Velma Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 I guess I'm officially demisexual or gray ace now. I actually felt sexual attraction for the first time. It was so weird that I didn't even know what it was at first. I thought I had to go to the bathroom. You'd think you'd know, but it took a few days for me to figure it out. It was so strange. I decided to experiment with this person and it was really weird. Everything was SO different. I'm being vague because talking about myself in a sexual way is really weird for me. But everything EVERYTHING was totally different. Just being near him and not even touching him was so intense I didn't think I could handle it. I think it was too much for me mostly because I have never ever had this happen before. Things I thought were gross were fun and instead of hoping I'd figure out some technique to make things feel good, it was natural. I want to do more stuff and gads I don't want to stop doing it for a while. I'm sure it won't be so intense once I'm used to feeling this way. But right now it's really crazy and feels like a roller coaster or something. This sounds funny, but feeling sexual made me feel more asexual than ever, if that makes sense. I thought sexual people felt exactly like I did during sex, but for some odd reason, they liked it. But they actually do feel sonething super intense and there's a reason it's fun for them. I don't feel like life is better now that I got to feel this for once. I was perfectly happy not feeling this way. If I knew how much I really disliked sex before and I wasn't going to learn to like it, I wouldn't have tried to teach myself to like it. I would have been much happier being comfortable and out about my asexuality. I would have been so much happier single. As comfortable and satisfied I am with asexuality, I don't mind this new experience though. I feel like a tourist in an exotic land. But if I stop feeling like this and go back to my old sexless self, I will be more satisfied and comfortable than ever before about it. I will never force myself to try to be sexual again if I don't feel that way. It's so liberating and free. I don't have to feel weird or guilty about not liking sex 99.99% of the time. That's just who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
KulkulkanX Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 I don't know how I;d react were this to happen to me. I'm 44 as well. I guess it would be great if I had the chance of...fulfilling? my attraction. If not, it might be rather tortuous. Link to post Share on other sites
Blondbeard Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 I guess I'm officially demisexual or gray ace now. I actually felt sexual attraction for the first time. It was so weird that I didn't even know what it was at first. I thought I had to go to the bathroom. You'd think you'd know, but it took a few days for me to figure it out. It was so strange. I decided to experiment with this person and it was really weird. Everything was SO different. I'm being vague because talking about myself in a sexual way is really weird for me. But everything EVERYTHING was totally different. Just being near him and not even touching him was so intense I didn't think I could handle it. I think it was too much for me mostly because I have never ever had this happen before. Things I thought were gross were fun and instead of hoping I'd figure out some technique to make things feel good, it was natural. I want to do more stuff and gads I don't want to stop doing it for a while. I'm sure it won't be so intense once I'm used to feeling this way. But right now it's really crazy and feels like a roller coaster or something. This sounds funny, but feeling sexual made me feel more asexual than ever, if that makes sense. I thought sexual people felt exactly like I did during sex, but for some odd reason, they liked it. But they actually do feel sonething super intense and there's a reason it's fun for them. I don't feel like life is better now that I got to feel this for once. I was perfectly happy not feeling this way. If I knew how much I really disliked sex before and I wasn't going to learn to like it, I wouldn't have tried to teach myself to like it. I would have been much happier being comfortable and out about my asexuality. I would have been so much happier single. As comfortable and satisfied I am with asexuality, I don't mind this new experience though. I feel like a tourist in an exotic land. But if I stop feeling like this and go back to my old sexless self, I will be more satisfied and comfortable than ever before about it. I will never force myself to try to be sexual again if I don't feel that way. It's so liberating and free. I don't have to feel weird or guilty about not liking sex 99.99% of the time. That's just who I am. Sexuality is something more complicated and sometimes more fluid that people in this forum tend to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Velma Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 Oh it looked odd in that paragraph where I said that I don't feel that life is better. It's great and I love the feeling. I meant that I don't think that my life is more than it would have been if I never felt it. I don't want to say that having a sexual attraction somehow makes life better. As long as you're totally comfortable with it and are true to yourself. I think for me, it just made me aware that I liked it less when I didn't feel attraction than I thought I did. I never want to do it again unless I feel attraction. I don't want to ever have sex just to please soneeone else. With attraction, sex is SO much better than without. That's the only way I will go from now on. Hopefully, this will be a long lasting thing with this person, but if not, I won't feel empty or less of a person if I never feel it again. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Now that you know you can feel sexual attraction, does that affect your feelings about relationships? If you stopped feeling it for this person, would you try to continue the relationship? If you were sexually attracted to someone and they didn't reciprocate would you try to have a relationship with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Velma Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 I really have no idea. Probably not, if they still had the feelings. I wouldnt want to deprive them or be in a situation where I felt obligated to fake interest. Never again. I've heard, however that the feelings generally don't go away unless there are other issues going on that are damaging the relationship in a serious way. If that's so, lack of interest is probably a sign that it's time to ship off anyway. I'd never ever try to pursue someone who had no interest if I were interested in sex. I found out that if you're attracted this way, you actually WANT it. So I wouldn't put myself in that position. Nor would I want the other person to feel guilty that they couldn't be that way with me. I've done that to people myself and it's very awkward and makes things bad all around. I definitely would want to seriously discuss things before I got involved. I have an uncanny knack at finding other asexuals and getting deeply dippy over them in a nonsexual way. (I'm not aro at all) I'm pretty sure that's a rare talent because I see people here asking all the time if they've ever seen another ace in real life. Maybe I have A-dar or something. Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 I find this a little weird seeing as in most cases, you either had that sexuality (but, either it shifts (brain changes can make that possible) or it stays that way) or you never did have any sexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
Velma Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 I think sexuality isn't black and white (thus terms like gray ace..) I just meant that I've always assumed that I was simply 100% ace and discovered that I had a tiny bit of sexuality. I didn't have any idea that I had it, so I guess I had the incorrect identity. It hasn't changed except my perception of it has changed. I'm thinking it's probably some gray ace deal, because if I were demi, I think it would have kicked in earlier. But I don't know. I don't care. I don't need a specific label. I'm just me. I think this case is so specific that I'll likely never feel sexual again after this. It's just a one off deal or something. I think sexuality isn't black and white (thus terms like gray ace..) I just meant that I've always assumed that I was simply 100% ace and discovered that I had a tiny bit of sexuality. I didn't have any idea that I had it, so I guess I had the incorrect identity. It hasn't changed except my perception of it has changed. I'm thinking it's probably some gray ace deal, because if I were demi, I think it would have kicked in earlier. But I don't know. I don't care. I don't need a specific label. I'm just me. I think this case is so specific that I'll likely never feel sexual again after this. It's just a one off deal or something. Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 A one-off deal is not enough for identity changes. I can tell you all about stories of people apparently going against their usual identity as a one-off deal because they really feel like going at it and why not. Link to post Share on other sites
Velma Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 Good to know. Thanks for explaining it. I like calling myself ace instead of anything else or trying to figure out what I am. It's comfortable and easier to explain to others. I don't want to be demi-hemi-pseudosexual with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Ace is good enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Velma Posted September 3, 2016 Author Share Posted September 3, 2016 He's an ass. I'm going dormant again. He keeps telling me that I deserve better than him. He doesn't get that I don't care about that. I don't need or deserve anyone better. I want him back as a friend, but he is being an awkward putz about it. I can turn it off. I already did. But he thinks I'm all heartbroken and crap. Link to post Share on other sites
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