How I have lived to this date

[faisal6309]

I am from a Muslim country where you are suppose to marry as soon as possible. Because they think that way young people won't practice open relationship with or without consent of their parents.

I have no pressure for marriage right now because of financial matters. So I am good for now. I said above things because I wanted you all to know how it works in this society.

I am not attracted to anyone. I never was. Never had any crushes. I did thought about relationships and sex. I even practiced it because I was curious. People around me were like, "Hey, I am having an affair with this girl. Why do you always be stay away from girls. Why don't you talk about them. You should have a girlfriend as well. Hey, we can help you if you ask." So I did got into this relationship thing and got out of it very soon.

I never really liked the presence of people around. When I was young I use to stay away from everyone. I was too young for them to let me get away from their eyes so I sat on one corner of the room where no one would want to be. I had no friends in school and only has two friends form college. I don't even like presence of my siblings.

I was always an imaginative person. I would imagine different things. For example, if I see a toy, I will give him life in my imagination and think of them doing different things like saving the day. Making abstract art in my own imagination was another things I did a lot. I told some people about my imagination and they thought I am weird. Stopped telling people about it.

I always had doubt about the existence of god. I once told my mother about my doubts and she said to never talk on this topic as it is not the something I want to do. After 14 years, now I am finally letting the god go away.

The worst part about my experience is everyone bullying me. They still do and I show them "I don't care" face. But it was too much for me when I was in school and college. They want me to be like them but I want to change. I am confused.

[sir octepus tea]

thanks for sharing your story

I'm an atheist (don't believe in any god or practice any religion), and sounds like you might be too. And bullying sucks, especially when it's about something you can't control.

[Luftschlosseule]

Hello! (:
Have you ever thought about doing your art physically? Would you have the means to try? I mean, would be possible to work with ... trash sounds harsh. Stuff nobody needs and is cheap to get.
You sound like it could be worth a try, you could show everyone that your ideas may be unusual, but the kind of beautiful unusual.

I was bullied, too, and it helped me a lot to express myself through art, although I am more the writing and drawing kind of person.

I tried everything, but in the end I recognized that I have to live with myself all my life. Yeah, well, I have to live with them, too, but I can't change their behavior. Only mine. So I stopped trying to fit in and became the weird, polite bookworm.