Romantic asexuals: Do you go on dates/are you in a relationship? Or have you given up on love?

[Touchofinsight]

Pretty close to giving up at this point.

I feel sexual attraction but I have no desire to have traditional heterosexual PIV sex because I don't get any choice or say if the worst thing would happen (Pregnancy) so I just don't bother and haven't bothered for over 12 years but so many people define love by sex and can't do without this type of sex so rather then struggle through this again (was married once) I ironically just say... "fuck it".

[Simply-Me]

I never dated until i met my boyfriend, which is working out for us because he also never dated anyone beforehand either,

he is sexual, but he told me upfront that he'd be okay if we never had sex if it's something I'm not okay with, he also knows i'm asexual

and he doesn't want to have sex until he's married. We still cuddle, hold hands and kiss ( all of which i never thought I'd be okay with)

i just feel extremely comfortable, relaxed and safe around him. He's also very understanding of all of my issues, including anxiety, OCD,

and my sensory problems. So far we've been dating for 4 months, but we both knew it was a serious relationship from the beginning.

We started out as coworkers that got along really well and worked closely together for over a year,

we hung out and went to the movies as friends for a couple months before he asked me out.

He's the first guy that I've ever been attracted too, i still had a lot of confusion and figuring out if he liked me or not

(because i'm horrible at social cues) and I until he asked me out I have never pursued dating or finding "The One."

Mostly because I didn't feel like it was even an option,

when i was older and figured out that i was Ace and i had zero interest in dating when i was younger.

[Arzn]

I've dated twice, i was curious and wanted to experiment the romantic part of a relationship, but as soon as they wanted more involved in it was over. It's complicated cause i have to explan "well i like you, but i don't want sex... I find some bodies aesthetically pleasing but that's all." Then the most common question is "But how can you like me and no have sex with me?" So i do this example with food: Imagine i'm alergic to strawberries, they're cute, i can be surrounded by them but if i eat them i could die.

Here where i live it's not common to divide love and sex, so yes, i have no hopes of finding love here in my country, maybe in another one.

Oh, also, as a girl if i take the initiative (wich is very weird here / even if my intentions are as stated above) most guys think i'm basically asking for sex. I learned that recently! I did approach a guy (who i later discovered is asexual too) and the poor thing ran away, basically. He'll never know i didn't wanted him that way haha.

[CaliJones]

I've been on multiple dates with only two women. Both of them wanted sex, and since that was before I knew about asexuality, I had to muddle through without doing it. They were unhappy about that, so the relationships ended.

I don't seek out dates anymore; I prefer being single anyway. I have Asperger's, so being around people and trying to figure them out is really mentally draining. The last date I went on was years ago, and the girl asked me out. That didn't go anywhere though, since she made it clear that she wanted to have a child, and I don't.

[StrandedX02]

Theoretically, I haven't given up. I had girlfriends when I was younger, well before I knew I was ace (we just didn't have sex) and I definitely have a romantic aspect of my personality. It's not like I'd shut out the right person if she came along.

Practically, I don't think it's going to happen. I'm a good conversationalist, but I think there's something subtle and indefinable about the way I present myself (probably, you know, since I'm asexual) that doesn't seem to stir romantic feelings in women I meet. Which is fine, since I'm also perfectly happy with making more friends!

[Mikasa]

Grey-romantic here, but yeah, I've given up. I've never actually been on a date and enjoyed it. (Except for that one time I had a 'date' with an aro ace girl, she was pretty cool. But she didn't seem to be interested to stay in touch, unfortunately.)

[AcElle]

I have gone a handful of first dates -- and I'm usually not very interested, but I recently became aware and open to identifying as asexual. I try not to think of this as a sentence of singlehood -- I actually feel more comfortable with the idea of dating, because I can at least express who I am, and what I am looking for in a relationship. Before, I just felt weird and abnormal and like no one would want to date a person like this...

I'm also convinced that there are other people out there who don't know about asexuality, and that they might fit in along that spectrum -- only one way to find them, I guess :)

Aloki :)

This. This whole description is me.

I've dated more people before coming to terms with ending ace, but also once since and despite being a short term relationship by necessity of circumstances, it's still the best I have ever had for being free of sexual pressure.

[Nea Rose Symphony]

I've been in a relationship since 2013 but wondering if I should give him up and try with an LDR asexual or just stay with my current guy. He's the only person I've ever dated in my life

[Sophiatrist]

I have dated off and on in the past. I'm currently in a four year relationship.

[0000011113333]

completely given up on dating to the point where i am actively turning people down that i like. whats the point if i know they aren't going to be happy

[dragon_cake]

I've never really been enthusiastic about dating, maybe because I don't understand the appeal of dating strangers?

Even though I rarely fall in love, when it hits I feel it and can't do anything but suffer and question when the feeling I'm almost sure of will fade away.

I always have negative thoughts when I try to consider a relationship in practice since I always feel like I'll be mocked, misunderstood, or go through uncomfortable situations if I were to ever come out as asexual in case the other is not.

It doesn't help that romantic feelings don't really care about what makes sense either....

Even though I want a comfortable loving relationship that doesn't involve sex or having children and just be able to accept each other, overcome difficulties together, and have fun overall.

I can't even imagine what kind of person I would fall for aside from certain personalities and just decide to fall in love when I fall in love if it happens and depending on the circumstance.

[RK800]

I don't really date because it honestly doesn't interest me. I certainly experience romantic attraction, get the warm fuzzies, have folks I want to hang around, play video games with, and cuddle with but I have a very lax approach to relationships in general. I don't completely understand dating in the first place. If one of my close friends wants to consider us to be dating while being aware that I'm not the monogamous type then that's fine, but I try not to worry about the specifics of it all.

With that being said if we're talking about 'going out' type dating I have never participated in it. However I have one or two friends who might consider me a partner of sorts, haven't really asked them.

[Peristroika]

Been in a handful of relationships and enjoyed the parts that didn't involve mashing our naughty bits together. It's also been quite some time since I've been in one. Now with discovering asexuality and identifying as such, I think I'd have a hard time getting into a relationship with an allosexual. With my current schedule I don't really have the time to go out and meet people or try to find and interact with whatever kind of Asexual community there is in my city. When it changes, I'll look into giving it another go but as for now I'm quite comfortable not actively looking

[Whispearl]

I've been in two relationships; one delightful one that just ended up not clicking, and another one that turned real sour. They definitely weren't long term, but enough for me to get an idea of what relationships tend to be about. Based on that, I'm pretty ambivalent to them at the moment. I definitely wanna take a long break after the nasty one. But overall, I see myself being single for life but I'm definitely open to that changing if I think it's the right choice at the right time. I'm pretty "whatever" about the whole concept.

[Andiamo]

I have never dated anyone. However, that doesn't mean I wouldn't date someone if I were romantically attracted to them and they to me, and if they completely understood and accepted that I wouldn't participate in anything sexual. That is unlikely to happen any time soon, but if it does I would be perfectly happy to give it a try.

[news10ve]

I'm a super romantic person I think, but I've always been scared that my asexuality would get in the way of that.

My first boyfriend identified as demi and he knew I was ace right from the beginning- before we started seriously dating- but when I brought it up later he wasn't super happy and that lead to a bunch of other stuff happening.... Point being he said it wasn't the "no sex" thing that bothered him but rather something from the past about himself, and that's why we broke up.

I'm not sure whether I believe him anymore, to be honest. But either way, it's in the past and doesn't really matter anymore.

I would really like to date still, but I'm terrified of something like this happening again. I don't want to give up on love.

[Yinlotus93]

I personally never been on a date. But that's only b/c guys where I grew up were always pretty...terrible. (pervs, jerks, misogynists, hoolums, assholes and such). I may have been interested if the right kind of guy had been around tho. And no, I haven't given up on love. I'm not really looking for it to happen at this point in my life, but if that decent good guy showed up in the future and wanted some of the same things I do out of life, I would be pretty happy to share something special like that.