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Santa's Little Elf

Dating Site Master List

Recommended Posts

Woodworker1968
On 1/6/2017 at 8:09 AM, TheLastOfSheila said:

I think that AVEN starting its own internal dating site/area is a really excellent idea.  I had tried OKCupid in the past..that was a waste of time.  I tried acebook before joining AVEN.  Chatted with a few nice people.  The only male that responded seemed to not really be a true Ace, think it was just a place for him to troll for women.  AVEN is the only place that I would feel secure enough to use a dating area.  Very hard for a woman my age to meet an Ace man in my age group.

I'd be cautious about starting an aces-only like that, simply because being an exclusively online thing would 1. make it a magnet for trolls and scam artists, and 2. make it a tempting fish for cartels like InterActive Corp etc to swallow up and have their way with.

 

To be successful, any dating venture, ace or otherwise, would need to emphasize in-person, meetup activity as much as possible. Trolls and scam artists are scared off by meetups, and cartel representatives would be laughed out of the party if they showed up wanting to buy the group.

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TheLastOfSheila
On 1/8/2017 at 3:24 PM, Woodworker1968 said:

I'd be cautious about starting an aces-only like that, simply because being an exclusively online thing would 1. make it a magnet for trolls and scam artists, and 2. make it a tempting fish for cartels like InterActive Corp etc to swallow up and have their way with.

 

To be successful, any dating venture, ace or otherwise, would need to emphasize in-person, meetup activity as much as possible. Trolls and scam artists are scared off by meetups, and cartel representatives would be laughed out of the party if they showed up wanting to buy the group.

I hear what you're saying, these things are very valid.  However, I was speaking of something within the AVEN framework, something structured on this website, not something outside. Hence, my wording "internal dating site/area", something that a "cartel" would not have access to.  Frankly, I think that Aces need an exclusive site, because trying to meet people on the traditional sites just does not work.  Also, because there are so few of us, and we are scattered all over, meet-ups are not that easy to attend.

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EmmyJJ

I quite like Ace-Book but there are barely any guys from my area on there (literally two and I've met one and the other doesn't log on). Are there any Ace dating sites which have plenty of UK members? Most places seem very US focused. Or if they're not from the US, then they're from London. I'm nowhere near London. Just find the whole dating thing horribly, horribly depressing. I've tried all the 'normal' dating sites (POF, Match etc) but the guys there are all so sex obsessed I can't stand it.

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Vicky Angel

I joined acebook, but the problem is alot of the people locally haven't logged on in many months, or even years.  

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ThePecanSandies

Does anyone have any success with Asexualitic? I just signed up but I don't really understand how to use it and it doesn't seem like a lot of people post on it anymore? Several of the posts I see haven't been updated in months. Maybe im just using it wrong?

 

Thanks!

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EmmyJJ
On 21/01/2017 at 11:19 PM, ThePecanSandies said:

Does anyone have any success with Asexualitic? I just signed up but I don't really understand how to use it and it doesn't seem like a lot of people post on it anymore? Several of the posts I see haven't been updated in months. Maybe im just using it wrong?

 

Thanks!

Nah, been on there ages. It's pretty dead!

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drjohnhwatson
On 1/11/2017 at 10:07 PM, Vicky Angel said:

I joined acebook, but the problem is alot of the people locally haven't logged on in many months, or even years.  

Ace-book is SO bad about that.  So bad.  And also it seems like 75% of the people on there not only are just on there for friendship, but are somewhat-to-vehemently opposed to dating.  Like, FULL CAPS and everything.  It's a little discouraging looking for someone in such an environment.  There aren't really any new forum posts; some of the active posts have been on there for like years and the "recent activity" on them would have been like one post a week ago, then another post like three months before that.  It's difficult to start dialogue and get to know people on there and spark connections.

 

I also was a little frustrated with Asexualitic, making the profile and everything to find out it costs money.  How would I know if it was worth it?  Now that I see that it's dead, I'm not especially surprised.  There aren't very many avenues for asexual people to find other asexuals to date.  I attempted OKCupid but had so many people hitting me up for sex or talking about explicit things to me (had a friendly convo with a guy who then told me he came in his pants???  and I stopped responding and he took to lurking on my profile and sending me repeated "hey" "hi" "good morning" "how are you" messages).  I don't know if they had a way to search out other asexuals; if they did, I couldn't really find it.

 

I'll still put feelers out and the like, but I'm starting to get frustrated/giving up hope, to be honest.

 

:huh:.

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Vicky Angel

So I just deleted my acebook account because it felt pretty pointless. 

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BookTVLover

Other problems I've run into with Acebook are people not replying or replying to one message and not replying ever again to any more messages. It's very annoying. 

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lapis_universe
On 11/24/2016 at 6:42 PM, Lord Grep said:

Can I ask a stupid question? Would it not be beyond the realm of AVEN to start its own internal dating site/area?

I too am wary about giving info to dating sites, mostly because a great many sites are scams, and or insecure with what, lets face it is very personal data.

We pretty much all trust AVEN, and we are here already. The other thing is that if it is something internal to AVEN this would deter time wasters and trolls. 

If the issue is software / hardware then I am more than happy to donate time and gear to such an undertaking.

The biggest issue with any dating site is that it is only ever any good if it has a reasonable number of users on it, and in most cases you can't gauge that unless you sign up. 

Surely a non profit dating site provided by the acer community for the community is the most desirable solution.

Even just a "looking for a friendship+ thread"?

The problem with using traditional sites like "plenty of fish" is that the acer community is so small in comparison to the users on POF and even when you are explicit with people that you are ace, people will ignore it, not understand it, or not believe it. Some of you may have heard my tale of being kicked out of a ladies house at 2am because I refused to go to bed with them. My intentions where in my profile, in our communications, and I brought my own duvet, and pillows so I could sleep on her couch. 

If anyone knows of a better idea please let me know. Or if you want to adopt a Grep for laughs, and cuddles definitely let me know <grin>.

This so much...I am trying OKCupid right now, but either people aren't reading my profile or else they don't care. I'm still getting asked for hook ups and being called "cutie" and "sweetie". I am on acebook but there's no one there and the other site isn't free. Is there a thread here in AVEN for meeting people in your area? I saw the meetup thread but it doesn't look like the one in my area is active. I want to meet people who are Ace for friendship or even romance because I'm tired of being asked about how many dates it takes to get in my pants :(

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lapis_universe
On 11/24/2016 at 6:42 PM, Lord Grep said:

Can I ask a stupid question? Would it not be beyond the realm of AVEN to start its own internal dating site/area?

I too am wary about giving info to dating sites, mostly because a great many sites are scams, and or insecure with what, lets face it is very personal data.

We pretty much all trust AVEN, and we are here already. The other thing is that if it is something internal to AVEN this would deter time wasters and trolls. 

If the issue is software / hardware then I am more than happy to donate time and gear to such an undertaking.

The biggest issue with any dating site is that it is only ever any good if it has a reasonable number of users on it, and in most cases you can't gauge that unless you sign up. 

Surely a non profit dating site provided by the acer community for the community is the most desirable solution.

Even just a "looking for a friendship+ thread"?

The problem with using traditional sites like "plenty of fish" is that the acer community is so small in comparison to the users on POF and even when you are explicit with people that you are ace, people will ignore it, not understand it, or not believe it. Some of you may have heard my tale of being kicked out of a ladies house at 2am because I refused to go to bed with them. My intentions where in my profile, in our communications, and I brought my own duvet, and pillows so I could sleep on her couch. 

If anyone knows of a better idea please let me know. Or if you want to adopt a Grep for laughs, and cuddles definitely let me know <grin>.

This so much...I am trying OKCupid right now, but either people aren't reading my profile or else they don't care. I'm still getting asked for hook ups and being called "cutie" and "sweetie". I am on acebook but there's no one there and the other site isn't free. Is there a thread here in AVEN for meeting people in your area? I saw the meetup thread but it doesn't look like the one in my area is active. I want to meet people who are Ace for friendship or even romance because I'm tired of being asked about how many dates it takes to get in my pants :(

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G0D

@lapis_universe you have to go into "member list", and then "my matches", and look for people... bear in mind that it lists them in order they where on-line... It takes an effort to find people, but for the most part if you mail people they will reply.... that and be on their every day so that other people find you... 

 

Make sure you have a recent, and honest photo, and you write a decent profile.

 

Asexuals, well I... am not looking for someone pretty etc, and that isn't what people look for, it's about compatibility, and if you want to find someone you are compatible with it takes time. 

 

Plus there is still a lot about being in the right place at the right time. You don't know if people are already talking to potential people etc.. There is just no point in spending money on dating sites.. I have done it before, and while they offer "magic", it's the same game.

 

I have all but given up for the moment... You have to get used to rejection, and thinking you found someone amazing, and then they just disappear for no reason. Just don't take it personally. Try not to go into it with too much expectation... Try and have some fun.

 

I approach it like looking for a friend. It's different for everyone, and there is a certain sort of etiquette. Patience and perseverance pays off. 

 

I know it is cliche, but just be yourself... 

 

When mailing someone for the first time don't write loads of stuff, but make it personal, ask about something in their profile, make a joke. and to start with, hit it with a scattergun ... write to as many people as you can.. Obviously that you like. On most dating sites your gender REALLY matters.

 

On most dating sites as a woman you will get harassed and bombarded, and it's uncomfortable.. As a man it is so hard to stand out from the crowd and not be "that guy".

 

Acebook is a bit more chilled... And just cos no one lives next door don't let that stop you. Remember there are not that many people who identify as asexuals out there, let alone want to date, let alone looking for someone online, and even less who want to pay for dating., so the pay sites are really not the answer...

 

Don't give up, and if you want to talk more about it message me... I am happy to help...

 

 

 

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TheCat1219
On 11/27/2016 at 9:04 AM, Crealityisabeast said:

Has anyone tried the 'asexual cupid'? 

I have it doesn't have an option to look for people in your area and most of the time you have to pay to Initiate contact. It's a lot like tinder and some of the people don't seem asexual

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Jetyl

I'm wondering, could anyone recommend a dating site for a gay/asexual man?

I feel kinda caught in the crossroads of dating sites either being straight relationship focused, or gay sex focused.... :/

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G0D

@Jetyl Plenty of them on acebook good fellow... Nearly hooked a couple myself.

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Santa's Little Elf

Love some of the tips for so far, I'll definetly look and update this as soon as i have free time on my hands. Hmmm a dating service on Aven. Sounds interesting but i can't say if it's doable so i'll try and figure what everyone else thinks about this, i'm not making any promises though, please keep that one in mind :)

 

 

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Sotapanna

You could also post occasionally in the Asexual romance group on whisper..   A/S/L at a minimum....

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coolandcute

Perhaps there could be lists such as "Men Looking For Women" and "Women Looking For Men" based on country or geographic area?   That seems the easiest.  I loved the Asexual Love site till it went away.  There you could at least see people's profile.  The site just needed to grow.   

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Milolo
On 1/25/2017 at 10:28 PM, drjohnhwatson said:

Ace-book is SO bad about that.  So bad.  And also it seems like 75% of the people on there not only are just on there for friendship, but are somewhat-to-vehemently opposed to dating.  Like, FULL CAPS and everything.  It's a little discouraging looking for someone in such an environment.  There aren't really any new forum posts; some of the active posts have been on there for like years and the "recent activity" on them would have been like one post a week ago, then another post like three months before that.  It's difficult to start dialogue and get to know people on there and spark connections.

 

I also was a little frustrated with Asexualitic, making the profile and everything to find out it costs money.  How would I know if it was worth it?  Now that I see that it's dead, I'm not especially surprised.  There aren't very many avenues for asexual people to find other asexuals to date.  I attempted OKCupid but had so many people hitting me up for sex or talking about explicit things to me (had a friendly convo with a guy who then told me he came in his pants???  and I stopped responding and he took to lurking on my profile and sending me repeated "hey" "hi" "good morning" "how are you" messages).  I don't know if they had a way to search out other asexuals; if they did, I couldn't really find it.

 

I'll still put feelers out and the like, but I'm starting to get frustrated/giving up hope, to be honest.

 

:huh:.

As for OkCupid, I finally figured out you can search for other Aces if you put asexuality in the interest filter spot. But you'll probably have to broaden your search radius. I found one other person in my whole state. But maybe you'll have better luck. 

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Santa's Little Elf

Ok i tried miscellanous but it seems to be inactive so won't be adding that, if you guys know any current active site that is acefriendly, feel free to post here! I'll be looking out for them too (I haven't found a good one yet) we'll see what happens!

 

 

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G0D

ace-book is... It really is the only one... Personally I am having nothing but bad luck on it.. I spend ages getting to know people, and they just dont want to take it any further, IE they don't want to talk on the phone or meet up. 

 

I have started to work on something along side AceTimes.org . The problem is having users on it. 

 

If anyone is interested in helping me put something together get in touch. I kinda need testers, and people to give suggestions. 

 

I have approached ace-book about doing something together but to no avail.

 

I don't think it would solve the issue that so many people just seem to want a distance relationship rather than anything else.

 

I find it utterly disheartening. I have done it twice now where I have spent a month or so sending emails and texts back and forth, putting a lot of time and energy in to it and then being told that the person isn't really interested in having a "real" relationship. I think perhaps if we did do it there should be a way to rate users. It really isn't fair to string someone along under false pretences. I get that people are shy etc, but these are things that people should write in there profiles, and accept in others... I mean I have it written so clearly in my profile "Don't contact me or reply to my messages if you are just looking for a distance relationship.

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Sotapanna
5 hours ago, Lord Grep said:

I find it utterly disheartening. I have done it twice now where I have spent a month or so sending emails and texts back and forth, putting a lot of time and energy in to it and then being told that the person isn't really interested in having a "real" relationship. I think perhaps if we did do it there should be a way to rate users. 

twice, is --  aw holy fuck,   you gotta beat your head on the wall dozens of times, multiple dozens of times...
non-aces might have the experience of others, multiple times a year..  (helps to be extroverted,  I doubt many aces are) but to find a partner you will have to explore others, soooomany times!..    update your profile, make it clear, Anyone not in a position to meet IRL after two weeks can expect you to ghost away..

Quirks first, will weed out lots of unacceptable matches-- but mean you have less opportunity to get to know someone.
but if two failed interactions have you ready to throw it out the window,  I've bad news...  it'll take a lot more than two more..

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Ammonite
On 12/03/2017 at 11:16 PM, Milolo said:

As for OkCupid, I finally figured out you can search for other Aces if you put asexuality in the interest filter spot. But you'll probably have to broaden your search radius. I found one other person in my whole state. But maybe you'll have better luck. 

thanks so much,

 

I was really pleased when this worked. then i realized i had like 7 results, and I live in london lol.

 

good luck to everyone else!

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banana monkey
On 11/03/2017 at 8:03 PM, ashleysummer said:

Yesterday I had an awesome date with cool guy I met on  http://uk.cupid.com/ , so I cannot help but share this dating site with you. Tomorrow we have our second date, I'm just flying over the sky.

Why are so many dating sites not secure. you would think seeing as though you are giving your name age, postcode, probably d.o.b they would at least have basic encryption!! It annoys me so much. 

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happyblues17

It seems that OkCupid is the only viable solution. I've been using the site for a full four months, and I've honestly sent at least two hundred messages. Since 90% of people don't even click on your profile or read your message, the only way to go is to send simple, short messages referencing something in their profile to show that you've read it, like, "What's your favorite character in X movie?". I've had about twenty people respond back to my messages, and of those people the only two that kept responding to me, we met in person :). And we are still friends! So success! I hope you all have good success. I would say that you can expect a meetup after... maybe 100-150 messages sent. That number sounds depressing, but the trick is to just skim profiles and send messages quickly, it only takes about 15 seconds total per person if you just skim the profile and type up a quick message fast. So in total... maybe about 2 hours of sending scatter-shot messages? The annoying part is trying to continue to converse with someone through that site, I recommend a chat service like kik, it's much more convenient for IM. I'll be honest... both the first messages that led to eventual friendships were literally just memes. So the solution you're all looking for is, send memes. They work.

 

All of that being said, I'm on the US east coast which has a massive population, and that must make it a lot easier. NYC alone accounts for half of the ace profiles I see in over 250 miles... hahaha. That city is so huge it's crazy.

 

 

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Chessu

I've been on OkCupid for awhile too. Talked to some people but never really connected. Would love to see something like a 'dating site' happen on AVEN. 

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jenjenna

I've been on OKCupid, and it frustrates me that while there is an option of asexual for you, there is no way to look for other asexuals! Who decided you can't put sexuality in the search fields..... -.-'

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jenjenna
On 6.1.2017 at 6:09 PM, TheLastOfSheila said:

I think that AVEN starting its own internal dating site/area is a really excellent idea.  I had tried OKCupid in the past..that was a waste of time.  I tried acebook before joining AVEN.  Chatted with a few nice people.  The only male that responded seemed to not really be a true Ace, think it was just a place for him to troll for women.  AVEN is the only place that I would feel secure enough to use a dating area.  Very hard for a woman my age to meet an Ace man in my age group.

THIS THIS THIS!!!!! AVEN needs a dating area!!!!

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Sotapanna
1 minute ago, jenjenna said:

I've been on OKCupid, and it frustrates me that while there is an option of asexual for you, there is no way to look for other asexuals! Who decided you can't put sexuality in the search fields..... -.-'

I suggest you look again....  you can search for any gender type...
 

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funfetti
9 minutes ago, strangeman said:

I suggest you look again....  you can search for any gender type...
 

Yes, there's definitely a lot of options there now, even demisexual. 

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