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Ideal Relationship?


dragon_cake

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to be fair, it's perfectly reasonable to have "deal breakers" and specific wants but checking off a laundry list of traits that a potential partner must have is chasing rainbows.

Only if those lists contain unreasonable or harmful things. Wanting more than "no deal breakers present" isn't unreasonable or unrealistic at all.

For example: bad communication is a deal breaker for me. I can't inhabit space with or remain friends with someone who doesn't communicate well and doesn't see this as a problem. However, meeting someone who communicates well wouldn't be enough of a reason for me to date them. It's not like I'm going to say "oh, this person avoids a thing I actively hate, so good enough." i'd have to actually like them. being self-aware of what generally leads you to like or feel comfortable around people is not unreasonable, and it's actually very useful.

I think people can get nervous doing this, becasue "having standards" is something that is often used as a cover for prejudice or elitism, or a reason not to work on relationship problems. All of us do that to a certain extent, and it takes effort to avoid. but knowing what you want and why is one of the best ways to do this.

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I wasn't aware that opinions and experiences on relationships and love that aren't overwhelmingly positive or facts about the reality of relationships and dating in general were forbidden on this thread. I'll refrain from contributing my many years of dating knowledge anymore. o/

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I wasn't aware that opinions and experiences on relationships and love that aren't overwhelmingly positive or facts about the reality of relationships and dating in general were forbidden on this thread. I'll refrain from contributing my many years of dating knowledge anymore. o/

I'm sorry that you feel that way?

Can you elaborate?

I feel your description and view on relationship were slightly vague or short to understand (not really good or bad, just confusing since there wasn't really enough info or detail). I'll like to hear more of what you meant o:

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Falcon_Punch

In no particular order:

1. Someone who I can be emotionally safe with

2. Someone who I can trust

3. Someone who I can respect

4. Someone who is able to unconditionally love

5. Someone who is caring/compassionate/kind

6. Someone who can bring me out of my shell yet can handle my big personality

7. Someone who I can have fun with (Ranging from a night in to an adventure)

8. Someone who is understanding

9. Someone who has something to say

10. Someone who is passionate

11. Someone who complements me (Vice Versa)

12. Someone who I can fully grow with

13. Someone who can fully commit

I'm 24 as well

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22 years old, and well... I recently became a fan of One-Punch Man, and the relationship between Saitama and Genos is like... my ace dream. A lot of people ship them sexually or romantically, but I (along with many aces) see them both as ace, and for once, there seems to be legit canon proof of this (in that neither of them seem to react or even be interested in sexual stimuli). Yet they're close, they live together, they care about each other deeply... alas, I can't find anyone to be the Saitama to my Genos, but I guess I have to suck it up and pretend I'm attracted to allosexuals because nobody else seems to want a relationship like that.

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22 years old, and well... I recently became a fan of One-Punch Man, and the relationship between Saitama and Genos is like... my ace dream. A lot of people ship them sexually or romantically, but I (along with many aces) see them both as ace, and for once, there seems to be legit canon proof of this (in that neither of them seem to react or even be interested in sexual stimuli). Yet they're close, they live together, they care about each other deeply... alas, I can't find anyone to be the Saitama to my Genos, but I guess I have to suck it up and pretend I'm attracted to allosexuals because nobody else seems to want a relationship like that.

There's always a chance that the person might not actually be allosexual ^^;

I've also watched One-Punch Man :3

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Thank you for staying respectful of the topic and including your age, it makes everything feel way less awkward (at least imo) ^_^

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I'm 25 and would like someone with decent enough communication and problem solving skills so that we can resolve issues that come our way, and can maintain their own emotions for the most part, meaning they don't require me to maintain their emotions for them. Also, someone who loves anime (not necessarily as much as I do).

I don't include anything else in my ideal relationship, like house skills, job, etc, because I find those aspects to be as shallow as wanting someone with a huge rack or great muscles. I find that people these days fantasize about unrealistic partners and put too much of that fantasy onto real ones, causing harm to good, but imperfect people. Reality isn't as fluffy and nice as tv shows and movies make them out to be, and truly caring about someone means not requiring them to do everything for you or be everything you like. If it's someone truly important, you'll find ways to work with their inabilities and be happy at the same time.

You do have a point that a relationship shouldn't really be one sided (unless it's somehow willing?) but I'm not really sure what you meant when it comes to fantasy. Isn't the whole point of fantasy acknowledging that it's not real? I don't think it's necessarily bad to fantasize unless it will objectively not work in practice. I feel your concerns are mostly involved with whether people can differentiate what's real or not before starting a relationship if I'm reading this right.

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PurveyorOfBadPuns

I've thought long and hard about my ideal relationship. I like the idea of having a stay-at-home spouse who I would sort of support and who I could build a family with. They'd love kids just as much as me and probably be a little bit of a hippy. I want someone who I can cuddle and hold hands with but who doesn't like kissing (it grosses the hell out of me, and my current girlfriend loves it) and who doesn't want sex either. I don't think I'd want to share a bedroom, but that could change with the right bed partner. Sorry that's disorganized, it's just a collection of thoughts I've had!

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I've thought long and hard about my ideal relationship. I like the idea of having a stay-at-home spouse who I would sort of support and who I could build a family with. They'd love kids just as much as me and probably be a little bit of a hippy. I want someone who I can cuddle and hold hands with but who doesn't like kissing (it grosses the hell out of me, and my current girlfriend loves it) and who doesn't want sex either. I don't think I'd want to share a bedroom, but that could change with the right bed partner. Sorry that's disorganized, it's just a collection of thoughts I've had!

I thought it was very easy to understand o:

Don't worry, I think my description can be a bit disorganized too!

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ponz, on 11 Aug 2016 - 06:30 AM, said:

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I wasn't aware that opinions and experiences on relationships and love that aren't overwhelmingly positive or facts about the reality of relationships and dating in general were forbidden on this thread. I'll refrain from contributing my many years of dating knowledge anymore. o/

I'm sorry that you feel that way?

Can you elaborate?

I feel your description and view on relationship were slightly vague or short to understand (not really good or bad, just confusing since there wasn't really enough info or detail). I'll like to hear more of what you meant o:

I think they're confusing being disagreed with for being dismissed. They'll rejoin if they're comfortable doing so. It does bring up a really important question, though: At what point do expectations of a partner become harmful or destructive? I don't think it's a simple question, but as a starting point, I'd say an expectation that requires effort or sacrifice on their part you refuse to match, or expecting them to do something you won't out of a belief it will damage your dignity.

For example: I knew people who insisted that it was 'undignified' for men to preform housework. That held a lot of prejudice against women and said volumes about the level of respect they had for them. I also knew someone who expected their partner to drop everything and help them out if they were in trouble or upset, but got really huffy if their partner asked for the same thing.

That's not to say that long-term relationships never encounter communication problems, or that if one partner needs more care, or has a situation preventing them from reciprocating certain things, that the relationship is bad. People go through situations that make them more than usually vulnerable, and it's not possible or reasonable to expect partners to experiences those things all at the exact same time and in the same degree. But when people consistently expect that a partner will always consider them first, when they won't do the same, that's crap.

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I'm 46. I have the same romantic feelings toward the opposite sex as I guess, almost everyone else does and I've always sort of wondered what it would be like to enjoy sex. So, I guess my ideal would be to have a *normal* heterosexual relationship, which I know sounds totally boring and lacking in imagination for a response to a query on an asexual forum but forgive me because I really am just trying to be honest. :-)

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ponz, on 11 Aug 2016 - 06:30 AM, said:

snapback.png

I wasn't aware that opinions and experiences on relationships and love that aren't overwhelmingly positive or facts about the reality of relationships and dating in general were forbidden on this thread. I'll refrain from contributing my many years of dating knowledge anymore. o/

I'm sorry that you feel that way?Can you elaborate? I feel your description and view on relationship were slightly vague or short to understand (not really good or bad, just confusing since there wasn't really enough info or detail). I'll like to hear more of what you meant o:

I think they're confusing being disagreed with for being dismissed. They'll rejoin if they're comfortable doing so. It does bring up a really important question, though: At what point do expectations of a partner become harmful or destructive? I don't think it's a simple question, but as a starting point, I'd say an expectation that requires effort or sacrifice on their part you refuse to match, or expecting them to do something you won't out of a belief it will damage your dignity.

For example: I knew people who insisted that it was 'undignified' for men to preform housework. That held a lot of prejudice against women and said volumes about the level of respect they had for them. I also knew someone who expected their partner to drop everything and help them out if they were in trouble or upset, but got really huffy if their partner asked for the same thing.

That's not to say that long-term relationships never encounter communication problems, or that if one partner needs more care, or has a situation preventing them from reciprocating certain things, that the relationship is bad. People go through situations that make them more than usually vulnerable, and it's not possible or reasonable to expect partners to experiences those things all at the exact same time and in the same degree. But when people consistently expect that a partner will always consider them first, when they won't do the same, that's crap.

That sounds very fair and realistic as far as I can tell

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I'm 46. I have the same romantic feelings toward the opposite sex as I guess, almost everyone else does and I've always sort of wondered what it would be like to enjoy sex. So, I guess my ideal would be to have a *normal* heterosexual relationship, which I know sounds totally boring and lacking in imagination for a response to a query on an asexual forum but forgive me because I really am just trying to be honest. :-)

*pats back* Nah it's fine. Not here to judge when everyone was brave and open enough to share. At least you know what you want :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Yuri Daisuki

Hmm, I think my ideal relationship would be leading an ordinary life together, probably raising kids or keeping pets, and doing volunteering work occasionally.

We would interact in a way such that she would be able to understand what I'm trying to convey even without words, like maybe only with a facial expression, and vice versa.

It would also be great if we have similar hobbies, not necessarily identical, but close enough for us to appreciate and even develop. For example, I wish that my ideal partner like to write and read because I don't really like to read but I would love to be her first audience XD (and I think I should read more anyway haha).

I'm a little weird so I would like to spice up our relationship with surprises now and then, like going on an adventure together, or playing harmless and non-offensive pranks on others like pressing the doorbell of random strangers and then running away XD (ok I feel bad already haha)

We would watch sunset and sunrise together, we would piggyback each other, we would serenade each other etc

Ah so many ideas, but alas, no partner XD

This is a nice thread :D

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Live in the same house or even better, like, neighbors. Obviously I'm looking to be in a relationship with myself, I'm not even gonna act like I'm not. Someone would need to give me lots of space and not take it personally. I have some "dealbreakers" but it's mostly, like, vegan and personality type, but that definitely narrows to a small group of people. I think people who know themselves best have a harder time finding a relationship because they aren't looking for someone to fill a gap in their own personality, so they're less flexible in terms of what they're looking for? (or I tell myself that to make me feel better. Haha.)


I'm a little weird so I would like to spice up our relationship with surprises now and then, like going on an adventure together, or playing harmless and non-offensive pranks on others like pressing the doorbell of random strangers and then running away XD (ok I feel bad already haha).

(I laughed, omg. Definitely why I can't do pranks.)

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TheMartianGeek

Honesty, trust, and communication would be key, and empathy and understanding would be good as well.

Beyond that, I guess I'd want a person whose company I enjoy (perfetion not necessary, of course), whom I could easily spend the rest of my life with and maybe even marry. We could cuddle, play games together (video, card, or board), and go places together. Also, we could do things like household chores together and work out systems for making them go well. The same goes for money and work schedules. And if one of us is busy and needs a favor, or is stressed out or anxious and needs some support or relaxation, the other would help.

Well, this is making me really want someone like that in my life, maybe even more than I already did...I don't know if she's out there, and maybe it hurts too much to dream. Okay, I claim this forum as my official dating site.

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I go back and forth on this one a lot. Some days, I just want to stay single forever and it feels super awesome and empowering. I might live with my sister and her future family in some kind of garage/basement apartment that's separate but still close enough to be the best aunt on the planet to her kids (and since we're identical twins, her kids might as well be my kids anyway, right? ;) ) And then I can just live my life exactly how I want to and pour my heart and soul into teaching without having to think about the other important people in my life as much.

Other days, I daydream about finding and "ideal" person. He'd be super sweet and gentle, a little shy, and endearingly awkward sometimes. He would have a lot of knowledge and experience in something, but preferably not the same thing I have knowledge and experience in, so we can learn new things from each other. He would be very keen on cuddling, and not so on having sex. He'd also be hilarious and fluent in sarcasm, and completely okay with having crazy pet names, like "asshole" or "douchecanoe," but that are never said as insults. My #1 requirement is that he'd be okay with a solid, companionable silence. Like, being able to just drive without saying a word, but we are still completely enjoying each other's company, not in SPITE of the silence, but because of it. *sighs dreamily* Yeah, today is definitely a daydream type of day. :wub::wub:

EDIT: Also, I'm 23. Forgot that bit...

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I go back and forth on this one a lot. Some days, I just want to stay single forever and it feels super awesome and empowering. I might live with my sister and her future family in some kind of garage/basement apartment that's separate but still close enough to be the best aunt on the planet to her kids (and since we're identical twins, her kids might as well be my kids anyway, right? ;) ) And then I can just live my life exactly how I want to and pour my heart and soul into teaching without having to think about the other important people in my life as much.

Other days, I daydream about finding and "ideal" person. He'd be super sweet and gentle, a little shy, and endearingly awkward sometimes. He would have a lot of knowledge and experience in something, but preferably not the same thing I have knowledge and experience in, so we can learn new things from each other. He would be very keen on cuddling, and not so on having sex. He'd also be hilarious and fluent in sarcasm, and completely okay with having crazy pet names, like "asshole" or "douchecanoe," but that are never said as insults. My #1 requirement is that he'd be okay with a solid, companionable silence. Like, being able to just drive without saying a word, but we are still completely enjoying each other's company, not in SPITE of the silence, but because of it. *sighs dreamily* Yeah, today is definitely a daydream type of day. :wub::wub:

EDIT: Also, I'm 23. Forgot that bit...

Somehow I get how that feels xD

I'm okay with having time for myself but I also can't help but have those kinds of daydreams or curious thoughts of who I might fall for.

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I'm 27. My ideal relationship would be best friends (or queerplatonic probably) and raise kids together. I would want to be with someone who shares similar interests, goals, and desires as I do. I am not a fan of kissing but do like to cuddle occasionally. We would live together and could share a room or not. The kids are the big deal break for me though. We would have to have at least 1 kid.

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I'm 19. My ideal relationship would be with someone who's fine with no sex, no kissing, and very little to no cuddling. I'm a bit touch adverse. I'd also prefer them to be female biologically but I don't really care how they identify.

Ideally they would share at least some of my major interests and skills so we can work together on some of the crazy projects I get myself into. Things like having fun little coding contests, building model rockets and logic circuits in the garage, having deep conversations about existential stuff, and maybe even working together to develop a game.

They would also have to be someone who is OK with my strange neurodiverse behavior. It might be nice if they had some mental disorders too so they would be more understanding of mine but on the other hand it also would be great to have a nice and sane individual who can help me out with some of the things that I am bad at like socializing, executive functioning, paying attention to things, not getting overly anxious about everything, identifying emotions, and all that fancy stuff.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Vincisomething

My ideal relationship is with is someone who understands or takes the time to understand my sexuality. He completely understands that it may take me some time to become sexually attracted to him.

Other qualities: really attractive (just kidding.. kind of), understands issues of sexism, racism, and various phobias against many orientations (aka isn't a racist, misogynistic, queerphobic fuckboy). Is mature/intelligent enough to see/use logic in an argument, but I wouldn't mind if they're a kid at heart (just like having fun). Also someone I don't feel awkward around or we can just sit in silence and not feel obliged to talk. Oh, and lots of cuddles or kissing.

I say him/he because that's the gender I'm mostly romantically attracted to/ see myself with mostly, but I'm not sure how I feel towards women. It may be queerplatonic

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  • 1 month later...

Not sure if anyone wonders about this but you're free to post any new updates or changes on your view of a relationship you look for in either platonic or a romantic one.

After some time of thinking, I think the best (whether ideal or not?) romantic relationship for me is someone who can balance me or guide me through responsibilities and get me back on track if I ever get lost.

I've also been curious about how everyone would want money to be sorted out in a long-term relationship. I read an interesting post on different kinds of methods for dealing with money with your partner from a tumblr blog called howtogrowthefuckup.

I know it sounds like a joke but it really exists.

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fatal flower-boy

This is a really nice thread. :D I've never been in a relationship before, but I do have an idea of what I would like it to be. First, I am 19 y/o. I guess my ideal relationship would be with someone who's like my best best friend (it's cliche, I know.). But, I'm not really looking for a romantic relationship, I guess. I wouldn't mind holding hands or hugging, but I think that may be about it. xD Someone who's just going to be there and listen to me when I need someone to talk to. Someone who I can take care of. I'm really a nurturing spirit. I would like someone who I could talk with for hours about anything like I do with my parents. I would like someone who's like a big brother to me. We would do everything together. Someone who wouldn't mind wearing matching outfits, because why not? :D The type of relationship where we have inside jokes and act like total idiots in public. and We would travel together.. everywhere! :D We would be inseparable. So, yeah. I guess I would like a really really close best friend for life.

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  • 1 month later...
On 9/14/2016 at 10:41 PM, Vincisomething said:

My ideal relationship is with is someone who understands or takes the time to understand my sexuality. He completely understands that it may take me some time to become sexually attracted to him.

Other qualities: really attractive (just kidding.. kind of), understands issues of sexism, racism, and various phobias against many orientations (aka isn't a racist, misogynistic, queerphobic fuckboy). Is mature/intelligent enough to see/use logic in an argument, but I wouldn't mind if they're a kid at heart (just like having fun). Also someone I don't feel awkward around or we can just sit in silence and not feel obliged to talk. Oh, and lots of cuddles or kissing.

I say him/he because that's the gender I'm mostly romantically attracted to/ see myself with mostly, but I'm not sure how I feel towards women. It may be queerplatonic

I can relate for the most part! except for the kissing and sexual attraction ^^; I think cheek kisses are as far as I'll go

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On 11/7/2016 at 7:56 PM, fatal flower-boy said:

This is a really nice thread. :D I've never been in a relationship before, but I do have an idea of what I would like it to be. First, I am 19 y/o. I guess my ideal relationship would be with someone who's like my best best friend (it's cliche, I know.). But, I'm not really looking for a romantic relationship, I guess. I wouldn't mind holding hands or hugging, but I think that may be about it. xD Someone who's just going to be there and listen to me when I need someone to talk to. Someone who I can take care of. I'm really a nurturing spirit. I would like someone who I could talk with for hours about anything like I do with my parents. I would like someone who's like a big brother to me. We would do everything together. Someone who wouldn't mind wearing matching outfits, because why not? :D The type of relationship where we have inside jokes and act like total idiots in public. and We would travel together.. everywhere! :D We would be inseparable. So, yeah. I guess I would like a really really close best friend for life.

That sounds fun xD

I'm not sure about matching outfits (ironic since I'm from a Korean family *cough cough*)

since my mind tends to imagine a territorial kind of vibe out of it lol

I get that strange feeling of wanting to be able to take care of someone but also feel the same the other way around. I guess I should also include asking if anyone ever feels what they think they will do in a relationship vs what actually happens in the relationship. It could be interesting to add on.

 

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

My ideal relationship would be a QPR!!!!!!! Me and my platonic partner would be living under the same household. No kids. NO SEX. If my QPP wanted sex,he or she would have to get it else where.^_^ I wouldn't have more then 1 QPP, but if my QPP wanted another one, we'd work something out.

 

My ideal QPP would always be there for me, and I would always be there for her/him. My ideal QPR would be with some one who truly understands me,who would have long conversations about random shit. We'd go out and do fun stuff together. We would always cuddle and kiss :redface: we would both understand love and respect each other.

My ideal relationship would be a real life Platonic  version of Ruby and Sapphire's relationship (minus the fusing lol)

 

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~Warning: Lost Post!~

 

Hah! A place where I can slap the incredibly idealistic dreams from the depths of my mental space! >xD

 

Seriously though, I'm a severe dreamer (hence the name) so the way I tend to see my ideal relationship is this:

 

I am with a guy who is optimistic about life but knows when to be serious and views things realistically, kind of like me but perhaps he'd be better at staying 'grounded' as it were. Though I overthink, he would be able to reason with me and handle my brain as it can sometimes become too chaotic for even myself to handle- but that's not the most important thing, as I know I can't expect anyone to handle my thoughts when they spiral out of control. (If they're willing to let me ramble or offer different ways of thinking about something though, then by all means, please help my anxiety!)

 

More importantly, it's someone who shares the same values as me and the same dreams. He pushes me to be at my best, to pursue my dreams, and would gladly travel the world with me. No kids. And loyalty is very important to me, so there wouldn't be an option to get needs satisfied from someone outside of the relationship. Mostly because if I am not enough then I will not force them to stay under any circumstances- I'd be happier on my own than in that situation. My relationship would have to be open and honest, because after my most recent breakup I realized how much he tended to keep from me. Whatever the cause, I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me enough to tell me what's going on in their life, who can't be open and emotional with me. I can't be with someone who won't be honest with me and tell me when I've done something that upsets them, or when they have concerns, etc. It just feels like flawed communication if they see me through rose-tinted shades, like they don't see me and accept me as a person with all of my flaws and other imperfections. This was a problem I encountered with my most recent breakup about a month ago.

Another thing is that he wouldn't expect me to change who I was for him... he wouldn't tell me that 'my boundaries could change' (something last ex said). We would grow and learn together- but we shouldn't have to force ourselves to be different people for each other.

 

^ So as those are more of the foundations for my ideal relationship, I guess I'll add the other shtuff for fun. I am not sexual by any means, and I pretty much plan on dying a virgin (Sorry if TMI, but ah well =P), but I am very happy to snuggle up under a blanket, sit in silence, cuddle up at random times, hold hands, kisses on the forehead, little stuff like that. It makes me feel overwhelmingly happy and safe, and that's all that I need. It would be fantastic if my future guy liked music as much as I do, or at least would sing to me at random times to make me laugh or calm down when I'm stressed, or even sing me to sleep. Or we'd try each other's hobbies, so I'd like to dab paint on his nose or go for a bike ride on a warm summer day. A picnic would be lovely too.

 

Overall I'm basically hoping for a partner with whom I can share a very close emotional bond and live a life full of mostly happiness, strength in times of sorrow, and more adventure than my soul can currently imagine. Someone to wipe the tears away and hold me and I'd know that I had one person with me no matter what happens, and I would love them with all of my heart.

 

~Sorry for the long post, but when I describe these things it's impossible for me to do so in just a few sentences. c:

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