Jump to content

Asexuals, how do you react when someone flirts with you or is sexually attracted to you?


Recommended Posts

Just curious as to what it's like when someone approaches you in those ways.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Just curious as to what it's like when someone approaches you in those ways. What are your internal or expressed/verbal reactions?

Link to post
Share on other sites
ItWasNiceKnowingYou

If it's a stranger, it makes me SUPER uncomfortable & I just try to get out of the general area as fast as possible. If it's someone as know personally, then I'm freaked out but less reactive because they would know I'm aro ace & get nowhere beyond telling me.

But,in general, I don't like to know that I'm sexually attractive to anyone

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Depends on who. I'm only ok with it if it was a girl that I liked and recognize for 9+ months.

Link to post
Share on other sites
touching-not-so-much

My actual FIRST reaction would be severe shock that I picked up on it AS IT WAS HAPPENING - my "sensors" have never worked right, and about 3 days later when mentioning it to my friends, they say "Uh... you know they were flirting with you, right?"

Past that, although I might see where it goes if I like the person enough and things in my life are currently calm, in most cases I would probably not ackowledge it and even find a way to leave.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle

*in my head*

RED ALERT

ABORT MISSION

TAKE EVASIVE ACTION

AIRLOCK BREACH

EMERGENCY POD ACTIVATED

DEPRESSURIZING

SET COURSE TO NEARST MOON

ALL POWER TO FORWARD THRUSTERS

EJECTING

*in reality*

Go home, shower, put on excessive layers of clothing, try to delete encounter from memory.

[i seem to mostly be approached by people who don't handle rejection very well.]

  • Like 20
Link to post
Share on other sites
Anime Pancake

For me if someone is showing interest in me I usually consider it a good thing, if the person is being reasonable.

If someone is sexually attracted to me, I don't mind. But if someone seems really sexual or seems interested in doing sexual things with me if i don't really know them well, that is unattractive to me.

If a person shows interest in me and just wants to spend time with me or get to know me more I am usually flattered by that.

But if someone shows interest in me and it seems like they want to do sexual things with me when we aren't even in a relationship of any kind, I usually am turned off by that.

I'm alright with physical interaction but just a normal social relationship should come first.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
ItWasNiceKnowingYou

*in my head*

RED ALERT

ABORT MISSION

TAKE EVASIVE ACTION

AIRLOCK BREACH

EMERGENCY POD ACTIVATED

DEPRESSURIZING

SET COURSE TO NEARST MOON

ALL POWER TO FORWARD THRUSTERS

EJECTING

*in reality*

Go home, shower, put on excessive layers of clothing, try to delete encounter from memory.

[i seem to mostly be approached by people who don't handle rejection very well.]

^Same here

I would probably add

TAKE COVER

MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS

to such a list & probably be stressed/freaked out for a good couple of days.

My problem is that the people who knew me & told me were sexually attracted to my personality. HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO COVER THAT UP?! -_-

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have never actually picked up on it at the time. I explain to my friends about the weird encounter I had with someone and they point out that the person was flirting. Internally I feel skeptical, externally I'll ask my friend of they are sure.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Evidence would suggest that I wouldn't notice. That said, if I did notice, I would become rather uncomfortable and attempt to shuffle out of the situation. In the case of somebody that I know well expressing such feelings in a blunt enough way I would have any idea what they were on about, I'd simply remind them that I'm really not interested in that sort of thing at all. I'd probably feel a bit uncomfortable around them for a while, but I'd get over it soon enough (err, at least, I did the one time that actually happened -- if the other person were being weird about it, it might take longer).

My inner reaction would probably be more along the lines of "agh, no, why? Just leave me alone!" which is, admittedly, not markedly different from my inner reaction when anybody I don't know well suddenly tries to converse or otherwise interact with me... it could just have an additional undertone of feeling kind of creeped out.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Panic. :D

For a stranger, if it's something like street harassment, the reaction is just annoyance. At things like parties or whatever, where people often do meet potential partners, I'd just feel really awkward and want to get out of the situation. (Which, to many guys, apparently reads as "cute." Which is just confusing to me but whatever.)

Honestly, I've had this happen with practically every male friend, to the point where I can't ever really relax around them. If the whole "I really like you" convo happens, I usually try to hint that I'm not interested in guys without having to come out as ace.

And then proceed to feel even more awkward after that.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll let you know whenever it happens.

Realistically speaking though, unless it came from someone I already regarded as a friend, it'd probably make me rather uncomfortable.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

[i seem to mostly be approached by people who don't handle rejection very well.]

How to learn to handle rejection, when nobody seems to have the guts to reject you in the first place.. -_-

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think it has happend yet so no idea. But i think it would make Me really uncomfortable.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's happened to me a couple of times, and I certainly don't claim to have handled any of the occasions perfectly. However, it's basically one of the two circumstances under which I tell people straight about my orientation, alongside being directly asked about it. The way I see it, since I'm not interested, it's nicer to explain there's a reason I can't return the gestures than to give a false excuse or act evasively, which'd probably make the other person feel inadequate or rejected, and would be a pretty good way to lose someone who could have been a good friend up until that point. That way, hey, I get to tell someone I'm asexual which I don't get that many chances to do; if they like it, they understand me better, and if they don't react well to it, what's one less intolerant person in your life? Sadly, probably a good thing. Just my personal experience!

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's happened to me a couple of times, and I certainly don't claim to have handled any of the occasions perfectly. However, it's basically one of the two circumstances under which I tell people straight about my orientation, alongside being directly asked about it. The way I see it, since I'm not interested, it's nicer to explain there's a reason I can't return the gestures than to give a false excuse or act evasively, which'd probably make the other person feel inadequate or rejected, and would be a pretty good way to lose someone who could have been a good friend up until that point. That way, hey, I get to tell someone I'm asexual which I don't get that many chances to do; if they like it, they understand me better, and if they don't react well to it, what's one less intolerant person in your life? Sadly, probably a good thing. Just my personal experience!

Link to post
Share on other sites

When it happens to me, I always just thought they were just being friendly and not flirting. Even if she was like the gif in the spoiler, I would not pick up on it:

runway-hints.gif

Link to post
Share on other sites
One Winged Angel

If it is something like flirting or a light 'nudge' kind of thing, I am unlikely to even recognise it. If it is direct and unavoidable however, I will find it extremely uncomfortable.

On the very few occasions when this has happened, I have had no idea what to say as I wanted to say "no" without offending or causing an argument. Usually this resulted in me saying nothing at all, or very short sentences which clearly made it obvious I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. In the end, they got the message and moved on.

I also dislike any sort of so called 'tension' between people. An example of this which happens to me currently is a woman at one of my workplaces who stares at me and always tries to be near me, as well as whispering at her friends whilst glancing at me, that sort of thing. I do not even know who this person is or what her name is, and truth be told - I don't really want to. This kind of thing is an annoyance to me.

I am lucky that people approaching me directly in this manner has dropped off almost entirely since the end of the my college years. Most people probably assume I am married, gay or with a live-in partner and so don't bother me. None of these are true, but I prefer to keep it that way as opposed to people approaching me with a relationship in mind.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well people rarely flirt with me if ever truth be told,since I'm a hermit I go out only when it's necessary.Not to mention I might not be able to recognise when someone is flirting with me.

But when I do recognise something of this kind I get defensive,very defensive.I feel like my privacy is being invaded and I don't like it when people look at me sexually or have sexual intentions towards me.

I remember an incident back on when I was on highschool.There was a girl in my class and I would occasionaly catch her calling my name,now when I think of it I can say it's clear that she was flirting with me.But stupid young me back then didn't get what was going on at the time,so one time I got angry with her and showed her the middle finger.It's safe to say that she was pissed and didn't talk to me for quite some time.I also don't think that I ever apologized to her :D

Any way if something like that would happen nowdays I would simply ignore the person.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I usually don't notice (or sometimes ignore) being flirted with until an actual invitation for a date. At that point I either say I'm not interested in a relationship, or if I feel like trying, I explain that I'm asexual, that there's no sex or makeouts to expect in this relationship, and then see if they still want a date. They usually don't.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross

It can go one of two ways (provided I pick up on it. Usually someone has to tell me or make it painfully explicit about their intentions) each worse than the last.

If its a total stranger, it will make me feel increadibly uncomfortable and I will want to get away from them as quicklyas I can, checking my back to make sure they are not anywhere near me. Unless violence is allowed as a way to get the point across.

If it was someone I knew, it would immediately change my perception of that person and not only would I get away from them but would also make it to avoid them alltogether from thereon.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

As I posted in what I think is a duplicate of this:

When it happens to me, I always just thought they were just being friendly and not flirting. Even if she was like the gif in the spoiler, I would not pick up on it:

runway-hints.gif

Link to post
Share on other sites
NerotheReaper

It depends on who it is, if a stranger hits on me (or cat calls) I feel gross and either sass them or ignore them.

Sometimes if it is someone I know, I either don't notice and it goes over my head. Or I think they are drunk and not take them seriously.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
God of the Forest

I often have a difficult time reading if they are flirting, several instances have occurred when I'm with a friend and a guy talks to me and after we've left my friend will say "ya know that guy was hitting on you, right?" *eyes wide with shock* "really?! I didnt pick that up at all!" hehe.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I tend to not notice when someone is flirting. I usually just think they're being friendly. I swear, there was this guy in my early days of college who I hung out with a lot, and years later, I found out through my sister that he was interested in me, and I never had any idea. I just don't pick up on those cues very well.

And when I do, it's blatant and super-obvious, which just makes me super uncomfortable and makes me want to go home and shower to wash away how gross I feel.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Rolling Everforward

Like a lot of others in this thread, I usually don't pick up on stuff like that.

If I do - a little bit of panic or surprise, or suspicion. I tend to not handle surprises like that well, so I often wind up ending the interaction more abruptly than necessary.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't really tell when people are flirting with me. I'm quite dense. But I do enjoy wearing clothes that show off my curves and while I don't typically enjoy it when people look me over I find I enjoy the attention. And if I know I will never see the dude again I don't mind flirting because it's kinda fun occasionally. Also for some reason people think I am flirting when I'm just being nice and that is irritating. lol ^_^

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't tell when people are flirting, so I get kinda chatty. When I do find out, however, I shut down immediately and leave the vicinity and the person. Same goes for being the subject of romantic/sexual attraction. I'm under the impression that many people desire this attraction to be reciprocated, and the longer I stay, the more they expect it. Since I obviously can't, I do the next best thing, and get the hell out of there. Fast.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...