Asexuals, how do you react when someone flirts with you or is sexually attracted to you?

[ShiniTheGami]

If it's light flirting, I usually don't pick up on it. I'm kind of dense and oblivious to flirting when it's happening to me but can usually see it for what it is when it is happening to someone else. People usually have to be very obvious about it for me to pick up on it. I will, however, get very upset and angry if someone continues pressing the matter despite me telling them I'm not interested.

I can't honestly say how I feel about the thought of someone even possibly being sexually attracted to me. The thought of it makes me uncomfortable for sure but I don't honestly know how I would react if I also had romantic feeling for the person in question. Does that make sense? I'm trying to imagine finding out the person I currently have romantic feelings for expressing sexual attraction toward me and I want to say the feeling is kind of starting to move away from uncomfortable and more towards nervous. I wonder if the particular guy also being a really good friend of mine has role to play in this as opposed to being a stranger.

[karbear]

It depends, for me. If I can tell that the person's attention on me is very sexual, then it freaks me out because I don't like people thinking of me in a sexual way. It just weirds me out knowing that someone is thinking sexual thoughts about me when I want nothing to do with sex or those sexual thoughts. But if someone is more romantically attracted to me, or is just lightly flirting (anything more than light flirting will probably freak me out) with me, then I can handle it, as long as it goes slow. It's also kinda hard to tell when people are flirting with me, so sometimes I don't even notice!

[tgif]

I certainly wouldn't mind it if someone thought I was pretty, but sexually attractive? That's just... very weird. First, I'd wonder why they would be sexually attracted to me (I don't put a lot of effort into my looks because frankly, I don't care). And then I'd just be kind of disgusted, I guess... the thought of somebody thinking about me that way freaks me out...

If they're flirting, i probably wouldn't pick up on it, unless it's very obvious. But if someone is romantically attracted to me/very light flirting as karbear said above, that's okay with me.

[rainycity]

Flirting can be fun, if it's like, you know, little compliments, someone paying extra close attention to you, special smiles... But when it turns into physical touches it gets a little gross. One of my roommates was flirting with me for a whole year and I kept ignoring it/denying it, but it was things like smelling my hair, putting his hand on mine when I was trying to hand him something, like, all these gross extended touches... It creeps me out to think about it now. Not to mention getting me drunk and kissing me, even though I told him no...

Generally like I flirting, especially if it's with a stranger where I feel like there won't be a lot of consequences (e.g. never gonna see them again). But I do feel bad because to most people, flirting is a lead-up to sex.

[KamoKing]

I don't really have much experience with strangers flirting with me, either because it doesn't happen or I don't notice it, so I can't really comment on that other than I kind of like the idea of people in the street thinking I look good although I don't actually know how I'd react if I found this to be the case. I'd probably slink away and hope they forget about me.

When it comes to people I know it makes me really uncomfortable and nervous. Probably at least in part because I know I couldn't give them what they're looking for from a relationship so I panic and think that either I'll have to tell them about my asexuality and possibly make them think I'm weird or wrong or I'd have to think of some other reason that I wouldn't date them which might offend them and ruin a friendship. So a mix of the actual attraction and the potential consequences make me panic and I freak out to the friends that I've come out to until they tell me about an apparently obvious way to deal with the situation and I feel simultaneously really relieved and a little silly for getting so worked up about something other people apparently deal with all the time

I don't really have much experience with strangers flirting with me, either because it doesn't happen or I don't notice it, so I can't really comment on that other than I kind of like the idea of people in the street thinking I look good although I don't actually know how I'd react if I found this to be the case. I'd probably slink away and hope they forget about me.

When it comes to people I know it makes me really uncomfortable and nervous. Probably at least in part because I know I couldn't give them what they're looking for from a relationship so I panic and think that either I'll have to tell them about my asexuality and possibly make them think I'm weird or wrong or I'd have to think of some other reason that I wouldn't date them which might offend them and ruin a friendship. So a mix of the actual attraction and the potential consequences make me panic and I freak out to the friends that I've come out to until they tell me about an apparently obvious way to deal with the situation and I feel simultaneously really relieved and a little silly for getting so worked up about something other people apparently deal with all the time.

[n.triteleia]

I suck at picking up social cues, so I probably wouldn't notice until someone else mentions it to me. If I'm told that it happened, I tend to be pretty indifferent. I'll be confused more than anything else, usually.

[Raina.]

People rarely ever flirt with me? I generally don't get seen as attractive, I guess. :mellow:

Though if a girl does flirt with me, I tend to have absolutely NO clue how to respond! It would make me happy? Especially if I thought she was cute. :3 I just have zero experience in flirting back, which usually results in things ending rather quickly and I hate that.

However, I do get uncomfortable if it's a clear sexual advance? In that case, if they're that straightforward, I tend to just tell them I don't do casual sex.

In most cases I'm afraid they're pranking me, tbh.

[oskietje]

I would notice it but it doesn't happen very much or often. If I do notice it, especially from heterosexual men, I get really confused and defensive because I don't understand why they are flirting. I usually find out that it's a result of them trying to exploit me, my time, or my talents, or get me to do something.

[Andiamo]

First, I'd be amazed at myself for having noticed. To the very best of my knowledge, no one has ever flirted with me or been sexually attracted to me. If they have, I definitely haven't realized it or even been told about it afterwards. Since I've never actually noticed it happening, I can't really say what my reaction would be if I did.

[King Al]

Flirt back, and then be like "Yo, I'm sorry dude/girl, I'm just playing."

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

I honestly feel very uncomfortable if the flirting becomes TOO sexual. I've had moments where guys honestly go too far. I honestly just tell the person "please stop, you're making me uncomfortable." And they apologize and leave me alone. If the flirting is just innocent, I just play along.Although, if I'm romantically interested in a person, I feel so damn nervous. When someone actually states that he or she finds me sexually attractive, I usually run the hell away,or at best ignore it.

[JaySexual]

If they were just lightly flirting or something I might not even realize it. If they were being blatant about it or whatever, and I noticed, I know I'd be shocked. Not really sure how I'd react since its never happened (but I think it'd depend on multiple factors like: the person/time/place/situation, and what was done/said )

[TheMartianGeek]

I guess I'll tell you if I ever experience it?

[Whispearl]

I usually play oblivious until there's physically no way that I can get away with it anymore, at which point I politely say whatever it is I need to say to get them away from me. I don't (knowingly) get flirted with a lot at all, but the times it's happened I just pretended to not have a damn clue and usually that gets them frustrated enough to leave me alone.

[CastielTardis]

I have an incredibly bad habit of leading them on! I don't say anything of the sort back, but I don't tell them to stop/that I am asexual. This may be because i am afraid to lose them (if it's a friend), or most likely because I'm too awkward with the subject to respond in an appropriate way. When someone flirts with me (an asexual aromantic), I tend to say "aw thank you!" or something, leading them to believe that I like it or that I am interested, when I don't mean that at all. I also act clueless or oblivious sometimes, like i don't know what's going on.

[coyote55]

I love pointless banter and joking with friends; however, I'm sensitive to other people's moods, so I can generally tell when the light bulb goes on in the other person's head and things are gravitating toward flirting. It rarely happens now that I'm older, but I've handled it by acting friendly, but clueless. Eventually, the other person figures out that I'm either actually clueless, or not interested in having things progress further. I don't like letting people down, but it's a gentle way to let them know that there's no "there" there, other than friendship.

[ggcatlady]

Flirting with me is like telling a joke that falls flat: I just don't get it. The one or two times I noticed someone was flirting with me, they noticed I was oblivious just as I realised what was happening. They just went on their way.

[Nebulous]

I get super uncomfortable whenever people flirt with me, so I'll tell them I'm uninterested as soon as the opportunity comes up. There's a few reasons that flirting makes me so uncomfortable - firstly, I feel guilty because as an aro/ace, I'm almost certainly wasting their time. This sentiment only worsens when the person persists after my rejection with an "oh, come on!" or "I'll buy you a drink; it'll be fun!". Secondly, I tend to feel like I'm being played when someone flirts with me. It's probably an INTJ thing, but I practically worship directness, so the whole flirting thing really makes me feel like I'm not worth being direct with, or I'm too dumb to notice they're "working" me.

[ghost-light]

It depends on the situation for me.

I actually enjoy flirting with others I've known for some time or are attracted to because it often comes off as harmless banter. It's fun and playful - if it's kept light. There were even times when I've flirted with others without realizing (and likewise, I've been flirted with without a clue.) However, once people start bringing in sexual remarks or interest, I shut down completely. It's the moment where I go, "Oh..." and lose interest. I guess a part of me goes, "I thought we were just having fun! I didn't know this is where it was leading.."

[Starlit Sky]

Well for starters if a sexual is flirting with you they most likely are sexually attracted to you (no, not always, but more often than not those two will be neighbors). And people have flirted with me before...I usually don't know how to handle it. For a really long time, I actually thought that flirting was the same thing as someone trying to get you into bed, and that has caused its own share of problems and awkward discussions.

If they're just flirting then I try to just chill and go with it. Flirting is not at all a bad thing, despite what I used to associate it with. If they're talking about sex, though, then that's a different thing--but then it also depends on a bunch of other factors, like what that person means to me, if I'm likely to ever see them, whether or not they seem to be close- minded, etc.

[Sisky]

People don't flirt with me and I'm very glad about that.

If they did, though...

Expressed reaction:

Internal reaction:

[TooYoungToKnow]

No one's ever flirted with me in real life. But strangers have flirted with me online, and I just tell them that I'm not interested. Some stop right away. Some don't seem to understand the word "no" and that's when the block button comes in handy.

[ImaUnicorn]

I guess it depends on how I feel about them.

If it's a total stranger, I feel weird and awkward because I don't want to hurt their feelings but I also don't feel comfortable with how they feel.

If it is a person that I know but don't have romantic feelings for, I guess I'd feel afraid of hurting their feelings or accidentally making them think they have a chance with me, I'd probably try to distance myself from that person for their own good- not because I didn't like them, but because I would want them to move on and find someone else.

If it was a person I was romantically attracted to, I would be okay with them being sexually attracted to me as long as they don't expect me to sleep with them.

[Tainted]

I generally don't notice until they try to push things further or they get annoyed and my friends tell me what has happened. In the past if I was single I'd probably try to reciprocate assuming I found them interesting enough, but that was when I thought sex was something I'd grow into. Now I know I'm ace I wouldn't want to start a romantic relationship outside of a friendship.

[Sibemarie]

The few dates i had i kind of let it happen when i found the boy beautiful, but often not to the point of sex. But nowadays and in the recent years, it makes me feel unconfortable even if it is a good-looking person. But i don't want it to go further on. Usually at clubs or so, you know, they are up to sex. And i am not, definetely. I go to clubs dressed normaly (jeans, boots, hoodies, etc) while some other girls go all dressed up and sexy. I am the opposite, sometimes loud, noisy, laid back and having fun like a kid. They dont usually pick me, they pick other girls. But, when a guy tries a move, i know what he is up to. Mostly they want easy sex. Easy or not, i dont want it. I start acting a bit silly, avoidant body language as if it was nothing with me and treat him as "go enjoy the music dude" and i try as much flee out of there as soon as possible.

[SleepyFox]

I rarely notice when I'm being flirted with. You'd have more luck telling me straight up "I am flirting with you" in which case I'd probably get really flustered and flee because I don't know how to react. All my crushes have been unrequited so far, so... yeah.

I think I like flirting if it's someone I'm interested in? I've been told I can flirt back but as soon as I consciously think about it I'm terrible at it. I mean, I've been attempting to flirt with my local grocery guy for a couple of months now which feels really fast but then I have to remember that my version of relationships moves at a glacial pace.

So I guess it depends on whether I would be interested in the person or not, how they were flirting with me/if they were pushy as to whether I even put up with it.

[SylviaDragon]

Well people rarely flirt with me in real life because i'm such a suspicious little hermit who is not often avalible but it happens online from time to time.

my immediate reaction is "AAHHH! RUN! ABORT! ABORT! EVASIVE MANEUVERS!"

i just kind of get really quiet and ...stop. I have a hard time telling when someone is flirting or not so my first action is to freeze frame and try to figure out if this is real or if i'm misinterpreting. I try to move the conversation on to a safe topic and if the suspected flirting continues I address it.

If its a friend then i will politely let them know i'm uncomfortable and explain how i feel about them/ what my situation is ect. (And now that I know I'm Ace i can explain that too! if they don't already know.) I am apparently really bad at showing that I like someone but if they ask I give them a simple yes or no and that's that.

If its just some random creep trying to make everything sexual then I just leave/block them/tell him to leave me alone. (fight me.)

I did have a few situations where friends starting hitting on me and wouldn't stop. They were furious that i kept telling them no and things got pretty volatile so i stopped seeing them. No means no and once i tell someone that, I don't have much patience for people who continue to push.

Hey, how do other aces "flirt" (show their interest/affection) anyway?

[cavalier080854]

Like many others here, I have been unable to pick up the signs. I was sat next to a girl for 2 years in state school and didn't spot it. At that time I didn't know that I was asexual and tried to consummate it and failed twice, and was ridiculed for failure. Ahh the innocence of youth. As for later and a more mature life (30's onward), this has happened on a couple of occasions, and with women who knew that I was asexual. I stopped it, and there was embarrassment all around, but no lingering damage to friendships.

[fissiparity]

I've never flirted with anyone and actually despise this sort of human behaviour as it's insincere and marks people out for being treated differently than others. Flirting isn't required in the animal kingdom and should be eliminated from human social interaction.

[Guest]

I've never been aware of it happening.

It's not very likely that it ever has.