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Could you be denying physical aspects of yourself?


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I wanted so badly to understand everything that I started neglecting food and thus exhausting myself to the point where I simply could not think anymore. Thinking has become like running a marathon. However, once I realized that I need food and drink to survive, I accepted physical aspects of myself and thus started feeling sexual.

I have realized that I am capable of feeling any kind of attraction, inducing sexual attraction and I do not need emotional connection for it as I used to think. Meaning that I am neither asexual nor demi-sexual, but regular sexual person that could not experience sexuality due to not accepting that he is first physical and then mental.

So, could you be denying physical aspects of yourself? Could it be that you are actually regular sexual person, but for some reason you got "disconnected" from your physicality and thus become unable to experience your sexuality, causing yourself to think that you are asexual or demi-sexual person instead of sexual person.

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Since this has happened to you, it's certainly a possibility. However, I think there's still a significant portion of asexuals for whom the metaphor best parallel to yohrs would be realizing you haven't eaten, and not starving for it. I mean, I skip eating when I get engrossed in reading, and don't feel like I've missed anything. Eating afterward still feels good. Can't imagine that it would though if there was no food I really had a preference for; this is why people withought tate often hAve ea ting disorders. (Incase it isn't obvious, I stayed with the food metaphor.)

. . . Ahem, any typos are attributed to my using a table that doesn't keep up well with my typing speed. It segments words at its own discretion.

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.

So, could you be denying physical aspects of yourself? Could it be that you are actually regular sexual person, but for some reason you got "disconnected" from your physicality and thus become unable to experience your sexuality, causing yourself to think that you are asexual or demi-sexual person instead of sexual person.

No. Be careful about globalizing your experience to everyone else.

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I'm definitely not denying any physical aspects of myself. I do feel sexual attraction once some type of emotional bond has formed with another person.. I get horny, I flirt, and I definitely want to do things to and with that person.

But actual physical in-person sex? meh.. Been there, done that, it does nothing for me.

I identify as grey because I'm somewhere between sexual and asexual. Waaay too horny to be in a relationship with a, erm, "full" asexual who thinks boobies and butts are weird etc lol. Definitely not sexy enough (where it counts) to be in a relationship with a sexual unless they're not interested in having sex with me (or anyone
else), ever ..Oh wait, that's not sexual Y_Y

I do actually love having someone interested in me and wanting me - and I Iove interacting with them in ways that mean we can both enjoy that desire and attraction. But if they have any real desire to physically meet me so they can do things to my genitals in any way, and would become unhappy if I didn't also physically desire and want those in-person
genital interactions theeen obviously it's not going to work out because I'd rather play Path of Exile :P

maxresdefault.jpg

Who needs sex when you can be doing that? :wub:

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As people who read my posts know I post this consistently, here I go again: human sexuality is complicated as fuck. Hell, you still have experts and professionals in the field, still arguing what EXACTLY constitutes as sexual attraction and/or what specifically defines "sexual orientation" (i.e. does it include sexual fetishes? does it include sexual fantasies -even though you'd never do them in real life-, etc.). Saying "Asexuality is simply denying the fact that everyone is secretly sexual" is just plain wrong in my frank opinion. Not everyone is "a little bit bisexual" (as one of my professors at the undergrad level stated, which made me cringe), and note everyone "is a little bit asexual/demisexual". Orientations do NOT solely correlate with sexual action/inaction (if they did, well, all the folks that "experimented" would suddenly be bisexual/gay/whatever).

Abstinence by choice due to sociological pressures (friends, family, church, etc) is different than abstinence because of asexuality/graysexuality/demisexuality.

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Changed my mind about this post so deleted. I'm trying (and maybe failing just a little) to distance myself from any debates regarding the definition of asexuality, they make me too grumpy and I yell at certain people and then feel bad about it forever :P

So just pretend this doesn't exist ^_^

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.

So, could you be denying physical aspects of yourself? Could it be that you are actually regular sexual person, but for some reason you got "disconnected" from your physicality and thus become unable to experience your sexuality, causing yourself to think that you are asexual or demi-sexual person instead of sexual person.

No. Be careful about globalizing your experience to everyone else.

Thanks for the warning, but I was just asking in case there is someone out there like me who has not realized the same about himself/herself and still thinks that he/she is asexual.
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Before I started reading romance novels/novellas/etc. (I can't watch romcoms though), it never occurred to me to go find someone to have sex with and it still has absolutely no appeal whatsoever. I don't believe I'm denying anything physical here, it just isn't interesting.

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I've had sex, and don't enjoy it. I'm not denying myself anything physical whatsoever.

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In this highly-sexualized world, I'm not sure how someone could actually not know whether they actually felt physically interested in sex with other people.

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One Winged Angel

To be denying an aspect of oneself means they must desire it in the first place. Yes, some people can supress their feelings, but many Asexuals are not like this and have explored a whole range of different options before arriving here.

I do not see myself as 'physical first and mental second' (more the opposite, but that is another topic) as you put it, and I have spent many years of my life exploring this field and why I am not as others are regarding sex.

Put it this way - in my life I practice indulgence. I do not believe in denying oneself the pleasures of life, whatever they may be to the individual. We each have a finite number of days in these things we call physical bodies. My philosophy is to live each day to the fullest, to never be enslaved by culture, society or what people think. If I want to go somewhere or do something, I damn well do it, for I may not able to in the future - Choose ye this day - this hour - for no redeemer liveth.

Therefore, if I knew inside that I desired sex - I would be having it. If I felt I was denying an aspect of myself, I would be indulging in it. But here I am, not having sex, with no partner no desire to change that. This is because I simply do NOT have the desire to have sex, it is just not there. If it was there, I would not be here.

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WhenSummersGone

No. I see and do notice the physical, it's just not sexual to me.

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It seems that there is not much people here who had similar experience, if there is anyone at all. However, I have a question. Once I finally feel sexual again, I have realized that I still do not feel like acting on my sexual attraction. I encounter women I am sexually attracted to, but I do not feel like doing anything about it, except resist those women. How can I have so much resistance towards women and still be sexually attracted to them?

EDIT: I do not feel good after I resist those women.

EDIT 2: Never mind, I have realized that I have never actually took care of social phobia, social phobia is still present and that is what makes me resist woman. However, I think that I can use social phobia to my advantage instead of fighting it. I just have to be brave enough to be able to not resist women.

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Hi, well for me I know that I am a sexual person, but since I am transgender I have big issues with having sex because of my genitalia :l I can only handle "taking care of bussiness by myself", I don't deny that my body feels and reacts normally to sexual stimulation, I just feel very uncomfortable with the idea of having someone else doing sexual things to it :l I've tried having sex with someone I loved but the pressure to do it regularly eventually ruined the relationship, I've also tried doing it with people I found attractive but did not love and realized that it didn't do much to help me change my mind about sex or want it more... I still think I'd rather handle things on my own when necessary (:

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AmoebaOverlord

What I have just realised is the following:

I first thought/wondered about having sex once I started reading sexual education books, which my parents gave me as they felt incredibly uncomfortable talking to me about it. I loved reading these books. They were like novels to me, interesting, etc. However, I never wanted anyone to know I actually read them. I hid those books, although everyone knew I had them.

Before reading these books I was sexually active aka masturbation - but without any phantasies whatsoever, never wondered about guys or girls. I Started reading the books when I was 13.

At the exact same time I came to dislike sex because it carried SO many possible negative reverberations: STDs, HIV, little crying monsters plopping out of girls which would mean that I'm tied to that person (not in the sense that I would like to be polyamorous, etc., but implying that I'm just a lone fish, or rather a free fish, as I like to call myself). At the same time I also thought that masturbation is enough, nothing else required for me.

I naturally find girls attractive, phantasised about them - but the phantasies were only stimulating when they were based on actual events that took place (I would have experienced these events in real life passively although they were directly happening to me). If there were any urges to engage in sex with that person during that real life experience, the urges usually died pretty quickly (within instants, a single thought like 'Oh, but just looking at them doing this or that is more pleasurable to me than sex) as I knew that masturbation would be enough for me. Pleasurable here means, that I don't feel pain or feel less pain during masturbation. Usually I'm not turned on during masturbation, no adrenaline rush, nothing. So it usually ends up painful to me. Having a phantasy usually takes my attention away - but I find it very hard to phantasise and maintain the phantasy. Even then I usually have to stop every now and then as I just dislike the feeling during masturbation. During masturbation, even with a 'pleasurable' real-life-based-phantasy I could stop at any moment and just do something else.

Also, masturbation to me has always been more like a work out. I try to do it as often as possible, but its extremely exhausting and you usually just end up feeling sore for days. While doing it, you usually suffer and feel physical pain, crave stopping, but I have just enough will power to suffer through it. Afterwards I feel positive about myself, or not. Depends. You usually have to coax yourself into doing it. You think 'But oh, doing this will make me feel better.' For a while you feel incredibly manly afterwards.. but only for as long as the exhaustion is there. then it stops.

Not sure whether that is actually repression. Then again, do other people think about it this rationally? Do overtly sexual people also have these issues?

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What I have just realised is the following:

I first thought/wondered about having sex once I started reading sexual education books, which my parents gave me as they felt incredibly uncomfortable talking to me about it. I loved reading these books. They were like novels to me, interesting, etc. However, I never wanted anyone to know I actually read them. I hid those books, although everyone knew I had them.

Before reading these books I was sexually active aka masturbation - but without any phantasies whatsoever, never wondered about guys or girls. I Started reading the books when I was 13.

At the exact same time I came to dislike sex because it carried SO many possible negative reverberations: STDs, HIV, little crying monsters plopping out of girls which would mean that I'm tied to that person (not in the sense that I would like to be polyamorous, etc., but implying that I'm just a lone fish, or rather a free fish, as I like to call myself). At the same time I also thought that masturbation is enough, nothing else required for me.

I naturally find girls attractive, phantasised about them - but the phantasies were only stimulating when they were based on actual events that took place (I would have experienced these events in real life passively although they were directly happening to me). If there were any urges to engage in sex with that person during that real life experience, the urges usually died pretty quickly (within instants, a single thought like 'Oh, but just looking at them doing this or that is more pleasurable to me than sex) as I knew that masturbation would be enough for me. Pleasurable here means, that I don't feel pain or feel less pain during masturbation. Usually I'm not turned on during masturbation, no adrenaline rush, nothing. So it usually ends up painful to me. Having a phantasy usually takes my attention away - but I find it very hard to phantasise and maintain the phantasy. Even then I usually have to stop every now and then as I just dislike the feeling during masturbation. During masturbation, even with a 'pleasurable' real-life-based-phantasy I could stop at any moment and just do something else.

Also, masturbation to me has always been more like a work out. I try to do it as often as possible, but its extremely exhausting and you usually just end up feeling sore for days. While doing it, you usually suffer and feel physical pain, crave stopping, but I have just enough will power to suffer through it. Afterwards I feel positive about myself, or not. Depends. You usually have to coax yourself into doing it. You think 'But oh, doing this will make me feel better.' For a while you feel incredibly manly afterwards.. but only for as long as the exhaustion is there. then it stops.

Not sure whether that is actually repression. Then again, do other people think about it this rationally? Do overtly sexual people also have these issues?

I feel almost exactly the same. However, when I realized that I desire sex but do not want to achieve it, everything has been sorted out. You can desire something and decide to not achieve it, as much contra-intuitive it sounds. On the other hand, now when I have realized that I do not have to achieve sex even if I desire it, I am more open to actually achieving sex. Well, when I do not feel like I must do something, I am more open to do it.

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I don't deny anything, but I don't claim anymore to know everything, either. In fact, in my current relationship I am discovering aspects of myself in this regard I didn't know I had at all.

I know when it comes to the general populace and the world at large, I am still essentially asexual. Nothing is different for me with regard to that than how it was before. However when it comes specifically to my partner, it isn't quite as clear anymore. I don't know if this necessarily makes me demisexual, but if someone else thinks it does, I don't necessarily deny it.

I feel almost exactly the same. However, when I realized that I desire sex but do not want to achieve it, everything has been sorted out. You can desire something and decide to not achieve it, as much contra-intuitive it sounds.


It isn't THAT counter-intuitive. That's exactly what abstinence is. A desire is there but for whatever reason, you forego it.

On the other hand, now when I have realized that I do not have to achieve sex even if I desire it, I am more open to actually achieving sex. Well, when I do not feel like I must do something, I am more open to do it.


Also rather normal. A lot of folks respond negatively to pressure. Ever heard of (or possibly been yourself) that kid that is more stubborn about doing something they're supposed to simply because their parents kept nagging them to do it over and over and over?

I'm one of those kids, actually :unsure:

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I don't deny anything, but I don't claim anymore to know everything, either. In fact, in my current relationship I am discovering aspects of myself in this regard I didn't know I had at all.

I know when it comes to the general populace and the world at large, I am still essentially asexual. Nothing is different for me with regard to that than how it was before. However when it comes specifically to my partner, it isn't quite as clear anymore. I don't know if this necessarily makes me demisexual, but if someone else thinks it does, I don't necessarily deny it.

I feel almost exactly the same. However, when I realized that I desire sex but do not want to achieve it, everything has been sorted out. You can desire something and decide to not achieve it, as much contra-intuitive it sounds.

It isn't THAT counter-intuitive. That's exactly what abstinence is. A desire is there but for whatever reason, you forego it.

On the other hand, now when I have realized that I do not have to achieve sex even if I desire it, I am more open to actually achieving sex. Well, when I do not feel like I must do something, I am more open to do it.

Also rather normal. A lot of folks respond negatively to pressure. Ever heard of (or possibly been yourself) that kid that is more stubborn about doing something they're supposed to simply because their parents kept nagging them to do it over and over and over?

I'm one of those kids, actually :unsure:

Thanks for your respond, it reassured me a bit. By the way, I have seen from your signature that you consider yourself to be ISTJ. It took me years to find my MBTI type and once I finally find it, it cleared some things about myself and about my sexuality. If you are unsure about your type or you are sure about type but would like to check my almost complete enhanced MBTI system, check this article:

http://aw10-sandbox.wikia.com/wiki/The_Practical_Definition_of_Personality

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AmoebaOverlord

But then again I think I'm just curious. I'm curious about literally everything on any level about anything, sexuality, food, travel, hiking - I even went clubbing with a friend although I previously knew I'd dislike it.

Especially regarding sexual stuff I often don't picture anything graphically.

But thanks for all the nice comments, that helped me a lot already.

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