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Figuring it all out....


Broken wings

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I think after about 8 yrs of questioning, reading, researching and a lot of tears I have finally accepted that the place that I fit the most is here.

I have gone back and forth questioning my sexuality for as long as I can remember, I always thought there was something wrong with me as I just did not go through the same processes as my friends.

I never did the whole thing of having pictures of rock stars, actors etc stuck all over my school books or walls. I Went out with friends drinking and having fun but I never was the one stuck in the corner kissing boys etc or having one night stands. It just never made sense to me, still doesn't. I can't get my head around people chasing after relationships (not that I think there is anything wrong with them). I assumed for along time that I must be homosexual but that did not make sense either as I am not attracted to woman. So it's been hell for me - feeling like an alien dropped on a planet that did not make any sense to me.

I joined AVEN 8 years ago when I was searching, and am glad to be back.

I am interested to hear how other people handle 'coming out'. I think a lot of my friends and family think I am homosexual because that is what they know, I don't think the idea of Asexuality has ever occurred to them.

I think over the last week it has finally settled in me that ASEXUAL is the label that fits me most, and I feel like I really want to shout it from the roof tops but that's not going to happen.

looking forward to getting to know everyone.

BW

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One Winged Angel

It's fine for things to take a long time to understand, and definitely relieving when finally 'get it'. I spent so many years asking questions before I discovered AVEN and Asexuality, I could have driven myself mad!

I can relate very much with your comment about feeling like an alien dropped off on a planet that did not make sense. I have felt this way since I was very young, in fact I used to be convinced I was not of the same planet as my peers when I was a child.

To answer your question on coming out, I personally do not come out unless the topic is brought up and is unavoidable. So many people, as you say, assume that we are Homosexual or otherwise 'in the closet'. I have no problem with someone thinking I am gay if they want to, but I'm not. I know that I am Asexual and I will only resort to coming out if and when someone sticks their nose where it doesn't belong. However, in these situations, my coming out would be blunt and to the point. Didn't understand what it meant? Google it.

Coming out with family can be especially difficult. Many people post very upsetting anecdotes on here about family refusing to accept their orientation and even turning nasty when they find their child is not like 'everyone else'. For this reason I myself am completely in the closet with most of my family. Of course, it should be blatantly obvious how different I am, and how Asexual I am, just by knowing me. But that's another story.

I hope you enjoy being back on AVEN. I also joined 8 years ago myself actually, and although I have been on and off the site due to various commitments and things, it's effect on me has been incredibly strong. Have a look in all the forums here and don't be afraid to get involved with the discussions. Best wishes.

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My family is at a point where I really ought come out. "Are you Lesbian?" "No." "Well, there's something going on there." "*Silence*". So, coming out seems to occur by default because people can tell there's something going on.

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