Romantic asexuals: Do you go on dates/are you in a relationship? Or have you given up on love?

[Suede (8)]

Basically the question in the title... (:

[Beeze]

I dated once, but that was before I knew I was ace. I had no idea that not-ace people actually wanted sex in a relationship. My relationship did not end very well, but I am still hopeful I can find someone eventually.

[Zerο]

I'm not so much looking for a lover as I am looking for a companion. It's mostly a calculated decision because down the line it's only a matter of time until my friends start settling down and building families, their priorities will change because of that and I'm planning ahead for it.

[Gloomy]

I've never dated anyone and I don't really care if I ever do. I haven't exactly given up on love, but I'm apathetic towards it.

[Anime Pancake]

I try to make new friends but I don't really try to date non asexual people anymore.

Do I think I will have a relationship? Not really. Maybe in the future, but I don't think so. However I do naturally talk to someone if they seem nice so even though I don't try to find a relationship I still end up trying without meaning to lol

So yeah the only way I think I will have a relationship is if I am willing to be patient and keep talking to asexuals for years until I find someone on the same page as me... or... if I am willing to be with a non ace.

[KulkulkanX]

I only have actively looked for a romantic partner for the past couple of years. I've got a good chnce with someone I'm talking to oon OKCupid, but otherwise I'm not looking all that hard.

[traditionalist]

I've dated before, but, like someone else mentioned, didn't even realise that sex was expected. Nothing worked out well. Now I'm, of course, more cautious. I realize that I'm not only looking for someone that I click with, but also someone that is asexual/celibate/sexually apathetic, is Christian, and isn't on the other side of the planet. The odds are so slim. I do what I can to be at peace with singleness, but I still stay open.

[Jme]

I've "dated." I think I can count on my hands (maybe one hand) the number of people I have been on dates with, and most of those were only one date. My longest (and probably could be considered "only", if you don't count high school romances and such) relationship was about six months. Every few years or so, I'll find someone I am romantically attracted to, but it's usually not mutual since it's so rare (after all, what are the odds?). I'll have someone ask me out every so often but I always say no. Should be flattering, I guess, but I really dislike it. Someone asked me out recently and I was deeply troubled by it for no good reason...it really bothers me that someone that I am not romantically attracted to is romantically (and probably sexually?) attracted to me. Blargh.

That being said, I do have an online dating profile. Nothing's ever come of it because I hate it when people message me...hahaha!! I've been trying to expand my horizons and initiate some conversations instead, but I get bored quickly and lose interest (not that there was much interest to begin with).

[Mychemicalqpr]

I also didn't know about asexuality yet in my first relationship. I thought that if I was with someone who didn't want to have kids, then there would be no need to have sex. I eventually realized this isn't how it works for most people, but I'm still open to dating because I am fine with trying an open relationship as a solution with a sexual, so hopefully that will make things easier. It's actually mainly social anxiety/cluelessness that hinders me with relationships. It's hard enough making friends.

[tali.lynn]

Does this includes grey aros? I actually went on a date once, but I didn't have romantic feelings for the girl (this was before I realized I was ace, let alone grey aro) so it ended up making me doubt whether I liked women or not. Nowadays, I'm fairly secure in that - though I guess I struggle with whether I'm "allowed" to call myself lesbian, since my feelings for most women are or border on platonic. However my philosophy is just wait and see, I might fall in love some day or I might not, and I'm happy enough either way. I'm not gonna do the whole dating thing to try to force myself to find somebody, if it's meant to happen then it will.

[dreaminthepast]

I never really dated much when I was younger, mostly because of the fear that if I dated someone they would want to have sex, and I didn't want that... at all.

When I turned 31 I stopped caring (I honestly probably convinced myself that sex was ok and I'd cross that bridge when I got there), but for some strange reason it worked. My partner and I have been together now for almost 4 years.

We do like to go on dates, usually they involve food. :aven: We like to hold hands and obnoxiously cuddle in movie theatres. ;)

[Guest]

I don't "date" and I never *intend* to fall for anyone, but it just keeps happening by accident (with asexuals, fortunately) :D

[MiniVegan]

I'm just waiting to see if my marriage can survive my newly discovered asexuality. We've been together 9 years and married 7. I have gone through a long questioning period. And we talked about it a lot. I thought I was bi. He thought I might just be a lesbian, and that's why I would talk about girls but didn't want to have sex with him. Then I realized I didn't want to have sex at all. That's not what I think about when I say I'm attracted to someone. And then he said it before I could: "you're asexual."

If he decides he can't handle it, I think I would go the route of a QPR. I just need someone to think I'm great and want to cuddle. Or several people, really. But I definitely can't live alone. I'm way to extroverted to survive that way.

[Guest]

Moved topic to Asexual Relationships

Jayce, A/Romantic orientations moderator

[Hooded_Crow]

I used to think it would be very hard for me to find a romantic partner. Because of my asexuality, inexperience and social-anxiety. But I am now very happy to say I am engaged to a fellow Avenite. So hey, it *can* happen :)

[SorryNotSorry]

I didn't give up on love, it gave up on me.

Frankly, I wouldn't bother dating anyone I wouldn't consider as a life partner, because doing so just seems a waste of time.

[binary suns]

I've rarely been on dates in general tbh. I'm demiromantic and since finding out about my orientations I've occasionally been active with an account on dating site, but never committed to anything. I feel pretty bummed out about dating and relationships in general right now. when I look at suitors all I see is a person like anyone else. they might be a little more good-looking or like the things I like. but tbh all that does is make me feel expected to fall for them, it's pressure I don't enjoy feeling.

[Podsnap]

I've given up. I can't even handle kissing and me expressing an interest in someone just seems to lead in the end, to me hurting people's feelings.

[Philip027]

No matter how weird you think you are, I promise you there's someone out there who digs it. Keep being you.

I used to think it would be very hard for me to find a romantic partner. Because of my asexuality, inexperience and social-anxiety. But I am now very happy to say I am engaged to a fellow Avenite. So hey, it *can* happen :)

Love you, sweetie~

[champagnerain]

I'm in a relationship now, but before that, I'd only properly "dated" one person, and that was like seven years before my current relationship. I "dated" a few people in high school, but mostly that meant that they asked me out, I felt too awkward to say no, and then I backed out of it as quickly as I could once it hit me what was going on, lol.

[AmoebaOverlord]

I had no idea that not-ace people actually wanted sex in a relationship.

It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one :D I mean, there were children around. I knew someone must have had sex.. but it was beyond my imagination to acknowledge that people actually enjoy it. Just couldn't imagine it. I thought very few people actually did it.

I used to date. But somehow I just lost interest in it right now. Maybe again in the future, no real idea.

[rhigiblet]

I've dated a little bit over the years, and had a three year long distance relationship (we met online). Eventually she moved to live with me and it was an absolute disaster- neither of us were ready for that, and I was still figuring out my asexuality. But I knew she wanted sex, and it made things a bit tense (among other issues lol). Still, even though that was a total mess, I find myself wanting to date and have a relationship...I'd like to get married someday and don't wanna live alone forever. I just know that I don't really want sex to be part of that. It's hard though because you wonder who out there you could meet that would be okay with that kind of relationship. Makes me think I should just stick to dating other romantic asexuals. There really should be more resources and places for meet ups to happen.

Still, I wouldn't give up on it unless you feel like you don't want that in your life. Anything can happen.

[Art of Matt Eldritch]

I'm in a relationship with this really great girl whose also really into my streaming show. I love her so much!

[JAKQ7111]

I have dated a fair amount, and I do largely enjoy it. Sure, my asexuality does throw a wrench into things often, but it isn't something that can't be overcome. I'm currently dating two people, one is ace-spectrum, and the other isn't, but both relationships work very well for me.

[SlipperyKetta]

This is a hard question for me: I'm only now at peace with my wife's passing, and I don't whether I want to pursue another relationship or learn to be happy by myself. I feel like I already won the lottery once, and there's very little chance of it happening again. My stance is to not actively seek love; if the circumstances are right, it will happen.

[Kai99]

I'm 24 and have never dated anyone. I have had plenty of opportunity to do so in the past but have chosen not to. Pretty happy about that because in my late teens I had no idea I was different and this whole relationship and sex going hand and hand would have probably been too big of a shock. I'm not sure how I would handle it, probably shut down. On to my twenties there were people I liked but I never wanted to do anything sexual with them, and the thought of doing that with them kept me from pursuing anything. Now I haven't given up on love but I do only want to pursue asexual relationships. Being the object of someone sexual desire is really annoying to me and that is unavoidable in mixed relationships.

[God of the Forest]

I've dated my fair share but for various reasons things didnt work out, so as for traditional dating...its a no go for me. im not currently in a relationship, although I do have a crush hehe. I will never give up on love, there will be and have been times where I have felt defeated and torn apart by heart break, but my heart will always grow back more resilient and stronger than ever. :D

[Visenya]

I've never dated but I have given up. I was (and still am) a bit reluctant about it, but I think it's for the best. I'm probably too sexual to date an ace, and too asexual to date a heterosexual men. And I'm still not sure about what I am and how happy I'd be in a sexual romantic relationship, which makes dating even harder (among other things).

Now, I'm just trying to find a way to be happy without companionship. Maybe I'll become a teacher (even though I'm shy and have social anxiety). It will consume so much of my time that being single won't bother me as much (or so I hope).

[Varadis]

I've dated and had serious relationships. I'm certainly not at a point where I would give up on finding a companion. The world is too fast for me to believe there is no one out there.

[manny-senpai]

i have a small crush on a guy that I know right now. The only issue is that he knows I'm asexual but doesn't understand it at all. Well, he understands what it is but he just can't fathom how people can be asexual. He also knows I'm panromantic but complete disregards that fact. I know he thinks I am good looking and keeps making jokes that if I was gay and not asexual we would be able to go out. Makes me feel like shit. Way to completely shit on my sexuality time after time. I want to stop liking him in a romantic way but it is kind of hard. I just try and avoid him now but it's a small place so it's difficult.

So to answer the question I would go on dates if I was given the opportunity but by no means have I given up on finding a relationship.