Skyl Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 Have you ever loved and cared for a friend more than anyone else and they affected you in different ways, so strong that they made your heart hurt(never experienced such a sensation before)? Link to post Share on other sites
Deebee Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 Yeah I have, but looking back, you're not always as wronged and innocent as you felt you were at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 Oh yes. Link to post Share on other sites
PeachJam Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 It's happened to me a bunch of times, to varying degrees. When my very good friends of 4 years suddenly started ignoring me, that really hurt. Years later another friend told me they were sad we might not always be friends. They also said they didn't want to be someone who left their friends behind. That makes my heart ache because I can't tell how long they will be friends with me. Sometimes I try to stop myself caring in case I get too attached and get very upset when they leave (which could happen soon as they have a partner). However, that example shows that sometimes when people do care they struggle with it because society makes it difficult for them too. I agree with you Deebee. Just because you feel hurt, it doesn't mean they meant to hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 *disappears into a black hole* :( Link to post Share on other sites
manny-senpai Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Yeah they made me hurt bad. I honestly think I don't have any friends but I wouldn't tell that to those people who I know. I them so much. Sometimes I will be just going about my day now and I will get a headache and my heart will just begin to hurt, Some of them I got really close with and I just can't forgive myself because no matter what happened I know it was probably my fault. Maybe I wasn't just worth their time? Wasn't entertaining enough and was just left to the side like a dog you get bored with? All I know is that I gave those few people everything I had to offer and now I'm alone. I don't think I can do that again. It hurts it hurts it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
a minor triad Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 Yes, and it scared me every time because I just don't understand how I have the capacity for that level of emotion. Link to post Share on other sites
wanderlustbunny Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Yeah they made me hurt bad. I honestly think I don't have any friends but I wouldn't tell that to those people who I know. I them so much. Sometimes I will be just going about my day now and I will get a headache and my heart will just begin to hurt, Some of them I got really close with and I just can't forgive myself because no matter what happened I know it was probably my fault. Maybe I wasn't just worth their time? Wasn't entertaining enough and was just left to the side like a dog you get bored with? All I know is that I gave those few people everything I had to offer and now I'm alone. I don't think I can do that again. It hurts it hurts it hurts. Sometimes i feel like i care about them a lot more than they would ever care about me an that hurts really bad. Your second sentence is exactly what I am dealing with at the moment. I am very scared i will never find an actual friend. :( Link to post Share on other sites
words are futile devices Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 God yes. Happened last year with a friend, and those were some of the strongest, deepest emotions I've ever felt in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
deactivated account Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 wow, Some guy i had a crush on made my heart hurt and burn when he showed up in a place he didn't usually go to.... that i happened to be in.... i don't know if it was just anxiety. but i was standing at the time and had to sit down subtly clutching at my chest. >< trying to act casual in front of a table of my clueless friends. He's my biggest crush i've had so far. a very stressful one. I've never felt that before. frankly i was very scared. sudden burning pains >< it makes me anxious thinking about it Link to post Share on other sites
Casimir Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Yes. Yes. Yes. All the time if I think too deeply on them. I struggle SO HARD to make friends, real friends. I'm super friendly and welcoming, I know this because people tell me this all the time, and yet why do I have so few?!?! Basically the only friends I have are the ones I made in 7th and 8th grade and ONE in high school (I'm a senior). I tell people I struggle to make friends and they all say their surprised and no way, YOU have trouble with friends? YES! Friends have been a struggle my whole life. I have so many friendly acquaintances but so few friends...a person surrounded on all sides by people but still lonely... My friends and I split up and all went to different high schools, and recently we've been drifting apart... It tears me up inside. They are my anchors! The ones that keep me from falling apart! The ones that make life worth living! My most important people! But I feel like they don't see me like I see them. I talk to them or Skype them and suddenly my eyes tear up and my heart hurts, burns, because I realize, they will never feel as deeply about me as I do about them. We will grow fully apart and they will be fine! Yet I'll still be here, clutching at the memories of our friendship, knowing that I will never stop loving them. I cling to them so very fiercely, and they don't even notice. I've tried to tell them. To describe to them the importance of their friendship to me and they reassure me, tell me they love me, but I never see the effort to stay in contact with me... Is it my fault? I know I'm not very good at texting, so is that it? Are our interests not close enough anymore? Am I simply not trying hard enough? I don't know! No one will tell me. All I know is that they will leave me behind, staring at their backs, hoping, begging that they will take me with them, and they likely won't even glance back. And my heart will never let them go... So yes. I too understand the pain of your heart hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Yes, especially when they spurn me for romantic interests Link to post Share on other sites
RobPal Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 All my good friends are either married or in long term relationships, and I see them on varying levels of frequency. However I often feel that they're drifting away from me which hurts me a great deal, as without them I'd mostly be completely on my own. Even though I enjoy spending a lot of my time on my own, there are also times when I would like to be able to hang out with friends a little more regularly, but I feel that I'm taking liberties and overstaying my welcome if I try to see them too much. So I back off and almost leave it to them to contact me, just so I don't seem desperate or needy. I'm sure they think that I've got loads of other things going on that I don't tell them about, but that's not the case at all. I'm mostly on my own and finding things to distract me from this fact. Not having any chance of the exclusivity you get from a sexual or romantic relationship is one of the hardest things about being ace/aro. I know that a platonic life partner wouldn't work for me, so I struggle with how to find a good compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Yes, when I've realized that I'm not as important to them as they are to me or when I've found out that some of them are not as accepting and trustworthy as I thought they were. I stopped getting too hurt by that when I lowered my expectations, but it kinda sucks! I blame TV shows like Friends and Seinfeld for giving me unrealistic expectations about life and friendships. -_- Link to post Share on other sites
Pages Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Absolutely. I've had friends that made my heart hurt for different reasons. First, I'd had a friend (we'll call her "Abby") that I'd known for over a decade (we'd met in 1st grade). We even went to college together. That was when I started to notice something. My friend was losing interest in me. She had already essentially replaced me. She ignored me for the attention of another girl, whom she'd met in high school. I don't really have a good track record when it comes to making friends (people make me really uncomfortable), so to lose her after a decade hurt so much. Then, by chance, during our first college semester I sat beside someone who turned out to be really sweet and friendly (we'll call him "Max"). Abby didn't seem too happy with that. She did everything she could to try to get Max to pay attention to her instead of me. She didn't want to be friends with me, but it was like she was actively trying to keep other people from being friends with me. At this point it hurt, not because I'd lost Abby's friendship, but because I'd wasted ten years of my life on her. Though, on a happy side note, Max and I are still best friends, and Abby is now completely out of the picture. Finally, I had a good friend whom I'd met during that same semester in college. She was kind and sweet, and genuinely worried and cared about me. Unfortunately for me, I liked her a lot. As in, I had a huge crush on her... And she was straight and thus didn't feel the same way about me. She and I were still friends, but we went our separate ways after the semester. That hurt, but at least we understood each other and parted as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
SleepyFox Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Oh god yes. The good ones are when I'm hanging out with friends and I'll look at them and feel my heart squeeze because they make me <I> so happy </i> and I'm so grateful that after all the awful fake-friends things we've been through, that we somehow clung to each other and came out the other side. The bad ones are the ones where it feels like your heart is being squeezed to nothingness because the friends you trusted and loved so deeply turn on you without any warning. ive posted about it before and it's a long, complex mess that spans lik, three years in various forms so I won't repeat it here. I'll sum it up by saying that it started with one friend who turned toxic and that toxic pens spread to their entire friendship group. Anyone who had prolonged contact with them also started with the toxic behaviours, and myself and another girl were on the receiving end of the abuse. Those failed friendships still make my heart ache every now and again if I suddenly get reminded of a good time with those people. All I can say is the pain does lessen with time. And It hurts. It hurts in a way that is so raw you think you can't possibly endure it, but it won't last forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Desmister Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Yes! It's an absolutely horrible feeling. It doesn't happen super often, but it's pretty painful when it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Princessserena Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Yes, and it happens do often with her. Link to post Share on other sites
King Al Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I feel bad because I don't think I ever have... Link to post Share on other sites
UncommonNonsense Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Oh yeah. The worse was when my best friend threw me over for a fuckbuddy, choosing to ignore a tradition we'd held together since early high school - about 10 years. It still kinda hurts. Maybe in part because he doesn't think he did anything wrong, and up until recently, neither did my own family or our mutual friends (largely because I refused to tell them all the nasty details since I prefer not to trash people... even those who deserved it), so friends/family didn't understand why I was so hurt and chided me for considering the friendship over, which just heaped more hurt onto me. Recently, he's been making overtures toward re-starting the friendship. And I'm really unsure about it. Link to post Share on other sites
kaysir Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 It's happening currently. I'd usually try to sleep the days away and ignore my problems until they disappeared, but I might approach the person. They aren't hurting me intentionally, and there's probably something wrong on my side for me to be so bothered, but I hope I can make it clear why I feel this way and we can work something out. Link to post Share on other sites
fatal flower-boy Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 To be really honest, I've never really had this happen to me. I have/had friends, but I'm never close to them. I'm extroverted, but I either find that keeping friendships are tiring, getting to know anyone is tiring, or I just keep them at a distance because... I really don't know. It just happens. There's always some sort of indifference. I like to get to know people, and as many people as possible, but only as acquaintances or friends. I guess having best friends is okay, but when I lost/lose "best" friends, it's nothing to lose sleep over. Just move on, right? It's not like I abandon them either. I'm usually the one who gets abandoned. So, no I've never been really hurt because... Oh well, you know? It's funny because I'm extroverted, I get along easily with people, and talk to them easily, but my best friends are my parents. Like, I love them so much, I realized that they are the only people who I'm really close with. No one can really match the relationship I have with my parents. This is why my mom asks why I don't go out or stay on campus (I dorm, but come home often). And I always have to explain to her that No, I'm not shy (she knows this), I just love the presence of my parents more than anyone else. It's kind of scary when you think about it... Although I have made this one friend last year, and I am still friends with her. I do like having her as a friend more than anyone who is my friend currently, because when I do see her, we talk about our issues and console each other. She's going through a lot, so I make sure to see her to make sure she's okay. She's genuinely a great person (so far). But even if she did something to hurt me, I don't know if I'll be so upset about it... Link to post Share on other sites
fairytalefanfor1 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I admit I have struggled with being over sensitive and over attached to my friends my whole life. am trying to increase my social circle, but also find one or two people I always want to hang out with way more often. I have always had those one to three best friends I want to hang or spent time with, while mostly ignoring everyone else around me and only being causual here and there people I randomly see when we run into each other. I have had a cycle of these close freinds over the years, seven in total so far during my lifetime. I actually have a freind right now who struggles with this more that I do. She literally only wants to always hang out with me and my sister and that's about it. She has a few more friends she acknowledges and talks too, but even those are other people me and my sister are also friends with and often knew first. She usually just talks to them when we are around as well. We have bonded a lot, and she is one of the only two people I have been romantically and sexually attracted to in my life as a gray ace and gray aro. We have gotten even closer because we where the first people to come out to eachother along with my sister, who is even closer to her. She is bisexual and my sister is pansexual. I tried avoiding her for a while because I was scared about, especially because we are both from anti lgbt+ families, but I couldn't do it in the end. Besides, I ended up telling her and she was cool with it even though she didn't feel that way back. I am now no longer attracted to her and only see her in a platonic way like I usually have. However even as friends, I don't feel as close as I used to. I think this limited freinship thing is an issue and I am trying to change it, but she isn't at all. I am also focused on getting through college and getting a good job, but she seems like she could care less about education and career. I think it is great she is into fandoms and wants to have fun, but you half to look at the seriousness of life as well. I believe in balancing those things, but she doesn't seem to get it. All of this is annoying both me and my parents. I honestly don't know how RL express this without hurting her. I don't want to break her heart, but at the same time I can't just set aside my life main or through away my upcoming and already happening progress just because of the way she is living and taking things. I am a bit confused about how this friendship is or where it is going. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamurr Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Yes, mostly because I developed a romantic attraction towards them. Its not often that I make friends, I only have 2 (one being this special friend) and even though I'm humorous and friendly, it's hard for me to connect with people. This specific friend has a more physical relationship with me, meaning that they've always been cuddly and lovey towards me, always calls me cute, and even kisses my face sometimes. As a romantic ace who's never been in a relationship, I feel that I have a very strong attraction towards them, but they're apparently not looking for a relationship, almost showing no interest in having one. Although it's kind of a dead-end road for me, I can't seem to stop having feelings for them, leaving me hurt, or heartbroken as some may say. Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 On 19.8.2016 at 5:18 PM, Skyl said: Have you ever loved and cared for a friend more than anyone else and they affected you in different ways, so strong that they made your heart hurt(never experienced such a sensation before)? Well, I have been deeply in love with a close friend, and the thought that we can never be "together forever" definitely has hurt my heart over and over again, but I'm not sure if that counts, 'cause my feelings were more than regular friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 *still hurting* Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Yes. At least I have become kind of immune to the human disease. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest 222 Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 People disappearing from life does that Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 31, 2016 Share Posted December 31, 2016 No (Thank goodness) but i heard it can hurt really bad.. Link to post Share on other sites
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