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the in-flux thread for all who are in flux or have been so.


binary suns

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I've noticed that it isn't actaully all that uncommon for people to say their orientation is in flux. yet too often the response is so dismissive!

so my thought is. people clearly want to talk about their experiences in sexual fluctuation.

as such, this is hopefully to be - the thread where anyone who wishes to talk about their experiences regarding (a)sexuality and orientation that seem to shift around and change way too often. can talk about it :)

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I will start of with sharing my own experience!

for me, I frequently go back and forth between being actually-kind-of-sexual-actually to definitely-completely-ace. TBH after a lot of flip-flopping between going a month at a time here, with my orientation labeled as "grey" or "demi" or "aceflux" to switching it back to "ace" or "asexual" I finally settled on, for me, accepting that i am, for lack of a consistent term, grey. (well, I hide it behind the label "companionate" but that is another story) And I am happy with this. Sometimes I will talk as if I am asexual, sometimes I will talk as if I am sexual, and that's honestly ok. In one way I have both experiences in my past, in another way I actually kind of have neither.

I can go a week or longer, just at every point, if I would look inwardly and ask how I am oriented, just automatically respond "ace" and if I even say "no silly you can't be ace" I then just doubt that. I can't fathom what sexual attraction feels like, I even disbelieve that I've ever felt it. At any point during these periods, I will swear to my core that I am asexual. I don't masturbate at all, I don't fantasy, I can't look at a naked image and see anything other than a human being humany. I like being nude tbh, it feels free and relaxed, of course it's embarrassing if there are others around xD and that is literally what I think! if I look at someone and think they are pretty, I do the stereotypical ace thing where I go "wow is that a vintage necklace" well I don't know what a vintage necklace looks like but y'knowwhatimean.

And then on the flip side! There are similar periods of about a week or usually longer, where it's so obvious that I am grey-sexual. That I even at times foolishly think I am sexually, only to be reminded by more explicit thoughts of sex or graphic images/sounds of sex, or, sex itself, that no, this "sex" thing doesn't make sense to my body. It really doesn't! Yet at the same time. I am daily thinking up some daydream fantasy where I meet a cute girl (or, rarely, boy) who shows me the world and then we get close and then we have sex. (although rarely does the sex part get described, and if so, not very detailed at all hehe xD well, on very rare occasion I can think up and like and so continue to imagine, sex in detail, but, well, that never happens really. like, once in a year, if that often? and it's only for a brief moment I can do it. a few minutes tops)

During these periods, of being "clearly grey", at any point I can recall the ghost of sexual attraction if I briefly even think of it, and it's like, duh, I'm sexual in some way, why would anyone think otherwise?

But, the polar nature of this. That on one week I'm convinced I'm a horny fuck. And the next week I'm convinced I'm a dry bone ace. This is why I say that I am in flux! It is the way that I am, and I don't foresee it changing very much at all.

well, hehe, no, actually.... I always think, this is it. This is my final stage. I guess that I was that other way last week, but this week, this is it, this is how I'm gonna be for the rest of my life. But the next week? Flop, oops, I'm the other way. hehe.

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I'm constantly in flux. It's quite frustrating at times. I wished my mind and body would just make up it's mind. Until then, I'm simply gray. At least I know for a fact I'm romantic.

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Look, I know I'm one of the people who is pretty dismissive of this whole flux thing, so I apologise in advance if I come across as a dick. But truly, all I'm trying to do is understand.

So...

Isn't everything in flux? Isn't everything inconsistent, wishy washy, indefinable, when it comes to people? Is sexuality consistent every minute of every day? Mood? Attitude? Tolerance? Environment? I can think of dozens more.

I just don't buy the fact that it's A Thing.

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Look, I know I'm one of the people who is pretty dismissive of this whole flux thing, so I apologise in advance if I come across as a dick. But truly, all I'm trying to do is understand.

So...

Isn't everything in flux? Isn't everything inconsistent, wishy washy, indefinable, when it comes to people? Is sexuality consistent every minute of every day? Mood? Attitude? Tolerance? Environment? I can think of dozens more.

I just don't buy the fact that it's A Thing.

Well. While I tend to agree that you could call everything a flux and the term could easily be abused, I have seen a few individuals relate experiences of, 99% of the time, not having an interest in sex. They enjoy it, desire it perhaps, on occasion, but the majority of the time are not interested and find it a chore, like it's something they have to do instead of something they want to do. The flux thing might describe them.

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Look, I know I'm one of the people who is pretty dismissive of this whole flux thing, so I apologise in advance if I come across as a dick. But truly, all I'm trying to do is understand.

So...

Isn't everything in flux? Isn't everything inconsistent, wishy washy, indefinable, when it comes to people? Is sexuality consistent every minute of every day? Mood? Attitude? Tolerance? Environment? I can think of dozens more.

I just don't buy the fact that it's A Thing.

if it's always a thing, then it's always a thing. :P maybe it isn't really some special snowflake term hehe. but it is still a topic people want to talk about, but because "it's normal" they never get a chance to really discuss it

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When someone says something is normal it's not dismissive, it's saying there are a ton of people like that and it's too common to require a title.

I have seen a few individuals relate experiences of, 99% of the time, not having an interest in sex. They enjoy it, desire it perhaps, on occasion, but the majority of the time are not interested and find it a chore, like it's something they have to do instead of something they want to do. The flux thing might describe them.

That's not sexual fluidity. People rarely desiring sex already has a term; Gray-sexual.

Secondly, sexual fluidity can mean many things; alot of which don't actually apply to the word. How i typically see it used is on normal bisexuals, but others define it as the person's orientation changing permanently, their preferred type of sex changing (not doing kinky sex to desiring kinky sex), them being monoflexible, they're capable of having sex outside their orientation (e.g. straight men in prison), or can desire to have sex with any gender but not romance (i.e. monoromantic bisexual). Obviously all the definitions already have titles and the people using it in those ways have a misconception, so if you look up research on sexual fluidity it may not end up being accurate.

(mono being an orientation prefix short for hetero/homo/not bi)

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^ yup all that sounds ok. this thread is sort of intended to be all-encompassing for people wishing to talk about fluidity. maybe it's a little bit assuming of me, but I imagine that a person who is trying to figure out why their desires and attractions are shifting, however that means, would tend to have similar concerns, even if those shifts are different. additionally, I think people generally love to be able to talk about their experiences in an environment fit for it. I have seen a lot of people get teased or ridiculed regarding this topic, when they try to create a thread for themselves to seek discussion, so I want a place where these posters can dodge the struggle of establishing a discussion from scratch in an historically abrasive environment.

also, I agree, typically the act of telling a person "that is normal" isn't inherently dismissive, when considered in a vacuum. However in the flow of conversation (or a thread) its contextual placement can feel very dismissive, depending on circumstance.

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