Questioning myself...again. (NSFWish)

[Jamba]

G'day,

So a while back I was pretty content with the idea that I was asexual-aromantic, but now I'm not sure again, I keep thinking about it and find myself second guessing so I'm laying it all out there and as stated in the title, its gonna involve some sexual talk.

Reasons I think I am Asexual:

- I've never seen another human being and truly thought "Damn I want that" e.g recently had a conversation with a friend whose straight, he sent me a video of a girl doing warmups in the olympics (I think), I replied: "Wow, her smile is infectious she looks really happy" meanwhile he replied: "Jesus Christ, almighty lord that ass" which honestly blew me the fuck away and made me uncomfortable. (it was a 4-minute video and as much as she did make me happy, I just got bored after a minute)

- I just don't want a relationship or kids, I don't hate them (the idea of them) but I personally don't want them.

- At the moment, I'd be perfectly fine going my whole life without sex.

- Real, genuine "sexiness" or like interest in sex (say someone GENUINELY wanting to have sex with me) makes me extremely uncomfortable. (even the idea of it)

Reasons I think I am NOT Asexual:

- Even though I don't "notice" a womans figure, if I'm attracted to a woman its because I find her face attractive, and their "aura" if you will attractive. (if they're kind, smile and look happy etc.)

- I am (shamefully) into a lot of fetish porn, but basically any type of porn turns me on.

- I feel like if given the opportunity to have sex I would try it, but like I said, it generally makes me uncomfortable.

- I like the "idea" of sex if you will, and I feel kinda bad because it feels like I'm missing out.

Alright, I'll end it there, I'm not sure what I'm gonna achieve with this but just thought I'd get opinions as they will be very helpful and also just kinda wanted to get it off my chest.

Cheers.

[dissolved]

What you need to figure out is whether or not you desire sexual contact with someone else as everything else is irrelevant. It's not about looking at someone and admiring their figure or what may be sexual characteristics, finding them "hot" etc (you might be tempted to label that as sexual attraction but it's not that at all, and also irrelevant when determining sexuality). It's about desiring sex as part of your life, beyond mere curiosity as to what sex might be like. Bear in mind that some people (the majority of female bodied folks rather than male) experience this desire when it's triggered by touching, foreplay etc, known as responsive desire, so some people aren't aware they desire sex until they've got close with someone.

Also remember that wanting/not wanting children and relationships etc is not indicative of your sexuality. Relationships are a social construct, and people feel differently about children regardless of their sexuality.

If the idea of sex and being close to someone is not something you require in your life and you're maybe even disturbed by the thought, I think you're likely in asexual territory.

[Star Bit]

To your "not" section:

1) That's called aesthetic attraction and probably emotional attraction, i.e. completely platonic behavior.

2) Erotica is irrelevant to orientation; i.e. WHO you want sex with.

3&4) There is the plausability that you could end up being sexual due to these points. A majority of women and a minority of men need foreplay to trigger their desire for sex (every time). Your uncomfortableness on it could go away upon arousal or foreplay; arousal can make less desirable things tolerable/desirable and can even fog one's repulsion to genitals.

The only requirement for asexulity is not desiring sex with anyone (for sexual or emotional pleasure, even after foreplay). The only requirements for aromanticism is not feeling romantic attraction and not desiring a romantic relationship.