Abbalinax Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 What do you think about relationships between a person who is Ace and a person who is not? Do you think they can work out? If you are in a mixed relationship, what are some troubles you face? Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Are you asking because you are already in a longterm relationship and just realized that one of you is asexual and want to know if your relationship can be saved? Or are you asking because you are asexual and you've noticed that heterosexuals have a much larger dating pool, and you wonder if you can just date heterosexuals with a reasonable expectation that it will turn out well? Link to post Share on other sites
kappapeachie Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 some say it won't work but who are they to judge? you can at least maybe date someone who's demisexual or maybe gray-a. i don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Abbalinax Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 Or are you asking because you are asexual and you've noticed that heterosexuals have a much larger dating pool, and you wonder if you can just date heterosexuals with a reasonable expectation that it will turn out well? I'm not exactly searching for a relationship, but I'd be much more open to one happening if I knew that it wouldn't be a lost cause. I've heard so many stories of aces in relationships with people who are not ace, but it seems like even when compromises are made, no one seems to really be happy with how the relationship is functioning. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 If you are already in the mixed relationship you can find some support and advice in Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies. If you are currently single and considering dating people with an incompatible orientation, I urge you to reconsider. People of pretty much all other orientations start with the available pool of people with a compatible orientation and narrow the search from there. There can be unusual cases where people with major compatibility issues just fall for each other unexpectedly. Stuff happens. But it makes no sense at all for asexuals dating sexuals to be the default strategy. Link to post Share on other sites
champagnerain Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I'm in a mixed relationship and it's working out so far. I'm not particularly sex repulsed (at least when it comes to some particular acts), so I'm willing to compromise as long as it's not too frequent. He seems happy too - and he'd definitely prefer more sex/more variety in the bedroom, but we have been making it work so far. In the long run, though, I'm not totally certain how well they will work. My partner and I have been together just shy of a year, but I can imagine after many years have passed, it's a lot easier for the incompatibilities to start to weigh on you. Searching for another asexual person is probably a better bet for long term compatibility, but I wouldn't (necessary) advise you to write off mixed relationships either. It does depend on how much you and a potential partner are willing to compromise though. Link to post Share on other sites
Aloki24601 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 This is novice advice, but I see so many people who are on this site, saying they were in sexual relationships before realizing they were ace, or ever hearing of sexuality. I think if someone asks you out, it could be worth it to go on a date or two and then tell them about your orientation. Who knows how they might feel about sex. I think if nothing else, it at least helps to spread awareness. I'm not supporting dating as an awareness tool, but a positive side effect, especially if you would otherwise enjoy moving forward with the person in a romantic relationship. If it's about 1% of the population, there are a few million of us out there... There are not a few million (to my knowledge) on here. :) I don't think it is fair to either party to avoid the topic until both people are invested emotionally and spring it on the other person. While the timeline can vary, I think the (assumed) sexual person should know that your orientations differ, otherwise it's not a relationship built on honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Blondbeard Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Sexuality is an spectrum so if you are not sex repulsed and you date a sexual person without a high libido...could it work? Sure why not. If you are sex repulsef and you date a high libido person could it work? Sure, you can open your relationship so the sexual member can have sex with othet people, or even if not open he could cheat on you and be happy. If we talk about the most common scenarios I think s relationship with two members of different sexual orientations will face a lot of problems, I dont even see the point, probably is much better dating to another ace. Link to post Share on other sites
HOTLIMIT Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I was in a relationship like that in the past. I honestly believe we could have worked if life hadn't gotten in the way. We were young and in high school but I honestly believe had circumstances been different we totally could have stayed together. She was bisexual but she was totally cool with my asexuality and since we were both honest from the beginning we understood each other. I think honesty is the best and if someone really cares about you I believe they will try to make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
ProtoStrife Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 I'm currently in a mixed relationship (have been for 6 months which is my longest running relationship yet) and my partner has a high sex drive. I let him know from day 1 that I was asexual and since that day he's done a lot of research into asexuality and is constantly working to understand how I feel. This also works the opposite way too, because I've never dated a sexual person before, or anyone at all for that matter, so it was a big learning curve for me to understand how he thinks and what makes him happy. I have pretty much no sex drive, but I don't ever mind doing sexual things with him (although sometimes I get very very bored mid act and end up trying to watch the TV if it's on in the room lol). It's literally all about communication and understanding. Before I tried this relationship I thought I'd never be able to handle any mixed relationship out of fear for it failing. I'm glad that I tried it though because all it took was effort and we couldn't be happier. The compromises we make for each other are never a punishment, it's a partnership and when two people think differently you need to communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE. Mixed relationships definitely can work and if you're holding yourself back from a possible connection because of that fear, I urge you to try being open with your romantic interest and I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 I was in one for six and a half years, most of which was pretty awesome and happy for either of us. In the end, though, R. (the gal I was with) started becoming unhappy/frustrated about the things that would forever remain missing between us, while seeing these things happen as a matter of course in other relationships around her, and with other partners she was with (we were open/poly from day one, I simply won't ever consider monogamy as an option)... so we ended up breaking up over this. We did manage to salvage our friendship, though - after a few rough months right after the breakup, we're now back to each of us being one of the closest friends to each other. (And I also get along fine with the new gal she's with - they just celebrated their half-year mark. ^_^ ) Link to post Share on other sites
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