can an aromantic be in a romantic relationship and have it work?

[tahtipolya]

just wondering on what people thought, also id love some testimonials from aros who have been in this situation!

[Anime Pancake]

I'm grey-romantic so I'm not really sure but I think an aromantic could be in a romantic relationship if:

1) They are okay with lots of affection

2) The romantic person is okay with less romance and touching than a normal romantic relationship.

If the aromantic person is repulsed to romance or touching I don't think it would work.

If the romantic person needs romance reciprocated the same amount as they feel I don't think it would work.

Everyone is different though so maybe

(Cool topic!)

[Guest]

I have been in such a relationship myself.My partner was highly romantic/sexual, we got along just fine but there were issues that I didnt really understand at the time, looking back at it and that caused issues in our relationship.

I think that its important to tell eachother what you expect from eachother in the beginning and that is what probaly didn't happen between me and my partner.So, yes, it can be possible but note that the aromantic in this case might not always be able to udnerstand what is going on (speaking from my own experience then) and that it might be wise to discuss things with eachother before you go in such a relationship.

And on a modly note:

moved topic to Asexual Relationships

Jayce, A/Romantic orientations moderator.

[no no na na]

it has never worked for me because there was this sexual connection that happens, which I don't understand and therefore am not able to give back, so in the end the relationship would be over with me feeling more alienated than I did before

[TheCat1219]

I'm actually in the process of talking to a guy and he likes me, so we are gonna see where it goes. I'm very clear about my boundaries, and he respects them. However; I will have to yield a bit to maintain a healthy relationship, and I'm very nervous about that. It can work, or so I believe, but communication is a big factor in the relationship.

[MrDane]

Hi, im sexual and to me it comes very natural. I like to touch, feel her, caress, snuggle up with, sit next to, touch her when I pass her in the hallway, kiss, say that i love her, and even make love to! Its a bit like a magnet, i move in her direction.

...but i have to tone it down, because though i feel im showing love and she knows i am, them the outcome is, that she feels im clingy or that her private space is invaded or just generally feels uncomfortable.

The above could also happen in a "normal" relationship! And it can be full of more happiness than frustration! I love her and i physically desire her. She loves me, but it doesnt come with a desire. Luckily she is ok with scheduled intercourse, though she could easily do without, and i accept, that sometimes it is to much, and then we/I stop.

[Guest]

Unless the partner is lithromantic (and thus would be fine with, even enthusiastic about it being forever one-sided and unreciprocated), I don't see how this could work. Since an aro, by definition, can't feel romantic emotions, it would always be a hollow pretense of a romantic relationship, never the "real deal".

I could easily see one of the many variants of friends with benefits work most excellently, though.

[Podsnap]

The *high* of being in love wears off eventually either way. I'm a hopeless romantic but at age 46 I'd honestly be perfectly happy to share my life with just about anyone who bathes at least once a week and who'd be willing to tolerate my lack of interest in sex and the fact that I can't cook . . . and I'm only slightly exaggerating.

[Hobbes∞]

I guess, but...why would they want to? And, why would someone else want to be in a relationship where their feelings aren't reciprocated? That sounds like daily heartbreak to know this person you care so deeply about can never feel the same way about you. Even if it hurts in the short term, my opinion is that it'd be better to accept that in such cases a romantic relationship isn't really feasible and try to move on as friends. Mutual feelings and desires are, as least as far as I understand, pretty fundamental to making a relationship work in the long term~

[Tom43]

A bit of advice to anyone reading this and considering getting into a romantic relationship "just to see".  As a sexual romantic having their partner realise they are aromantic and now having the relationship up in the air while they decide if it's what they actually want, it hurts, it's painful.  A romantic partner will love you with everything they have, so to find out your partner never felt the same way is truly heartbreaking.  So for those of you, if you do truly care about someone and want to get into a 'romantic relationship' just to see what it's like, even if they are showing strong interest, just please don't, you will hurt them a lot.

[Nylocke]

I'm not aromantic but my understanding of it makes my answer to this question a strong no o-o

[Hermit Advocate]

Why would an aromantic want to be in a romantic relationship? Personally, I don't understand the question. I feel that it could only end with the couple separating because they couldn't make it work.