nervousness can absolutely ruin a kiss.

Ultimately, if you don't want to kiss anymore, that's fine. If at some point in the future you do, though... still, no big deal, it wouldn't be a break of identity or anything. Maybe you'd never like kissing. Maybe you would with practice and better circumstance - but that doesn't mean you have to keep trying if you don't want to. :)

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I find kissing absolutely grotesque.

I remember my first boyfriend (of two :P) when I was 18. I knew I was asexual since 14 but I thought maybe there will be a 'sexual awakening' when I have a boyfriend. That was wrong. The 'first kiss' was just, - Words can't describe the revulsion I felt. When I think back it makes me shudder to think of it. I had a boyfriend again two years ago (just in case anything changed - it did not!) and I still got that horrid feeling everytime he kissed me.

I remember my friend ringing me after I kissed my first boyfriend and I said I didn't really like it and she told me how weird it was because a first kiss should be like 'fireworks' or some such cr*p. I knew at the time that this wasn't for me, that I couldn't be sexual - this is how I felt about kissing? Cue usual thoughts about 'am i weird? Why me? Am I gay?' blah. No, I'm just not interested.

My advice is: trust your instincts and don't put yourself or another person in a situation that you know you won't be happy with. I dragged a very nice man through two years of a relationship that I knew I didn't want without telling him. That was unforgivable.

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My first many kisses were gross and awkward and I hated it. Even now, sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it.

Starlit... lol, if I'm not super into someone, I'd rather have sex than make out too.

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My first many kisses were gross and awkward and I hated it. Even now, sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it.

Starlit... lol, if I'm not super into someone, I'd rather have sex than make out too.

Shit! If I had known that sexuals could also feel this way about kissing (especially the bold part), I wouldn't have jumped straight to calling myself asexual. :unsure: This is one of the times when I hate myself for being too shy to talk to people on the internet and ask questions about important stuff. I honestly thought that disliking kissing someone I don't have strong feelings for meant that I was either asexual (which, IMO, was the most likely hypothesis) or prudish as a medieval nun. I hated my first (and only) kiss so fucking much that I simply refused to kiss/make out with guys I didn't really like, but everyone I know have never had a problem with that. Maybe if I had had a larger/more diverse group of friends when I was younger, I probably wouldn't be here now. I guess my years of confusion was good for something, after all...

God, I feel so stupid and embarrassed right now. :redface: *facepalm*

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Hermit Advocate

I didn't know that some sexuals don't like kissing. It's ironic that this is what media portrays as a symbol of romantic affections. All it does is make me cringe.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm lithro but I like kissing, it's more a sensual thing for me than emotional though. I've never had 'fireworks' or anything either and I was putting it down to someone forcing me to kiss them when I was about 9 years old, even though I'm over what happened then. I did have moments of romance repulsion with my ex that made it feel weird, though.

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