Ac0re Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 I know I am at least GrayA. But I don't know how the common definition lines go. It is possible that I am fully asexual and just haven't realized I fit into that category. As it stands I use for describing my sexuality the slightly pretentious "Straight GrayA psuedo-demisexual". 29, never had sex. In fact the furthest I've gone are mandated-hugs. It also feels like I'm the one who cares the least about that. People tend to freak if they find out I've never been with anyone. I can choose to be attracted to women as long as they pass a minimum aesthetic threshold, but by default that is off. I have to make the decision to get attracted. I do masturbate. I can use porn. I can also go without porn without problem. I can "load the rounds" without porn or fantasy, just by deciding "Imma jack it, start the system!" *whirring starts* I don't have much natural libido. Often the decision to masturbate is made for shits and giggles rather than any real need. Though it has happened that my body went "You've gone too long without firing! pressure is reaching critical levels! System go for jack-off!" I am hetero-romantic. I am not adverse to the thought of a relationship with a woman. I would (theoretically)have no issues with having sex with this highly fictitious person, but I would also be equally fine not having any. Were she to want it, I could just "start the system". I would even be interested in it, but more for reasons of novelty than anything else. Possibly as a bonding/hobby reason also. I call myself psuedo-demisexual because I would not be interested in having sex with someone I do not know well. However that is by choice, hence I don't know that it is real demisexuality. What I'm looking for here are opinions about where on the spectrum you think I am? Because I don't know enough about full asexuality to make a reliable judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Decision? Attraction isn't a decision. Nor is aesthetic attraction the same as romantic attraction. Purely having aesthetic attraction or even just finding someone aesthetically pleasing is platonic. Also, do you mean you've never made out/had foreplay? If so, and especially if you desire to, then you may end up being sexual and just have responsive sexual desire; which consists of a majority of women and a minority of men. Nothing you've said reflects Gray-A. Demisexuality is DESIRING sex after a bond/unusual amount of time. Only feeling comfortable with sexually compromising after a bond is still asexual. The only requirement for asexuality is not desiring any type of sex with anyone (not for sexual or emotional pleasure; not even after foreplay). Link to post Share on other sites
Ac0re Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Decision? Attraction isn't a decision. Nor is aesthetic attraction the same as romantic attraction. Purely having aesthetic attraction or even just finding someone aesthetically pleasing is platonic. Also, do you mean you've never made out/had foreplay? If so, and especially if you desire to, then you may end up being sexual and just have responsive sexual desire; which consists of a majority of women and a minority of men. Nothing you've said reflects Gray-A. Demisexuality is DESIRING sex after a bond/unusual amount of time. Only feeling comfortable with sexually compromising after a bond is still asexual. The only requirement for asexuality is not desiring any type of sex with anyone (not for sexual or emotional pleasure; not even after foreplay). No I've never made out, nor have I ever had any desire to. Yes, I can decide to get sexually and/or aesthetically attracted to someone. I never claimed to believe aesthetic attraction to be the same as romantic attraction. Never been in love either if that's what you're fishing for there. Also, by your requirements I am asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 I never claimed to believe aesthetic attraction to be the same as romantic attraction. No, people cannot decide to feel attraction, that's not how it works. And i was just making sure about the aesthetic attraction thing; some people do confuse the two. Also, to make sure, sexual attraction meaning the impulse to do sexual things to someone specific. An asexual cannot feel that yet you say by what i said you are asexual. Aesthetic attraction meaning the pull to look at someone because of their beauty and/or mannerisms, which is different from just recognizing good looks/what’s aesthetically pleasing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ac0re Posted September 8, 2016 Author Share Posted September 8, 2016 I never claimed to believe aesthetic attraction to be the same as romantic attraction. No, people cannot decide to feel attraction, that's not how it works. And i was just making sure about the aesthetic attraction thing; some people do confuse the two. Also, to make sure, sexual attraction meaning the impulse to do sexual things to someone specific. An asexual cannot feel that yet you say by what i said you are asexual. Aesthetic attraction meaning the pull to look at someone because of their beauty and/or mannerisms, which is different from just recognizing good looks/what’s aesthetically pleasing. I'm telling you, I can. Hence me saying I'm GrayA rather than full on asexual. Clearly you don't believe that, but there's nothing I can do about that so we might as well drop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 Unless-- you feel sexual attraction alot but only realize it when you go through the thought process of wanting to feel it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ac0re Posted September 9, 2016 Author Share Posted September 9, 2016 Unless-- you feel sexual attraction alot but only realize it when you go through the thought process of wanting to feel it. I have to say. you remind me of those people, who when they hear of someone being asexual just refuse to believe it. "No. It doesn't work like that! You just...[insert raeson here]" Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 I've been on here for a few years, and almost every day, and never have I heard anyone deciding who they're attracted to. And I'm extremely sure a majority of people on here will reiterate that it can't be chosen; that's the whole point behind orientations/attraction; you don't choose them. I'm sorry i sound like an ignorant person who refuses to accept certain orientations, but I'm not misinformed on this. Regardless, if you feel sexual attraction but don't ever desire to act on it then that's a type of Gray-asexual. Otherwise that's just a normal sexual person. Link to post Share on other sites
Ac0re Posted September 9, 2016 Author Share Posted September 9, 2016 I've been on here for a few years, and almost every day, and never have I heard anyone deciding who they're attracted to. And I'm extremely sure a majority of people on here will reiterate that it can't be chosen; that's the whole point behind orientations/attraction; you don't choose them. I'm sorry i sound like an ignorant person who refuses to accept certain orientations, but I'm not misinformed on this. Regardless, if you feel sexual attraction but don't ever desire to act on it then that's a type of Gray-asexual. Otherwise that's just a normal sexual person. My point was that unless I make that active choice, I'd be a regular asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
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