Art Student looking for advice and education for current project

[jrbentley]

Hi everyone :)

I am a bisexual art student based in Edinburgh, and would very much appreciate hearing some views, outlooks and education about Asexuality to help with a project I am currently working on.

My mother recently read an article on what it is to be Asexual and, at the age of 46, realised she is and always has been an Asexual individual. After she came out to me about this (a wonderful experience!) I began educating myself on the topic and the wide range of experiences people have had throughout their lives. It quickly became an even more important subject to me, and I feel Asexuality is very easily brushed aside or misunderstood in our society, more so than many other sexual orientations.

This is when I felt I wanted to say/do something about it within my work.

So what I would like to know is: What is it like for you as a member of this community to grow up in and walk through a world where almost everything is over-sexualised (film, tv, music, media, advertising etc.) and much of the social side of life seems to revolve around sexual attraction and activity, whether in conversation or otherwise? What does it 'look' like from your perspective, and how does it feel?

Thank you in advance for any contribution, and I apologise for any ignorance I have expressed (as I say, I'm very keen to be educated)

Much love x

[MoraDollie]

So what I would like to know is: What is it like for you as a member of this community to grow up in and walk through a world where almost everything is over-sexualised (film, tv, music, media, advertising etc.) and much of the social side of life seems to revolve around sexual attraction and activity, whether in conversation or otherwise? What does it 'look' like from your perspective, and how does it feel?

Thank you in advance for any contribution, and I apologise for any ignorance I have expressed (as I say, I'm very keen to be educated)

Much love x

Well for starters, one frustrating thing of the asexual community is that, 90% of the time when other orientations learn about our community, they immediately jump on the "EVERYONE MUST BE SEX REPULSED! EVERYONE MUST FEEL TIRED OF SEX BEING PORTRAYED EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD!!!!!" I'm not saying you came across as this, but oh my god, if I had a nickel for every time someone thought just because I ID'd in the asex community, I was repulsed and/or disgusted by sex...

On topic:

America is hypersexualized to the extreme, I feel like it's due to the cultural paradox we live in. Many older adult americans (ages 40+) scream sex is scary and some big boogeyman that will take you in the night and basically Satan incarnate, often encouraging abstinence-only education and the like. People in higher powers in mass media have responded to that by shoving sexual stuff in our face, everywhere.

This comedian talks about an Ad in Mexico, but it gets the point across well for American ads and the like as well:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q100pK5ssNU

The point is, we live in a very bizarre culture where we are simultaneously told to treat sex like the Devil incarnate, while also being encourages to have multiple sex partners and to get naked if we want "real love" and bullshit similar. Nothing wrong with having multiple sexual partners, but the way mass media portrays it? Just not healthy.

[kelico]

I think you'll get some more answers here. : ) Best wishes, and welcome to AVEN!

Thread moved from Open Mic to Questions about Asexuality.

-kelico, Open Mic Moderator

[Luftschlosseule]

It feels strange. I remember a conversation friends of me had years ago about how most popular songs are about male-female relationships and I was sitting there, and while they were right I was more like "Why are songs so often about sex at all?". Media sometimes feels like some people are only thinking about sex. It's very important to meet people so you don't start thinking sexual people are monsterlike animals.

I love that you want to educate yourself. (:
Welcome to AVEN!

[CaliJones]

It's all background noise to me at this point, really. Oh, another woman in a suggestive pose on a billboard, big deal. I used to at least notice when I saw sex being used to sell stuff, but it doesn't even register with me anymore.

The exception is when sex (or even just kissing) gets inserted into a story unnecessarily, like yuriathewitch said. I really dislike when that happens, and if it's a recorded TV show or a stream where I can skip ahead, I'll jump 30 seconds or a minute ahead so I can skip that stuff.

[emma-can]

Hey fellow art student!

My feelings are often discomfort and annoyance. TV shows and magazines and the like tend to bring it out the most. I should clarify that it's not discomfort at the thought of sex (I'm pretty neutral about sex itself), but rather discomfort of being expected to relate to wanting and obsessing over sex. I think since I've come to terms with being ace, I've become hyper-aware of exactly how much sex is used to try and grab our attention and connect with us. I'm often sardonically amused, like "haha, you think that works on me, but it doesn't, and it doesn't on all those people on AVEN either."

I actually have a sex drive and tend to take an objective interest in sex, but my feelings towards having actual sex acts ranges from disinterest to repulsed depending on the kind of sex. I am, however, very interested in romance and a lot of physically intimate things that aren't sex.

[BelovedKnight]

In the end you only really have a few options.

Embrace and joke about it, ignore it compleatly (which can be hard), fight agenst it, or something else. I usually find that I'm somewhere between joking and ignoring it. Yeah it annoys me but there isent really Mitch I can do about it so I ether avoid the conversation or join in a joking manner. It's been less stressful now that I talked to my friends about it.