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I don't want to lose my guy friend to another girl. I think I have a "squish"?


IHasCupcake

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Hi! I'm kind of in a sticky situation so let me explain. Im an upperclassman in high school and there's a guy Im friends with. I felt like we had some sort of a connection when we first met like a month ago. We agreed we didn't like each other in a romantic way and he knew I was ace and I knew he was sexual, but it didn't stop us from him putting his arm around me and stuff. It just didn't feel weird and I enjoyed having him as a friend. It was the first time in my life i truly felt loved but platonically, which I never knew could happen. But then he ASKED ME OUT! So this made me reevaluate everything and realize how he lied when he said he didnt have feelings for me before. Then I told him I only think of him as a friend and he was pretty cool about it and we still hang out. I still love to sit with him on the bus and talk to him. Everyday i look forward to seeing him after school. I want to be there for him emotionally and I want him to trust me to talk about personal topics. And then I thought, if I certainly don't like him then why do I want SO BADLY to become so close to him? I was just randomly going through AVEN on a totally unrelated note and then I found the term "squish". But I'm not aro so I didn't know if it applied, but now I'm almost positive this is a squish. There's NO better feeling than being with him and resting my head on his shoulder. And I'm the type of person who really doesn't like hugs except for with select people so its kind of a big deal for me. When he talks to me and looks at me with those big blue eyes he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world who matters.

But yesterday he kind of ditched me to go hang out with this other girl and her friends. I noticed he'd been trying to get to know her after I friendzoned him and took an interest in her. I'm prone to be a jealous person, not in an angry way but in a sad way so it hurt me. My friends are convinced that he just really wants a girlfriend (which I know to be true, he said it himself) and that now that he knows I won't ever feel that way about him he's going to find someone else to hang out with. I don't care if he dates but then it means i wouldn't be able to do things that look romantic like the head resting or arm around me and he would start to sit with her and not me. So I'm not really sure what to do, I know his life doesn't revolve around me I just don't want to lose him. He's more important to me than he knows.

Advice?? 🍰🍰 thanks for reading :)

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It should be noted that anyone can have squishes, but for someone who is aromantic it's the closest they can get to a crush. It is possible for asexual/sexual relationships to work and he did ask you out knowing full well that you are asexual so he must be aware that if you got into a relationship a compromise would have to be made and be willing to do that. My point is, your not doomed to fail in a relationship with him so if you have any interest in that it might be worth trying.

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Hi! I'm kind of in a sticky situation so let me explain. Im an upperclassman in high school and there's a guy Im friends with. I felt like we had some sort of a connection when we first met like a month ago. We agreed we didn't like each other in a romantic way and he knew I was ace and I knew he was sexual, but it didn't stop us from him putting his arm around me and stuff. It just didn't feel weird and I enjoyed having him as a friend. It was the first time in my life i truly felt loved but platonically, which I never knew could happen. But then he ASKED ME OUT! So this made me reevaluate everything and realize how he lied when he said he didnt have feelings for me before. Then I told him I only think of him as a friend and he was pretty cool about it and we still hang out. I still love to sit with him on the bus and talk to him. Everyday i look forward to seeing him after school. I want to be there for him emotionally and I want him to trust me to talk about personal topics. And then I thought, if I certainly don't like him then why do I want SO BADLY to become so close to him? I was just randomly going through AVEN on a totally unrelated note and then I found the term "squish". But I'm not aro so I didn't know if it applied, but now I'm almost positive this is a squish. There's NO better feeling than being with him and resting my head on his shoulder. And I'm the type of person who really doesn't like hugs except for with select people so its kind of a big deal for me. When he talks to me and looks at me with those big blue eyes he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world who matters.

But yesterday he kind of ditched me to go hang out with this other girl and her friends. I noticed he'd been trying to get to know her after I friendzoned him and took an interest in her. I'm prone to be a jealous person, not in an angry way but in a sad way so it hurt me. My friends are convinced that he just really wants a girlfriend (which I know to be true, he said it himself) and that now that he knows I won't ever feel that way about him he's going to find someone else to hang out with. I don't care if he dates but then it means i wouldn't be able to do things that look romantic like the head resting or arm around me and he would start to sit with her and not me. So I'm not really sure what to do, I know his life doesn't revolve around me I just don't want to lose him. He's more important to me than he knows.

Advice?? 🍰🍰 thanks for reading :)

You have to let him go. He wants a girlfriend and you arent interested. Also, him being sexual means he eventually wants sexual contact with his partner and may be very incompatible with you anyways. If you just want a platonic partner than it is best not to pursue him. Also, boundaries. Cuddling and hanging on to a typical teenage boy who likes you is difficult for them. You are probably turning him on and making things uncomfortable and since you arent interested in him, it is kind of like a tease. You cant be so touchy and expect him to think you arent interested. Keep a friendly distance. When and if he will find somebody, his attentions will go mainly towards her. It sucks but almost everyone goes through it at some time of their lives.

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cavalier080854

Let him go. Sacrifice is the lot of asexuals when sexual people are involved. Keeping him will probably, almost certainly, lead to resentment on his part. He will want to try it on, with the very innocent intention of trying to change you or see if you are possibly receptive to sex. Leading to possible abuse. Changing a pleasant memory into hate. He didn't lie to you when he asked you out, even platonic people go out. Friend zoning anyone is cruel to that person, who wants to remain a friend when they could have a more rewarding relationship with another, he is perfectly entitled to move on. Let him go. Asexualism is a lonely road to travel. Even meeting another asexual for a partnership is still fraught with compatibility issues.

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Hi! I'm kind of in a sticky situation so let me explain. Im an upperclassman in high school and there's a guy Im friends with. I felt like we had some sort of a connection when we first met like a month ago. We agreed we didn't like each other in a romantic way and he knew I was ace and I knew he was sexual, but it didn't stop us from him putting his arm around me and stuff. It just didn't feel weird and I enjoyed having him as a friend. It was the first time in my life i truly felt loved but platonically, which I never knew could happen. But then he ASKED ME OUT! So this made me reevaluate everything and realize how he lied when he said he didnt have feelings for me before. Then I told him I only think of him as a friend and he was pretty cool about it and we still hang out. I still love to sit with him on the bus and talk to him. Everyday i look forward to seeing him after school. I want to be there for him emotionally and I want him to trust me to talk about personal topics. And then I thought, if I certainly don't like him then why do I want SO BADLY to become so close to him? I was just randomly going through AVEN on a totally unrelated note and then I found the term "squish". But I'm not aro so I didn't know if it applied, but now I'm almost positive this is a squish. There's NO better feeling than being with him and resting my head on his shoulder. And I'm the type of person who really doesn't like hugs except for with select people so its kind of a big deal for me. When he talks to me and looks at me with those big blue eyes he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world who matters.

But yesterday he kind of ditched me to go hang out with this other girl and her friends. I noticed he'd been trying to get to know her after I friendzoned him and took an interest in her. I'm prone to be a jealous person, not in an angry way but in a sad way so it hurt me. My friends are convinced that he just really wants a girlfriend (which I know to be true, he said it himself) and that now that he knows I won't ever feel that way about him he's going to find someone else to hang out with. I don't care if he dates but then it means i wouldn't be able to do things that look romantic like the head resting or arm around me and he would start to sit with her and not me. So I'm not really sure what to do, I know his life doesn't revolve around me I just don't want to lose him. He's more important to me than he knows.

Advice?? 🍰🍰 thanks for reading :)

You have to let him go. He wants a girlfriend and you arent interested. Also, him being sexual means he eventually wants sexual contact with his partner and may be very incompatible with you anyways. If you just want a platonic partner than it is best not to pursue him. Also, boundaries. Cuddling and hanging on to a typical teenage boy who likes you is difficult for them. You are probably turning him on and making things uncomfortable and since you arent interested in him, it is kind of like a tease. You cant be so touchy and expect him to think you arent interested. Keep a friendly distance. When and if he will find somebody, his attentions will go mainly towards her. It sucks but almost everyone goes through it at some time of their lives.

Thank you this was really helpful, as hard as it was to hear :( I'll try to give him space and move on

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Ah yes, I've been there before. Not in the sense that the guy I was with meant as much to me as this dude does to you (because I'm okay with touching pretty much anybody), but because I know what it's like to have that similar friendship and then the other person get realllly interested in someone else, so you can't do the same things anymore. It was such a pain, as of course for me there was nothing romantic or sexual about anything that we ever did, but you know the drill.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I have to agree with the people who came before me. There's really nothing you can do (or really even should do) about this. Your feelings are not wrong and they're very understandable, but it looks like you understand why he'll need his space nonetheless. I hope it gets better for you. <3

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Ah yes, I've been there before. Not in the sense that the guy I was with meant as much to me as this dude does to you (because I'm okay with touching pretty much anybody), but because I know what it's like to have that similar friendship and then the other person get realllly interested in someone else, so you can't do the same things anymore. It was such a pain, as of course for me there was nothing romantic or sexual about anything that we ever did, but you know the drill.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I have to agree with the people who came before me. There's really nothing you can do (or really even should do) about this. Your feelings are not wrong and they're very understandable, but it looks like you understand why he'll need his space nonetheless. I hope it gets better for you. <3

Thank you so much! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one whos felt this way. I appreciate your advice.

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Hi! I'm kind of in a sticky situation so let me explain. Im an upperclassman in high school and there's a guy Im friends with. I felt like we had some sort of a connection when we first met like a month ago. We agreed we didn't like each other in a romantic way and he knew I was ace and I knew he was sexual, but it didn't stop us from him putting his arm around me and stuff. It just didn't feel weird and I enjoyed having him as a friend. It was the first time in my life i truly felt loved but platonically, which I never knew could happen. But then he ASKED ME OUT! So this made me reevaluate everything and realize how he lied when he said he didnt have feelings for me before. Then I told him I only think of him as a friend and he was pretty cool about it and we still hang out. I still love to sit with him on the bus and talk to him. Everyday i look forward to seeing him after school. I want to be there for him emotionally and I want him to trust me to talk about personal topics. And then I thought, if I certainly don't like him then why do I want SO BADLY to become so close to him? I was just randomly going through AVEN on a totally unrelated note and then I found the term "squish". But I'm not aro so I didn't know if it applied, but now I'm almost positive this is a squish. There's NO better feeling than being with him and resting my head on his shoulder. And I'm the type of person who really doesn't like hugs except for with select people so its kind of a big deal for me. When he talks to me and looks at me with those big blue eyes he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world who matters.

But yesterday he kind of ditched me to go hang out with this other girl and her friends. I noticed he'd been trying to get to know her after I friendzoned him and took an interest in her. I'm prone to be a jealous person, not in an angry way but in a sad way so it hurt me. My friends are convinced that he just really wants a girlfriend (which I know to be true, he said it himself) and that now that he knows I won't ever feel that way about him he's going to find someone else to hang out with. I don't care if he dates but then it means i wouldn't be able to do things that look romantic like the head resting or arm around me and he would start to sit with her and not me. So I'm not really sure what to do, I know his life doesn't revolve around me I just don't want to lose him. He's more important to me than he knows.

Advice?? thanks for reading :)

You have to let him go. He wants a girlfriend and you arent interested. Also, him being sexual means he eventually wants sexual contact with his partner and may be very incompatible with you anyways. If you just want a platonic partner than it is best not to pursue him. Also, boundaries. Cuddling and hanging on to a typical teenage boy who likes you is difficult for them. You are probably turning him on and making things uncomfortable and since you arent interested in him, it is kind of like a tease. You cant be so touchy and expect him to think you arent interested. Keep a friendly distance. When and if he will find somebody, his attentions will go mainly towards her. It sucks but almost everyone goes through it at some time of their lives.

Thank you this was really helpful, as hard as it was to hear :( I'll try to give him space and move on

Hey, I've been there. It really sucks. Meet this guy who was my favorite university teacher's student assistant. Me and him just clicked. The ease in which I could talk to him was really unlike any I had before. I grew to have a crush on him and found myself going to visit him while I wasn't in class. I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted to be really close friends but after awhile I started to realize what our closeness was leading to. He was really liking me and I did not want a relationship( sex- repulse, don't want to do anything sex related). I ended up taking a major step back and stop visiting him after class. The following weeks I stop visiting him he eventually meet and got girlfriend. It was painful at the same time, not painful. I was relieved that he got himself a girlfriend, but I couldn't help but think that we would have had an awesome relationship if it wasn't for my sex repulsion.

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