Ideal Relationship?

[Sunflowerfield]

Since I'm a sexual/romantic person, for a long time I assumed that a monogamous, heterosexual marriage (without kids) would be the pinnacle of relationships - especially since I'm a Christian, and in many church circles marriage is held up as the ultimate ideal. Also, I wouldn't feel right about having sex outside of marriage.

 

However, recently I've been realising that if I got into a monogamous marriage, most guys wouldn't be okay with me having intimate QPRs and cuddle buddy relationships... so I'm starting to question whether traditional marriage is the right path for me. I think I'd like to have a committed platonic partner (preferably someone ace or committed to celibacy for religious reasons), who gives lots of hugs and cuddles - and is okay with me having other cuddle buddies and close relationships.

 

I think I would be open to either - a monogamous, romantic/sexual marriage, or a committed queerplatonic life partner and housemate. Of course, if I could get married and keep my cuddle buddies/QPRs that would be ideal, but it seems like it's very difficult to find people who would tolerate that - especially people who share my faith.

 

At the moment I live alone but would like to find a committed housemate, preferably someone who is ace or committed to celibacy for other reasons - and we could have a QPR. It doesn't have to be a lifelong partnership but that would be cool too.

[fatal flower-boy]

On 12/19/2016 at 8:37 PM, dragon_cake said:

I guess I should also include asking if anyone ever feels what they think they will do in a relationship vs what actually happens in the relationship. It could be interesting to add on.

now that I think about it..

I definitely don't think I would last a day in a relationship

even if it's my ideal relationship lol

it really is something different to think about, but do.... eh, idk

[Guest]

On 12/19/2016 at 8:37 PM, dragon_cake said:

 

I get that strange feeling of wanting to be able to take care of someone but also feel the same the other way around. I guess I should also include asking if anyone ever feels what they think they will do in a relationship vs what actually happens in the relationship. It could be interesting to add on.

 

I tend to be more accepting of things once actually in a relationship, so some deal breakers fall away... which is why I shortened my deal breaker list in the other thread. lol 

[dragon_cake]

9 hours ago, Owly McOwlFace said:

I tend to be more accepting of things once actually in a relationship, so some deal breakers fall away... which is why I shortened my deal breaker list in the other thread. lol 

tbh I feel the same way. This is why I wonder if I need to be more picky or if it's actually a good thing Looking at others' reason for deal breakers always gives me something to learn or think about though.

[dragon_cake]

10 hours ago, fatal flower-boy said:

now that I think about it..

I definitely don't think I would last a day in a relationship

even if it's my ideal relationship lol

it really is something different to think about, but do.... eh, idk

It's always interesting to hear others' thoughts about this :3

[Manticone]

Since I suspect I am aro as well as ace, I honestly don't know what my ideal relationship would be. I assume queer platonic. I sort of idealize John and Sherlock's relationship  The traits I find vital are: loyalty (I would never, ever put up with cheating - although if I loved someone who wasn't ace, I'd probably be open or receptive to them having a sexual relationship of their choice if they wanted) and honesty, and kindness/ compassion. Those would be the primary. It would, of course, be awesome if they shared some of my main interests, too

[Autumn Season]

My ideal SO would take me seriously. We would be able to discuss our relationship, our feelings and future plans. We would be able to talk about anything without hurting the other's feelings and if, in a rare situation, one of us got hurt after all, we would be comfortable to talk about it and avoid the situation in the future. We would have one or two hobbies we shared and would enjoy doing together. We would both have a sense of humor based on randomness, and we would spend a lot of time laughing, finding the other's smile contagious, ending up in a "never-ending" stomachache-inducing spiral of laughter and idiotic jokes. We would cuddle a lot, spending time being lazy together. We would travel and take walks, try out new things together and like each other's friends. We would be comfortable giving each other space and letting the other spend time alone or with friends/ family. We would live together, but we would both have our own rooms or even parts of the apartment/ house. Our workplaces would be nearby, they would be steady and we would like them. Our families would support us. We might adopt a pet or a child at some point, but we would always be happy to be together, just the two of us. We would encourage each other in each other's (hobby-related or other) projects. We would like the way the other looked, but it wouldn't be an important part of the relationship. We would be in love and committed. We wouldn't get tired of each other. Dream on...

[Vicky Angel]

I am 23.  I guess right now I need someone who can handle the craziness that is my life.  I have multiple medical conditions and also food allergies and most social situations revolve around food so it can be difficult.  I need someone who is kind, caring, supportive, artistic.  Can cook and clean and contribute equally to housework.  Is willing to try new things, and can see the merit in my crazy ideas.  Who is just as down to watch a romantic comedy as he is an action movie.  Someone who understands that my friends are important to me and won't try to separate me from them.  A Disney fan would be ideal. 

Edit: Someone local who likes cuddling, who is around about my age.  Anyone on here matching these descriptions by any chance?

[geekyartistlady]

The relationship that I'm looking for seems like a wonderful dream, yet an unrealistic reality. 

 

A simple, close, romantic connection without the expectation of sex.  

 

I don't necessarily care if it starts long distance. Talking online is a great way to get close to someone, and most people I'm meeting in Iowa want active sexual relationships. 

[Guest]

One that isn't ideal, but realistic and that works. 

 

*shrugs* :P. 

[King Al]

Thhhiiiiissssss thing right here 

[Ennis]

I am 20 years old. I want a partner as a committed lifetime friend, for cuddling, holding hands and hugging. I would even try kissing if they wanted me to.

I want my partner to have similar goals in life and be respectful of mine. They should be able to have discussions or even a constructive quarrel from time to time; therefore it is good to be on the same wavelength.

 

Neither must expect the other to spent a certain amount of time with the other or to prioritise them over their other friends.

Both must be willing to be faithful even when times are hard.

 

I also need some freedom. I imagine a flat with two bedrooms, one with a single bed, one with a double bed for cuddling.

[Guest]

Just now, Acciuga said:

Thhhiiiiissssss thing right here 

What thing? the  ?

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, Charlie Q. said:

I am 20 years old. I want a partner as a commited lifetime friend, for cuddling, holding hands and hugging. I would even try kissing if they wanted me to.

I want my partner to have similar goals in life and be respectful of mine. They should be able to have discussions or even a constructive quarrel from time to time; for this it is good to be on the same wavelength.

 

Neither must expect the other to spent a certain amount of time with the other or to prioritise them over their other friends.

Both must be willing to be faithful even when times are hard.

 

I also need some freedom. I imagine a flat with two bedrooms, one with a single bed, one with a double bed for cuddling.

^ this  

[King Al]

11 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

What thing? the  ?

Yes. I pull my tongue out at ideal relationships.

[Guest]

Just now, Acciuga said:

Yes. I pull my tongue out at ideal relationships.

Yea, I firmly believe in that seeking your ideal relationship... and when you think you have it, it'll only disappoint you when it isn't.. *shrugs*

[Ennis]

Just now, Phoenix the II said:

Yea, I firmly believe in that seeking your ideal relationship... and when you think you have it, it'll only disappoint you when it isn't.. *shrugs*

Perfection isn't something to have, it's something to strive for without expecting to ever get there.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Charlie Q. said:

Perfection isn't something to have, it's something to strive for without expecting to ever get there.

Indeed, it's hard work, a 2nd job. The work for a lifetime. You can't stop working on it.... ever, yea, uhm, you break up.

[dragon_cake]

The "Ideal" in the title was supposed to be lighthearted =/

I was hoping it wouldn't be as misleading to say that you can't have realistic relationships but OK.

By ideal I mean just what you know you want?

This wasn't supposed to be a forum on what is real or not so please?

I literally just explained it the first time but people seem to love not reading the post.

 

 

[dragon_cake]

Everyone knows they can talk about their ideal friends or what they're generally looking for in a friend if not lover right?

[Enbious1]

My ideal relationship would be living on a large amount of land where I have my own small house but my very close friends live on the land in their own houses as well. We all are intended family and all get along. We farm food, cook large family meals, and all put in work to maintain the land and everyone;s places. We all care for and love each other. Maybe some are sexual as I don't mind having sex, I just aren't sexually attracted to anyone. I would love multiple people to be intimate and sensual with.

[drjohnhwatson]

I am 26 years old.

 

I want someone who wants to talk to me.  To be with me.  Too often I get to talking to people and then they just...suddenly cut me out of their life with little or no warning/explanation.  This happened with a romantic interest and then a month later with my best friend.  The romantic interest informed me he'd met someone () and my best friend just suddenly stopped responding to any of my messages even when I went from apologetic to angry.  So.  Yeah.  Someone who likes to talk to me as much as I like to talk to them!  A tall order, apparently.

 

I want someone with shared interests, too.  Doesn't have to be EVERYTHING.  It's just hard to make conversation and do things when the person you're with doesn't like anything that you do, you get me?

 

I'd want someone who wanted to travel the world and soak up art scenes.  Museums and stuff.  Doesn't have to be all historical.  Could be murder museums or sex museums or something.  Just interesting and different things.  Trying new food.  That sort of...thing.

 

I'd want someone to hold my hand and maybe?  Kiss me.  Wouldn't know.  Never done either.  Yeah, and I'm 26.  Pathetic, right?!  .

 

And I said I wanted someone who wants to talk to me, but too often I'm seen as a therapist.  I want someone who shares their troubles with me, but, most importantly, lets me also share my troubles with them.  Aforementioned bloke wanted nothing to do with my troubles as it made him uncomfortable.  I also don't want to be a free therapist you can pick up when you feel bad and then set down until you need to see me again for a session.

[dragon_cake]

23 hours ago, drjohnhwatson said:

I am 26 years old.

 

I want someone who wants to talk to me.  To be with me.  Too often I get to talking to people and then they just...suddenly cut me out of their life with little or no warning/explanation.  This happened with a romantic interest and then a month later with my best friend.  The romantic interest informed me he'd met someone () and my best friend just suddenly stopped responding to any of my messages even when I went from apologetic to angry.  So.  Yeah.  Someone who likes to talk to me as much as I like to talk to them!  A tall order, apparently.

 

I want someone with shared interests, too.  Doesn't have to be EVERYTHING.  It's just hard to make conversation and do things when the person you're with doesn't like anything that you do, you get me?

 

I'd want someone who wanted to travel the world and soak up art scenes.  Museums and stuff.  Doesn't have to be all historical.  Could be murder museums or sex museums or something.  Just interesting and different things.  Trying new food.  That sort of...thing.

 

I'd want someone to hold my hand and maybe?  Kiss me.  Wouldn't know.  Never done either.  Yeah, and I'm 26.  Pathetic, right?!  .

 

And I said I wanted someone who wants to talk to me, but too often I'm seen as a therapist.  I want someone who shares their troubles with me, but, most importantly, lets me also share my troubles with them.  Aforementioned bloke wanted nothing to do with my troubles as it made him uncomfortable.  I also don't want to be a free therapist you can pick up when you feel bad and then set down until you need to see me again for a session.

Whoa whoa there is no need to beat yourself up about that! It's okay to want a relationship just as it is okay for others who do not want it or desire less. I'm just glad these recent posts are actually about a type of relationship at all instead of losing track of the topic. It's good that you're sorting out your priorities and what you are looking for because at least you're trying to figure this whole thing out. And the things you want seem pretty fair.

[iff]

my ideal relationship would have 2 areas of compatibility, books and music. we don't have to like all the same but some compatibility would be lovely.

[Giwreh]

On 8/31/2016 at 1:27 AM, Yuri Daisuki said:

..//..

I'm a little weird so I would like to spice up our relationship with surprises now and then, like going on an adventure together, or playing harmless and non-offensive pranks on others like pressing the doorbell of random strangers and then running away XD (ok I feel bad already haha)

We would watch sunset and sunrise together, we would piggyback each other, we would serenade each other etc

Ah so many ideas, but alas, no partner XD  

..//..

Two years late to reply here, but worthwhile... 

Ohhhhh, lets piggyback each other !  🤸‍♀️

[Pramana]

I think that a committed friendship would be ideal. By that, I mean a friendship where the parties prioritize each other rather than sexual/romantic partners.

[Strawberry ice cream]

On 8/4/2016 at 3:07 PM, EmotionalAndroid said:

My ideal relationship is to have a small group (2-3) of incredibly close male platonic friends. They would treat me exactly like another man and we'd all be equals. It is my ultimate desire to be "just one of the guys." We'd all live next door to each other (or I want at least one of them to live next door) and we'd do everything together. I don't care what they look like or what they do for a living (as long as it is legal and reputable, that is!). We'd obviously share a lot of interests, too, so we can do activities together and have meaningful conversations.

My ultimate ideal is kind of like the incredibly strong platonic bonds that forms between soldiers. (It's so fascinating to me!) But I will never be in the military, so I would like the closest thing you can get to such a relationship outside of such situations.

A group of friends as described above would be best, but I'd settle for just one.

I like this very much. 

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

8 hours ago, Strawberry ice cream said:

I like this very much. 

Me too 😃

[Shay21]

I'm 22, and I think my ideal relationship would be with someone who is like my best friend. Someone who loves sports, music, video games, and things like that. We wouldn't always have to go on elaborate dates all the time, just running errands together would be perfectly fine as long as we were together. I guess I'm trying to say is someone who just appreciates being around me and vice versa, regardless of what we're doing!