Asexuals, how do you react when someone flirts with you or is sexually attracted to you?

[Novine]

Like someone else said, I dislike tension between people. It can get quite uncomfortable. I usually just tell that I am already involved with someone. Sigh...why does everything have to be about sex?

[0000000]

Hey all, first post. Figured I'd ask here instead of starting a new thread.

I'm 16M and asexual.I've spoken to a close friend (she knows I'm asexual) and she told me that I've been crushed on, or someone's tried to "make a move" - more than once. I haven't noticed, and apparently some of the girls were hurt.

Apparently this is the age where mostly everyone starts dating (and having "firsts") and I'm not interested at all - however, I don't feel secure/confident enough to publicly announce my asexuality... Is there a way I can recognize if I'm being hit on / if someone's into me, so I can; for lack of a better term; defuse the situation?

Sorry for the wall of text, and have a great day!

[Ashmedai]

Flirting is just one of those thing I'm mostly oblivious to. Works for me, I at least have less crap to deal with.

[Firefighter93]

I tend to not realize if people are flirting with me. For instance, a guy in my class asked for my number so I agreed, thinking we could share notes for class if needed. It was only when he asked about my plans for a Friday that I realized what was going on and quickly informed him I was unavailable. lol

[Podsnap]

I experience the same romantic feelings as anyone else and I'd love to date and even get married but I tend to shy away from all that because it seems like it always just ends up with me hurting someone's feelings or everything getting weird when eventually, of course, the other person wants to take it further than *just friends*. I can't even handle kissing. It makes me want to gag. Trying to explain is a waste of time. No one understands and attempts at it-isn't-personal-I-just-don't-happen-to-like-sex conversations, don't go well. So to answer the question, I react, I guess, by tending to avoid the opposite sex.

[Dajan]

I tell them I'm not interested in a relationship right now because I just rather avoid explaining myself.

[ClockworkChemistry]

I have never been able to notice when I'm being flirted with. Or that my actions on occasion have been seen as flirting just because I got comfortable enough with someone to be able to sit close to them and be really nice to them. Like once I was sharing a desk with a female friend for lunch and she starts rubbing my leg with her foot. Me thinking "she wants my attention", just look at her, smiling so she can talk. This was apparently the wrong thing to do as she thought I was accepting her flirting. I didn't know any of this till another female friend filled me in. I felt so bad for not noticing. Im sorry for so much text.

[RB-Louise]

Honestly, I can't really tell. I'm not even sure if anyone ever has flirted with me.

But if I knew somebody was flirting with me for sure, I'd probably be weirded out. And wondering why.

[garden]

Me, I would just ask them, or myself, why? The very concept of attraction confuses me, not to mention romance in general. How do people know if they are attracted to other people? How do they know if the other people is attracted to you?

[Hermit Advocate]

First of all, I would congratulate myself for recognizing that someone is flirting with me. Then I would panic and think to myself "what if they're not really flirting with me and I'm reading too much into it?" Depending on how the conversation/flirting goes I would politely inform them that I'm not interested and then proceed to power walk away and hope that I never run into that person again in my life.

[WhenSummersGone]

I'll probably miss it unless I like them and I would think it's romantic, like them wanting to date me, rather than something sexual.

[UncommonNonsense]

If it's mild, I won't even notice. I'm really, really bad at picking up on social cues and unspoken meanings. Since I'm very literal, I often miss subtext, especially meanings meant to be conveyed by body language or vocal tone due to being autistic.

If it is very obvious, I will usually find it creepy (the more overt, the creepier it is) and I will do everything I can to get away from that person as quickly as possible without causing a scene. Not causing a scene, however, is optional - if the person gets really pushy, I will cause as big a scene as I have to in order to get him away from me.

[Jellywish]

If I think they are trying to flirt or being way to friendly after the first encounter I instantly get cold in my approach or at least cooler because I kind of panic, I don't really like the feeling of others being sexually attracted to me. I think part of it is because I'm usually pretty good at reading people, but when sexual attraction is involved I have no clue what really motivates them in interaction because I've never experienced that myself. Also, it's quite scary when someone seems to expect of you something you're not capable of giving and also possibly can get hurt if you try but it doesn't work out. You can't win. So yeah, fleeing situation asp is usually my tactic.

Recently tho this has happened a lot with friends friends which complicates stuff...

[Sir Robbins]

I've been so distant from members of the opposite sex I don't even know what flirting would be like anymore.

[Suede (8)]

Hi, I'm not exactly asexual but I thought I might reply xD My reactions usually are: I think the person is joking, I feel a little uncomfortable, I'm a bit curious maybe if I find them interesting... but my mind is always in "no way this is going to happen" mode, and if I end talking to this person a lot and feel like I like him/her I just tell them I'm transgender and the problem solves itself because 99% of the time they lose interest after that (:

[idrisgallifrey]

I feel very uncomfortable when it happens and I can't get away fast enough. Especially when the person tries to touch me, like you know, arm around your shoulders or gets real close to me and invades my personal space.

https://i.imgflip.com/r270y.gif

[Svete]

Well sometimes i see some guys who are staring at me and if they look good it makes me feel happy and beautiful.Everybody reacts differend but i think if he should try to come closer or touch me i could feel like he comes in my private space,like attacked by him or something like this.But in these situations i learned that u need to smile and act normal and if that person annoy you or you feel that you don't want to let him/her get closer you can leave that place.Nobody can force you to stay or interact with someone you don't like or don't feel good about him. ^_^ ^_^

[MiniVegan]

I used to love flirting. It made me feel so pretty. And then I learned that people might be sexually attracted to me and that may be what motivates the flirting. So now, I feel super weird about it.

But then I think that my awareness hasn't changed anything except my perception of what might be going on in the person's head. So basically, since I'm so new to the idea that people see me in the hall in our apartment and that might be all it takes for someone to be interested in having sex with me, I'm thinking the whole thing to death.

Sexual attraction creeps me out, basically. Like, why? But if you just think I'm pretty and would be fun to talk to, I'd be ok. But now I can never know that people aren't thinking about me like that(sexually). And that feels unsafe to me.

[Yinlotus93]

When some guy hits on me or gawks (like a moron), I usually feel both uncomfortable and then typically REALLY angry. It sort of feels like I've been devalued in a way, since I don't know them but suddenly they think I'm 'fascinating' enough to show an interest in me. I'll usually react either by being polite/neutral to them and then pretty much walk away. Other times I'll become cold and show I'm openly distrusting of them, depending on how they went about showing their interest. I can't stand being called "beautiful" or anything superficial like that. It actually makes the anger I hold back about it kind of grow inside. I don't always like that I have that reaction, but on some level it feels like being judged by a guy as a potential 'option' based on nothing more than the way I look makes me feel like I'd been openly disrespected and treated like a 'thing' rather than a person.

[HeWhoSingsAmongTheStars]

Usually I'm pretty oblivious, but if I do notice it (AKA it's creepily obvious or someone else tells me about it) I freak out and try to avoid that person as much as possible. Knowing that there is someone who is thinking about me in a sexual manner just makes me feel unsafe :( There was this one time when this black dude moved into the apartment across from mine and every time- without fail- when I walked by to get to my apartment, he would catcall and ask me out on dates (it was summer and he had a couch set up outside his window that he would just sit on). I ended up feeling so freaked out and terrified that I could barely leave my apartment and it wasn't until my next roommate moved in that I started feeling safe enough to go out.

[JaySpurs]

Don't really notice when people are flirting with me and I don't really notice when I am flirting with other people. Has caused quite a bit of confusion over the years :lol:

[Éadweard]

Well it happened today and I just kept saying "um" after everything they said. Smooth.

[Batterysoup]

I tend to either ignore it or get all nervous and polite which only seems to make them think i like them :redface:

[Janus the Fox]

I can't tell and it often goes reciprocated. Other's may point that out to me later for which I don't think nothing more about it. I've been told it maybe one of a number of characteristics being within the autism spectrum than it being an asexual trait..

[Salted Karamel]

Some rando on the street? Annoyed. Where do people get off hitting on me when I have put out zero signals indicating that I'm interested? Presumptuous assholes thinking I'm someone who's going to be told how to feel just because I'm a girl and they're a guy and they think that's the way of things. I consider it to be an act of hostile aggression and I will react accordingly.

If it's someone at a party or a mutual friend or someone that I'm making an effort to befriend, I'll be a little more considerate about them getting their signals mixed up and I think I have been kind and respectful about turning down that sort of attention. I may even consider them if I think they seem like someone I could date, but since I'm not attracted to anyone, it's hard to tell if I would ever want more than friendship with them.

[Tholomyes]

I can't be sure I'd even notice, and most likely, if I did, I'd second guess myself about it.

Let's say I picked up on it and was sure I was interpreting things right, though: What would my response be then?

I think it would honestly depend; if it were purely sexual attraction, I'd probably (somewhat awkwardly) try to let them down gently.

However if it was a mix of sexual and romantic attraction, and it was someone I felt I might be romantically attracted to, I might test the waters to see where it leads. If I manage to get a date, I'd probably mention my asexuality fairly early, to make sure that's not a huge dealbreaker, but I don't really have a problem with other people being sexually attracted to me (not that I'm the most 'sexy' person, anyway), just as long as they don't have a problem with the fact that I won't feel the same way.

[tpbosh38]

I'm usually oblivious to people flirting with me and tend to ignore any and all advances. However if someone were to physically flirt with me, touch me (it happens frequently) on the shoulder, arm, waist/hips, etc. I tend to freak out and quickly pull away from them. I don't enjoy physical context (of any kind) from strangers and it takes me quite a bit to warm up to even the barest physical contact with those I love (friends, family, relationships, etc).

[Sylvastor]

Totally oblivious unless it's really obvious.

I'm not touch-repulsed, but I want my personal space to be respected, so if someone would break that unwritten rule, I'd automatically pull away and take distance, as a consequence probably scaring whoever attempted to flirt off. So for physical flirting, I'm a mood killer, for word-based flirts I'm just oblivious unless it's not really subtle. In most cases, when it's subtle enough for me not to notice, I'll likely just go and ask myself "why was that person this friendly" and explain it in a way that totally ignores the possibility of flirting, usually with "just joking". That's just how I roll, probably partly because of bad experiences with peers, so I can find it hardly believable they'd be doing that at times.

The only way I ever found our this thing happened and that I was missing out on signals or similar is because of someone else (like my family) telling me and meaning it. :P

I'll just "blame" Aspergers for it. :lol:

I actually don't really mind someone doing it when I don't have anything better to do and they respect my personal space (and makes it obvious enough for me to notice), but for me to react on it, I'd have to be interested in the person to begin with I guess. In a way, it can boost selfconfidence a bit that someone finds you interesting enough to even attempt it. :lol:

I would be annoyed if the person does it in a clingy or very intrusive way and doesn't respect any "no, thanks" though.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

It is very, very rare that someone I find physically attractive flirts with me. Usually women to whom I am not attracted are that forward in their interest. I politely thank them then change the subject or walk away. In the case of a stalker situation (I've had my share of those), I simply let them know to cut the crap as it is not in the cards.

On a few occasions, I have had men express indicators of interest. I am not attracted to men so the feeling is a mixture of flattery and confusion. The confusion comes in when I wonder if there is some vibe I am giving off to make me "approachable" in the eyes of other men.

Generally, those handful of women I find attractive are the type that must be approached first.

[levelskid]

Depends on the person and how they do it. I'm probably one of the rare few that finds that flattering.