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I'm confused. Help me.


SugarSpunSister

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SugarSpunSister

Hello! For quite a long time, I've been pondering the idea that I might be gray-sexual, but this "greyness" causes me to doubt of my asexual orientation again. My question is... how did you realize and were sure that the term "greysexual" was good for you? Has your sexual side never had you wondering until you just gave up on trying to understand? That's me. There's always a voice in my head sort of going: "Oh c'mon. Remember that guy 10 years ago? You were totally head over heels for him... and not exactly in an asexy way". (Well, maybe this whole combination of desiring someone but then not feeling that way for 10 years speaks for itself regarding my gray-sexuality. Anyway... help!). Also, I never had sex with said guy, although he could and did set me on fire just by kissing me. Another asexual feature might be that I was able to feel awsome with him because sex wasn't taken for granted, even when we were dating and having sensual activity. And I don't know whether I actually felt sexual attraction towards him or if what happened was that I just liked him, then we had some great experiences, so my brain/body/whatever started associating him to that sort of sensual response, so I started feeling attracted to him BECAUSE of an interaction that went well (I mean, the attraction wasn't there first, as a drive, although I did find him gorgeous and I knew I wanted something with him).

Am I being too confusing? Sorry. You don't know what it's like in my head.

Hugs!

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Just my opinion, but your behavior sounds more demi than grey.

I don't really know though, I am not in your head as you said.

Either way though, I think you should be who you are.

Don't worry about the label.

I've had enough experiences in my life that being asexual just makes sense to me.

At the end of the day, nobody but you can decide what will work for you.

Just throwing this out there but you can be sensually attracted to someone as well as aesthetically attracted to someone.

None of those things are sexual in nature.

Okay, I hope some of the above helps.

Have a beautiful night.

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nanogretchen4

It sounds pretty demi to me, too, although a lot of people consider demi to be on the gray spectrum. It sounds like once you started feeling desire for that one guy you felt it pretty consistently for him, but then not for anyone else for ten years. If you didn't start having sexual feelings for him until you'd known him for awhile, that sounds demi. If you had the hots for just one specific guy at first sight, I guess that would be a gray variation

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"Oh c'mon. Remember that guy 10 years ago? You were totally head over heels for him... and not exactly in an asexy way".

Due to the meaning of "head over heels" being romantic and not so much sexual, i wonder if you're confusing asexuality with aromanticism. Asexual means you don't desire sex with anyone; not for sexual or emotional pleasure; even after foreplay. Gray-sexual means you desire sex at an unusual point in time (e.g. after an unusual amount of time, very randomly, rarely, etc.). By "on fire" do you mean you had an urge to go further than foreplay or you just got aroused?

@Argar

Demi is a type of Gray, so...

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SugarSpunSister

"Oh c'mon. Remember that guy 10 years ago? You were totally head over heels for him... and not exactly in an asexy way".

Due to the meaning of "head over heels" being romantic and not so much sexual, i wonder if you're confusing asexuality with aromanticism. Asexual means you don't desire sex with anyone; not for sexual or emotional pleasure; even after foreplay. Gray-sexual means you desire sex at an unusual point in time (e.g. after an unusual amount of time, very randomly, rarely, etc.). By "on fire" do you mean you had an urge to go further than foreplay or you just got aroused?

@Argar

Demi is a type of Gray, so...

Sorry! I used the expression "head over heels" wrongly (I'm not a native speaker of English); I didn't know it had exclusively a romantic connotation. And by "on fire" I meant that I was able to enjoy it more than I've ever enjoyed anything in my life... but, then again, the thought of having sex didn't come to my head, not even at those times. I wasn't even repulsed, I was just oblivious of it, even when I was totally aroused.

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If sex never came to mind then there's nothing sexual about it. Asexuals can enjoy making out. Even if you enjoyed it more with a specific person it's still not desiring sex. And as said, the only requirement for being asexual is not desiring sex, and according to that you still don't, so...

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