Asexuality and Christianity

[south paw]

This is more of an opinionated topic but I just wanted to know people's thoughts on asexual Christians...do you see it as a sin and/or something that you feel needs to be prayed over and changed or do you see it as a blessing? If seen as a blessing, why do you think God didn't make more christians asexual?

[south paw]

This is more of an opinionated topic but I just wanted to know people's thoughts on asexual Christians...do you see it as a sin and/or something that you feel needs to be prayed over and changed or do you see it as a blessing? If seen as a blessing, why do you think God didn't make more christians asexual?

[Starlit Sky]

There is nothing in the Bible or by any other Christian religious figure (that I know of) that has said that asexuality, or anything like asexuality, is a sin. On the flip side, not having sex is seen as a very moral thing to do (i.e., the promotion of celibacy). Rather, there has been much erasure on asexuality, both within and without the Church. They state that "everyone has urges, but they need to control them." The Bible says that it is a man's duty to "satisfy" a wife, and a woman's duty to "satisfy" a husband (sexually speaking), and the reason is because--again--everyone has these urges and it is bad not to work on those urges . . . provided you're married.

That's the deal, anyway.

Recently the Catholic Church no longer views homosexuality as a choice (though they will still say that homosexual acts are sinful). If you're interested and this concerns you, then I think you can find a lot of helpful information from Catholics, regardless of whether or not you are Catholic. There are people who, despite being homosexual, strongly identify as Catholic and view their homosexuality as a hurdle they need to go through. I want to say that there are books, blogs, vlogs, and so on on the subject. If you are afraid that asexuality is sinful by nature, then you can talk to a trusted religious leader about your worries and your feelings, but I think it's likely they will do one of three things:

1. tell you that you are suppressing your true nature and you will eventually meet the right person
2. tell you that you are suppressing your true nature and you're actually homosexual
3. tell you that you are in the clear and you're still going to Heaven

Regardless though . . . it's not a sin. :)

EDIT: Actually, now that I think about it . . . I suppose if you marry or have married someone, and you're not satisfying them as you "should be," then that is a sin. I suppose in this situation, if a Christian wanted to address this issue, asexuality is something they would probably want to pray over.

Edited September 24, 2016 by Starlit Sky

[Alan Degas]

I'm not Christian (anymore) but I'm quite certain that in most denominations it would be considered a blessing. Lust is pretty much always a sin in any denomination and a constant personal battle (even masturbation), so being free of that is nice if you're Christian.

Paul himself basically said that if you're free of sexual needs then you should stay unmarried but if you absolutely have to have sex then it's better to be married. Kinda heavily implying that sex outside marriage is unacceptable, sex inside marriage is acceptable but it's best to just not have sex and not be married.

[tgif]

I suppose it would be considered a blessing (and I second what Alan said above). I have a friend who is a pentecostal christian, which is about as hardcore as it gets, and I'm thinking about coming out to her because I think she would be okay with it (and I have my suspicions about her being ace as well, though it could just be affected by the way she was raised). When I was talking to my sister about this, she agreed and said "the Bible doesn't say 'thou shalt not lay with no one'" which still makes me laugh. ^_^

So I think it's really the LGBT part that some christians don't support (which is just painful for me to think about) but I'm pretty sure asexuals wouldn't be considered "sinners" just because we don't like to have sex.

[Starlit Sky]

Apparently my previous post didn't show up . . . so let me go again. Kinda.

There is nothing in Christianity that suggests asexuality is a sin--HOWEVER, the Bible does say that it is a man's duty to satisfy his wife, and a woman's duty to satisfy her husband (sexually, of course). If you're going by that then not having sex with your sexual partner is a sin--or at the very least morally questionable.

When I still identified as Christian, I found it neither to be a curse nor a blessing. :)

[ValleyGirl102]

I say it is morally neutral. I have never heard of anyone say anything bad about the ace lifestyle other then not believing it exists.

[Perissodactyla]

For a Christian who is dedicating themselves to God, being asexual is a clear advantage.

Someone who wants to lead a consecrated life must take vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.

So for an asexual, the vow of chastity is not so difficult as for people with sexual desires.

People reference what Paul says a lot, but never forget that Jesus' mother was a virgin and Jesus was asexual.

If we aspire to be like Jesus, then being asexual is clearly an advantage to emulating Jesus.

You could say it's a blessing also, but it's a blessing to have children and raise a family, if that suits you.

[boardgamelover]

As others have said, my asexuality is neither something to be change, or a blessing per se. It is who God created me to be. And that's pretty cool!

As for why God didn't make more asexual Christians or more Christians asexual, God created so much diversity - in sexuality, in gender identity, in race, in culture, in everything, - so we are just one piece of the wonderfully diverse and beautiful tapestry of humanity that God made.

That being said, I'm not out to my congregations mainly because I don't want to have to explain things too much. I probably will at some point, but right now I'm happy as long as they aren't trying to hook me up with someone all the time. Luckily there's not too many single people who are my age in this area.

Euco, I'm wondering where you get the idea that Jesus was asexual? I'm not really sure that we know enough about the historical person of Jesus to say what his sexuality was at all. Yes, the Bible doesn't talk about him have a romantic or sexual relationship, but that doesn't necessarily mean he didn't have one or that he was asexual. The Bible doesn't talk about him doing lots of things (because it wasn't really written as a biography in the way we understand that word today), but not talking him doing something doesn't mean that he didn't. Not trying to argue, just curious about your thoughts on the matter.

[JazzyLarsen]

Well I am a Christian and get mixed reviews on it.

Many, don't care, even see it as an advantage. Others, considering they feel sex is a GIFT given by God, feel it is wrong and something is broken. greatly discouraging.

Personally, I don't care if you are asexual or in the LGBT community, you were born as you are. It is between you and God.

[Ms.Agape2]

I've always thought of Paul as being asexual...

[Ms.Agape2]

asexuality is not a sin it's a blessing. Paul writes the single life is the best way. xoxo

[One Winged Angel]

I am not religious myself but I am aware of "the gift of singleness" doctrine in the gospel of Paul. Read more about it here:

http://www.boundless.org/adulthood/2014/on-the-gift-of-singleness

Many religious leaders may try to explain this away, of course, because many Churches are unhealthily obsessed with marriage and childbirth.

Although as I say, I am not religious so don't take my word for it, but I would highly recommend you never try to change (through prayer or action) any part of who you are on a personal level just because it isn't written in a book.

[Starlit Sky]

Oh, so now this thing sees that I exist? Psssh.

[Darcynerd]

I'm a Christian. I believe God accepts and loves me and I was made in His image, as was everyone.

[*Jade*]

Biblically: The Bible doesn't say anything about asexuality.

Personally (I'm also a Christian): Like Darcynerd, I believe that God creates us all unique, and we should celebrate our uniqueness. Asexuality is definitely not a sin.

[Ashmedai]

I'd say it may count as a blessing. There are a lot of no no's, sins and grey areas concerned around sex in the Bible, and asexuality discounts you from one less sin.

[seinneadair]

I think Biblically, Christianity's perspective should be pretty positive, and based on the way that celibacy was embraced as a gift and a calling (Paul, monasticism, clerical celibacy... etc) it really shouldn't be a problem. Unfortunately experience says otherwise: I have never been asked more often about when I'm going to get married and have babies than at church, and even churches that claim not to discriminate based on orientation do sometimes remove people from consideration for ordination if they are asexual. I was not allowed to become a priest because I came out during one of my interviews. Given the current panic level about sexuality in a lot of churches, I guess they're more likely now to assume there's something wrong with you and you're lying.

Personally, I see it as one of many possible blessings, related to one of many possible calls on our lives. Not better or worse than anything else, and each is a reflection of one aspect of God's love.

[Kuebiko]

The bible lists a lot of things as sin, and a lot of things as not sin. A rough list would be in 2 Tim 3:1-7. It doesn't list every specific sin (because it doesn't need to) but "being a person that does not have sex outside of marriage" in and of itself is obviously not sinning in this aspect. Therefore asexuality is not a sin, unless it makes you do or not do certain things, or stems from attitudes that would be considered sin.

Tada.

Seriously why is it so hard.

[nfkvr0691]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 25 year old male and I have a serious question regarding my sexuality.

Few facts about me that might be important: I have been masturbating and watching porn for about 9+ years now. I'm a virgin as of now and have dated only one girl (started dating recently..) my whole life.

The important thing that I want to get off in the beginning is that the only 'porn' that I've watched till now and masturbated to is a fetish. I'm into the Omorashi fetish which is best described as - "A paraphilia involving urinating on oneself but also arousal brought on by having a full bladder, by causing someone to develop a full bladder, or by witnessing someone with a full bladder "relieve" themselves."

I am turned on by women who are desperate to pee. (I'm not into wetting/urinating oneself)

Even before I knew anything about this fetish (when I was around 6-7 years old), the sight of someone desperate to use the bathroom turned me on. (I didn't know it was a turn on then, but I distinctly remember incidents where people around me (both male and female) were desperate to pee). As I entered my teenage years (Around 16 years old), I started browsing the internet and came across the fetish of Omorashi and since then, I get turned on by females who are desperate to pee and have a full bladder. I started reading up stories on this, looking up videos of this and it started getting progressively worse. So, the key here is, I started off watching porn which was associated with a fetish and not regular porn. This has been going on for the last 9+ years now. As I grew up, I never had any sort of sexual attraction/feeling of the need to have sex with any of the girls that I interacted with. The only thing that turned me on was if the women around me got into a position of needing the bathroom badly!

The question that I have right now came up into my mind because I recently started dating a girl which I really like (It's been going for around 3 months now). I was at her place at night and we were making out. Surprisingly, that didn't seem to do anything major for me (I was mildly aroused I think!). She wanted to have sex and for me it wasn't like I was against the idea of having sex but I wasn't getting turned on or looking forward to it. We ended up just making out and going off to sleep.

Now, I have to confess that the past year has been really stressful (I'm going to grad school and it is really hectic). So, I've been resorting to watching porn on a regular basis. Again, I would like to reiterate that by porn, I mean porn related to Omorashi and female desperation. (I'm trying to quit!)

My question is: Could the absence of my arousal be because of the excessive Omorashi related porn that I've been watching throughout my life or could it be because I'm asexual and omorashi is the only fetish that I could be turned on by?

Could it be the case since the only porn that I've looked up my whole life on the internet is related to Omorashi, I'm getting turned on only by it. I tried to experiment and held off on looking at Omorashi related porn for about a week and was successfully able to masturbate to traditional porn. Does that mean anything at all?

I'm really confused as of now. Any help on this is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

[cavalier080854]

You may be demisexual. Try looking up fetlife.com which is for BDSM and other kinky stuff. Kinky asexuals are a definite minority. No, consuming porn of any type will not cause lack of arousal, though you may be suffering jaded emotions by focusing on excessively minority "perversions" urolagnia?

[Star Bit]

If you had light arousal i would think it'd be enough to trigger responsive sexual desire, which didn't happen, so I'd say you're clearly ace. Asexuals can have fetishes.

Erotica addiction can decrease peoples response during real situations, but because of the aforementioned i don't think that's the case. You'd need to stop erotica as a whole to find out if full arousal triggers your sexual desire (which only a minority of men have). Also, have you tried seeing if your fetish triggers sexual desire with her? Some people need romantic attraction to trigger their sexual desire.

I don't see anything mentioned that suggests he'd be demisexual. (which is desiring sex after a bond that takes an unusual amount of time to form)

[nfkvr0691]

Thanks for the responses!

Also, have you tried seeing if your fetish triggers sexual desire with her? Some people need romantic attraction to trigger their sexual desire.

Do you mean sharing my fetish with her? I'm a little apprehensive of doing that right now, considering we have only been dating for around 2 months.

[Star Bit]

Well, you don't nececerily have to tell her. She just hast to go lol. But if you don't live together (which you most likely don't after only 2 months) that'd be hard to see i suppose.

[binary suns]

If you are being turned on by other people, that is the most basic form of sexual attraction. it isn't all of what falls under the category though.

myself, I am both sometimes turned on by specific people, but while being physically intimate with the people I'm attracted to ramps that up a ton, I never find sex itself to be wanted. I've even lost arousal at times when things become more like sex instead of just making out. because of this, I identify as a greysexual.

some people do prefer to call themselves asexual even though they experience sexual attraction, but most people who do so, do so with the intention to not be sexually intimate anyway.

some asexuals are into kink and fetish, however, again, I believe most asexual kinksters are uninterested in sexual contact during kink play.

so I'd say - if you want to masturbate with a partner or have sexual touching, but sex itself isn't part of the plan, go with grey.

[Guest]

This wiII be TMI for fetish repuIsed peopIe

As someone into hardcore fetishes myseIf, I'd say maybe you just need your fetish invoIved to activeIy want to have/be abIe to enjoy sex with her (and there is nothing wrong with that!!!). For exampIe, if she was busting to pee, wouId you want to have sex with her Iike that, (which couId potentiaIIy give her a stronger orgasm) and say if she reIieved her bIadder on you or in front of you or whatever after or during the sex couId you become fuIIy aroused? You shouId taIk to her about this openIy and honestIy (teII her something Iike ''I have a reaIIy embarrassing secret I need to admit to but I'm not sure how you'II take it.. it's um, fetish reIated, and um.. I'm not sure if I can enjoy or desire sex unIess this fetish is invoIved..'' and see how she responds.. if she seems open to hearing about it, expIain to her what you've expIained to us, and suggest maybe you need that to be invoIved in some way (even if it's just having that porn pIaying so you can watch it together before intimacy if she can't activeIy get invoIved with the pee).. ..I mean, you have to trust her first, and know she won't be mean to you even if she isn't into it.. But hey, peopIe can be a Iot kinkier than you'd think and are just hiding it out of embarrassment or fear of rejection! Maybe it wouId turn out you stiII can't enjoy or desire sex in that state, but I think it wouId add a whoIe extra, very vitaI, IeveI of desire for you if you couId incIude your fetish in the intimacy you two have. If she couId be into watching the type of porn you Iike with you, and then activeIy participating in this, you couId potentiaIIy have an amazing sex-Iife! and if she's 100% not into it, you can make the choice to try to get over this fetish and try to be with her whiIe fighting your naturaI desires (probabIy impossibIe) OR Ieave this Iady and activeIy start seeking for someone who is not onIy more open to this, but preferabIy has the same fetish themseIves! (you'd be surprised how many women are into this! and Iike I said, orgasm with a fuII bIadder can be heaps stronger for many women ^_^)

If she wants sex with you, and it becomes cIear you may not be abIe to enjoy it without this fetish invoIved (again, there's nothing wrong with that! it's very normaI, and this seems Iike a very naturaI, primaI desire for you as you've had it for so Iong!) then maybe she wiII activeIy want to work on this so you can both get pIeasure and enjoyment from sexuaI intimacy. I honestIy think 2 months is not to soon to teII her about this.. I toId my now-partner about my deepest, darkest fetishes (and he toId me his) within two weeks of meeting each other. And as he is now my partner, I think it's cIear that being so honest went wonderfuIIy for us!

I hope things go weII for you, whatever you decide to do. Good Iuck!

[borkfork]

Maybe you could start with something mild like listening to her pee? She might be vanilla, but sometimes people surprise you. Also, make it clear what you aren't into.

As a kinky person myself I do understand your apprehension. It's the last thing I reveal after all my other deal breakers.

I do think you should talk to people who are into your specific fetish who would have more advice about how to bring it up. A lot of your questions have probably been asked before.

[Starlit Sky]

Everything Pan said. All of it.

(WARNING: TMI!)

The thing about this case is that it is 100% possible that you might not really be able to experience a desire to have sex unless peeing is actually going on somewhere or another, and I don't think you'll be able to fully tell that until you're actually in that position. As Pan said, I don't think two months is too soon to talk about this, either, and I think that the "layout" she gave you of how you could say it is good! I know that it can be an awkward conversation, but I think the quicker you get it out at this point, the better it will be for you.

Man . . . Pan stole everything I would have said xDDD I don't think I have anything to add, but good luck! <3

[nfkvr0691]

Thanks to everyone who gave their views. All of them helped me.

As someone into hardcore fetishes myseIf, I'd say maybe you just need your fetish invoIved to activeIy want to have/be abIe to enjoy sex with her (and there is nothing wrong with that!!!).

Pan, I think this summarizes my feelings perfectly. It's not that I don't want to have sex with her, I just need my fetish to be involved. If that is the case, should I still identify myself as asexual?

Thank you very much for that post, it made a lot of things clearer to me. As you suggested, I'm planning to bring it up to her soon and see how it goes.

[Guest]

Thanks to everyone who gave their views. All of them helped me.

As someone into hardcore fetishes myseIf, I'd say maybe you just need your fetish invoIved to activeIy want to have/be abIe to enjoy sex with her (and there is nothing wrong with that!!!).

Pan, I think this summarizes my feelings perfectly. It's not that I don't want to have sex with her, I just need my fetish to be involved. If that is the case, should I still identify myself as asexual?

Thank you very much for that post, it made a lot of things clearer to me. As you suggested, I'm planning to bring it up to her soon and see how it goes.

I've stopped identifying as asexuaI as I have reaIised with the right person who is fuIIy open to expIoring aII my fetishes with me, I can become aroused enough to activeIy desire sex as Iong as certain fetishes are invoIved :3 I kind of just don't identify as anything as I won't be 100% certain untiI I've met my partner physicaIIy (we are in a distance reIationship) .. You couId just identify as ''expIoring'' or ''questioning/fetishist'' or something untiI you know for certain what your sexuaI identity may be. I'm tempted just to go with ''not appIicabIe'' for the rest of my Iife when it comes to the question of sexuaI orientation, as it feeIs Iike nothing appIies to me enough to matter, if that makes any sense at aII haha.

Anyway again, good Iuck! I'm gIad my post heIped ^_^