Ground rules for a non-ace roommate?

[Tirnanog]

I'm going off to college at the end of the month, and though it's not a crazy party school, I'm aware that my roommate (who I don't know at all but she seems cool) might want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner over at our room. I haven't met her, but I wondered if anyone had a suggestion for how to address the topic for a quick 'ground rules' thing.

I don't want to control her life, but I also don't want to randomly come back to a very awkward situation. (I'm sex-neutral as far as I know, but it would probably be embarrassing).

And who knows, she might happen to be ace or at least celibate, but I want to

a) be prepared for if she's not, and

b) have this thread open for other aces who are going off to college or just getting a new roommate.

[Guest]

I'd think that even are non-ace, That encountering your roomie doing it would be awkward as hell either way.

And I'd be a good roomie, that if I would. I'd let my roommate know stuff like this could happen, or discuss it what's comfortable.

Communication is key, assumptions are the mother of all things gone wrong.

[henshin]

Er yeah, dude I think this is probably an incredibly common problem for sexuals too. I'm sure there are student/college advice things out there for new students in this situation but I think a general, hey don't have sex while I'm in the room / give me time to make alternate sleeping arrangements if you must, is fine. I doubt anyone who shares their bedroom with another person will be doing all night fuckfests unless they're a massive arse. In which case there are probably things you can do with your college residential advisors or whatever you have.

[RoseGoesToYale]

When I was briefly in campus dorms, my roommate and I had to sign an agreement on certain things, one of which was visitation. We also had to agree on the gender of who could visit (but we never had anyone over, so it worked out just fine). When you meet your roomie, ask her how she feels about visitation. You could either work out a tentative schedule for when either of you could have someone over, or agree to let each other know ahead of time. Talking it out beforehand is definitely better than an awkward explanation later.

[Peachyy]

Be like, "hey, if you bring anyone back to our room to fuck, send me a text" or "if you want to fuck someone late at night, go to their room so I dont have to hang outside the door waiting for them to leave". Its not like the movies where you're on the other side of the room trying to block out what's going on across from you; rare are people who would feel comfortable doing that, or think they can get away with it if they think you're asleep.

[Aloki24601]

For most people who enjoy sex, to my knowledge, they do not want anyone walking in on them while they're doing the deed either.

I would not feel a need to bring your sexuality into this conversation (unless you find it fits naturally) because it is an issue of respect for the room and respect for you as the roommate. If you want to share the nature of your own (a) sexuality that's awesome, but I don't think it is much of a factor, except she doesn't have to worry about you bringing someone home every night. :)

This is a very reasonable request and I think it could easily be addressed fairly casually as you are getting to know each other.

I think something like hey, if you ever want to bring someone home, that's cool, but could we maybe set some ground rules?

Many college students have not yet experimented sexually, and it could be a fascinating conversation for both of you.

You have a right to be in your room, therefore, it is also acceptable to bring up a situation in which your roommate constantly has you waiting it in the hall. I lived in dorms for 6 years and was I residence life RA for 3 of those. I only ever encountered one issue regarding this and the room was separated pretty quickly.

College is going to be an amazing experience full of adventure, challenges, late nights, emotional highs, emotional lows, and hopefully you get a great friendship from this roommate. I hope that your college experience is exceptional!! :-)

[Hermit Advocate]

This issue right here is why I've never had any desire to live in a dorm.

[tarutaru]

I lived in dorms one year. My roommate apparently did all his sex on the weekends when I was gone. It was only awkward once. Though it totally varies with the person.

This guy when he moved it was telling me how bad it was that he hadn't had sex in six months. I did a really bad job of pretending to emphasize lol

[Ruqiah]

Whenever I have a new room mate (I've had nine so far), I ask them up front about their romantic lives or sex lives, and ask if their partners are going to be over a lot. It depends on how many room mates you have, truthfully, and how much they are in agreement with each other. The past year, I had two traditional Muslims as room mates, so it made the guy thing MUCH easier. The fourth room mate just never brought the dude over, since it' be boring for him. My previous room mates all had guys over, so I just had to deal with it, until I got fed up and moved out. I was outnumbered in that case. Best advice I can give is be upfront about it and ask. It's normal for people to ask about partners anyways, so it'll give you an idea of what to expect. If they plan on having the partner over (and you're uncomfortable), then politely request to be informed so you can "give them some privacy". Aka, make your escape beforehand.