theflyingelf Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 I've got a doosy of a relationship situation that's driving me crazy and I was hoping for some help... So I have been in a relationship for almost 8 months with a guy that I love and care about a lot. But I am unhappy with the relationship and I still have feelings for my ex that I broke up with 2 years ago. I was completely happy with my ex in the relationship, but I broke up with him because I didn't have romantic feelings for him (and I have the ability to for other people). The split attraction model very much applies to me... I know that my love for him was equal but different, however I thought it wasn't fair to him that I could like other people in a romantic way, but not him. I thought he deserved someone who did feel that way about him, and I thought because I'm not aromantic that it wasn't fair to not have those feelings. We stayed good friends. Fast forward 2 years and now I'm in a relationship with someone I do love romantically. However I've really missed my ex and I keep thinking about him a lot. My ex has a lot of the qualities that I keep finding myself wishing my boyfriend had. I've been constantly thinking about him for at least 3 months. And I know he still has feelings for me. It also doesn't help that for the past few my ex has been chasing my 'friend' who hasn't treated him well at all. She's cheated on him 5 times, doesn't actually have feelings for him, and refuses to cut him off even though she says she should. I always get really angry and protective whenever this stuff comes up because deserves someone so much better. It basically makes me want to scream "stop subjecting yourself to this I love you". I'm also not sure if this situation is causing me to want to 'rescue' my ex, and that's the reason I want to get back with him. I still love my boyfriend though even though I am dissatisfied with the relationship, and I don't want to hurt him by breaking up. But I'm also really nervous about speaking up about the issues with the relationship because I don't want to hurt his feelings or potentially ruin our friendship. I'm not going to do anything rash, but it's gotten to the point where I've been losing sleep for a month so I need to do something. If any of this made sense to you, I could really use some advice... Link to post Share on other sites
Awkwardpanda Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 If you didn't have romantic feelings with him before, you probably wouldn't if you got back with him.. and then your current boyfriend would be heartbroken, and you'd feel remorseful. You can very much love people and have it not be romantic. It sounds like you really need your ex to be a good friend, and you want to be a good friend to him. It's perfectly okay to love your friends, and be close with them, without having romantic feelings for them. As for your female friend, I would personally lose interest in being friends with someone who would cheat on their partner so blatantly and so many times, but that's me and I don't know the depth of your relationship with her. Try being good friends with him.. it might be the fulfillment you need, and it might help him move on, too. Link to post Share on other sites
theflyingelf Posted September 24, 2016 Author Share Posted September 24, 2016 If you didn't have romantic feelings with him before, you probably wouldn't if you got back with him.. and then your current boyfriend would be heartbroken, and you'd feel remorseful. You can very much love people and have it not be romantic. It sounds like you really need your ex to be a good friend, and you want to be a good friend to him. It's perfectly okay to love your friends, and be close with them, without having romantic feelings for them. As for your female friend, I would personally lose interest in being friends with someone who would cheat on their partner so blatantly and so many times, but that's me and I don't know the depth of your relationship with her. Try being good friends with him.. it might be the fulfillment you need, and it might help him move on, too. I know I still wouldn't have romantic feelings for him, but I still have very strong sensual and quasiplatonic feelings for him that are different than that of a close friend. The only reason I broke up with him was because I thought he deserved someone who could feel romantic attraction towards him, even though personally I don't need to have romantic feelings for someone for me to be happy in a relationship. As for my 'friend', it's more of just a proximity thing. Once she finally moves out of her parents house I'll probably slowly lose contact with her (and hopefully he does too) (also we've stayed good friends for 2 years; it hasn't really helped either of us it seems) Link to post Share on other sites
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