So...I think I've finally found the right labels

[ZweiNoiz]

Hello, I'm new here. So...I think I'm not as confused as I was years ago, I'm 18 right now and a girl, but still I wanted to talk about it in a community that I knew would understand and maybe even teach me something. I still may change the labels that I'm about to tell you, but I mean, I feel much better to know that there's actually a name for whatever I may be. I think some people get by happily without labels, but I just felt kinda...troubled when asked by other people.

So I grew up assuming I was heterosexual, as many people, probably do, but I kinda...didn't really like boys? I mean, I just played along and said I liked whoever was not ugly or whoever I really liked as a friend. I really never thought about homosexuality or even knew about lesbians until I was 13, even if my dolls were obviously lesbians Dx so...then I was kinda forced into realizing that I wasn't sexually attracted to men, but I still fell in love with them. I've never been really interested in sex at all, so I thought that I was asexual. I even accepted being put into situations that made me uncomfortable (something that I don't suggest) and exposed myself to sexual stuff on the internet (you know, so I wasn't involved) all so I could see if anything changed. So after that I was sure that I wasn't heterosexual...but I was kinda sexually attracted to girls. And so...I thought I was a lesbian...but still...not really interested in sex...and kept falling in love with guys...so that was pretty confusing. I think I could fall in love with a girl, but that hasn't happend so...now I know that you can be gray-sexual, and I was so glad to discover that term, because it defines what I feel so well, and maybe hetero or biromantic...I just still wonder if you can call yourself a gray-sexual gay, what do you think?

About my gender~ well I'm not so sure yet. I identify as a girl...but I don't mind when people call me 'he' by accident or otherwise, I even think I like it better, though 'she' isn't bad. I sometimes like to use dresses and girly stuff, and want to be seen as a woman, and sometimes I like dressing more androgynous, with ties and stuff. I sometimes act chivalrous even to men without thinking, which is kinda funny~ and I enjoy having really long hair or really short hair. So...that one, I don't pay much mind, since it doesn't affect my relationships as much as my sexual and romantic orientations.

Sorry if it was to long, but I really needed somewhere to express all of this. Feel free to comment on your own (maybe similar) experiences.

[AlexTheBeast]

Usually it takes time to figure out your own identity, and there are probably even more things we don't know yet about ourselves. I think that people who knows what they are from an early age are quite lucky, though i found out that i'm asexual when i was seventeen. I think i knew even earlier than that, but i had no name for it.

I feel just like you when it comes to labels. I don't think one should be controlled/defined by their label, but they do help to understand yourself and others. There's a reason why there are name for things. Like different political ideologies and schools of philosophy. it's much easier to just say you're an existentialist, rationalist or a socialist they to explain everything about your views and opinions. They can be very helpful when it comes to communication. And the same goes to different sexual orientations and gender identities. I don't think they complicate anything. in fact they make things easier to understand. Just like philosophical views, sexual, romantic and gender identity can change throughout your life and it's ok to abandon your label when you feel for it. Like i said, it doesn't define you; it helps you to understand yourself.

[Broken wings]

So useful to read this post.

I agree that 'labels' are not something that I subscribe to but also know that when going through a process of self discovery etc it's useful to be able to identify with a group or community.

I have a long term therapist who has been supporting me through various points in my life and yesterday I told her that Asexuality is the label that I feel fits me most.

I identify as female, albeit not a girlie girl. I am very uncomfortable with my physical body, had an eating disorder for many years and now just accept it as it is.

I don't experience sexual desire at all, never have and can't really relate to people who do. I am 42 and have never had sex, it just didn't interest me. I long for romantic connection, or maybe it's more emotional connection.

It's a tricky place to be, I have not had the greatest life in terms of life experiences and do wonder if they are informing my identifying as asexual, and honestly I don't think so. Used to blame my uncertainty on those experiences but I have spent a lot of time exploring those things and really don't think they are.

I am sorry I did not mean to hijack your post.

BW

[ZweiNoiz]

Usually it takes time to figure out your own identity, and there are probably even more things we don't know yet about ourselves. I think that people who knows what they are from an early age are quite lucky, though i found out that i'm asexual when i was seventeen. I think i knew even earlier than that, but i had no name for it.

I feel just like you when it comes to labels. I don't think one should be controlled/defined by their label, but they do help to understand yourself and others. There's a reason why there are name for things. Like different political ideologies and schools of philosophy. it's much easier to just say you're an existentialist, rationalist or a socialist they to explain everything about your views and opinions. They can be very helpful when it comes to communication. And the same goes to different sexual orientations and gender identities. I don't think they complicate anything. in fact they make things easier to understand. Just like philosophical views, sexual, romantic and gender identity can change throughout your life and it's ok to abandon your label when you feel for it. Like i said, it doesn't define you; it helps you to understand yourself.

Yes, I agree, labels can be really useful, but at the end of the day, they don't describe completely who you are, nor do you have to fit the exact definition.

[ZweiNoiz]

So useful to read this post.

I agree that 'labels' are not something that I subscribe to but also know that when going through a process of self discovery etc it's useful to be able to identify with a group or community.

I have a long term therapist who has been supporting me through various points in my life and yesterday I told her that Asexuality is the label that I feel fits me most.

I identify as female, albeit not a girlie girl. I am very uncomfortable with my physical body, had an eating disorder for many years and now just accept it as it is.

I don't experience sexual desire at all, never have and can't really relate to people who do. I am 42 and have never had sex, it just didn't interest me. I long for romantic connection, or maybe it's more emotional connection.

It's a tricky place to be, I have not had the greatest life in terms of life experiences and do wonder if they are informing my identifying as asexual, and honestly I don't think so. Used to blame my uncertainty on those experiences but I have spent a lot of time exploring those things and really don't think they are.

I am sorry I did not mean to hijack your post.

BW

I'm glad that it was useful. Don't worry, you didn't hijacked it, thank you for sharing your own experience! I'm kinda relieved to hear from someone more experienced in the asexual community.