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Partner (sexual) tells me regularly how different he wants me to be.


Briebyrdfreebyrd

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I've always been surprised that the sexual men I dated/was in relationships with never really broke up with me - instead of sitting down with me and talking about how incompatible we are and ending it (I'd totally respect that!), they were engaging in pressurizing me, subtle blackmail, "you'd do it more if you loved me", push-push-push strategy until I finally passed my breaking point and dumped them or they cheated and almost seemed like "look at what you made me do"... This felt horrible and now I'm quite averse to dating sexual people.  

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  • 3 weeks later...

As a woman who took 30+ years to identify as asexual, it is a bit unfair to be told that the asexual should have known in advance. It is relatively easy to have sex even when you don't want to when you are a woman, and I certainly assumed I didn't have such a high sex drive as my partners but I was willing to have sex because they wanted to. I also didn't realise how it should be important to me too.

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A constant reminder about how you are not good enough is like psychological terror! It is ok to discuss the topic and re-evaluate last-made plans and strategies, once in a while. But sometimes both parties have to accept that there is a combatibility issue, and it will not go away! (Partner of OP, seemed to forget that!)

 

I would recommend making a timeframe and say/agree

on things like: A wants sex. B says no. Therefore no sex for 'half year'! During that time, we are a couple. We live together. We love eachother. We meet and discuss this again in half year. During timeframe, A and B, will wholeheartedly think and feel! A will not push for sex. B will be able to relax since pressure is off!

 

perhaps outcome is the same, but it is hard to decide when both feel constant pressure and the pain is to present!

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