Asexual or just scared?

[lap]

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced sexual attraction or a desire for sex before in my life.

In high school I had 2 relationships. The first one was the guy I made out with for the first time. Didn’t have any desire to pursue it further, and we broke up for teenaged reasons. The second guy I made out with on multiple occasions and he was seemingly fine with me not wanting to have sex. The reason I gave him was I just wasn’t ready. We had a dramatic breakup parting ways for college.

My first 3 years of college I just focused on school. Then I finally met a guy who seemed great, and we made out on a couple occasions. The last time we kissed it was pretty physical and he tried to pick me up and carry me to my bedroom. I, not feeling any sort of sexual desire at that point, immediately wiggled out of his arms and returned to the couch- and upon sitting began having a panic attack. Quite an awkward situation for a guy I didn’t know for very long. I explained to him that I didn’t want to have sex. He said okay and he was sorry. We discussed my feelings further and he asked if I was asexual. I said I didn’t know. After I calmed down we cuddled for the rest of the evening, but the relationship was downhill from there.

In terms of those experiences, yes- I am asexual. I’ve never felt sexual attraction or desire towards a person or anything. But the thing that concerns me is I’m also absolutely petrified of having sex. I’m fairly sex positive- I watch a lot of sexology channels on YouTube and I educate myself on stuff regularly. When I picture other people having sex it’s totally fine, but when it comes to me having sex I start getting really bad anxiety. I can’t even touch myself/masturbate or use tampons I’m so uncomfortable. It just feels to me like you’re not supposed to stick anything in there. I’ve never had any history of rape or abuse or anything, I just instinctively have these feelings. But I don’t know if my strong fear of that is making me not have any sexual attraction?

If it wasn’t for every guy I’ve ever been interested in wanting to have sex in a relationship I wouldn’t care. Ideally I would never have sex in my life and I would be happy. But I know to make that happen there’s going to be a bit of struggle.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here. Can anyone relate? Anyone have any advice?

[touching-not-so-much]

Well, sorry to hear about your negative experiences, but glad you found a place to tell your story. I'm a guy and I never had sex, but I was always very nonsocial and now at the age of 43 I'm pretty mentally dismissive of the whole relationship/sex thing, so it can be done, I don't know maybe its easier for guys (especially less than Adonis-like). I only went on two dates and I never really knew quite what was wrong with me but now I know and though it's pretty late, I am more at ease. There will no doubt be some people more in-tune with your specifics than me, to reply to you soon. =)

[Galactic Turtle]

Hello! I am very similar to you regarding sex to the extent that I don't even touch my own private areas (like you, the thought of using a tampon makes me feel extraordinarily anxious and if I could just get rid of all the openings I have down there then that would be wonderful). I have no libido and I also consider myself to be afraid of sex and even more so I am very touch-averse which means the thought of kissing someone is almost as bad as the thought of having sex with someone even if I'm romantically attracted to them. I'm not sure if I'd experience sexual attraction even if I weren't afraid of sex though? I'm not sure and people I've talked to on AVEN seem pretty divided about the issue. But let's say for some reason I was afraid of waffles because they look scary but nevertheless I thought waffles smelled really good. I think that would be the experience of a sexual person who was afraid or nervous about sex. There would be some internal conflict due to being afraid of something they desire. But like you, I'd be perfectly ok with not having sex ever. There is no conflict there. Maybe I'm wrong though. :(

[Blondbeard]

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced sexual attraction or a desire for sex before in my life.

In high school I had 2 relationships. The first one was the guy I made out with for the first time. Didn’t have any desire to pursue it further, and we broke up for teenaged reasons. The second guy I made out with on multiple occasions and he was seemingly fine with me not wanting to have sex. The reason I gave him was I just wasn’t ready. We had a dramatic breakup parting ways for college.

My first 3 years of college I just focused on school. Then I finally met a guy who seemed great, and we made out on a couple occasions. The last time we kissed it was pretty physical and he tried to pick me up and carry me to my bedroom. I, not feeling any sort of sexual desire at that point, immediately wiggled out of his arms and returned to the couch- and upon sitting began having a panic attack. Quite an awkward situation for a guy I didn’t know for very long. I explained to him that I didn’t want to have sex. He said okay and he was sorry. We discussed my feelings further and he asked if I was asexual. I said I didn’t know. After I calmed down we cuddled for the rest of the evening, but the relationship was downhill from there.

In terms of those experiences, yes- I am asexual. I’ve never felt sexual attraction or desire towards a person or anything. But the thing that concerns me is I’m also absolutely petrified of having sex. I’m fairly sex positive- I watch a lot of sexology channels on YouTube and I educate myself on stuff regularly. When I picture other people having sex it’s totally fine, but when it comes to me having sex I start getting really bad anxiety. I can’t even touch myself/masturbate or use tampons I’m so uncomfortable. It just feels to me like you’re not supposed to stick anything in there. I’ve never had any history of rape or abuse or anything, I just instinctively have these feelings. But I don’t know if my strong fear of that is making me not have any sexual attraction?

If it wasn’t for every guy I’ve ever been interested in wanting to have sex in a relationship I wouldn’t care. Ideally I would never have sex in my life and I would be happy. But I know to make that happen there’s going to be a bit of struggle.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here. Can anyone relate? Anyone have any advice?

You dont need to be sad, if you dont want yo have sex then do not have sex, you dont need a partner to be happy but if you need so you can date an asexual person, nowadays is not that complicated.