Gray A's Memory of Sexual Feelings?!

[WAEF777]

Main reason I joined cause I'm Aro Ace and am confused because my cousin says she is Gray A in a way that she sometime gets turned on watching a bold scene or naked people on screen but then the next second her feelings vanish and is Asexual again continuing the same scene. How is this even possible to remember a feeling that lasted a second or two but then completely vanished to a point you ca't feel anymore. Are feelings of sexual that strong that even if last a second, you are still able to recall yet don't feel it anymore with the same contents ?

[Star Bit]

The only requirement for being asexual is not desiring sex with anyone. Getting aroused by erotica is normal and isn't an indicator of sexual orientation (i.e. the thing that means WHO you desire sex with). Yes, you can very briefly physically or emotionally feel something and still notice it was there.

[WAEF777]

The only requirement for being asexual is not desiring sex with anyone. Getting aroused by erotica is normal and isn't an indicator of orientation (i.e. the thing that means WHO you desire sex with). Yes, you can very briefly physically or emotionally feel something and still notice it was there.

Doesn't being aroused indicates your body's urge of desiring sex?;or so I heard. And your saying that physical or emotional arousal can be recalled in the head even if it was briefly experienced ?

[nanogretchen4]

It sounds like your cousin may be experiencing desire arousal nonconcordance. That's where your brain recognizes that a stimulus has something to do with sex and triggers arousal just in case sex is about to happen, even though you don't want sex and don't particularly like the stimulus. This can happen to anyone but it's especially common in females. Your cousin could be having a nearly instant physical response to sexual content without enjoying it or wanting to act on it.

[WAEF777]

It sounds like your cousin may be experiencing desire arousal nonconcordance. That's where your brain recognizes that a stimulus has something to do with sex and triggers arousal just in case sex is about to happen, even though you don't want sex and don't particularly like the stimulus. This can happen to anyone but it's especially common in females. Your cousin could be having a nearly instant physical response to sexual content without enjoying it or wanting to act on it.

That's a very intelligent interpretation but considering she never mentioned her personal desiring to want sex and extreme feelings by physical stimuli but more of physiological stimuli, I would go with the guess of crossword between Gray A and non concordance, only if it exists with exceptionally amazing physiological-physical memory of feelings.

[nanogretchen4]

Arousal has physical effects like heat, swelling, and wetness. None of these effects can disappear in a couple of seconds. People sometimes get confused and think arousal must have been caused by desire. You cousin may assume that her arousal was caused by a very fleeting desire.

[Star Bit]

The only requirement for being asexual is not desiring sex with anyone. Getting aroused by erotica is normal and isn't an indicator of orientation (i.e. the thing that means WHO you desire sex with). Yes, you can very briefly physically or emotionally feel something and still notice it was there.

Doesn't being aroused indicates your body's urge of desiring sex?;or so I heard. And your saying that physical or emotional arousal can be recalled in the head even if it was briefly experienced ?

No.

And again, literally the only requirement to be asexual is to not desire sex with anyone. Masturbatory habits and even arousal are irrelevant. Most asexuals masturbate and most asexuals use some form of erotica to do so. Some asexuals can participate in sex, others can't. Some asexuals enjoy sex (desire and enjoyment are two different things), some are indifferent to it. Some have sex preferences, some don't. But the whole time they still never desire sex with anyone. Here's a thread explaining arousal.

Yes, whether it's a sexual feeling or any other feeling people can obviously recall things even if they're brief.

It sounds like your cousin may be experiencing desire arousal nonconcordance. That's where your brain recognizes that a stimulus has something to do with sex and triggers arousal just in case sex is about to happen, even though you don't want sex and don't particularly like the stimulus. This can happen to anyone but it's especially common in females. Your cousin could be having a nearly instant physical response to sexual content without enjoying it or wanting to act on it.

NO, arousal nonconcordance means sexual arousal and mental recognition of said arousal are not lining up. But it's also used in accordance to people who're mentally interested in sex but aren't sexually aroused or people who're sexually aroused but aren't mentally interested in sex (but the two can eventually intersect), so it could be confused with meaning sexual arousal vs sexual desire. I think this multiple meaning is caused by things getting lost in translation/asexual persectives. The used meaning actually seems to be in the second sentence, where as the first sentence is from sexual studies defining the term. It's also debatable on whether that term can even be used on asexuals.

[nanogretchen4]

If someone has a physical arousal response without feeling desire that is desire arousal nonconcordance. I don't understand your objection in applying the term to an asexual, since most asexuals can get aroused and asexuals don't desire sex. I would think that understanding that arousal is often not caused by desire would eliminate a lot of anxiety and confusion. Yes, if someone desires sex but is not aroused that also would be nonconcordant, but that example of non concordance is not relevant to this case. Sure, an asexual can watch porn on purpose to get aroused and enjoy the arousal, which I wouldn't call nonconcordant since they at least have the desire to watch the porn. The OP describes a very brief involuntary response, which the person experiencing it seems to be startled and confused by and is not into when she has a chance to analyze her feelings seconds later.

[Star Bit]

1) Because, like i mentioned, if the second definitions are valid then it would refer to someone who desires sex but isn't aroused. And while yes, libido has a similar dual meaning, this one explicitly states desire without arousal, so just blatently saying asexuals can have arousal nonconcordance can cause harmful misconceptions (i.e. people who desire sex without arousal are ace). Yes, people who are informed on asexuality would cross out that meaning and know you're refering to the other meaning of "arousal without desire", but there are people who're misinformed on asexuality so that doesn't really hold true. The term is also used on people who eventually experience the two together whereas aces obviously cannot.

(And someone desiring to watch erotica has no impact on whether the phrase arousal nonconcordance is applicable. Whether they do or do not desire to watch it they are still having the same responce, which is the whole definition of the term; i.e. they're getting aroused by things they don't sexually desire; which straight women commonly do; with male on male and female on female erotica.)

2) I also did research and now see where the mixed definition comes from. I was right that it refers to sexual arousal vs sexual desire. The lost in translation part comes from sexologist's use of the word arousal. In "genital responce and self-reported sexual arousal not aligning" it doesn't mean recognized sexual arousal, it means mental arousal/interest in having sex. You may also see some say that it's different from sexual desire, and what they mean by this is that physical arousal, sexual interest, and sexual yearning are all different things. So someone can have their interest in sex activated but not yearn for it IRL. Secondly, i never saw anyone use "desire arousal nonconcordance" or any such variation, and that's including sexologists.

[Telecaster68]

How is this even possible to remember a feeling that lasted a second or two but then completely vanished to a point you ca't feel anymore. Are feelings of sexual that strong that even if last a second, you are still able to recall yet don't feel it anymore with the same contents ?

You know that shot of fear you can get when you think for an instant you're in extreme danger then you're not? Or you're in a car that's about to crash, but then it's avoided? It's intense for a moment, then it goes. If you can remember that (and most people can) why not the same with sex?

[Star Bit]

:D Like getting up to get water in the middle of the night and seeing your dog and mistaking him for a crouching unknown person, then you see the ears and facepalm yourself? (maybe that's just kuz I'm a horror fan)

[Telecaster68]

Yeah, exactly. You should google 'pareidolia' Star, since you're into words...

[WAEF777]

How is this even possible to remember a feeling that lasted a second or two but then completely vanished to a point you ca't feel anymore. Are feelings of sexual that strong that even if last a second, you are still able to recall yet don't feel it anymore with the same contents ?

You know that shot of fear you can get when you think for an instant you're in extreme danger then you're not? Or you're in a car that's about to crash, but then it's avoided? It's intense for a moment, then it goes. If you can remember that (and most people can) why not the same with sex?

:D Like getting up to get water in the middle of the night and seeing your dog and mistaking him for a crouching unknown person, then you see the ears and facepalm yourself? (maybe that's just kuz I'm a horror fan)

Yes but the thing is, the only reason you can recall the car scenario etc is because you are still capable of experiencing the same feel if put in a same situation again and therefore you can recall the feeling in your head because you feel it imagining, but how can sexual feelings be recalled if you can't experience the feelings anymore watching or continuing the same scene or visual, especially if it was briefly for 2-4 second, therefore when you recall you won't feel it because now your brain is asexual and cannot feel it in the head again imagining to even know how it feels? If had been 5 min then one could notice something weird or out of norm was there but 2-4 brief seconds , its nearly impossible.

[Telecaster68]

therefore when you recall you won't feel it because now your brain is asexual and cannot feel it in the head again imagining to even know how it feels?

I suspect you're massively over simplifying how brains work there. From the little I know, it might be that the little 'glimpse' of sexual feelings have set up a neural pathway that can be accessed by memory. But I'm wildly speculating here.

[nanogretchen4]

Or, you know, it could have been an automatic physical response to a sexually relevant stimulus and no particularly strong feelings or really much higher brain activity involved. Why would it be difficult to remember a physical sensation, especially when the physical effects don't actually dissipate in a couple of seconds? If you get a paper cut, can you remember it two seconds later?

[Star Bit]

Are you confusing asexuality with non-libidoists? Most asexuals masturbate. Your cousin is getting aroused, not desiring sex.

[WAEF777]

Are you confusing asexuality with non-libidoists? Most asexuals masturbate. Your cousin is getting aroused, not desiring sex.

She never mentioned any physical arousal but just random feeling (something wanting to do like a weird pull sexual in nature but briefly lasting). She claims to be Gray A , but I've never heard a gray A switching to a complete absence of sexual feeling with the person they felt for in a limited brief moment of seconds. Must say its very rare.

Or, you know, it could have been an automatic physical response to a sexually relevant stimulus and no particularly strong feelings or really much higher brain activity involved. Why would it be difficult to remember a physical sensation, especially when the physical effects don't actually dissipate in a couple of seconds? If you get a paper cut, can you remember it two seconds later?

Makes somewhat sense, but then again, a paper cut feel can still be felt imagining because you are capable of feeling it if happens again, in the contrary the Asexual feeling is a complete absence of sexual desiring feelings from body and mind( i.e imaginations etc).

therefore when you recall you won't feel it because now your brain is asexual and cannot feel it in the head again imagining to even know how it feels?

I suspect you're massively over simplifying how brains work there. From the little I know, it might be that the little 'glimpse' of sexual feelings have set up a neural pathway that can be accessed by memory. But I'm wildly speculating here.

^.. you have come to a near good conclusion, but lets say your watching a TV show Sherlock (my fav btw) and you see Benedict Cumberbadge (hope i spelled his name right) on screen and feel a quick brief 4 second feelings of sexual in nature but not necessarily physical arousal, just light sexual pull feelings or a desire of sexual in nature and then its vanished resulting in you being completely Asexual again and even watching the same scene with the same actor won't make you feel it again, so in that sense it confuses me of how such recall can be done by someone if such feelings don't exist in your system anymore then how would you know what you felt if your body and mind is incapable of feeling and imagining sexual feelings at the moment just like aro aces such as me?

[nanogretchen4]

If Telecaster has a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch this is an unexpected plot twist.

[Star Bit]

If it's just an instantaneous feeling I'd say it's irrelevant in determining anyone's orientation by. If she doesn't desire sex with anyone that's just ace.

[WAEF777]

If Telecaster has a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch this is an unexpected plot twist.

He looks like a nordic alien from another planet. His character as Sherlock is Asexual btw.

[WAEF777]

If it's just an instantaneous feeling I'd say it's irrelevant in determining anyone's orientation by. If she doesn't desire sex with anyone that's just ace.

Asexual is one who does not experience sexual attraction I believe because one can desire sex for curiosity, to make a person happy or any other reason but as long as he/she lacks the attraction, he/she is an Asexual.

[Star Bit]

The banner definition is very much debated. Many are pushing for it to be changed to a desire based definition because people who desire sex for other reasons but don't find anyone sexually tempting can then identify as asexual when that's actually half of the sexual population; sexuals desire sex for many reasons but desiring it period is what makes them sexual. People also frequently misinterpret what sexual attraction is supposed to mean; a common misconception is that it's aesthetic attraction because they've observed sexuals with the same response (but what they don't know is what's going on in the person's head). While you are right that asexuals can have sex to make a partner happy or to get pregnant, that's not actually desire; that's desiring strictly those things and not sex itself. Sexuals are the ones who desire sex for sexual or emotional pleasure, and if someone desires neither then they're ace. Sexuals only desiring sex with someone specific is a grand misconception; largely due to the fact that we aren't them, male sexuality being society's default perspective of sexuality, and sexuals not extensively talking about their sexuality to this degree. But we're not the only ones misinformed on the matter; sexuals used to think women with responsive sexual desire were broken (which actually consist of a majority of women and a minority of men), but now we know it's just as normal and just something women never stood up for before so no one knew. So by defining asexuality we must define what sexuality is not. Also, the banner definition was never made with the intention of it being the only definition of the orientation, AVEN just ended up becoming the main ace website so its definition simply became more popular.