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Something that is confusing me


mikeman7918

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In my early teen years I think I would have been considered heterosexual. I've always been sex-repulsed, but I used to almost constantly feel attraction to girls. As I aged that slowly faded away and the main reason I started looking into asexuality is because it didn't stop going away like that. When I started labeling myself as asexual I occasionally felt the slightest bit of sexual attraction, but now it seems that it's gone completely. Things like porn used to have an effect on me but now I might as well be watching paint dry (unless it's too sexual in nature, in which case I feel like killing it with fire 'cause sex-repulsion). I don't nesesarily want it to be reversed because I'm sex-repulsed anyway, but it would be nice if I could figure out what's going on because I am quite confused and rather intrigued by this. I have changed my labels around a few times as I have been trying to figure this out, it's quite confusing.

One theory is that the mess of teenage hormones may have somehow made me heterosexual but now they are wearing off. I suppose I've always showed some signs of asexuality like turning away every time there is a sex scene or kissing in a movie, and even when I was dating someone two years ago (I have not dated since 'cause I suck at it) I only cared about the platonic side of things. I did still feel some sexual attraction then though. I've never actually felt inclined to "get it on" with anyone, but I have still sort of felt drawn to them in that of way if that makes any sense.

Has anyone had a simelar experience? Does anyone know what might be going on?

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AceInDaBlackHole

You can be heterosexual and asexual at the same time.

The labels are confusing to me because there are variations like asexuality NOT having to mean abstinence, etc..

Maybe, instead of thinking of what you're noticing now as "less" (less attraction, less things that trigger attraction, etc) maybe it's actually more? More time in your asexuality - to learn about you; More time feeling less sex repulsed to do the other things in life you really enjoy?

I'm pretty sure it's not your hormones "wearing off". Sex hormones, after adulthood sets in, last your entire life and really, only women notice a drastic change in middle age, because of hormones and none of that effects identity.

As I said, labels are confusing and I'm far from having it all figured out myself to say one way or another what might be causing what you're going through just maybe try to understand how you feel more than worry about the labels. Sometimes, we can look at something so close up that we can't see what it is anymore but, when we stand away from it, what we're looking at then becomes sharp and in focus; We KNOW what it is!

Sometimes, you have stand back, though and that sounds like it might be what you're needing to do if you want to get a closer look.

If you're more or leaning toward normative sexuality as a heterosexual than as gray-sexual, but your behavior is more gray-sexual it's easier to understand, in a way, because then it seems like a "shift" in behavior as opposed to what reads like your describing your libido, at some point.

But, you can be asexual and heterosexual at the same time.

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

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You don't have to be ace to be sex-repulsed, that is true. Also, sexuality can be fluid across the lifetime, so it's possible that you experienced attraction back then but don't experience it now, in which case calling yourself "asexual" to describe your experiences right now isn't inaccurate if you feel the label could apply to you. If gray-ace feels like a good fit, then by all means use it. (I'm not saying for certain that you are--you're the only one who can know this--but it's also possible that you were identifying other types of attraction as sexual attraction. It happens to a lot of people before they realize they're ace.)

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Queen of Wonderland

Sexuality is fluid; maybe you were heterosexual, and now you're asexual. The occasional attraction thing makes it sound like you might be grey-ace, so you could just be on the asexuality spectrum and not completely asexual. No one really knows what your sexuality is but you, but I have experienced this similarly; when I was younger, I was fairly sure I was heterosexual, but now I'm sure I'm completely ace (and aromantic, but that's a whole other thing to worry about :/). So its entirely possible to have either been mistaken, or just have changed.

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Thanks for the replies. I certainly have a lot to think about here, but for now I will just keep saying that I'm a gray-ace until I can figure everything out.

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

I'm 19.

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AceInDaBlackHole

Thanks for the replies. I certainly have a lot to think about here, but for now I will just keep saying that I'm a gray-ace until I can figure everything out.

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

I'm 19.

19 is very young, not that you want to waste time, regardless. That is to say that you're actually still growing (the brain grows til a person's 20's) You might be noticing your asexuality/heterosexuality through the lens of finishing touches to your brain chemistry.

I noticed your post that you're gray-sexual "until [you] can figure everything out". I'm just saying to be kind to yourself while you figure things out because it's normal if it takes you more time....because you're young.

We are so lucky to have this community!!!

:cake:

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Update:

I've learned more about sexual orientation fluidity and I've decided to just call myself fully asexual because that applies to me now. As of a few months ago I am as ace as they come, experiencing no sexual attraction under any circumstances. That may not have been true in the past, but that doesn't matter now.

Again, thanks for the replies pointing me in the right direction.

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