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What if your not happy about it?


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I keep reading in articles that the difference between someone sexually disordered and those who are truly asexual is that asexuals 'don't care' and 'are happy the way they are' and that is what makes them stand out as a specified sexuality.

But what if you know your asexual - but you do care! and you 'aren't happy' the way you are?

does that mean I'm sexually dysfunctional or that I have self exceptance issues to deal with?

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Plenty of people here aren't exactly happy about being asexual... relieved to know they're not alone, sure, but not always happy. There are countless threads and posts along the lines of "I just want to be normal!" or whatever. It does make relationships hard, especially when everyone around you seems to be so enthusiastic about sex.

In the past year or so I've since realised I'm not asexual - I was simply indifferent to everything, not just sex and people - and I'm actually pretty pleased. I very reluctantly identified as asexual when the term did fit me, but it never really sat well with me.

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Although it has it's problems, the definition of asexual is a person who doesn't experience sexual attraction, so if that's true, you're asexual regardless of whether you like it or not. As others have said, many people don't like being ace and you're not alone Sex is such a big part of our society and culture, that it's hard to be removed from it. In the past, I found being ace difficult, and wanted sex, but that went away for some reason.

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I think it's like being gay. I personally know several gay people who have chosen to live as heterosexual to avoid the social stigma that goes with choosing a same-sex partner. They're still gay tho.

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NerotheReaper

Sexuality is something deeply ingrained inside our brains, it is not something we can easily change. Like how the majority people believed you could change a gay person. While being asexual may have it's downsides you should be able to accept it. You should also be able to be proud because that is who you are.

My doctor said I could do sex therapy if I wanted, I declined that offer very quickly. I did not do much research into it, because I was not even remotely curious about considering it. You can look into that, there are also some medications that decrease your drive.

I don't think you should be ashamed, or try to change your sexuality. Life becomes a lot better once you accept something like that.

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nanogretchen4

Some people will never desire sex because they have an asexual orientation. A much larger number of people currently don't desire sex, or can't have it, or don't really enjoy it, for a variety of medical and psychological reasons that can possibly be treated or worked around. Sex therapists need to strike a balance between helping the many people who want and may benefit from their services but not trying to change someone's actual orientation. Thus they wisely set the self identification standard for asexuality. If you know that you are asexual but are unhappy with it, therapy with the goal of self acceptance and figuring out how to have your most fulfilling life as an asexual person might still be useful. Your best bet is to be clear and assertive with the therapist about your orientation and your goals for the therapy.

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