Advice needed for this situation involving an asexual relationship?

[LaurenDelRey]

So my closest guy friend, who and I have the most intense feelings for, and been through a lot with, decided to stop all sexual relations with me recently as he realised he thinks he is completely asexual, before this he was sort of giving it a go with me, someone he finds extremely sexually attractive (bearing in mind he doesn't feel attracted to a lot of people enough at all to be sexual with them), to see if he could like it, as he felt his asexuality could waver from time to time, but it turns out he just can't enjoy anything sexual anymore, doesn't enjoy it, and really finds the physical contact side of it quite repulsive.

He told me it was nothing at all to do with me direct, it's not that it was me, he just wanted to stop it as that's the way he felt about it. I have no problems respecting his decision, and respect him more than enough than to get overly upset about it. Although I did feel a little bit of disappointment thinking about how it was only a couple of days earlier how he was telling me how much he liked me physically, and we talked about things we could do in the future, and just the fact that they probably won't happen now, and that he now can't feel anything on the scale he did.

However, the new aspect to this is that he told me recently that he felt like he was experiencing some romantic feelings towards a different girl. He is also someone who doesn't experience romantic feelings all that often at all, like me.

This girl lives at the complete opposite end of our country, he's never actually met her, I'm guessing he's talked to her online and that's how they sort of communicate every now and then now. The thing being, that she was seeing a different guy down where they live, but is now practically with the guy and they seem to get along quite well. But my guy friend who I like claims to feel a bit that way still, although he's said again, he doesn't want a relationship at all, with anyone, for a while.

I get the sort of feeling he wants to wait a while and see what the case is after a period of time, however I just don't understand how he can decide to feel this way, despite never even seeing the person! And not wanting a relationship, and not feeling sexual attraction to anyone?

He claims it's a bit of a complicated case, when to me it's sort of written in black and white/common sense what the terms are?

All that aside, I feel immense feelings for him, I have never felt that way about another person, bearing in mind I myself do not experience romantic attraction or sexual attraction that much, very rarely, yet I've managed to find that within him. We are not at all distant, we live local, we do have a rocky past due to meeting at the time I was quite ill, which did take a bit of a toll on our friendship developing in the early stages, but he's stuck with me throughout and understands that. He has been extremely sexually attracted to me, enough for us to have some sexual relations that lasted a while, and I know he genuinely likes me as a person, he's told me he likes me as a person, my morals, etc. Although, he just can't feel any romantic feelings towards me as again, he doesn't experience them frequently at all. I asked him why he thinks he doesn't experience them towards me once, and he simply said he didn't know.

I'd really like to try and be in some sort of relationship with him at some point. Although he doesn't feel much towards me now, what he has said to me at times would claim opposite. We have been extremely close, we have so much in common.

I'd be willing to be in a relationship without anything sexual with him, or too intimate. I would just really like some form of exclusivity between us, when it feels right.

I really don't know what to do in this situation now, my feelings are everywhere, but I really don't want to just give up on him, somethings sort of telling me to hold on.

Any advice, please?!

Lauren x

[LaurenDelRey]

Can anyone help with this please? Really looking for some advice!

[nanogretchen4]

In my opinion he does not reciprocate your sexual or romantic feelings in the way you would wish. I'm sorry that things didn't work out. I know how hard it is to let go, but I think you should accept that he does not want the same kind of relationship with you that you do with him. It's okay to take some time off from hanging out with him so that you can grieve and get over him and eventually meet someone else. If you were in a sexual relationship with him and he said he never wants to have sex with you again and he has romantic feelings for another woman instead of for you that's a breakup, period, and that's exactly how you should react. His sexual orientation is totally irrelevant here so don't let it confuse you.

[Sally]

I agree with Nano. One person's very strong feelings does not constitute a relationship. Your situation is not uncommon; it happens to a lot of people. It's best if you accept it without spending more emotion and energy on trying to make it into something that it isn't.

[Guest]

I echo those sentiments. He likes you and wants to be close, but not as close as you do. That means that if you want to, you could spend your life misinterpreting his words and behaviors, finding secret clues that he really does dig you, and things will get progressively worse. You'll also be missing out on the opportunity to meet someone who does reciprocate your feelings.

[LaurenDelRey]

Hey guys,

thanks for your replies - You are all pretty much on the same page with this, and its probably me being irrational about the situation, as my feelings are so strong.

I just don't understand why, when he has said he knows the likelihood of something working out between them is slim anyway due to distance, they don't even know each other well, he doesn't want a relationship currently, and she has a BOYFRIEND already!

I just hope I can stay close to him without it all spiralling due to my feelings.