Article: There's nothing wrong with being asexual

[Éadweard]

Published today, Sept 2, 2016, in the Daily Beast. Found here:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/09/02/there-s-nothing-wrong-with-being-asexual.html

[Randomchaos]

This is awesome :D Glad it's starting to get more attention, and research.

[Jme]

Very interesting article. I find the distinguishing factors between sexual disorders and asexuality especially interesting...it almost sounds, to me, that if the only difference is the level of distress a person feels about their lack of sexual desire, then HSDD is still not actually a real thing -- it sounds like people who don't know about, or are uncomfortable about, their asexuality would be classified as having HSDD, whereas they are actually just asexuals struggling to come into their identity.

I use myself as an example in this case: before I discovered asexuality, I was a lot more anxious about my lack of sexual desire (what's wrong with me? What do I have to do to make myself have sexual feelings?) because I didn't think it was okay and was worried that one day, if I wanted to get married or something, I would have to force myself to be okay with having sex with my husband. Since discovering AVEN and asexuality, however, I understand myself and the situation better and I don't really have any anxiety or troubled thoughts about my lack of sexual desire at all (other than, gee, hope I can find someone who's cool with that). It was like flipping a lightswitch.

[Starlit Sky]

I think the biggest thing I love about this article is that it notes this:

It may be true, as Brotto and her co-author note in the review, that asexual people have “higher rates of psychiatric symptoms,” but there are also well-recognized mental health disparities between LGBT people and the general population that have been attributed to the effects of prejudice and discrimination. That’s likely the case with asexual people, too; a 2012 study of bias among college students, for example, found that asexuals were “viewed as less human, and less valued as contact partners, relative to heterosexuals and other sexual minorities.” Not being seen as fully human can be a damaging experience, as members of several minorities can attest.

That's the same thing that I've been trying to tell people here, whenever the subject of many asexuals having mental health issues comes up! I'm so glad that you shared this article with us! :D

Very interesting article. I find the distinguishing factors between sexual disorders and asexuality especially interesting...it almost sounds, to me, that if the only difference is the level of distress a person feels about their lack of sexual desire, then HSDD is still not actually a real thing -- it sounds like people who don't know about, or are uncomfortable about, their asexuality would be classified as having HSDD, whereas they are actually just asexuals struggling to come into their identity.

I use myself as an example in this case: before I discovered asexuality, I was a lot more anxious about my lack of sexual desire (what's wrong with me? What do I have to do to make myself have sexual feelings?) because I didn't think it was okay and was worried that one day, if I wanted to get married or something, I would have to force myself to be okay with having sex with my husband. Since discovering AVEN and asexuality, however, I understand myself and the situation better and I don't really have any anxiety or troubled thoughts about my lack of sexual desire at all (other than, gee, hope I can find someone who's cool with that). It was like flipping a lightswitch.

Oh, there's going to be more to HSDD than just "they're distressed by it." The MOST IMPORTANT (in my opinion) difference between a person with HSDD and an asexual is that HSDD actually has causes:

Many illnesses, such as diabetes, cancer, arthritis, and coronary artery disease, can weaken a woman’s sex drive. Similarly, many medications, like those taken for depression and high blood pressure, can decrease her libido. Even fatigue can take its toll. A woman may just be too exhausted to want sex.

Women may experience lower sex drive during menopause, when levels of estrogen – a hormone that boosts libido – fall substantially. Women can also see testosterone levels drop during menopause. Testosterone is usually associated with a man’s sex drive, but it affects women, too.

Also, hormonal changes during and after pregnancy can make a woman less interested in sex.

And that's just the physical causes. There's also anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem, she may be too stressed out. . . . Here's the post. They do say on that website that everyone is different, so these are just some of the reasons.

Now, I will say that I don't know a lot about HSDD at all, except save for what I just quoted to you, but it seems to me that there really is a difference. As a side note, that's one of the reasons why I think it's so important to not think of asexuality that has been "caused" by something. If it is, then wouldn't it be HSDD?

[argar]

Excellent informative article.

Thank you for sharing.

[thylacine]

One of the best articles I've read in a while...

Anyway, I doubt HSDD is a "real thing." I think drug companies invented it to convince women they are "messed up" and sell them "pretty little pink pills" to make them "better." This won't really make them any better, but it will make the arse-wipe CEO of some drug company rich.

[Frigid Pink]

Wow, that's a great article! Thank you so much for sharing it here.

[Luftschlosseule]

Wow. Thank you for sharing! Finally something I can give people with genuine interest in the difference between asexuality and illnesses.

[Starlit Sky]

Anyway, I doubt HSDD is a "real thing." I think drug companies invented it to convince women they are "messed up" and sell them "pretty little pink pills" to make them "better." This won't really make them any better, but it will make the arse-wipe CEO of some drug company rich.

I really wonder about that as well. Like I said before, I don't know Jack squat about HSDD . . . but from the teeny-tiny I have read, it seems like the real problem is diabetes, or depression, or coronary artery disease, or a lack of self-esteem. From what I'm looking at, it looks like they just lumped a bunch of stuff together that can weaken a person's sex drive and said, "Okay, this is what you have in addition to your other shit! We'll give you meds for both! It'll help! Never mind that if you had a higher self-esteem [for example] you wouldn't be in this crap to begin with! Money for us! Whoo!"

[Jme]

Anyway, I doubt HSDD is a "real thing." I think drug companies invented it to convince women they are "messed up" and sell them "pretty little pink pills" to make them "better." This won't really make them any better, but it will make the arse-wipe CEO of some drug company rich.

I really wonder about that as well. Like I said before, I don't know Jack squat about HSDD . . . but from the teeny-tiny I have read, it seems like the real problem is diabetes, or depression, or coronary artery disease, or a lack of self-esteem. From what I'm looking at, it looks like they just lumped a bunch of stuff together that can weaken a person's sex drive and said, "Okay, this is what you have in addition to your other shit! We'll give you meds for both! It'll help! Never mind that if you had a higher self-esteem [for example] you wouldn't be in this crap to begin with! Money for us! Whoo!"

Even if something like diabetes lowers your sex drive, I'm still skeptical to call it an actual disorder. You're depressed, can't eat delicious food, and have to worry about your foot falling off? Well shoot, that wouldn't turn me on either. It still sounds like a completely cultural-based perspective to me. If anything, I would think it's NATURAL that your sex drive decreases when you're dealing with a bunch of medical conditions and other crap, not a 'disorder.' I think that we're such a sex-driven culture that it's assumed that there is some sort of problem any time anyone doesn't want to do it like bunnies on a regular basis.

[thylacine]

Now that we are talking about HSDD... Question: Why isn't an excessively high sex drive a disorder, for pete's sakes? I mean, guys pestering their secretaries, running around behind their wives' backs, all this cheating that causes all these problems, and all the crimes caused by sex, little kids disappearing and being stolen by creeps... spare me the P.C. line that "rape is not about sex," because folks, I'm sorry, it's about sex... so, why isn't having a high sex drive a disorder, while having a low sex drive is??? Like, excuse me? You got Joe-Low-Sex-Drive-Schmoe, who doesn't bother anybody or cause any trouble, but they say he has a "disorder," then you have got Steve-Can't-Help-Myself-Creepster, and he's called "healthy" for having a high sex drive... ??? !!! Like what? This society needs to get its priorities straight here, people, okay?

Okay, sorry... back to discussing the article.

[Frigid Pink]

Now that we are talking about HSDD... Question: Why isn't an excessively high sex drive a disorder, for pete's sakes? I mean, guys pestering their secretaries, running around behind their wives' backs, all this cheating that causes all these problems, and all the crimes caused by sex, little kids disappearing and being stolen by creeps... spare me the P.C. line that "rape is not about sex," because folks, I'm sorry, it's about sex... so, why isn't having a high sex drive a disorder, while having a low sex drive is??? Like, excuse me? You got Joe-Low-Sex-Drive-Schmoe, who doesn't bother anybody or cause any trouble, but they say he has a "disorder," then you have got Steve-Can't-Help-Myself-Creepster, and he's called "healthy" for having a high sex drive... ??? !!! Like what? This society needs to get its priorities straight here, people, okay?

Okay, sorry... back to discussing the article.

It looks like "hypersexuality" (aka sex addiction) is considered a disorder (or, at least, there's research to look into it):

http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/how-to-prove-a-sexual-addiction-239783

[thylacine]

Yeah, last time I looked around they were singing the praises of having a high sex drive as being a sign of "good health." Yuck. I know plenty of physically and mentally unwell people who have sex drives that are way too high, but never mind... we're getting off the tracks a little.