• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
Santa's Little Elf

Dating Site Master List

Recommended Posts

happyblues17
5 hours ago, jenjenna said:

I've been on OKCupid, and it frustrates me that while there is an option of asexual for you, there is no way to look for other asexuals! Who decided you can't put sexuality in the search fields..... -.-'

If you are using the mobile site on your phone, you have to request desktop website to get the option.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Woodworker1968
22 hours ago, jenjenna said:

THIS THIS THIS!!!!! AVEN needs a dating area!!!!

It would have to be fairly secure though. It would need some kind of verification, to make catfishing difficult or at least unrewarding, since there's really no way to avoid it short of avoiding online relationships entirely.

 

It would need to be brutally honest, i.e., if there are fewer women or fewer men on the site, it should say so. If I look up OKC, PoF, or any of the others, I have no way of telling what their FtoM ratio is at any given time. So... we're talking about some sort of plug-in tabulation app.

 

Also, the reason why sites like HerWay don't work is because they expect women to take the initiative and contact the men first. This flies in the face of thousands of years of tradition, although I'd like to point out that there doesn't seem to be any practical reason why an asexual woman shouldn't initiate, if she's in a setting where all of the men are asexual too, and sex isn't the endgame. That's only assuming of course we're only talking about hetero-asexuals... I have no idea how the dynamics work for asexual lesbians or gay men.

 

I think it will take some time for openly asexual people to get comfortable in their own element before they realize that a different dynamic can work for them, a dynamic which doesn't work that well for sexuals.

 

But who knows? Maybe when that time comes, sexuals might take a look at our success stories, and reexamine their own game plans.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheLastOfSheila
23 hours ago, Woodworker1968 said:

It would have to be fairly secure though. It would need some kind of verification, to make catfishing difficult or at least unrewarding, since there's really no way to avoid it short of avoiding online relationships entirely.

 

It would need to be brutally honest, i.e., if there are fewer women or fewer men on the site, it should say so. If I look up OKC, PoF, or any of the others, I have no way of telling what their FtoM ratio is at any given time. So... we're talking about some sort of plug-in tabulation app.

 

Also, the reason why sites like HerWay don't work is because they expect women to take the initiative and contact the men first. This flies in the face of thousands of years of tradition, although I'd like to point out that there doesn't seem to be any practical reason why an asexual woman shouldn't initiate, if she's in a setting where all of the men are asexual too, and sex isn't the endgame. That's only assuming of course we're only talking about hetero-asexuals... I have no idea how the dynamics work for asexual lesbians or gay men.

 

I think it will take some time for openly asexual people to get comfortable in their own element before they realize that a different dynamic can work for them, a dynamic which doesn't work that well for sexuals.

 

But who knows? Maybe when that time comes, sexuals might take a look at our success stories, and reexamine their own game plans.

If it is only open to registered members of AVEN, I don't know what more verification is needed really, but yeah, there could be an additional sign-in/verification process for the dating list itself. 

 

Have never seen an FtoM ratio on any dating site before.  Is that a helpful thing?  I am not being sarcastic here, I really am curious.  An additional plug-in might make things too complex.  I ran a forum some time ago, and I found that the less plug-ins the better, but I could be very wrong on this.

 

The notion that if we are all asexuals, then sex is not the endgame is something that I agree with totally since, on a personal level, I have absolutely no desire for sex.  Although with all of the different categories and flavors of asexuality, I am not sure that is an "across the board" notion.  I think that perhaps for those in the gray area or for demisexuals, sex might be part of the consideration.  I would guess that when the dating profile is filled out, there has to be a way to make those preferences crystal clear to prevent disappointment and possible heartache down the road.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sotapanna
1 hour ago, TheLastOfSheila said:

Have never seen an FtoM ratio on any dating site before.  Is that a helpful thing?  I am not being sarcastic here, I really am curious.  An additional plug-in might make things too complex.  I ran a forum some time ago, and I found that the less plug-ins the better, but I could be very wrong on this.

And my reply is stuck to being inside the box- browser glitch-

Right, the ratio is meaningless, when it's almost always global nowadays anyways.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GeoAmy

I didn't think AVEN was allowed to provide "dating" options because it allows minors to join.  I recall this being suggested numerous times in the previous version of this thread and the response was it's not an option because of the minors that join up.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheLastOfSheila
1 hour ago, GeoAmy said:

I didn't think AVEN was allowed to provide "dating" options because it allows minors to join.  I recall this being suggested numerous times in the previous version of this thread and the response was it's not an option because of the minors that join up.

 

That's a good point, I hadn't considered that, GeoAmy.  When I ran a forum, there were sub-forums or categories that I could make invisible, only to be seen by those that I gave approval to.  We had the same issue of wanting to protect minors. Of course, nothing is foolproof, and I suppose the liability for AVEN would be considerable.

 

Sometimes I forget that children come here, and I am always surprised when I see someone post that they're only 13 years old.  Honestly, I think some of the sub-forums that exist now are a little too graphic for children.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jenjenna
On 1.4.2017 at 8:46 PM, kingcakedonut said:

Yes, there's definitely a lot of options there now, even demisexual. 

Really? You can look up people who are ace, demi etc? :o Where can you do that? I'm using the desktop version and I can only see the filters for Looking for, Looks, Background, etc... I can't see sexuality anywhere.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
funfetti
9 hours ago, jenjenna said:

Really? You can look up people who are ace, demi etc? :o Where can you do that? I'm using the desktop version and I can only see the filters for Looking for, Looks, Background, etc... I can't see sexuality anywhere.

If your on the desktop version go to browse matches.  then where it says men (or whatever) who are straight (or whatever), click on the line that's over straight. then, click on more over orientation. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Woodworker1968

Judging from what I see going on in everyday life around me, it may be pointless to even try, given the deteriorating state of male-female relations.

 

Maybe gays and lesbians have better luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jenjenna
13 hours ago, kingcakedonut said:

If your on the desktop version go to browse matches.  then where it says men (or whatever) who are straight (or whatever), click on the line that's over straight. then, click on more over orientation. 

Cool! Thank you so much! Finally I know how to use that site lol

 

I tried that and apparently there are 5 asexual men within 500 km from me.... xD

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sotapanna
41 minutes ago, jenjenna said:

Cool! Thank you so much! Finally I know how to use that site lol

 

I tried that and apparently there are 5 asexual men within 500 km from me.... xD

 

I'd say that's pretty good around the north pole....   ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jenjenna
3 minutes ago, strangeman said:

I'd say that's pretty good around the north pole....   ;)

That's true, I guess I'm lucky there's any :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
012
On 4/2/2017 at 11:49 AM, Woodworker1968 said:

 

Also, the reason why sites like HerWay don't work is because they expect women to take the initiative and contact the men first. This flies in the face of thousands of years of tradition

Old traditions shouldn't be limiting though.  All I know is every relationship I've had (there haven't been that many) were female initiated.  I'm super shy when it comes to romantic stuff.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ammonite

Hello, I have a question that's been bugging me for a while.

 

this may have been covered before, and I know earlier it was mentioned that AVEN couldn't have a dating option, but is there at least a thread out there for single people to connect? Don't mean this to sound seedy in any way but I feel a lot more comfortable posting on this site than other dating sites for some reason even on profiles that mention "asexual". Thanks in advance

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sotapanna

Um,  thought that's what the 'meetup mart' was for?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Venus Darling

I've tried OkCupid. It is awesome that we can find people who have similar profiles all around the globe. I love this.
Though... It can be kinda frustrating because it's hard to find people close to my area. Q.Q
Also, lots of people don't answer the questions or just a few them (they have a high % with most of people), some don't complete their profiles.

--

Loved your signature @TheLastOfSheila. hahahaha

Ive-been-single-for-a-while-and-i-have-t

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mal334

Okay so I have tried a couple of these, and so far none have really worked since they seem kind of dead. I just joined OkCupid today so fingers crossed. 

 

I don't know where to post a question about dating sites so I figured I would try it here. Has anyone tried putting that they were asexual on one of the popular dating sites? If so what happened? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Woodworker1968
8 hours ago, Mal334 said:

Has anyone tried putting that they were asexual on one of the popular dating sites? If so what happened? 

The bad news is... it doesn't make any difference one way or the other.

 

In the not-too-distant past, I've posted fairly convincing fake profiles on those sites. I included stolen pics of guys who are much better looking than I am for the male ones, and said "I" was openly asexual in the female ones (and a smoker in one; in one of the pics, she's clearly holding a cigarette and looking coyly into the camera).

 

Result: sexual men invariably ignore profile descriptions (apparently the majority of people hate to read anything) and sent "her" messages that they just wanted to get her into the sack ASAP, because you'd think they'd be put off by things such as asexuality and smoking. Wrong-O! Many just said "hey" or "hi" with nothing else, though one guy's message read like a frustrated rant that asexuality doesn't exist, blah blah—his tone reminded me of a chimp having a temper tantrum.

 

As for the fake male ones, they mostly got viewed by women who seemed to be window shopping. The fake female profiles got about an average of a message a week, while the fake male one got an average of about one every 2 months. The women who messaged "him" tended to put more effort into it though, with fewer of the simple "hi" ones.

 

The Sleeping Beauty mentality is very much alive and well. I'd also like to point out that if I was the woman of my dreams, NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL would I use an online dating site.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sotapanna
4 hours ago, Woodworker1968 said:

The bad news is... it doesn't make any difference one way or the other.

 

In the not-too-distant past, I've posted fairly convincing fake profiles on those sites. I included stolen pics of guys who are much better looking than I am for the male ones, and said "I" was openly asexual in the female ones (and a smoker in one; in one of the pics, she's clearly holding a cigarette and looking coyly into the camera).

 

Result: sexual men invariably ignore profile descriptions (apparently the majority of people hate to read anything) and sent "her" messages that they just wanted to get her into the sack ASAP, because you'd think they'd be put off by things such as asexuality and smoking. Wrong-O! Many just said "hey" or "hi" with nothing else, though one guy's message read like a frustrated rant that asexuality doesn't exist, blah blah—his tone reminded me of a chimp having a temper tantrum.

 

I disagree, okcupid.com now on signup (and from within preferences later) allows you, when you select alternative genders/preferences, 
to select the following option   "I don't want to see or be seen by straight people."

Vanilla folk won't see you if you turn that on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Machine_Artificia

I would likely have to drop my job, cert, life to do this but there is a need for a secure dating website for asexuals, or have we clarified that the need has been met by OKCupid, from all that I have read?

 

When I was on Match, I did not list i was asexual since I just started owning up to that, and what I wrote in my profile was responded to. Not to go against what has been said. 

 

One thing I can note is what I set as things "I am looking for in a partner" - especially the 'not wanting kids' was bot even looked at.

 

Instead, guys argued with me over the course of days or one guy got creative and told me he could find another girl to have the baby in our relationship and live happily ever after. Lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
M00SE

Thanks for listing those sites. Hopefully the odds will be in my favor and not like the side characters from Battle Royale or The Hunger Games;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Woodworker1968
On April 3, 2017 at 7:21 PM, GeoAmy said:

I didn't think AVEN was allowed to provide "dating" options because it allows minors to join.  I recall this being suggested numerous times in the previous version of this thread and the response was it's not an option because of the minors that join up.

 

I've faced a similar issue back when I still had time to host a few meetups. 

 

Basically the deciding factor has more to do with whether or not you allow alcohol at your events. If yes, then you're dealing exclusively with guests who are 21 or older (this is the US), and it's the alcohol thing which can tack 30% or more onto the cost of hosting an event, because many venues will require you to buy insurance (SELIP) for that. This is the reason why the only outfits hosting beach parties where beer is served are car dealerships and radio stations, because they're the only ones who can afford the insurance for it.

 

If you choose to host non-alcohol events, then a lot more doors will open up for you, and you'll be able to extend invitations to the 18-to-21 crowd, but you'll always get that one sourpuss who shows up and grouchily demands to know why no alcohol is being served at the event. Lone sourpuss aside, non-alcohol is definitely the way to go if you want to host a meetup to attract as many young singles as possible... no mean feat, considering all the ace meetups I've been to were made up largely of guests barely out of their teens. A meetup of aces looking for love would not be much different in that regard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
C8H7N3O2

Ok so I have joined acebook, cuddlecomfort (I know I know), asexualitic, and most recently asexual cupid. I have to say the most annoying thing about these, and most tbqh, sites is people not reading your profile.

 

Acebook was ok a good time ago but I haven't been there in ages. Mostly it was just another place to post in threads. Whenever I would msg with someone it was mostly about trivial things. And even then there was a massive issue with people not responding. I didn't really get much out of it.

 

I joined CC because, as stated, I would like to make some cuddle buddy friends. I listed my orientation as Ace and that I'm looking for female friends, but the only members that message me are male. It's quite annoying. I had to blanantly list in my profile that while I do not hate males, I am not comfortable around them as I am with females. Even after that I still get daily visits from people who disregard my preferences. Also, living in such a populated area as I do, you'd think I would get more results... Nope.

 

These last two irk me the most because unless you are willing to pay, expect the bare minimum of any perks and the constant reminder that paid members can experience more.

 

Asexualitic seems really dead to me. I mean as a free member I can't access the forums, so I wouldn't really know tbqh. I can browse through matches and fix up my profile. I can join groups but I can't post/reply in them. Yep the only thing I can do is search.

 

Asexualcupid. Ugh I am regretting signing up for this one. It's also paid so I get like the minimum. Each photo you want to put up has to be approved, and if it is not a picture of you (among other things), they will deny it. Oh well no picture for me. I asked why and I got some prepopulated answer that wasn't even relevant. You can do a search of only gender, age, and state. Anything more than that requires paid membership. The only way of communicating with members if you're unpaid is to send a free wink. You can only reply if someone msgs you, there is no initiating conversation. It looks like you can access the forums here, but I just found that out. Haven't tried it. Seems kinds dead from the post dates.

 

Either way I much prefer AVEN to any of those because here I feel safe and like people actually want to be friends. I too think that some form of dating/etc.. happenings through AVEN would be pretty cool.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FranciumSenpai

I wouldn't recommend OkCupid because most people tend to ignore your profile if you're asexual .-.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pete,
On 02/10/2016 at 10:51 PM, banana monkey said:

Apparently there are no males from the UK on asexual match yet :( Is it mostly american?

Hello Banana Monkey, I am in south Birmingham,  i've spent some time at Salisbury  when I was in the army at Bulford. I don't know  whether I am asexual yet but if your interested say hello.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Woodworker1968

https://phys.org/news/2017-03-women-troll-dating-apps-men.html

 

I think the latter part of the article is BS. There are people who will pay $$ to get into the "serious" areas of a dating site just so they can trash the joint.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
teenageliteraryhedgehog

Which would you say is the best for a 17 year old?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now