I feel inadequate toward sexual people that express their sexual attraction and behavior.

[Katerin]

Okay, so I identify as a regular heterosexual person. But for some reason I feel slightly uncomfortable when people express their sexual feelings towards me or someone else. I'm not a prude and I am not judging them whatsoever, but it is a very internal thing that I try to ignore and suppress. I don't know how to describe the feeling. I feel discouraged or triggered (like a form of a panic response). Yet I am a sexual person... Perhaps to a degree, rather? I feel sexual attraction, but not quite often. I actually don't desire sex that much, maybe once in a while. People have told me it is due to my gender, but I am not inclined to believe that gender has anything to do with that, granted I've known a few sexual friends that are female who always want to have sex and are absolutely crazy over guys. I don't compare to them. For some reason it triggers me when people talk about or even joke about their interest in porn, and I don't mean to offend anyone that watches it at all. There's nothing wrong with it. But it bothers me in a way I feel threatened, or that my feelings are being challenged, and I know how silly that sounds. I get very annoyed when my male friends call me sexy and try to come on to me. I don't express my annoyance, and I try to act casual and behave as though I am taking it as a compliment. I do try my best to let them know I'm not interested, but they become persistent, and I hate that. I feel uncomfortable when my male friends talk openly about their sexual interests and sexuality. Again, nothing against it, but for me it evokes a strong sense of disrespect, and when my female friends do the same regarding men they are sexually attracted to or talk openly about their sexual interests, behavior, etc., I get a sense that I can't relate to them. I can only understand their feelings to a certain degree, but it isn't as excessive as theirs. So all in all, I feel like they only care about themselves, not so much the people they are directing their sexual desires to. So when I find myself in these situations or see something sexual, or relating to sex jokes, etc. on tv and such, I'm not one to laugh about them unlike most of my friends. I just sit there with a neutral expression but deep down inside I'm just like... 😞 I'm also very frustrated with mysoginy, which I imagine that may be common, but I try to ignore it...

The only time I can say I experience sexual attraction and sexual desire is before or right when I start my period (sorry for TMI) Other than that, I really just want to live my life devoid of sexual things. For some stupid reason I feel perturbed. I don't know if it's because I was touched in high school when I didn't want to be. I don't know if it's because I live in a sex-crazed society that can be degrading and it simply irks me. But deep down inside I know that's what it is. How I handle it on a daily basis is usually in an internally upset manner, but rarely I allow myself to pay little to no attention to how I feel in regards to that. I feel rude for ignoring friends that I feel are "toxic" to my psyche when they really are normal and I'm different from them. I feel weak for being a person that detests such things. I don't disrespect sexuality or sexual people, I don't want to hate them and really, I don't think I would want to care THAT much, but I do feel like sometimes I am being provoked, or there is something wrong. When really, there isn't and it's just me feeling weird.

I just wish I didn't experience triggers, and I want to control them. But I don't know how besides suppressing them. 😓 And I can't tell anyone my thoughts or feelings because they'll say something is wrong with me or they won't understand.

[R_1]

You aren't going to ignore that internal feeling. Trust me, I get that when it comes to hints of sexuality of other people. It becomes a natural instinct that you may have to come with term with. I used to be heterosexual, and I loathe the fact that I was heterosexual to begin with. I loathe it more and more as the years passed the longer I remain asexual.

[Tarfeather]

I feel rude for ignoring friends that I feel are "toxic" to my psyche when they really are normal and I'm different from them. I feel weak for being a person that detests such things. I don't disrespect sexuality or sexual people, I don't want to hate them and really, I don't think I would want to care THAT much, but I do feel like sometimes I am being provoked, or there is something wrong. When really, there isn't and it's just me feeling weird.

In my opinion, it is more important to find peace with your own feelings, than try to appease the outside world. If that's how you feel, then that's how you feel. It's on others to prove you wrong about this, not on you.

[Katerin]

I have absolutely no advice, but I could've written most of what you did. You're not the only one, if that helps at all.

I have absolutely no advice, but I could've written most of what you did. You're not the only one, if that helps at all.

I have absolutely no advice, but I could've written most of what you did. You're not the only one, if that helps at all.

I think knowing I'm not alone will help me cope with this a lot. (:

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I used to be plagued like this. Sexuals used to pick up on my discomfort (particularly when I was in secondary school) so they used to 'put on a show' for my benefit.

I was supposed to feel second best , but all I felt was thankful to be me , especially when their love affairs all fell apart in tears later....as things usually do in school.

These days I make myself well known upfront so there's no being mistaken!

[AliceinWunderland]

I'm asexual and get the same panic response, like I feel threatened or scared by people's sexuality. I don't understand why though.

[martinicus]

As asexual but romantic guy, I can say that I too feel uncomfortable with sexually overdriven society nowadays.

If I imagine how and when I would want to have sex (if I had sexual attraction), I can only imagine it with a person I know well and if we both have deep romantic love and common interests.

When I see someone showing sexual interest towards almost complete stranger (one date does not count) or doing it just for fun, well, I find that somewhat vulgar and distasteful. Sorry, I don't want to insult anyone, but that's just how it feels to me.

I live in a former USSR (and somewhat Nordic) country and we usually don't talk about sex that much. And I'm lucky that most of my sexual friends keep their private bedroom life to themselves. But as foreign pop culture invades our country, everything is changing and teenagers are much more "sex obsessed" than they used to be a decade ago. If you are not "hot" or "sexy" then you are a total looser, no matter how smart or nice guy or girl you are. It's just crazy.

I wish someday to hear some celebrity saying: "You can say that I'm good looking or that I have strong muscles but don't you dare calling me sexy or hot - that is the privilege of my beloved one only!" That might at least give a signal to some people that they have gone too far.

Ok, enough ranting from me.

[Dobos Torte]

So, we should all move to..Estonia, if I got that right? I know somebody who did, but she's not an ace, so she doesn't count.

I would like to ask the OP if these people express their, err, advances upon any kind of consent or if they're doing such things outside of your comfort zone. The latter would bother me a lot.

Everything you say reminds me of school and school was hell.

[deleted_account]

Personally, I hate PDA and I hate people hitting on me, so I can sort of understand what you're going through. I hate that I can't exist as a woman without people interpreting my actions in a sexual way. Some people accuse me of wanting attention when I go to a rock show and strip to a tank top - even when the all-male band is on stage in their underwear! It's dumb. Life's not fair. I hate being assumed to be a "dumb whore" when I am not like that at all.

I'm sorry your friends are disrespecting you. If I were you, I'd try to set some boundaries with regards to how they talk around you. It's okay to change the topic if something is making you uncomfortable.

(edit: forgot a word)