coolkid1227 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I've heard that part of asexuality is not understanding intercourse and other related topics. I don't know how much of that's true, and am wondering if it is. After I learned what sex and the other parts of it were, I started picking up on things people would say that sounded off (like 'balls' or things of that sort). I don't know if that's normal ace behavior or not. Thanks for the answers! Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Any jargon will sound off to someone who isnt familiar with it. Its a language/context thing. To use a similar example, if I say "You've lost your balls", its like saying, "youre a coward" even though it refers to testicles which in turn is genitalia which can used in a sexual connotations on other cases but on this one it doesnt. Link to post Share on other sites
coolkid1227 Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 Thank you for clearing that up! Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Asexuality has nothing to do with not understanding sex and everything to do with not desiring it. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 "Not understanding" is a little misleading. A lot of aces know what is going on, in a theoretical kind of way. They just can't grasp why it's such a big deal to so many people. There are countless threads on here where people try to find analogies - food (esp. cake :D), sports (either actively doing it or being a fan)... It's difficult because everyone has their own soft spot and they might be unable to figure out why the next person's soft spot does what it does for them. Sex is the "soft spot" that aces don't get. Just the same way as I don't "get" coffee (blargh!) or you might not get travelling to football matches all over the country. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I don't think not understanding sex has anything to do with asexuality. I know sex ed in many parts of the world sucks greatly, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 "Not understanding" is a little misleading. A lot of aces know what is going on, in a theoretical kind of way. They just can't grasp why it's such a big deal to so many people. There are countless threads on here where people try to find analogies - food (esp. cake :D), sports (either actively doing it or being a fan)... It's difficult because everyone has their own soft spot and they might be unable to figure out why the next person's soft spot does what it does for them. Sex is the "soft spot" that aces don't get. Just the same way as I don't "get" coffee (blargh!) or you might not get travelling to football matches all over the country. Oh, so my misunderstanding of the significance of sex is like how many people don't understand the significance of dungeons and dragons(well, in theory, I don't get around to actually playing it all that often irl) Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I think too much emphasis is put on "understanding" everything. I don't need to understand what's enjoyable or important about sex. I've had longtime sexual partners, and I understand and respect that they do find it enjoyable and important. That's all that's necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
touching-not-so-much Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 D&D sucks, Savage Worlds is better. But seriously, I always used to anxiously sort of envision an eventual relationship and knew it would "have to" involve sex and tried to work myself up to it. I "studied" it and stories and "positions" and methods, but I really only ever truly imagined the intimacy of the closeness, of sharing a mutual bond of two people that were once complete strangers that eventually came together so closely that they would be able to share everything, or allow space, both being fine, because of the level of completeness. Maybe that's still possible, I don't know, at 43 and having never eve held hands, but as I've said in other threads, its a bit late in the game to worry about all that now and mess up a good thing I've got now - my cats might not approve. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Oh, so my misunderstanding of the significance of sex is like how many people don't understand the significance of dungeons and dragons(well, in theory, I don't get around to actually playing it all that often irl) Yes. That's how it appears to me, at least. I'm not trying to sell this as a fact, of course; but judging by what can be read on here such a comparison could very well be damn close. Computer games, sports, coffee, TV shows, partying... it could be anything, really. It's not that anyone is saying that "Pokemon Go" is as important (or less important) than sex, but if you're trying to explain a concept to a person who doesn't understand it yet, you better go by the lines that person is able to understand. For me, the football analogy works really well. Looking at pictures of grounds can be fine. Visiting empty grounds can be fine; maybe they'll get my imagination going, thinking of what it would be like with tens of thousans of people in there. Watching dull games I'm not really interested in is okay-ish when I want to tick the venue off my list. Still, I need the occasional winning goal two minutes from time experience with my home town club. I know that this sounds rather moronic to a lot of people but that's my way of understanding/comparing what is goinng on in the minds of a sexual. Maybe I'll never fully understand why it is sex that does the trick for them in particular, but I can't understand a lot of other passions either. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Sports and music work better than D and D, coffee etc from my perspective as a sexual, because they both inspire a deep passion and excitement that's deeper than just 'liking'. I'm a total coffee snob, but the thought of never having coffee again pales into insignificance compared to never having sex again. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 Sports and music work better than D and D, coffee etc from my perspective as a sexual, because they both inspire a deep passion and excitement that's deeper than just 'liking'. I'm a total coffee snob, but the thought of never having coffee again pales into insignificance compared to never having sex again. It's not really playing the game itself, it's thinking about it, because I like things that involve worldbuilding and storytelling. It's not D&D specifically I suppose, but I like daydreaming and coming up with characters, places and stories. I'm not sure why that would be considered less important than coffee, but whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 I think it's more that asexual people aren't in the same kind of "environment" as sexual people, so we don't hear those words as often. I'm a teacher and if I said TESOL, you might not know what that means. It's teaching English to speakers of other languages. It's not that you don't know what school is. You just aren't familiar with all of the terminology because you aren't in that environment. Link to post Share on other sites
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