Annoying things sexists say

[Guest]

I don't think I'd label any of the people I know as sexist, but there are things that are said that are annoying.

Here's one I hear a lot as a Christian in Christian circles: "women are not to be in authority over a man"

Huh...I think the vast majority of my complains would come from that or similar stuff related to my religion's common teaching, actually. The rest would just be social perceptions/expectations that are gonna change over time anyway.

[Kerfluffle]

In my early school years I was told by our teacher that, because of my AGAB, becoming a professional in my preferred field of science would be "too hard" for me. They then proceeded to recommend that I aspire to be a news reporter or weatherperson. I still can't help but roll my eyes whenever I recall this memory.

[Sylvastor]

"Men can't wear skirts!" Give me a break.

Hmm... Would kilts count as skirts or are they an own category?

Or do men implode when attempting to wear them!? :o

Here's another one:

"A woman with small breasts is less of a woman than one with a proper bust size."

Cool story.

[Heart]

True story: I sometimes play a game when I take out an AMAB partner for a date. I'm pretty clearly AFAB in real life; I can wear a binder and change my posture to make myself feel comfortable during masculine or neutral gender swings, but I do not pass at all. And that doesn't bother me; I do these things for me, not for others. But all of that is to say, I pretty much always look very AFAB-y.

So, being clearly AFAB and bringing someone clearly AMAB on a date to a restaurant, I like to play a game: see how long it takes to get the waiter to realise that I'm the one in charge. Can I get them to serve me the wine first, for that little sip you take before they pour out both glasses? I'm about 50/50 on that one. Can I get them to pass me the cheque at the end, or at least put it in the middle of the table? Most of the time, yes. Things like that.

One day though, I was going all-out for my then-boyfriend's birthday. I dressed very femininely, and called ahead the day before to make a reservation under my own very clearly feminine name. We went there. Upon walking through the door, they ask him for the reservation name (ok, fine, they always do and I haven't had time to assert power yet anyways). I pipe up with "The reservation is under my name, Heart". Ah, thank you, please follow us to your seat. We do. We sit, we get menus. I tell my partner to put his down; I'm ordering for him. (He never used to order steak, because he always thought it too expensive, so my intent was to get him a really nice steak for dinner for his birthday, in case that matters). So, the waiter comes to take our order, and I order for both of us. I figure, this is going the extra mile, I must be giving the impression I'm in control by now, right?

Wrong. Despite me being the one to order literally everything including the wine, the waiter pours my then-boyfriend the first sip. He laughs, and passes it over to me to taste instead, saying something like "This is your date, dear, you go ahead and let us know if this is good". So I do, smile and say it tastes perfect, and put the glass on the table, and the waiter pours us glasses of wine. But he still pours my then-boyfriend his wine first; this would not normally bother me, but it was starting to be the last straw kind of thing. He's just blatantly been corrected, and now he's back to the old structure.

So the night goes on. I specifically make a point of being the one to respond to the questions of how the meal tastes, etc, as an added cue that I'm the one to talk to. I feel like my then-boyfriend is silently laughing at me, thinking it's "cute" that I'm having such trouble asserting my control of the date. I let it slide, knowing it's his birthday and wanting it to go smoothly.

At the end, the waiter still puts the bill in front of the AMAB one, not me. I literally did everything that date. Every single thing. My then-boyfriend thought it was cute, as he passed me the bill, but I was fuming inside.

What do I have to do to make some people realise that I'm in charge??? Heck, the least you could do is put it in the middle of the table if you're still unsure of who will be paying.

Grawr. It was altogether a rather nicde restaurant, of a type I have gone to many since, but by far the most sexist waiter experience I've ever had.

*end of the rant*

The MRS degree really gets to me too. Mostly because it sounded cool the first time I heard it, like it would be like an MBA but maybe even cooler, like a Masters in Religious Studies or something. But then the crashing disappointment when I realised that my conversation partner was not actually asking what I was going to do after my two degrees that I'd been telling him about, but rather commenting on how I was (at the time) still single. Because my physics explanations were not of interest; my lack of a partner was. Or at least, that's how it felt.

:(

[greyisthewarmestcolor]

Men just think about sex.

[Fire & Rain]

Me: *discusses gaming strategy with my male friends*

Random sexist female: *that's a game for boys*

Me: "kindly fuck off"

[Ricki]

Women can't abuse men. -_-

[Mychemicalqpr]

Ok, so I was writing last night, and had a character talking about a theoretical person who "bats their eyelashes". Google Docs's spelling/grammar check told me "their" should be "her". I do realize the way this is set up, Im using "their" as a singular pronoun, but people do that in casual speech when the gender of a theoretical person is unimportant, and "his" would also technically fix the grammar. I tested typing another sentence using their as a singular, and it's not correcting me. In conclusion, women are the only gender physically capable of batting their eyelashes.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

::::preceded by a condescending look:::::: Well! We KNOW who wears that pants in THAT relationship.

There's a book that came out a few years ago called "All men are jerks ( Until proven otherwise)" . In it, the author, a relationship counselor with an MS, said that men who cry make her a little nauseous.

[Evren]

Men can't be raped, or REAL men can't be raped.

Both of which piss the **** out of me.

[butterflydreams]

Heart, restaurants are tough. I've had some restaurants treat me poorly just because I'm alone.

I don't know if it's sexist, but it is a weird traditionalist(?) thing my friend mentioned to me casually once. She was telling me about some guy she was seeing and said he did sweet little things like walk on the street side of the sidewalk with her. I was like, "what? Is that really a thing?" She said yes, it was. And a few other people confirmed to me. Just a dumb "chivalry" thing I guess. I never liked that message growing up that as a boy/male, you were expected to sacrifice...up to and including your life if necessary...for others, especially women. It always made me feel awful.

It's tough to think about those kinds of things as a trans person. Obviously I had those experiences growing up. I had to experience things the majority of cis women/girls probably won't. And I'm sure there are things cis women/girls experienced that I didn't. It's hard to stand up for, and say the things I experienced are wrong when I'm presently expressing myself to the world as a woman...as who I really am. I guess who you are inside doesn't necessarily matter when it comes to where you land on these kinds of things though. I think it's still important though. If you experienced something that's not right, you have the right to say it, no matter who you are now.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

These are from Ayn Rand, when asked about the possibility of a female president:

"I wouldn't vote for her."

"Now consider the meaning of the presidency: in all his professional relationships, within the entire sphere of his work, the president is the highest authority; he is the “chief executive,” the “commander-in-chief.” ...In the performance of his duties, a president does not deal with equals, but only with inferiors (not inferiors as persons, but in respect to the hierarchy of their positions, their work, and their responsibilities."

"It is not to a woman's personal interest to rule man. It puts her in a very unhappy position. I don't believe that any good woman would want that position. "

She was then asked if she thought women could be in government as, say, in the House of Representatives or the Senate:

Oh, certainly! And I would vote for them. But, wait a moment, a commander-in-chief of the army a woman? I think it's unspeakable.

Of course, this is the same philosopher who held a serial killer in some esteem, saying he had the guts to be different and his own man.

Things that make you go...... What the.......????

[Emery.]

I don't believe that any good woman would want that position.

And what about bad women? :P

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go where they wanna go, ha ha

[Heart]

I gave up on being a "good woman" by anyone but my own standards a long time ago... maybe I should give Clinton a run for her money on this presidency election! I could be the first AFAB president, the first president who's not married (correct? I'm rusty on my American history), the first non-American American president... I'd have so many firsts! Is there a Guinness World Record for the most "first"s achieved in a day? 'Cause I'd have it in the bag on that one.

To add to the list: I'm a "female physicist" or a "woman in physics". My male colleagues are "physicists" or "in physics". Because I'm far too A-FAB-ULOUS to be a normal physicist, right? ;)

[Dodecahedron314]

I gave up on being a "good woman" by anyone but my own standards a long time ago... maybe I should give Clinton a run for her money on this presidency election! I could be the first AFAB president, the first president who's not married (correct? I'm rusty on my American history), the first non-American American president... I'd have so many firsts! Is there a Guinness World Record for the most "first"s achieved in a day? 'Cause I'd have it in the bag on that one.

To add to the list: I'm a "female physicist" or a "woman in physics". My male colleagues are "physicists" or "in physics". Because I'm far too A-FAB-ULOUS to be a normal physicist, right? ;)

There was one president who got married while he was in the White House. I want to say it's Zachary Taylor for some reason, but I'm not sure...*sneakily Googles* ...I mean two presidents, John Tyler and Grover Cleveland. Also, James Buchanan was never married, so you wouldn't be the first after all, sorry. You would, however, be the first president with a physics degree, if I'm not mistaken.

Honestly, if the Constitution didn't prohibit you from being President because you weren't born an American citizen and this political system wasn't so unbelievably broken to the point where doing so would only help Trump win, I would absolutely vote for you.

[Heart]

I gave up on being a "good woman" by anyone but my own standards a long time ago... maybe I should give Clinton a run for her money on this presidency election! I could be the first AFAB president, the first president who's not married (correct? I'm rusty on my American history), the first non-American American president... I'd have so many firsts! Is there a Guinness World Record for the most "first"s achieved in a day? 'Cause I'd have it in the bag on that one.

To add to the list: I'm a "female physicist" or a "woman in physics". My male colleagues are "physicists" or "in physics". Because I'm far too A-FAB-ULOUS to be a normal physicist, right? ;)

There was one president who got married while he was in the White House. I want to say it's Zachary Taylor for some reason, but I'm not sure...*sneakily Googles* ...I mean two presidents, John Tyler and Grover Cleveland. Also, James Buchanan was never married, so you wouldn't be the first after all, sorry. You would, however, be the first president with a physics degree, if I'm not mistaken.

Honestly, if the Constitution didn't prohibit you from being President because you weren't born an American citizen and this political system wasn't so unbelievably broken to the point where doing so would only help Trump win, I would absolutely vote for you.

Yay! One vote down. How many more to go? ;)

[insert terrible pun about being a president with "Heart"]

[Evren]

I gave up on being a "good woman" by anyone but my own standards a long time ago... maybe I should give Clinton a run for her money on this presidency election! I could be the first AFAB president, the first president who's not married (correct? I'm rusty on my American history), the first non-American American president... I'd have so many firsts! Is there a Guinness World Record for the most "first"s achieved in a day? 'Cause I'd have it in the bag on that one.

To add to the list: I'm a "female physicist" or a "woman in physics". My male colleagues are "physicists" or "in physics". Because I'm far too A-FAB-ULOUS to be a normal physicist, right? ;)

There was one president who got married while he was in the White House. I want to say it's Zachary Taylor for some reason, but I'm not sure...*sneakily Googles* ...I mean two presidents, John Tyler and Grover Cleveland. Also, James Buchanan was never married, so you wouldn't be the first after all, sorry. You would, however, be the first president with a physics degree, if I'm not mistaken.

Honestly, if the Constitution didn't prohibit you from being President because you weren't born an American citizen and this political system wasn't so unbelievably broken to the point where doing so would only help Trump win, I would absolutely vote for you.

Yay! One vote down. How many more to go? ;)

[insert terrible pun about being a president with "Heart"]

You had my vote from the start, :). Let's do this.

[thylacine]

Annoying things that sexist people say... ? Err... I could go on and on, and might crash the internet, so I'll just list a few of my "favorites:"

"You just need a good rape to straighten you out," or "You just need a good beating to straighten you out," and, "You just need a man to straighten you out." The terms "rape," "beating," and "man" seem interchangeable here, but I've heard all three spoken to me, usually by married women who are miserable with their own lives and hate single independent women...

"You just don't understand these things, dear," "these things" are usually something very simplistic, and therefore too complicated for the delicate feminine mind...

"You can't lift that, little honey," "that" would probably weigh only two and a half pounds...

"You really like it, you just won't admit it to yourself," "it" meaning harassment or abuse.

"Why aren't you married?" "When are you going to get married?" "You need someone to take care of you!" "Who's going to take care of you?" Etc. Because of course, women can't take care of themselves, being too frail and simple minded and all...

[Heart]

"Why aren't you married?" "When are you going to get married?" "You need someone to take care of you!" "Who's going to take care of you?" Etc. Because of course, women can't take care of themselves, being too frail and simple minded and all...

The not-so-funny thing? I've heard this said to cis men too :(

*general hugs to everyone being subjected to sexism, whether its towards your gender or sex or both*

[butterflydreams]

"Why aren't you married?" "When are you going to get married?" "You need someone to take care of you!" "Who's going to take care of you?" Etc. Because of course, women can't take care of themselves, being too frail and simple minded and all...

The not-so-funny thing? I've heard this said to cis men too :(

*general hugs to everyone being subjected to sexism, whether its towards your gender or sex or both*

Lol, or my mom's take on it: "you need someone to fight with"

I must have a weird family. Getting married, having kids, none of that stuff was ever explicitly pushed. Not even by my super religious extended family. Though I think a lot of it was festering under ther surface. I feel like the actions of some indicate getting married, and especially having kids, is their preference for me, but they just won't out and say it for some reason.

[Luftschlosseule]

"It is not to a woman's personal interest to rule man. It puts her in a very unhappy position. I don't believe that any good woman would want that position. "

Sounds like somebody didn't grasp the concept of democracy.

Uargs, I am from Germany and as Angela Merkel was elected Bundeskanzlerin there were some pretty bad comments. Like, she's to ugly to represent us.

Luckily, people got tired of these nonsense soon enough.

[Confusion 0]

I just remembered one from high school--at one point, in my second year of calculus, we learned about rotated solids based on functions and how to find their volumes, which involves a fair amount of abstract visualization in order to imagine what the resulting 3D object would look like. So, of course, at the beginning of the chapter, my math teacher (an old conservative Christian guy who also once conflated asexuality with being agender on a test question) prefaced the first lesson with "Now, I'm not being sexist about this or anything, but I've noticed that girls tend to have a harder time with this topic than guys, because women's brains aren't as inclined toward this sort of spatial visualization. Again, this isn't a sexist thing, this is just statistically something I've noticed."

...annnnd guess who not only understood that topic the best out of anything else in the class, but understood it better than the rest of the students and had to help explain it multiple times to everyone else? Then-cisgirl Dodec, the only "girl" in the class.

I'm not seeing how this is sexist. All I see is your teacher making an observation. Males and females work better at different mental tasks, afterall.

[Sally]

I just remembered one from high school--at one point, in my second year of calculus, we learned about rotated solids based on functions and how to find their volumes, which involves a fair amount of abstract visualization in order to imagine what the resulting 3D object would look like. So, of course, at the beginning of the chapter, my math teacher (an old conservative Christian guy who also once conflated asexuality with being agender on a test question) prefaced the first lesson with "Now, I'm not being sexist about this or anything, but I've noticed that girls tend to have a harder time with this topic than guys, because women's brains aren't as inclined toward this sort of spatial visualization. Again, this isn't a sexist thing, this is just statistically something I've noticed."

...annnnd guess who not only understood that topic the best out of anything else in the class, but understood it better than the rest of the students and had to help explain it multiple times to everyone else? Then-cisgirl Dodec, the only "girl" in the class.

I'm not seeing how this is sexist. All I see is your teacher making an observation. Males and females work better at different mental tasks, afterall.

I see the teacher making something he "noticed" into something he thinks is statistical, which even if not sexist is certainly ignorant.

[Ricki]

At the end, the waiter still puts the bill in front of the AMAB one, not me. I literally did everything that date. Every single thing. My then-boyfriend thought it was cute, as he passed me the bill, but I was fuming inside.

*end of the rant*

:(

I was with a couple today who want wedding videos, and I was getting them to sign. And I thought of your story and asked if they had anyone specific to sign it haha xD

Normally I just go to the nearest person without thinking, but I realised how that might upset some people :o

[UncommonNonsense]

I was one of only 4 female students in most of my computer science classes, and there were only 2 of us in three programming classes I was taking. The profs, all male, ignored questions/comments by all of the female students, so obviously that a male friend of ours (we AFAB students ended up clubbing up together in those classes, since we had been made into outsiders from day one) offered to ask any question we had, since he'd actually get an answer and we wouldn't.

I remember one of these profs saying "Women can't program. Women can't think logically enough to code!". Every female student's work was marked a *lot* harder than the guys' work was. They could get away with making a few errors and not be marked down, but if we so much as made a tiny mistake, we'd lose an entire letter grade. As furious as I so often was back then, it did force me to become very perfectionistic and careful about my work. Unfortunately, the sexism and unfairness contributed to my frustration and depression.

[dissolved]

Every female student's work was marked a *lot* harder than the guys' work was. They could get away with making a few errors and not be marked down, but if we so much as made a tiny mistake, we'd lose an entire letter grade.

I came across something similar to this in primary school, actually. Mr Meyer, I was about nine years old. He was harsher when marking the girls' work because "they need to learn they're not as good as boys". Yeah, cos that makes sense <_<

[Sea Lemon]

I remember earlier on in the year, a guy at church got annoyed that someone had written his now wife's name first in a Christmas card to the both of them, apparently because he believes in "male headship" in a relationship... I always thought that jointly addressed cards either went alphabetically, in age order (if including children), or simply with whichever sounds best. (Not to mention this "male headship" thing being a complete load of bollocks)

I didn't get them a card last year, but I certainly will be this year, and guess who's name I'll be making sure I write first because I'm petty as all fuck :P

[Philip027]

"Why aren't you married?" "When are you going to get married?" "You need someone to take care of you!" "Who's going to take care of you?" Etc. Because of course, women can't take care of themselves, being too frail and simple minded and all...

The not-so-funny thing? I've heard this said to cis men too :(

*general hugs to everyone being subjected to sexism, whether its towards your gender or sex or both*

Oh, it's definitely still said to guys. I get it all the time.

The thing is, I never really viewed this as a sexist remark; it's more to do with the fact that I really have felt unable to fend for myself and that other people must pick up on that too (hence why I'm still living with my mom even at my age). My mom has joked with me that I would need to find a girlfriend that can cook, presumably because she thinks I'd be incapable of doing it on my own. She's probably right. I'm pretty bad at it >_>

[Heart]

At the end, the waiter still puts the bill in front of the AMAB one, not me. I literally did everything that date. Every single thing. My then-boyfriend thought it was cute, as he passed me the bill, but I was fuming inside.

*end of the rant*

:(

I was with a couple today who want wedding videos, and I was getting them to sign. And I thought of your story and asked if they had anyone specific to sign it haha xD

Normally I just go to the nearest person without thinking, but I realised how that might upset some people :o

D'awwww, that's really sweat of you! If I was one of that couple, I would definitely have smiled and you'd have made my day!

[Luftschlosseule]

MMORPG players assuming you are a guy, although your name is feminine, because women don't play videogames.
Out of protest I started painting my nails during the wait for a tournament to begin.