Is there anyone out there who is ace and aro but still wants to get married and have a family?

[Greekgeek1213]

Weird question, I know. But I just want to know if anyone that's aro and ace that want's the same things (like marriage, living together, and a family). Just so I know if people like me are out there, since I haven't met nor read about anyone that feels the same way.

[tahtipolya]

im aroace and would love to be married one day! i dont think id want kids (at least not biological, im sex repulsed) but ive always wanted to be married !!

[Greekgeek1213]

im aroace and would love to be married one day! i dont think id want kids (at least not biological, im sex repulsed) but ive always wanted to be married !!

Same, I'm sex repulsed too, but I've always wanted kids and plan on doing artificial insemination, as well as adopt kids :) But anyways, that's awesome :D Now I don't feel so alone :3

[Xylona]

Hey there! I felt the same way! I always considered myself aro ace, but always had dreams of getting married and having a family. Also on the basis of my religion (I'm a devout Muslim) I've always considered marriage to be mandatory at least once in your life. So it was always on my to do list, and I did start to get a little worried about how I was going to cope because I couldn't find anyone that I considered to be a suitable marriage partner, and the thought of having to be with anyone that I'd ever met (physically) was incredibly unappealing, so I just kept praying on it and hoping that God would send me the right person. And he did!

A little over 4 years ago a met a guy that became a friend of mine very quickly, and after meeting each other about 6 times, I realized that I didn't mind being around him at all. I wasn't in love or attracted to him or anything, but I really liked his presence, and it was the first time in my life that I felt that I could be around someone everyday and not get tired of them or annoyed by them. He wasn't exactly attracted to me or anything either (or I didn't realize if he was) as he hadn't seen me really since I wear the niqab, but he told me on the basis of my personality, my morals, and as he always put it "the way I am", that if he had to chose someone to be the mother of his kids, it'd be me!

It took me by surprise at first, but then I realized that I could really have a future and a family with this guy, and so we went for it and got married. We've been together for 4 years now, and although we've just decided to finally try for kids (I was dealing with some medical issues and we didn't have the best financial situation when we first got married), we can't wait to start our family! We hope to have 5 kids in total, at least 2 of them adopted. Adopting has always been a huge dream of mine, although I'd like to have some of my own too if I can. But with my medical issues, it might not be possible. If so, no problem, we were planning on adopting anyways :D

The whole experience has made me question my aromanticism though. About 2 months or so after getting married, I made my first trip out of the country, leaving him behind, and I really missed him and for the first time in my life, felt what I would call "love". And not the family or friendly kind. I am definitely still asexual, even though my husband is what I would consider hypersexual. He is also incredibly romantic, which I am definitely not. But I do feel that I love him so much, and in a way that is different from anything that I've ever felt for anyone. I've toiled over the label for a while, but I've decided that it doesn't matter and I don't need a label to describe how I feel.

I just know that love (and sex to a certain extent) are both like first languages for my husband. They come naturally to him without a second thought. For me, they are both very foreign languages. Even though I did decided to learn them, it was a process. I do feel that I have succeeded though, and although I sometimes wish we spent less time in bed, I know that it makes him happy and for him it's a way of expressing his love for me, so I love it too. And I most definitely without a doubt am in love with my husband, although I don't know if it's "romantic" love or not. Either way, I'm the happiest woman in the world :D I can't wait to have kids with him and God willing, spend the rest of my life with him ^_^

He is really the only person I've ever met that I can imagine ever being with, and I thank God every day for bringing us together.

My mom always used to say "There's somebody for everybody." and I believe that to be true, even for aro aces! So the best of luck to you, I'm sure your someone is out there, and I hope that you meet soon! <3

[Adam_Jensen]

Nope!! Not me :P I prefer solitude and also being childfree.

[cheyenneLS]

Yes I'm the same as you but I think we're rare. The hard part about ace relationships is of course there are not many aces around, many aces have never met another one. Unfortunately it seems even more rare that there are aces that want a to be married etc but particularly very few want kids, at all. It's almost like it goes hand in hand with being an ace, no kids. I don't know why but its just so common.

I on the other hand would love kids / a family more than anything. I guess for me a small part of it is I wish to be more "normal",- however you define that. Just without the sex.

But yes, marriage, kids, normal family life I would trade anything for and I get very envious and almost sad when seeing all my friends / family doing that. I've pretty much had to accept that for me its not going to happen because finding an ace match and one that wants all that in my part of the world it next to impossible. Oh well.

But yes, although rare, you're not alone !

[Deebee]

I'd love to eventually get hitched, or at least have a strong relationship, and a child or two. I basically like children a lot and wouldn't mind a good excuse to have a couple in my life :P But, as a couple of people have pointed out, that doesn't seem to be the desire of the majority of asexual people (for perfectly understandable reasons of course), so some days I'm a little pessimistic about my chances. But hey, unlikely things happen!

Also, don't worry: we can be fairly weird in any number of ways, but there's always someone out there like you.

[Starfall]

I'm ace and asocial, but I think I'm pan romantic, which doesn't mix well with the asocial thing. (I think I want a relationship, but I can't stand to be around people .....)

[Mesoko]

I identify as Lithromantic though I lean more on the Aromantic side of that. I would still like to eventually get married and have children, sex repulsion is a thing though so no biological kids for me!

I gave up on trying to date others due to not being able to find someone who was ok with lack of physical affection in a relationship with me. I just don't overly like to do anything such as kiss or whatever else. I'm down for cuddling, hugging and some hand holding. One day I hope someone will come around that would be ok with that and be ok with starting a family.

[Muledeer]

Hell no. I dislike children and really enjoy my freedom from the expectations of marriage.

[Hermit Advocate]

Children *shudders* No thanks. As for being married, I'm going to have to go with no unless I meet another aro/ace and we get married for tax benefits or something like that.

[NerotheReaper]

I hope I can find someone one day who accepts me for who I am. Every little scar and every bit of me, and actually loves me not just wanting me for my body. I am open to having kids one day, but one thing at a time.

[Podsnap]

I'd love to.

[starry-night-sky]

I like the idea of two people spending forever together. I'm not sure about marriage, I feel like it never lasts anyway. However, I love the idea of being in a long term relationship.

[TheCat1219]

I'm an aro/ace and I would love to get married and have kids. It freaks me out when I start thinking about it like.." Crap I'm gonna have to do this.." in order to fulfill my duties as a Catholic wife, but I would be so happy in the end. I've always had a very strong maternal instinct for everyone I meet, and I would love to be able to do this for my own children.

[dimliyo]

I'm ace and also want to marry one day. I'm not too keen on having children through birth but I really want to adopt.

[London Girl]

I would love to meet someone and settle down with kids etc. but to be honest I have sort of lost faith that it's in "my path"

[cavalier080854]

Interesting viewpoints, Like the rest of the males, I would not want to marry even to another aro ace, it all seems a bit pointless, except as pointed out for tax reasons. And even then I would not, that can always change. The females would like to marry, albeit without children mostly.

[karnzter]

I hope I can find someone one day who accepts me for who I am. Every little scar and every bit of me, and actually loves me not just wanting me for my body. I am open to having kids one day, but one thing at a time.

I second to this as well.

Despite me being a complex gray-romantic gray-ace (I identify as an aro-/demi-/apothi-/quoi-/akoi-flux and ace-/demi-/apothi-/quoi-/akoi-flux, which some might say that its a lot and possibly conflicting), I have a part of me that wanted to be loved and settle down with the right person. If the trust and emotional bond has been established. But seeing how people these days are influenced by modern society and the media regarding romance and sex, my chances for me are getting slimmer to possibly none.

If marriage or a long-term relationship isn't possible in the future; I've been focusing on both my family through helping with bills, chores and needs; and my job with some videogames on the side if I'm not tired from work and household chores. For more than 2 years I've been considering on becoming a single mother by choice within my late twenties or early thirties.

[*Neko Tosiba*]

Me too! As an Aromantic I find it hard to form good relationship... I really want a romantic relationship and to be married and have kids... but being a sex repulsed aroace thats kinda hard... I know i can meant another ace person but havent really met many in person... and i dont want to be a hypocrite and expect someone to love me if i cant love them... and getting married is kinda really important in my church... so its a problem..

[martinicus]

I'm asexual male but not sure about romance. I can enjoy hugging, touching, stroking hair, being playful in bed (having fun drawing pictures with your finger on your naked partner's back), but no kissing and no sexual activities - I find all bodily fluids and holes repulsive.

I really would like to have a wife and kids, but in my 36 years I still haven't found an appropriate woman. Although I could have sex mechanically, I don't want to live a fake life and pretend that I love my wife as she expects to be loved. I think, any woman would feel that "something's not right" or even would think that there is something wrong with her because I don't desire her body. I don't want to hurt any woman that way.

In my Eastern European country sexual topic is mostly "non-existent", you usually don't talk about it until you are both in the same bed and then a disaster happens :D. So I'm still alone, searching. Even when I find a woman who defines herself as an ace, most often there are too many other differences - romance, interests, personality. Yeah, it's so complicated...

[Min-HaRi]

My friend is ace and definitely wants to get married and have kids! He just told me he'd have sex as quickly as possible to get it over with.

[mikeman7918]

I would like to get married mostly for the companionship and the fact that it would make me fit in with society a bit better, I don't plan on ever having or adopting kids though because I don't think I would be able to handle being a father.

[MrDane]

Yes, im sexual and married to an asexual, who is not repulsed by occasional, scheduled sex. She is leaning towards being aromantic, but is trying to remember how important a touch/hug/kiss is for me. We have kids. This has always been her dream! She is not aromantic when it comes to the kids. They get plenty of bodily contact and sweet words! It comes naturally. With me, i guess, it is different because of the sexual thing/expectation/ risk of turning innocent hug into foreplay.

[lilackat]

Yes - I'm ace and somewhere on the aro spectrum, and I've wanted to be a mum since I was about 3. And I have some significant medical problems, so parenting is just not something I could do on my own. I mean, I've also pretty much always wanted to get married, too, so that's not problematic. I'm just concerned that I won't be able to find someone who's OK with all of the ickiness going on in my life :/ - due to the medical stuff, I can't bear children, so I have to adopt. And I think that adoption is fantastic, and that overpopulation is a problem, and that there are lots of reasons to be excited about adopting, but it's still a bit hard to know that I can't do that whole thing. (And I, technically, could bear children, because it's not that there's anything wrong with my reproductive system; it's that pregnancy would exacerbate some of my conditions, and that childbirth would just be the absolute worst idea, because I have a pain condition. So I'm going to have to do something to ensure that I can't get pregnant, and the Catholic church finds that problematic *rolls eyes b/c the church has the worst ideas about sex stuff* :/)

Anyways, the point of that is, yes, you're definitely not the only aroace who wants to be married and a parent.

[Americaussie]

Married-yep. Been doing that since 2009. Kids? Hells to the no. I confirmed with hubby that no-kids was totally cool with him in three very serious convos before we got married, because I didn't want him to resent me. He's happy in DINKhood. I have known that I didn't want to have kind since I was at least 17, though my dad once told me it was longer. I didn't realize may be a common thing for ace women-never occurred to me. Whew, makes me feel a bit more normal.

Thankfully I am well past the age where people tell me I will change my mind. Well, except my Saudi students. They kept insisting that I should have some.

[Crystal7]

I definitely plan to adopt and I am very interested in doing so with a co-parent. I'm not comfortable with getting married for various reasons, but I would be open to idea of a committed partnership, either romantic or platonic. It's not something I expect, or something I am seeking out right now, but in the future I will definitely be thinking more about that.