Asexuals, how do you react when someone flirts with you or is sexually attracted to you?

[AmandaD]

it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and i will usually try to steer the conversation to a safer topic. If i think someone is going to start flirting with me, i avoid them. It just creates a lot of anxiety and uncomfortable feelings inside.

[=NolePtr]

I don't react. I try to ignore it. But if its something as obvious as a crush I hate just ignoring it because it hurts them. I seriously have no idea to do about that when its repetitive and obvious REALLY interested.

[henshin]

It depends on a couple of things. When I'm in a relationship I can kind of just enjoy it and be a bit flirty back because its 'safe' and I don't run the risk of actually being in a sexual situation with them. If I'm single, then I kind of get a bit shy and flirty but will generally stop either find a reason to leave at some point or tell them I'm asexual.

If I'm not interested in the person at all then I can be super awkward and not know what to do.

It got a lot easier to deal with when I finally understood that I was asexual and I didn't have to make up excuses not to sleep with people.

[henshin]

WHEN WILL SOMEONE FIX THIS WEBSITE

[Homer]

Haha, nope. Not gonna happen. Even trying to imagine such a situation is making me chuckle I just wouldn't believe it. They probably lost at a truth or dare game or something.

[Sunset cloud]

I notice people in stores and other mass crowds looking at me with interest sometimes. My reaction to this is that I process it my head and then feel really embarrassed that I am have such a robotic response.

When talking to some one and I notice attraction I generally keep talking in a friendly tone, but I am sure there is a noticeable pause when I first notice it. It then get quiet for a few minutes. After that I continue talking because I like talking so much.

[Hermit Advocate]

Screech like a pterodactyl until they get freaked out and run away.

[six-or-one]

Nobody has ever flirted with me. Older people have said I was 'nice', etc. but I think they were saying it as if to a child.

[Xarixian]

If I manage to pick up on it, I usually ignore it and just stay polite and friendly depending on how they're flirting. I mean I still don't really understand it so half the time unless it's made very obvious then I just won't notice.

If it's too overt I'll get very uncomfortable and make my excuses to get out of there. Unless it's someone I know and then I will continue to ignore. Lalala. It's not happening if I don't acknowledge it, right? This is pretty much the same method regardless of whether I like the person in return or not to be honest (you can tell I'm a social butterfly).

But basically I like to pretend I've no idea what's going on and then I can just dance away from these people with no bad feeling. That or I end up accidentally entertaining it and then having to give the person my number because 'my phone doesn't work' apparently isn't a valid answer and then just ignore all calls and texts for about a week until it's safe again.

[Clumsy Fairy]

I would most likely just give their guide dog half of my sandwich and quietly sneak off.

[SaturnOOO]

So I am now in my early 30s and have just recently started to be able to pick up on this... sometimes. Usually it would hit me all at once when they did or said something REALLY obvious and then I'd kind of freak out and be completely awkward/ make them feel back / make myself feel like a complete social numbskull. I still struggle with what to do because I truly do like talking to people and getting to know them if they seem interesting, but I haven't found a way to consistently signal that I'm just not interested in them sexually. I've had a couple times when I've just gotten in WAY too deep and ended up sort of going completely MIA because I didn't know how to just tell them that they're a cool person but I'm just not interested in them in that way. So yeah... still pretty much awkward and hopeless. I have even had conversations with sexual friends who enjoy going and flirting/ getting numbers with no intention of actually following up, and they seem to have no issue whatsoever just not getting into it with people who don't interest them. I still haven't figured that skill out!

[Sage Raven Domino]

Heh, it depends on whether the admirer is OK with giving me enough cash to overcompensate me for the suffering caused by them. #NothingSacred

[jadetyger]

Sometimes, I don't know they are flirting with me. Otherwise, it's...awkward. I'm never sure how to respond. 

[Laplace]

Honestly, I find that I'm completely oblivious to this stuff. I'm 22 years old and it just doesn't even occur to me that someone would actually find me attractive enough to try to get together with me. Like if someone compliments me (it's usually on smarts more than anything else so it's hard to tell if it's flirting, flattery, or a plain compliment), I'm just like, "Oh. Thanks I guess. " I hope I haven't angered anyone I know/knew. I'd need to be beaten over the head to even realize that someone thinks that way about me. Then again, I could just be naive cause I've never been in a relationship before.

[Forever Puppy]

If someone is being forward with me I tell them I have a boyfriend or I'm a lesbian, depending on whichever I feel like saying that day! If they're nice about it I also lie and say I'm in a relationship. If it's someone I know then I may or may not tell them I'm ace depending on whether I think they're going to accept that or not, luckily everyone I've told has been very nice and understanding. If I don't feel that they will take it well I just say I'm super busy with school and I don't have time to devote to a relationship, which is true, school consumes my entire life (I'm in grad school). I find it nice if someone thinks I'm pretty, but if someone thinks I'm sexy or hot I get extremely weirded out and start stammering and acting like I'm having a stroke, just kidding, but that's how I feel like I'm acting! I don't really understand how people find me attractive in that way, my brain doesn't process it well because I don't personally experience it. I immediately think about that pimple I popped on my forehead and how awkward and weird I am, lol! Actually, I don't really have acne anymore so I'm good on that! I'm still really weird and am prone to going off about esoteric, obscure neuroscience crap that no one understands, hehe!

sorry, that was kinda long 

[Jemima]

I've had a lot of creeps try it on with me, guys would pretend to be friendly or nice to me but I know that more often than not, they're after one thing. I get asked for my number a lot in the world of my work, they ask for my business card even though my line of work has nothing of interest to them. 

I blank them or pretend not to have heard or walk off. Sometimes it's a 'no' and men tend to be shocked when I say a single syllable 'no'. 

I was at a conference a few days ago and at least 3 men tried it, and one even knocked on my hotel room door, I just did not answer. He continued, I opened the door and shouted out loud 'will you just go away?' and he was speechless and walked off.

It's sad that good guys who would respect a girl and not see her as a sexual plaything are rare.

[PanPan]

I can't usually tell, in part because I so rarely talk to strangers (or let them talk to me, usually ignore them). If I do notice, then if anything I'll assume they're telling a joke. Or saying it sarcastically. Or... Idk. Just not flirting with me. Please do not do that with me.

I do remember once a guy asked me out while I was kayaking with him and a bunch of others. I stared at him for a couple seconds before it hit me what had happened and shakily declined him.

[Summerchild]

like a few people here im a bit dense when it comes to this but its mainly cos i am quite friendly to begin with. my friend will point this out if the situation is to a point where they think i should know. If its just a few comments i dont mind but if it escalates i try to ease my lack of interest into the situation. i normally goes down well.

[NerdGuy32]

9 times out of 10, I'm probably not even aware flirting is happening. 

[DemiMarie]

Like almost everyone here I don't pick up on flirting. Once I went to an LGBT+ meeting and this girl and I were chatting almost the whole day and at the end she said: "dude I keep flirting with you, but you're just not responding." whoops. I also went to America and was at a house party (parties are very different in the netherlands) and suddenly a lot of guys were trying to get my attention. I became so overwhelmed and stressed that I sat down on the couch. Some time later a guy started just chatting with me and it wasn't until he said: "I'm gonna be honest with you, have you ever been kissed by an American?" that I realised it hadn't been chatting, but flirting. 

So yeah, my reaction most of the time is not noticing or feeling uncomfortable if I do notice. 

[Nidwin]

I don't mind as long as it remains playfull without any real expectations. One good thing with women is that they do understand when no, means no, most of the time.

[Fluffy Dragon]

I just kinda make this awkward face.. Laugh nervously.. Then leave and the make up some excuse as to why I can't see that person again..

[SweetieBot]

I'm that person who is completely oblivious. The two times I've realized someone was flirting I either got told afterwards (and then argued with them about it for a while because I didn't believe it) or it got made very blatantly obvious (aka: he asked for my number and I laughed then he asked again and I realized he was serious...).

Luckily both times it was not someone I was going to have to see on a consistent basis in the future.

[fatal flower-boy]

Stay in your lane.

 

[Mor]

Generally I'm not very observant when it comes to flirting, but I've been flirted with and asked out once before. It makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed and shocks me, and I will freely admit that when I was asked out I didn't react well and buried my head in the sand, something which I'm not proud of. I wasn't rude to them, but I could have probably handled the situation better.

[Sparrow of Spring]

This post has been deleted.

[Hermit Advocate]

It's always awkward when my friends accuse me of flirting with guys, for example a cashier. They say that I was flirting with them but I though I was simply being a nice and polite human being. I'm so confused.

[Ayu]

Apparently it's not so common 'round here, but I'm actually a pretty receptive person

 

Pinpointing the actual behaviours might be tricky, but since I was young I noticed some people acted differently when they were around me and I knew what it meant. It usually makes me really uncomfortable and anxious, which people often mistake as shy interest, but with time I've learned to just ignore their efforts. Generally speaking, if somebody is flirting casually and you don't reciprocrate then they will give up. Like, there's a girl at work which is pretty flirty with me, but I just talk with her as I would with anybody else and when she sees nothing is happening she leaves quietly. She probably thinks I'm just oblivious because she keeps trying, but I'm sure one day she'll give up; and I'm not being mean-spirited or anything so I know she won't be hurt.

[Acebow]

Hahaha, it's so cool to read y'all's reactions since they so mirror my own and I used to think I was all alone in feeling this way! I definitely agree with feeling disturbed by the idea of someone finding me sexually attractive. It's uncomfortable because I don't necessarily relate myself to sex, so someone wanting sex with me feels like someone wanting me for something that isn't me. I've had several serious crushes on sexual people in my life and I think (though I go through emotional trauma about it lol) its a saving grace that they don't like me back. I can't imagine having to deal with them actually wanting a sexual relationship with me. 

[Riddley]

On 8/14/2016 at 11:49 PM, Prisma said:

I usually don't notice (or sometimes ignore) being flirted with until an actual invitation for a date. At that point I either say I'm not interested in a relationship, or if I feel like trying, I explain that I'm asexual, that there's no sex or makeouts to expect in this relationship, and then see if they still want a date. They usually don't.

This is what happens with most of us and doesn't make me feel any alienated to human species except I don't say that I'm asexual.