Vincisomething Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 for the first time. I met this guy some short time ago (1-2 weeks. I'm so bad at time lol). We just kinda connected- even though he gets nervous around me, I'm really cool around him. Ok, long story short we cuddle and made out. Now I'm kind of thinking sexual thoughts...... don't know how I feel?!!? Link to post Share on other sites
Vincisomething Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 for the first time. I met this guy some short time ago (1-2 weeks. I'm so bad at time lol). We just kinda connected- even though he gets nervous around me, I'm really cool around him. Ok, long story short we cuddle and made out. Now I'm kind of thinking sexual thoughts...... don't know how I feel?!!? Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Well if you're a bit worried, that's completely understandable. This is new territory after all. It's also the completely normal progression of things, so don't think this is odd in any way. How do you feel about the prospect of it going further? Excited? Apprehensive? Would you be disappointed if it didn't happen? Especially if you're inexperienced, this will probably feel quite daunting. If you wish to proceed, you should tell him that you'd like to take it slowly (unless you wouldn't ;) ) and actually make a point of going gradually, never pushing beyond what you're ok with. You should agree with him beforehand that if you feel uncomfortable at any point, that's where it stops. Don't do anything you don't want to do. More importantly, have fun :) Link to post Share on other sites
lazypanda Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 OMG....me too !!! But in my case it was just a celebrity...not a real person !!! I totally understood what people mean by "sexy" after seeing him. But it was only for a short while and it has died down now. Does this invalidate our asexual status ? I was really worried i can't call myself asexual because of this. It has happened only once in my entire life,i'm confused. I think i was only fantasizing,if i got an opportunity to be intimate with him in real life i'm pretty sure i won't do it. What do you think fellow aces ? Does this count as sexual attraction ? Can i still be asexual if i experienced sexual attraction only once ? Link to post Share on other sites
Starlit Sky Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 These can be murky waters, but by definition if you experience sexual attraction and have the desire for sex with a person (or something else), even if it's just one time and for a short time, then that's not "full-on" asexuality. In lazypanda's case, it's possible that she's gray-asexual (who knows? maybe she'll only ever feel those feelings for celebrities); in Vincisomething's case, maybe this is the only time it'll ever happen, which, again, sounds like gray-asexuality to me. But still, you guys are the only ones who can decide what you are. :) As a side note . . . this is why I'm having trouble with both the "attraction" and "desire" definitions. Neither of them paint the full story, and just tacking on "innate" right before "desire" doesn't seem to do as much good as we would like it to in reality. I don't think either of them can stand alone. There is more to a heterosexual person's feeling for his girlfriend than just the desire to have sex (and the romance aspect, but I'm not talking about that). There IS attraction there too, and whether you want to call it physical or sexual or whatever, that doesn't change the fact that it's there. My theory is that you would need to feel both that attraction and the desire to be "fully sexual" in the "normal way," whereas you would need to have an absence of both of them to be "fully asexual" in the "normal way." Obviously, it's a lot more complicated than that. Not everyone understands what sexual attraction feels like, which makes it harder for them to understand whether or not they've ever felt, and in the same boat not everyone understands what sexual desire is like, and they can confuse it with arousal, or some other such. EDIT: I would also like to say that thinking sexual thoughts does not actually make a person allosexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Vincisomething Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 OMG....me too !!! But in my case it was just a celebrity...not a real person !!! I totally understood what people mean by "sexy" after seeing him. But it was only for a short while and it has died down now. Does this invalidate our asexual status ? I was really worried i can't call myself asexual because of this. It has happened only once in my entire life,i'm confused. I think i was only fantasizing,if i got an opportunity to be intimate with him in real life i'm pretty sure i won't do it. What do you think fellow aces ? Does this count as sexual attraction ? Can i still be asexual if i experienced sexual attraction only once ? Fantasies and sexual orientation may not always align. Like you said, if he was with you irl, you wouldn't do it. I still think you're totally valid :). Link to post Share on other sites
Vincisomething Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 These can be murky waters, but by definition if you experience sexual attraction and have the desire for sex with a person (or something else), even if it's just one time and for a short time, then that's not "full-on" asexuality. In lazypanda's case, it's possible that she's gray-asexual (who knows? maybe she'll only ever feel those feelings for celebrities); in Vincisomething's case, maybe this is the only time it'll ever happen, which, again, sounds like gray-asexuality to me. But still, you guys are the only ones who can decide what you are. :) As a side note . . . this is why I'm having trouble with both the "attraction" and "desire" definitions. Neither of them paint the full story, and just tacking on "innate" right before "desire" doesn't seem to do as much good as we would like it to in reality. I don't think either of them can stand alone. There is more to a heterosexual person's feeling for his girlfriend than just the desire to have sex (and the romance aspect, but I'm not talking about that). There IS attraction there too, and whether you want to call it physical or sexual or whatever, that doesn't change the fact that it's there. My theory is that you would need to feel both that attraction and the desire to be "fully sexual" in the "normal way," whereas you would need to have an absence of both of them to be "fully asexual" in the "normal way." Obviously, it's a lot more complicated than that. Not everyone understands what sexual attraction feels like, which makes it harder for them to understand whether or not they've ever felt, and in the same boat not everyone understands what sexual desire is like, and they can confuse it with arousal, or some other such. EDIT: I would also like to say that thinking sexual thoughts does not actually make a person allosexual. I meant to imply that I'm demisexual lol. I just never had an emotional connection with someone I'm physically attracted to so I'm like "what is this new sensation?!!?" Link to post Share on other sites
Starlit Sky Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 These can be murky waters, but by definition if you experience sexual attraction and have the desire for sex with a person (or something else), even if it's just one time and for a short time, then that's not "full-on" asexuality. In lazypanda's case, it's possible that she's gray-asexual (who knows? maybe she'll only ever feel those feelings for celebrities); in Vincisomething's case, maybe this is the only time it'll ever happen, which, again, sounds like gray-asexuality to me. But still, you guys are the only ones who can decide what you are. :) As a side note . . . this is why I'm having trouble with both the "attraction" and "desire" definitions. Neither of them paint the full story, and just tacking on "innate" right before "desire" doesn't seem to do as much good as we would like it to in reality. I don't think either of them can stand alone. There is more to a heterosexual person's feeling for his girlfriend than just the desire to have sex (and the romance aspect, but I'm not talking about that). There IS attraction there too, and whether you want to call it physical or sexual or whatever, that doesn't change the fact that it's there. My theory is that you would need to feel both that attraction and the desire to be "fully sexual" in the "normal way," whereas you would need to have an absence of both of them to be "fully asexual" in the "normal way." Obviously, it's a lot more complicated than that. Not everyone understands what sexual attraction feels like, which makes it harder for them to understand whether or not they've ever felt, and in the same boat not everyone understands what sexual desire is like, and they can confuse it with arousal, or some other such. EDIT: I would also like to say that thinking sexual thoughts does not actually make a person allosexual. I meant to imply that I'm demisexual lol. I just never had an emotional connection with someone I'm physically attracted to so I'm like "what is this new sensation?!!?" And once again I get to wear my fancy Fail hat! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Vincisomething Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 Well if you're a bit worried, that's completely understandable. This is new territory after all. It's also the completely normal progression of things, so don't think this is odd in any way. How do you feel about the prospect of it going further? Excited? Apprehensive? Would you be disappointed if it didn't happen? Especially if you're inexperienced, this will probably feel quite daunting. If you wish to proceed, you should tell him that you'd like to take it slowly (unless you wouldn't ;) ) and actually make a point of going gradually, never pushing beyond what you're ok with. You should agree with him beforehand that if you feel uncomfortable at any point, that's where it stops. Don't do anything you don't want to do. More importantly, have fun :) In that moment, I was like "I totally would" but the next morning I was glad I waited because I don't think there was any sort of protection anywhere and getting my IUD and all that mess. Plus I don't think I was completely mentally prepared. It's like I would like to some time, but just not now. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Moved topic to TGA Jayce, Asexual Relationships moderator. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.