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photography_boi

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photography_boi

so i actually made my debut in the q&a section, but i thought i would officially introduce myself here.

i'm jonathan. *wave*

[insert reply: hi jonathan!]

i'm young, eighteen to be exact. in some ways i look at my age and stand in awe at all i've been through and then i realize how much more of my life i have to go. but anyway...

i am currently in the process of defining my asexuality. i've never been in a straight relationship and i've only experimented with homosexuality. i "came out" to the people i know as gay this past summer and then had my first sexual encounter then too. it didn't work for me at all like i thought it would. i became completely uninterested in sex when i was actually with another person, although i would have sexual drive when i was alone. i have come to the realization that sex disgusts meadn turns me off and if i do ever get married or something along those lines i don't want to have any sexual intimacies. i want to live with a "best friend" (male or female) without the complications of sex. so yeah...

i actually have a doctors appointment this coming monday to talk to my doctor about medications for dealing with reducing sexual drive. "chemical castration" as my father puts it... i'm a bit nervous about the whole thing, but i'm confident things will turn out fine. i'm so glad i found this place to help me answer questions and realize there are so many more people out there.

so now for something completely different and random:

photographer.

vegetarian.

college student.

violin.

piano.

sugar addict.

myspace addict.

the whitest person alive.

listening to the country station...

and ultimately bored at work.

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Whoa, that was a story. I just learned that cake is a traditional offer, so first of all, a piece of :cake:

But why haven't you had any straight relationships? Or even tried that way? I mean, that is seems unusual to me, that you started with a man-man thing in the first place. Perhaps it's just in my own mind that first one usually tries with the opposite gender. Sorry if I'm TOO curious and.. uhm, I really hope my curiosity won't kill me one day. ;)

Anyway, I don't ask about it more /altough it's hard for me/.

And, I hope you can make lots of friends here and have a great time by all means. :)

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Oh, I just couldn't help myself -- nothing is wrong when you don't want to have sex. It all comes (sometimes comes not) in a time. :)

So, why to take the pills?

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photography_boi

MAXINE: there is nothimg wrong with asking questions and i am not easily offended so ask me anything you want. when it comes to sexual attraction, straight is not always the first thing that happens. it might make sense to have a "straight" relationship first because most of the world is heterosexual, but in my life i just never had those sexual desires for the opposite sex. And I personally see no point in experimenting anymore with sex because I just have no desire to.

So I guess the reason for me to take the pills is because I want to lower my sexual desire. I can get turned on by myself, but when another person is there it is a turn off. And I want to repress that desire as much as possible for personal reasons. I don't know how else to explain it...

thanks for the welcome! and never be afraid to ask anything.

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As you told, you are turned on by yourself, but why you want to stop that? Yup, you told me that this is personal and really, I shouldn't have asked that. :D

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photography_boi

why do you keep taking back your questions? just state them and don't look back. get it out there without regret...

I'm sick of being turned on that way. Like I said, it's hard to explain. I hate myself when it happens, but at the same time it happens. And sometimes it doesn't happen, but something tells me it should happen. and yeah...

I've been fighting with that my whole life.

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Well, then I think you shouldn't fight with it. Why you hate yourself because of doing it?

And I take them back because I have never asked such a personal questions before (I mean when someone tells me her/his story I'm not going to ask about his/her sexual life, right?) :)

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photography_boi

i think in this forum those questions might be inevitable... but i see where you are coming from.

Hating myself for doing it is a feeling. So technically I am going with my feelings... I should fight it if I don't want to do it...

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Damned, I hate it that I can't sometimes say what i mean and say it how I can.

So, I'll say it the other way around -- masturbating is connected to which words/feelings/whatever connections you can make? How does your family and friends think about it? Not that I mean you think like they do, but sometimes person can make quite unexpected connections. :)

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photography_boi

I think know what you're getting at. You're trying to say that masturbation isn't wrong and so I shouldn't hate myself for that. And it's my parents/friends that put that mindset of me hating myself for it...

While that may be true to some extent, there is a huge part of it that isn't. Everytime I do it, I immediately regret it. I'm not saying I want to quit it altogether, just not do it as much as I do. It also disgusts me to an extent. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how my brain is working at the moment...

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Welcome!

And don't worry. We have quite a big bunch of gays/lesbians over here, so I think you can talk to them later, if you want. As well, I don't think that your physical drive makes you any less asexual or not welcome here, but I understand it's *your* fight with your perception of yourself, so then who am I to talk you out of trying to get rid of such drive.

Hope your taking pills is successful and you wake up one morning without the depression that starts with "I'm so lame, can't stop playing with myself" thing.

Good luck, boy.

Demosthenes

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not necessarily parents/friends/whatever affecting you. I think it is yourself, that is how you connect and relate things inside of you. And, masturbation is wrong if you feel so. Then it is simply wrong for you. But perhaps you are just trying to replace something?

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I hope I didn't scare you off now. I just tend to be... quite, don't even know, what. When it comes to giving advice I probably just think that I'm quite good at it and overestimate myself :)

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I'm sure he just had to go offline. Unfortunately, we can't stay on AVEN all day. :)

I think I have already welcomed you photography_boi in q&a, but I don't think I gave you cake. :cake:

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I also said hi in q&a so here a welcome and :cake:

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photography_boi

haha! yeah... i had to go offline to go to spanish and sociology class. :D

DEMOSTHENES: thanks for understanding. i know that it's not something everyone tries to deal with and i don't think they have to. i guess my mindset is that i am mostly asexual and i would like to make as much of a complete transformation as possible. and that's the only thing i see that bugs me.

MAXINE: what would you mean when you say i want to replace something? as in the love from someone else?

FOSCO: the answers to those quesitons are hard. i think i come off as a sexy person... just in my composure. confident. i am rather skinny and love my body. but there are those who think i'm too skinny and unhealthy. and sex in general i'm not that interested in...

LORS: thanks for the welcome! i know what you mean... I wish I could be on here all the time. but unfortunately we are only human. lol

AMCAN: thanks again! :-)

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Oh, it looks like I didn't welcome you in q&a, I obviously just thought about it. At least you got a welcome here though.

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photography_boi

LORS: it's alright. i got a welcome from you. at least you thought about it... :D

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I can play the violin and piano too. Well, the piano only barely. But anyways, I, too, hate my sex drive and wish I could get rid of it.

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photography_boi

DARK BROWSER: i'm better at the violin than the piano, although i started on the piano first. i haven't picked up the violin in like a month... *ducks from the pencils being thrown by my previous teacher*

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Why does everyone call me Dark Browser?! Has no one heard of the Mario villain? I mean, I've got a picture of Giga Bowser as my avatar! I'm not an evil web browser for god's sakes!

Anyway, I haven't played the violin in....heh.....years.

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photography_boi

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

sorry.

:oops:

I used to play mario alot, and i saw the avitar...

it just didn't click.

accept my apologies.

i must run...

for the alarm is going off at work for some reaon.

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photography_boi,

Hello and welcome- sorry I got around so late- school can be war, I’m sure you understand. I absolutely love your reference to marrying your “best friend”- why do people think you should marry anyone else? Should the ultimate bond be between the two closest people? Otherwise- you’d be marrying for some shallower reason… On your medication therapy- everyone has their battles. I’m sure plenty of people think I’m very bizarre and on the edge of some boundary- because I look so androgynous. To a foreign group of people I am recognized either as both sexes as frequently, or the opposite sex more. Depends on what I’m wearing. That’s my “issue”. I have no gender. I have a biological sex- but it is completely irrelevant. I am not the product of society’s molding…(boy, does that sound like a pseudo-intellectual rebel or what?). I’ve never been able to be the one I was born into- and I’m not the other either. I’m all me. No one else. I have friends, and they just know me as…me. I’ve always been asexual- though I only recently come to realize the existence of others who are the same. I think that the mind subconsciously really pressures you, when you think you’re “odd”, to completely prove it one way or the other. I could very well be completely wrong, but you may be so torn over your internal battle because you’re driving yourself nuts being disgusted and needing to prove you’re being disgusted and not enjoying it… It isn’t a primitive psychology” at all, in my opinion. I think most of the time people are half-aware that they’re doing this and that this is part of what makes their self “interrogation” so hard. What are asexuals to do? It’s not as if there are people all over to relate to and references. And everyone is different. I completely sympathize (and empathize!) with your situation, it’s horrid to be so alone. I’ve been contentedly reclusive in relation to a majority of my peers for most, if not all, of my life, because of the immediate definition of gender. I was never “cool” or trying to be “cool”. I never hated the “popular/cool” kids- I just didn’t have any desire to be them and thought it was sad that they didn’t think twice about socially branding themselves. Whatever you decide and do- I hope that it ends up being beneficial- and now I must run…adios!

Live Long and Prosper!

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I'm becoming more and more convinced that Mr Spock is like somebody I know. Well, at least somebody I know online.

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I'm becoming more and more convinced that Mr Spock is like somebody I know. Well, at least somebody I know online.

Uh-oh….A bunch of me’s could be the end of the world- a planet dominated by an androgynous race of beings speaking in monotones and never stopping… I’ve been trying to shorten my posts… but I just love to talk to people I can relate to…AVEN’s the only place where I’ve been able to do this. *crawls out of cardboard-box* I’m just so reclusive- yet I have an abundance of useless social commentary that I keep throwing at people like it matters…I hope I’m self-critical enough to compensate for my arrogant and excessively lengthy posts….

To photography_boi, specifically: thereI go! Making all my self-proclaimed statements of being an egotist valid in the eyes of the world- completely dominating your thread...I apologize.... *runs off to do the ever-present schoolwork....*

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Yup, also sounds like something the guy I know would type. And inevitably type a considerable amount for ranting so much. :lol: I think the only difference between you and him is he's not androgynous or asexual.

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