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Asexuality and Christianity


south paw

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It's not that I don't want to have sex with her, I just need my fetish to be involved. If that is the case, should I still identify myself as asexual?

I personally wouldn't say that you need to say you're asexual, because being asexual means a totally different thing than just needing your fetish to be involved in order to want sex. A lot of sexuals need that to happen, and if that's the case for you then you're exhibiting normal sexuality. :)

If it turns out that you still don't desire sex or find her sexually attractive (or whatever) after you guys have experimented, then that would probably be asexuality, or at the very least you'd be in the gray area. ^_^

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Personally i don't think your fetish is odd enough to warent too bad of a reaction. Personally, if i was ok with sexually compromising and my partner asked for that I'd be ok with it; it's not too far-fetched of a concept but still obviously odd. If sex was proceeded by going to the restroom, *shrugs*. If sex was proceeded by a 'restroom dance', *shrugs*.

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nanogretchen4

If you have a fetish your partner is not into, your partner may be willing and able to compromise. It depends partly on their flexibility and partly on yours. For situations where each partner has a kink that the other isn't into, Dan Savage recommends a one third compromise, as in your kink one third of the time, their kink one third of the time, and vanilla one third of the time. If you think you are going to need your partner to actively participate in your fetish every time you have sex, or if you want your fetish to replace sex, that's when you might want to screen for sexual compatibility before dating. There are websites for that. You will have more flexibility if you can just think about your fetish during sex rather than needing your partner to act it out or talk about it every time.

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Hi everyone,

I'm a little confused whether I really am asexual or if I'm just having psychological problems that I need to deal with.

I fall in love with women, and I want the proximity, the cuddling, the kissing. But I'm just completely repulsed by the thought of having sex. However, I still experience sexual attraction towards a small proportion of women, though I'm not sure if I experience it in the same way as allosexual people.

When I am sexually attracted to a woman, I do not want to act on it - for multiple reasons.

1) I'm a very civilised, logical and artistic person and I just can't unite my everyday life and identity with the thought of becoming an animal-like creature engaging in such a primitive act.

2) I fear rejection and the awkwardness afterwards, plus the fear of destroying my friendship with that woman.

3) I feel really uncomfortable being naked.

4) I feel really uncomfortable when women "judge" my appearance. I have acne scars, stretch marks and surplus skin due to past overweight, and I'm really unconfident with respect to my naked appearance. I think that women might be repulsed by it.

5) I feel uncomfortable about my inexperience at the age of 24, which might cause the woman to embarrass me. I cannot deal with such embarrassement.

6) I don't know what to do... How to start it, how to find out if she is interested. I'm not even able to have stimulating conversations with women.

Still, I can't turn off feeling the sexual attraction, and when I'm aroused I can't help it that I have these primitive, dirty thoughts. I can watch and enjoy porn. But when I am not aroused (over 99% of the time), I feel disgusted by sex and I just wish it doesn't exist and nobody would do it.

Sometimes I feel like I am just a non-human observer who was put into a human body into a community of humans.

Right now, I have a major depression, and I am not sure whether the solution is to accept that I am asexual or whether I just have an inner conflict and anxiety that I need to overcome and start being an active sexual person.

Does someone have advice for me?

Daniel

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Jade Gryphion

Hi Daniel.

I'm going to start out with this... I have no desire to tag you as anything. The only person that has any right to define your experience as a human is you.

Having said that, I think that before you address the matter of your sexuality, you have some significant hurdles to overcome, namely your depression, your marked lack of self-confidence, and some misconception of what a healthy sexual life-style is.

1) - Your depression. If you are clinically depressed or think that you may be, for the love of all that is holy, please seek help. It is not something which will just "go away" if you alter the right part of your life; it is a deep seated issue that often has ties to your brain chemistry, and it should be addressed by a professional. My advice is seek out someone who is not going to try to put you on pills, at least not right away. See if you can't get to the heart of your depression - it will do a world of good for your outlook.

2) - Your Self-Image. I can honestly say, self confidence is attractive. I'm not referring to the egotistical and narcissistic tendencies some people have, but to the type of person that is content to live their life in whatever way they see fit. Daniel, it's not your job to make other people's minds up for them; that's an impossible task and I guarantee that your happiness will be compromised if you keep viewing yourself how you think other people see you.

Now, I'm not preaching that you need to accept everything - if you recognize a change which would make you feel better about yourself, go for it. Just make sure that you are doing it because you think you should. Shut out the voices of everyone else that you've let get in your head. Sit for a moment each day, recognize yourself, and consciously find at least one thing that you like about yourself, then pick a new one the next day. This list will grow, and as your recognize them, others will too.

3) - your misconceptions on sex and sexuality. My honest suggestion - take a break from the porn. Start a one month fast, and let some of the images that you've come to associate with sex settle out. Being sexually attracted to someone has a greater connotation than just dirty thoughts and arousal, but your consumption of the media, whether you know it or not, has coloured your perceptions of healthy human sexuality. You see people in the context of these films which you enjoy in private, and you wish you could interact with them in the way you've seen their partners do on screen.

It's all fake, and if you can recognize that, you will be much better off in the long run.

And as to your being 24 - even sexuals will put off sex, some even abstain for their whole lives for one reason or another. There is no reason to worry about your sexual experience and value; you have a lot of life left to live, and I'm sure there will people that will take you where ever you're at.

***

I know a lot of this may come off as a little harsh and judgmental, but I honestly think you're asking the wrong questions right now. I hope, at the very least, this hasn't done you any harm, and I pray some good might come from it.

Blessings,

Jade

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Luftschlosseule

Hello,

I identify both with being asexual and mental ill, but for me it doesn't feel like those two are related. Just in my case, I mean.

I am comfortable with being asexual, feel that it fits me, that I can live with that. If a problem arises, well, I just go through it and maybe rant a little bit, then everything is cool again.

With my mental illnesses it's different. I often wish I were healthy, I feel ashamed when problems arise. I have the need for change. It doesn't feel as if this illness-thing is a part of me, more a parasite, while I consider my asexuality as a part of myself.

Great but: I have right at this moment a good moment when the fear of being alone because I don't want sex is not there.

There definitly are bad days, caused by depression, when I hate being asexual. The overall image is what I described first.

Maybe that's something which you could ponder over? How you feel about your illness, your (a-)sexuality and when these feelings change and how often?

What's it like on one of these rare occasions when you feel well?

Also I agree to what Jade says: Your sexuality is an important part of who you are, but maybe you should put this question aside for another time and work on your health. And some things just need time. I questioned myself whether or not I am "truly" asexual or "just" ill, and one day I realised that I came to a conclusion.

I don't know where you are and what time it is or when you will read this, but as it is night over here:
Have a nice evening!
Eule

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If you've spent any time reading through AVEN, you probably see that most people here will tell you that asexuality is a lack of desire to have sex. At the same time, you see the more publicized definition of not experiencing sexual attraction. A number of people have completely separated them, but personally, I believe that if a person feels one but not the other, then they are neither asexual nor sexual, but are instead in the gray area. You might feel more gray-sexual or gray-asexual, but it really doesn't matter unless you feel like it does. But there is definitely such a thing as sexual attraction--any sexual can testify to this, I would think, and all the ones I've talked to have--and it is definitely a part of being a sexual / being in the gray area.

I have a question:

1) I'm a very civilised, logical and artistic person and I just can't unite my everyday life and identity with the thought of becoming an animal-like creature engaging in such a primitive act.

Do you feel like people or society in some way force you to separate what you view as your more animalistic side and your more "human" side? If you do, and you're willing, I might have some answers for, but then I would have to ask you some more questions and it would all just depend . . . but still, I'm curious. If you don't feel like society is forcing you to separate those two, it's going to be more because of other factors, such as your depression and your self-image.

You should know that more sexuals than you think are in your boat as well, particularly ones who might not think very highly of themselves. I hear about a girl who is too shy to let someone see her naked, or a boy who is too ashamed of his size to show someone, etc., etc. All of those factors might contribute to a lack of desire for sex.

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  • 6 months later...
MakeupJunkie4
On 9/30/2016 at 0:12 PM, nfkvr0691 said:
Hi everyone,

 

 

 

 

I'm a 25 year old male and I have a serious question regarding my sexuality.

 

 

 

 

 

Few facts about me that might be important: I have been masturbating and watching porn for about 9+ years now. I'm a virgin as of now and have dated only one girl (started dating recently..) my whole life.

 

 

 

 

 

The important thing that I want to get off in the beginning is that the only 'porn' that I've watched till now and masturbated to is a fetish. I'm into the Omorashi fetish which is best described as - "A paraphilia involving urinating on oneself but also arousal brought on by having a full bladder, by causing someone to develop a full bladder, or by witnessing someone with a full bladder "relieve" themselves."

 

 

 

 

 

I am turned on by women who are desperate to pee. (I'm not into wetting/urinating oneself)

 

 

 

 

 

Even before I knew anything about this fetish (when I was around 6-7 years old), the sight of someone desperate to use the bathroom turned me on. (I didn't know it was a turn on then, but I distinctly remember incidents where people around me (both male and female) were desperate to pee). As I entered my teenage years (Around 16 years old), I started browsing the internet and came across the fetish of Omorashi and since then, I get turned on by females who are desperate to pee and have a full bladder. I started reading up stories on this, looking up videos of this and it started getting progressively worse. So, the key here is, I started off watching porn which was associated with a fetish and not regular porn. This has been going on for the last 9+ years now. As I grew up, I never had any sort of sexual attraction/feeling of the need to have sex with any of the girls that I interacted with. The only thing that turned me on was if the women around me got into a position of needing the bathroom badly!

 

 

 

 

 

The question that I have right now came up into my mind because I recently started dating a girl which I really like (It's been going for around 3 months now). I was at her place at night and we were making out. Surprisingly, that didn't seem to do anything major for me (I was mildly aroused I think!). She wanted to have sex and for me it wasn't like I was against the idea of having sex but I wasn't getting turned on or looking forward to it. We ended up just making out and going off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

Now, I have to confess that the past year has been really stressful (I'm going to grad school and it is really hectic). So, I've been resorting to watching porn on a regular basis. Again, I would like to reiterate that by porn, I mean porn related to Omorashi and female desperation. (I'm trying to quit!)

 

 

 

 

 

My question is: Could the absence of my arousal be because of the excessive Omorashi related porn that I've been watching throughout my life or could it be because I'm asexual and omorashi is the only fetish that I could be turned on by?

 

 

 

 

 

Could it be the case since the only porn that I've looked up my whole life on the internet is related to Omorashi, I'm getting turned on only by it. I tried to experiment and held off on looking at Omorashi related porn for about a week and was successfully able to masturbate to traditional porn. Does that mean anything at all?

 

 

 

 

 

I'm really confused as of now. Any help on this is greatly appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks in advance!

 

 

 

 

I avoid porn, personally, but if you're interested in quitting but aren't sure how or need some good facts, check out http://Yourbrainonporn.com ! 😊 Definitely interesting! 👍♠🍰

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I am Christian. Formerly I thought of myself as a Cis, and just waiting for "the one", but then I began to see the signs of aromanticism and asexuality, but there is no proof in the Bible against God, being angry at asexuals, so I'm fine with it as well. Although the Bible encourages marriage and sexual duty, I never wanted that for myself, and see those things as socially placed obstacles and hurdles.

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