For older asexuals; Can you tell me about asexuality in the 1960-1990's?

[LunarNerd]

Hi, so I'm really curious about our history (Mainly in the LGBT+ community.). I've heard that we've been in the LGBT community since the 1990's, some say we forced our way in the 2000's, others say we were never included. If you could, I'd like some links also.

Thank you!

[Rising Sun]

Nobody knew what asexuality was before groups giving birth to AVEN appeared on Internet in the early 2000s. It was just the "group X" on Kinsey's scale, so it didn't even have a proper name in English.

[AVEN #1 fan]

Before 2000, you were either homosexual or straight.

Genders and romantic orientations didn't had no space or approach back then. Trans people were gay, nb people were gay, people who liked trans and nb people were gay, people who liked more than 1 gender were gay, people who never dated or had sex were gay.

The gray-a spectrum didn't exist back then as well, nor labels. The lack of labels besides gay and straight made a lot of not-straight people feel broken or confused, society used to understand even less about queer people back there.

Pansexual and polysexual people were so called bisexuals or just gays.

MtF transwomen "didn't" date other women back there, also FtM transmen "didn't" exist, butch lesbians did. "Intersex people needs to be fixed and queer people needs lobotomies and drugs."

"Anything not straight was a freak or a pedophile".

"Androgynous people, intersex and crossdressers were all gay as well."

"Single people are gay too or just celibates or traumatized, broken or scared."

Anything not straight was "traumatized, nuts, broken, scared, perverted, hormonally sick, had a problematic upbringing, weird, freak, pedophile, celibate, confused or intersex", and could be cured throughout pain to fit in the cis-heteronormativity.

"Lesbians were all butches and gays we are femmes. Gay men were not men."

"Lesbian = tomboy."

Drag kings "didn't" exist, drag queens and crossdressers were considered prostitutes.

"Bi/poly/pan people are perverted and polyamory. Anything not straight cannot hold kids nor a marriage."

Anything not cishet was hunted and haunted by society, you couldn't be gay/trans/androgynous in public.

Trans care? Gay marriage? Queers and polyamorys adopting? Bitch pleeeeeeeease.

Here, you can have a clue.

[cavalier080854]

I went private in the UK in 1971 to find out what was wrong. I couldn't get it up with women, was I gay? I didn't know about Asexuality then (I was 16). And after an eternity of questions, pictures, word associations, physical tests, past knowledge. I was told I was Asexual. All I was given was a bit of advice and a scrap of paper with the definition of Asexuality.

[AVEN #1 fan]

I went private in the UK in 1971 to find out what was wrong. I couldn't get it up with women, was I gay? I didn't know about Asexuality then (I was 16). And after an eternity of questions, pictures, word associations, physical tests, past knowledge. I was told I was Asexual. All I was given was a bit of advice and a scrap of paper with the definition of Asexuality.

Yeah, anything not straight was gay back there. :/

[To Each Their Own]

I underwent a lot of conversion therapy in the late 80’s and 90’s. I even spent years in mental hospitals because the “conversion therapy” was just making me more and more dysfunctional. Apparently, that’s what happens when you try very hard to fix something that isn’t broken. I wish they would have told me I was asexual...silly Americans.

I went private in the UK in 1971 to find out what was wrong. I couldn't get it up with women, was I gay? I didn't know about Asexuality then (I was 16). And after an eternity of questions, pictures, word associations, physical tests, past knowledge. I was told I was Asexual. All I was given was a bit of advice and a scrap of paper with the definition of Asexuality.

[cavalier080854]

My 1 lesson in sex education was when I was 13 (1965). The remainder were cancelled due to militant teacher actions, so non academic lessons were cancelled to make up time. Topics discussed were hetero then homo/lesbian (not many questions asked, we all knew about these). The next topic was Hermaphrodites ( a veritable storm of questions). Lastly, almost out of time was a topic about being in the wrong body (clearly Transsexualism/Dysphoria ). Goodness knows what later lessons would have covered, maybe Asexuality, I don't know. But it would have been great to know.

[cavalier080854]

All the English dictionaries had Asexual as a word, and the definition is still correct today. The first dictionary inclusion of the word was in 1830.

[Monadnock]

I remember using the word "asexual" to describe myself and others back in the 1990s, but I was not aware of any organized asexual community until a few years ago. I agree with what others are saying: back then you were either straight or gay, and being asexual was confusing because you didn't know which orientation to identify with.

[Phantasmal Fingers]

I used the term asexual to describe myself in 1983-4. I would've been 18 or 19. The reaction was "You can't be - there's no such thing!" I hadn't heard of Kinsey or X back then and nor - I assume - had the person I was talking to.

[coyote55]

During the 1960s and early 70s in my middle class suburb, you were straight... or you were something that wasn't discussed in polite society. Asexuality as we know it was considered a disorder.

I remember when my little sister asked what a homosexual was. My mom just looked disgusted and refused to answer.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I hadn't a scooby what I was....nerd/geek seemed to fit at the time because when everyone was pairing up around me (and I wasn't noticing), my head was firmly in a school book!

It was only a few months ago that I realised ....

[Kazbe]

I was just told by psychologist that I had a very, very low sex drive. The word 'asexual' wasn't even mentioned - I'm assuming because I was in romantic relationship at the time, but having issues around our sex life.

[teatree]

My husband and I went to see a counselor about 16 years ago, when our marriage was breaking up. Even though the lack-of-sex issue was discussed, there was not a peep from the counselor about asexuality. Of course, I didn't know that I was asexual at the time, but it would have been illuminating for me to hear about it from that counselor! I doubt it was even on her radar....

[straightouttamordor]

This is an interesting thread. I had always wondered about the history of asexuality. Our hypersexualized culture still holds to the view it's something to be overcome. It is marginalized and  weird. Some say it doesn't even exist. The root cause is childhood trauma on the conscious or subconscious level  I'm hearing alot. Most in the LGBT community accept us but even some there claim we don't fit because they are sexual and many asexuals aren't  inclined to have sexual attractions. Perhaps being forward looking and thinking our community can enlighten the public. If there was a quote "cure"  I don't think I would want it. I stubbornly like to define what happiness is to me.There is no cause effect between orgasm and love. And love can't be made or manufactured by intercourse in my scope. One percent can be a badge of honor not a disease or disorder. That's how I intend to see it.

[fuzzipueo]

I'd not heard the term before 2013, even though I had all the, erm, symptoms of aceness well before that. Once I did though, a lot of past experiences fell into place with a snap that just felt right.

[Éadweard]

On 8/7/2016 at 1:53 PM, Rising Sun said:

Nobody knew what asexuality was before groups giving birth to AVEN appeared on Internet in the early 2000s. It was just the "group X" on Kinsey's scale, so it didn't even have a proper name in English.

Wrong. 

[Éadweard]

I am increasing frustrated with people claiming that AVEN created asexuality. AVEN did not create asexuality. People have been called asexual for years. Of course these people were people who had no desires or interest in sex. These people are of course consistently dismissed here because they aren't millennials who "identify" on some spectrum and wear a black ring and obsess over separating their romantic orientation and are out to prove they can form sexless relationships with people who aren't asexual. 

[borkfork]

Offhand, I can think of Storms' model from 1979 included asexuality.

[Éadweard]

25 minutes ago, borkfork said:

Offhand, I can think of Storms' model from 1979 included asexuality.

Yes. It did. 

Storms’ model is a two-dimensional map of erotic orientation showing four sexual orientation categories: homosexual, bisexual, asexual, and heterosexual. This model was proposed in 1979 by Michael Storms to address several inadequacies with the one-dimensional Kinsey scale.

 

 

[daveb]

I'm not disputing anyone, but rather than just saying "wrong" (like a certain US political candidate was wont to do in debates last year ) please give us some citations to look up; the only sources I can find in a quick internet search all seem to point to a few asexual sites. Is there a study or other documentation directly from the source? Or is it too pre-internet for that?

 

This is only anecdotal, but I lived through the 60s, 70s, etc., and never came across asexuality as a human sexual orientation before I found AVEN. I'm not saying AVEN "created" asexuality. But it was certainly not widely known in any venue I knew about in those days (not that a lot of people these days haven't heard of it either). I can't say whether AVEN had any effect on it becoming a bit more widely known (if it is more widely known now), or if it did at all by how much. I can say that AVEN opened my eyes to asexuality and helped me understand myself better, so I will always be thankful about that much.

 

But effectively, to the best of my knowledge and from what I hear from others, asexuality as a human sexual orientation was unknown to most people, including asexual people, therapists, doctors, etc., in the 60s-90s. If anyone knows of references to it in that time period it might be good to come up with a list of references (maybe a good task for the project team?).

[Sally]

I experienced the same things Daveb did.  I never heard the word "asexual" referring to  humans until I read about AVEN.  I don't think one or two published academic studies are equivalent to a general knowledge of asexuality as an orientation.  

[fuzzipueo]

Growing up in the 80s, when the public discussion of sex was not happening like it does now, I never encountered the term asexual outside of the context of biology class. Certainly, in the 90s, I don't remember hearing the term applied to humans. To be sure, gays and Lesbians were just beginning to really make headway into popular culture, even if their portrayal wasn't always positive. As I said above, I only became aware of the term now in use (regardless of arguments about exact meaning) in late 2012, early 2013, thanks to a friend and internet searches. As a term in popular culture, 'asexual' is really recent.

[A-listed]

On 2017-01-02 at 2:39 PM, Just like Jughead said:

These people are of course consistently dismissed here because they aren't millennials who "identify" on some spectrum and wear a black ring and obsess over separating their romantic orientation and are out to prove they can form sexless relationships with people who aren't asexual. 

Thank you for putting it so plainly. I share your frustration. Millennials, and even teenagers, have overrun this site, including the section "Older Asexuals".

 

I described myself as asexual in 1993 and would have used the term earlier if not for its established sense (related to reproduction). Asexuality certainly did not come about the day that millennials discovered this Web site.

[Kazbe]

I'm not a millenial. I'm in my 60s. Until recently, the term asexual was for me a purely biological one. When I was having counselling in the 1980s, the psychologist just described me as having an extremely low sex drive. No mention of asexuality - and that is the experience of a lot of people my age who I can see on this thread. Clearly, you have a different experience which is great. However, if it wasn't for AVEN bringing awareness of asexuality to the fore, I would still be seeing myself as somehow deficient. I have never believed AVEN or millenials "invented" it and saw this thread as an honest request to tell of our experience in the years when the term asexuality had a much lower profile.

[Blackthorn]

Growing up in the 1980s-90s I never heard the term asexuality.  I just thought I was some kind of freak.  I only became aware of asexuality as an orientation last year.  It still has a very low profile where I come from and I would say most people haven't heard of it or don't take it seriously.

[TheLastOfSheila]

On 1/8/2017 at 11:46 PM, A-listed said:

Thank you for putting it so plainly. I share your frustration. Millennials, and even teenagers, have overrun this site, including the section "Older Asexuals".

 

I described myself as asexual in 1993 and would have used the term earlier if not for its established sense (related to reproduction). Asexuality certainly did not come about the day that millennials discovered this Web site.

Posted Sunday at 11:46 PM · Report post

 

On 1/2/2017 at 4:39 PM, Just like Jughead said:

These people are of course consistently dismissed here because they aren't millennials who "identify" on some spectrum and wear a black ring and obsess over separating their romantic orientation and are out to prove they can form sexless relationships with people who aren't asexual. 

I have to admit that when I first discovered and joined AVEN, I was a bit put off by the attitude of some of the young Aces.  Don't get me wrong, I admire their intellect, their experiences, and their willingness to come out openly as asexual.  However, because I conformed to the heterosexual lifestyle when I was younger ('cause that was just what one was expected to do in those days), they insist that people like me couldn't possibly be true asexuals.  Since many of them have never had sex, and certainly don't live under the societal pressures that some of us older Aces had to deal with, they simply cannot accept that an Ace would participate in a sexual relationship.  And yet, I daresay that some of these same young ones would not say the same about older Gay and Lesbian individuals, who felt pressured to have sexual relationships with the opposite sex, even have children, in order to stay deeply closeted.  Somehow they can accept that those individuals were born gay, and were always gay, despite having sexual relationships with the opposite sex. 

 

I am re-reading this and perhaps what I have written doesn't make sense, I dunno.

[Private]

On 1/9/2017 at 0:03 AM, Kazbe said:

I'm not a millenial. I'm in my 60s. Until recently, the term asexual was for me a purely biological one. When I was having counselling in the 1980s, the psychologist just described me as having an extremely low sex drive. No mention of asexuality - and that is the experience of a lot of people my age who I can see on this thread. Clearly, you have a different experience which is great. However, if it wasn't for AVEN bringing awareness of asexuality to the fore, I would still be seeing myself as somehow deficient. I have never believed AVEN or millenials "invented" it and saw this thread as an honest request to tell of our experience in the years when the term asexuality had a much lower profile.

I agree with this post and others.  Growing up I never heard the term asexual.  If you did not express a great interest in sex and all things sexual among your friends, in the 60s, you were considered weird.

 

My friends would talk about sex constantly and fantasize about it.   Were they truly interested or like me simply following hollywood's hypersexualized lead.....I dunno

 

I always thought I simply had a low sexual desire because, yes, that is what my doctor told me.   The doctor also said it is a mega common complaint among  both men and women and if he could cure the complaint of low desire, he would be a billionaire.  He just tried to make me feel somewhat normal by telling me it is a preference, not an illness and it is very common. 

 

It was not until I was in my 50s that I heard of asexuality.  It was then that I realized that I had absolutely zero interest in sex.  I liked cuddling but not sex and it was not until I was in my 50s that I realized that there are a lot of other people like me.

 

I was not sexually abused as some people posit, I was not raped, I was not raised in an uber religious environment that made sex seem bad.   In fact I do not think it is bad for those who are interested in it.  I however have no interest in sex and NEVER have.

[Kazbe]

5 hours ago, TheLastOfSheila said:

Posted Sunday at 11:46 PM · Report post

 

I have to admit that when I first discovered and joined AVEN, I was a bit put off by the attitude of some of the young Aces.  Don't get me wrong, I admire their intellect, their experiences, and their willingness to come out openly as asexual.  However, because I conformed to the heterosexual lifestyle when I was younger ('cause that was just what one was expected to do in those days), they insist that people like me couldn't possibly be true asexuals.  Since many of them have never had sex, and certainly don't live under the societal pressures that some of us older Aces had to deal with, they simply cannot accept that an Ace would participate in a sexual relationship.  And yet, I daresay that some of these same young ones would not say the same about older Gay and Lesbian individuals, who felt pressured to have sexual relationships with the opposite sex, even have children, in order to stay deeply closeted.  Somehow they can accept that those individuals were born gay, and were always gay, despite having sexual relationships with the opposite sex. 

 

I am re-reading this and perhaps what I have written doesn't make sense, I dunno.

Makes perfect sense to me.

[Aqua Blue]

I'm 63 and I do remember the word from nursing school psyc.  I was described as a rare condition associated with other psyc issues.   The first time I remember hearing it otherwise was a comment from Richard Simmons in his hayday, so probably in the 1980s.  Someone had "accused " him of being gay and he said he was asexual.  I recall having an aha moment, but the person with me said, he's not asexual, there is no such thing, he a $&@?Who needs treatment in a mental institution that would straighten him up.  Needless to say, I buried the idea that I was sexual.