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Ideal Relationship?


dragon_cake

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dragon_cake

I know some answers have been submitted about this on tumblr but I thought it would be cool to share what our ideal relationship (romantic or not) would be like and how similar it could be that would be enough for us to chat and discuss on certain details and stuff (^_^;) Also, please remember to include your age as I will include mine as well. For now, I am currently 23.

Personally, I would imagine being with someone who can cook, clean, or do laundry when it comes to practical stuff (Although anyone who can do all is truly a force to be reckoned with) while playing videogames, watching anime or any shows we like, maybe learn a language or two together (If they can speak English or Korean or willing to learn either, that would be great!), with some occasional teasing (like joking around and knowing when we go too far or not), and comfortable enough to hold each other's hands but also willing to let go of our hands at some point. I would immensely enjoy feeling free enough to talk about otome and BL games! If my future signif can not do either three practical things but have a full time job, I would be very impressed and practically swoon over them depending what their career is. When it comes to sharing hobbies that are more uncommon like astrology, listening to jrock/jpop music, and taking quizzes (fun non-academic ones), I think I may have found the one or my best BFF.

This might sound too descriptive or a lot mostly because I have been thinking about this pretty deeply. This is probably not related to relationship goals but one of my major dreams is to happily live out of my own country or anywhere together with someone close (^_^)

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I'm already in a relationship (going just over seven years). It's not ideal but it's pretty close. In an ideal relationship he would know how to cook. I can't tell you how much I love having people cook for me and me just having to sit on my butt waiting to be served. That's the life, man...

But, luckily, I do like (maybe borderline love?) cooking myself so it all works out and at least I get tons of practice, right?

Also, he needs to stop leaving his dirty underwear on the floor after showering. He does remember most of the time, but in an ideal relationship the undies would make it to the hamper 100% of the time instead of 80.

On his end I'm sure he'd like someone who saw a point in making the bed and who, at the very least, had the decency to close the kitchen cupboars after raiding them for all the snacks.

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EmotionalAndroid

My ideal relationship is to have a small group (2-3) of incredibly close male platonic friends. They would treat me exactly like another man and we'd all be equals. It is my ultimate desire to be "just one of the guys." We'd all live next door to each other (or I want at least one of them to live next door) and we'd do everything together. I don't care what they look like or what they do for a living (as long as it is legal and reputable, that is!). We'd obviously share a lot of interests, too, so we can do activities together and have meaningful conversations.

My ultimate ideal is kind of like the incredibly strong platonic bonds that forms between soldiers. (It's so fascinating to me!) But I will never be in the military, so I would like the closest thing you can get to such a relationship outside of such situations.

A group of friends as described above would be best, but I'd settle for just one.

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SorryNotSorry

In my case, it makes no difference one way or the other.

Love has proven to be nothing more than a fairy tale to me, so a relationship would just be a waste of my time.

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The relationship I had with R. was pretty close to my ideal (sadly, it ended up being a good bit less close to hers *sigh*) - best friends with some sensual benefits, the contact being kept online (chat/phone), with no exclusivities, no monogamy, and no long-term commitments.

I'm no longer open to anything beyond friendship anymore. The effective difference between that and a partnership is simply too minuscule to be worth it, calculating against all the pain a breakup can bring. I barely made it through the breakup with R., and I have no interest in a repeat experience of that, ever... even though the time with her was easily the happiest time of my life ever sicne my childhood days.

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Grumpy Alien

... I honestly don't know. I don't have enough experience to say.

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I"m 29, for the record.

Basics:

It's really important to me that a partner is conscientious about keeping shared space clean, and can agree with me on shared workload around the home, without being obsessive about it. I grew up with people who had hoarding problems, so it causes me a lot of stress when there's miscommunication over things like that, or if people are jerks about it. This brings me to the next point, I'd prefer to live with a partner, eventually. I'm an independent person, and I look for that in a partner too, but I think that makes a shared space more important. Other things like good communication, patience, and empathy are things that I think are important to everyone, so i'd call those basics and not ideals as well.

Ideals:

The key is shared responsibility with personal independence. We'd have semi-separate finances, with a shared account for home expenses.We'd have semi-fixed responsibilities around the house, with an understanding that it's not each other's "job", and we can change things up whenever we want. We'd each have our own hobbies/friends that the other wasn't required to participate in, but also have shared interest and friends that we'd make time for regularly. We'd be able to tell each other when we were upset or stressed without it being their responsibility to fix it, and talk about conflicts before they got huge and weird. I'm an introvert, so i think someone more extroverted than me would be a positive, as long as they understood that I can't really be spontaneous about things requiring a lot of socializing. Same thing with physical affection. I could see myself with either an Allosexual or another Ace, since I'm sex-indifferent, but an Allosexual partner would need to respect that I need to talk about things first; Also, that non-sexual physical affection is necessary for me to feel comfortable when we're done with any sexy-times.

Also, I'm positive I don't want children, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who had doubts about that. there's not really a way to compromise on producing offspring, and I don't think it's fair to anyone to try to do that.

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dragon_cake

I am so unbelievably happy to get feedbacks from all of you!

I really thought I was being awkward and that this whole thing would be dismissed.

Thank you for sharing your ideals and experiences with me <3

As you can tell, I have an over-imagination for romantic scenarios and such (v///v)

There were some important or more details I forgot to include since I was afraid my description would be too long to read for others.

1) I can't and will not partipate in sex (I'm not sure about kissing so I'm leaving that with a question mark depending where the kisses are at) as it makes me uncomfortable to even think of doing it with someone else.

2) I don't want children (I just don't have the patience and have a hard enough time trying to look back fondly of me as a kid. Even I thought I was a brat. However, I never feel it's bad for anyone to desire taking care of a new family member or not. Also, the thought of what happens to my belly and the process makes me queasy)

3) I won't remember anniversaries (I rather skip the whole thing and feel like we're free and loving enough to gift each other and make time simply because we care rather than stress about the date and time as long as we both remember how it happened or affirm that we love each other. As for Valentines, we might just bake together or eat more chocolates together)

4) I don't want to get married (or at least anything that has a more traditional aspect of it. I'm interested in the commitment but with all the divorce and pressure of religion, I feel it's not fair to make a promise that we can never 100% be certain about in the future. And if a divorce happens, it will feel like the vow was a lie. Plus the idea of splurging on rings and wedding stuff sounds kind of wasteful to me when we could be using the money to buy more practical things or stuff we would have already enjoy saving up for, in my opinion) but who knows, if we can make up our own vows and create our own image of a wedding that we agree on, I might just accept it.

5) I'm indifferent to porn. If my signif is not sex-repulsed and wants to satisfy their sexual urges but still very much in love with me as I am with them, I won't really mind if exploring porn is their sexual outlet since I'm not completely repulsed from watching it myself and they are probably trying to respect my asexuality in that sense.

6) Absolute Communication. I would always want some sort of connection or attempt at it in a text, mail, letter, or even a call because I worry in certain circumstances if they aren't alive without a feedback for at least two months if I'm in a completely romantic relationship.

7) Stranger Danger? I don't enjoy the thought of dating someone who doesn't provide enough information for me to know or be comfortable with them. Honesty is very important to me. I would often need to be close to that person or learn so much about them that I feel as if I would know them or even want to be able to make a connection with them.

I think those are all the major thoughts I forgot to include.

Feel free to express yourselves as often as you want since I also have a lot to say :)

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Galactic Turtle

I don't think I deserve to be loved by anyone... but way deep down it looks like hot chocolate, jigsaw puzzles, and Twilight Zone marathons at Christmas time... and maybe they'd put blankets around me when I'm sad... which is eerily similar to the time I spent with my parents when I was younger (I'm 22 now) so maybe I can't conceptualize romantic love with one or more people without it being an unfortunate situation despite the element of having company, at least. But what I imagine is definitely happy and loving even if not necessarily romantic. ^_^

Though in terms of romance... a brief kiss to the top of the head makes me blush internally even though the thought of a man, distinctly, doing it gives me all sorts of bad alarm bells. Gender is a bit blurred though I do like a masculine aesthetic. Not sure how that would play out in real life though. I have a very negative reaction to people touching me, but perhaps years of being sent to the hair salon has made touches to my hair as normalized as a handshake?

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Horse Ham Radio

Someone who smiles and can make me laugh (...and doesn't want sex all the time). That pretty much sums up my ideal relationship. I'm 22 :)

What I have found in life is that even when you think you won't like a certain trait of someone, when you get to know them that trait can make them interesting to be around rather than annoying. Likewise, sometimes you can spell out your perfect relationship letter by letter, but then when you are in it you quickly get bored since you have everything you want, or you find out that your perfect idea has its flaws and you want something different.

The best thing to do is have a small basic set of guiding principles for who you are looking for and then when someone more or less fits that you talk to them and get to know them better to see if you click or not.

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UncommonNonsense

I'd like to be part of a household of people who are 'adoptive' family, family-by-choice, or, as my own family calls it, 'honour-family'. The members of this household could be any age, any gender or none, and be of any race, physical type or ability, income level, etc. Everyone would have to contribute to the household in some manner, like adding income from working outside the home or cooking meals, doing chores, providing childcare, or tending to other members who are dealing with illness. I think that four or five people would be a good number for this kind of home. Everyone would have to get along, of course, and ideally, we'd have all been really close friends for a very long time before choosing to create this household. It would be best if everyone in the household identified as ace, but if people were bringing children from previous relationships or non-ace romantic partners into the 'family', we'd not exclude them if they weren't ace.

Given that it seems that there are more female aces, this might be a way for female aces to have the same economic security and emotional support as married people. The 'family' would provide the same support to fall back on that typical families provide.

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I don't think I deserve to be loved by anyone... but way deep down it looks like hot chocolate, jigsaw puzzles, and Twilight Zone marathons at Christmas time... and maybe they'd put blankets around me when I'm sad... which is eerily similar to the time I spent with my parents when I was younger (I'm 22 now) so maybe I can't conceptualize romantic love with one or more people without it being an unfortunate situation despite the element of having company, at least. But what I imagine is definitely happy and loving even if not necessarily romantic. ^_^

Though in terms of romance... a brief kiss to the top of the head makes me blush internally even though the thought of a man, distinctly, doing it gives me all sorts of bad alarm bells. Gender is a bit blurred though I do like a masculine aesthetic. Not sure how that would play out in real life though. I have a very negative reaction to people touching me, but perhaps years of being sent to the hair salon has made touches to my hair as normalized as a handshake?

I think what you'd like out of a relationship sounds very warm and comfortable, and like something you very much deserve. But I also understand how difficult it can be to translate thought to reality. It's definitely a work in progress for many of us, I think. :)

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dragon_cake

I don't think I deserve to be loved by anyone... but way deep down it looks like hot chocolate, jigsaw puzzles, and Twilight Zone marathons at Christmas time... and maybe they'd put blankets around me when I'm sad... which is eerily similar to the time I spent with my parents when I was younger (I'm 22 now) so maybe I can't conceptualize romantic love with one or more people without it being an unfortunate situation despite the element of having company, at least. But what I imagine is definitely happy and loving even if not necessarily romantic. ^_^

Though in terms of romance... a brief kiss to the top of the head makes me blush internally even though the thought of a man, distinctly, doing it gives me all sorts of bad alarm bells. Gender is a bit blurred though I do like a masculine aesthetic. Not sure how that would play out in real life though. I have a very negative reaction to people touching me, but perhaps years of being sent to the hair salon has made touches to my hair as normalized as a handshake?

That sounds amazing :3

Mmm Hot Chocolate, jigsaw puzzles, and twilight zone. It brings back nostalgic memories of my more happy days at school and I still enjoy these three things.

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dragon_cake

I know it's very easy to forget and overlook from my long posts but please provide your age so it may be easier to befriend potential BFFs and maybe even potential romantic interests ;)

When you're comfortable, you can even share contacts (there's many ways and methods to do that so I won't really need to explain this, right?)

Overall, don't be afraid to share any romantic and friendship goals that we might also relate to :)

You can also check my profile for my birthday if you ever wonder how much I've aged.

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Squirrel Combat

I'll be hard pressed to ever have this kind of relationship/friendship; but essentially my ideal would be a friendship where me and the lady love and are committed to each other to the degree that neither of us are interested in finding anyone else. We're not "dating", we just pal around like any ol' friends, but we're also exclusive in some areas--enjoying outings that we wouldn't go on with anyone else. Love is not declared or acknowledged, per-say, but implied through action, honesty, faith, and just plain doing things together. And it would be crucial to have a couple kids, if only to pass down our relationship to them so they can carry the beacons through the murk of society.

Like I started with, I'll be hard-pressed to find anyone interested in that relationship, like ever. Instead, I just have to keep pretending that I want relationship bullsh*t. <_< I'm 26, been through 21 women, and not one has been open to this.

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WhenSummersGone

I like the amount of time that is involved in a friendship so I want that part, as well as only seeing each other and way more affection. The last two would be more important though if someone I really liked was just busy. I found out recently that I like some space.

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My ideal relationship: Someone who would accept me for who i am and someone who shares the same interests as me.

My partner and I would have our own houses but see eachother on a regular base we would buy ourselves pets, maybe a couple of cats or a dog because we both dont want to have kids.We would have an very interesting friendship based relationships where we would play games, travel together, go on days out, play games and just enjoy life together.But to be honest i dont really have interest in a relationship but i wouldnt say no if it would happen.

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kappapeachie

any relationship will but my favorites are quasi platonic relationships and friends with benefits (no cuddling though, like hugs when they end short.)

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dragon_cake

My friendship goals is pretty close to my romantic goals except we would have our own bedrooms if we ever decide to share a house or an apartment and our own bathrooms. As for romantic relationships, I probably won't mind sharing the bed and depending on the weather, they can sleep in their boxers as long there's no spooning. It would be great to have some friends and a signif who are comfortable with spending time at the sauna (preferably big ones where there's a room or space to just eat food while watching tv or hang out at the computer room). It could also be fun to have a pet to take care of together (since I don't really want kids). Some of the posts are close to what I would value or dream of in a close relationship. Partners who love me for me and sharing that affection or acception. Having common interests and willing to help each other financially but not being dependent on each other for finance or payment.

When others ask me what I look for in others by appearance, I usually don't think about it because it's not something I've imagined or been sure of myself. Maybe because I don't really bother thinking about what part of me others like or why they would even be attracted to me? I always assumed personality and common interests or values are the main reason for any possible crushes I get.

To be honest, I don't think any eye color, hair color or style really matters since I often feel like changing my appearance at times and that person can seem attractive in a way I never seen before. Thanks to some non-academic quizzes that questions my preferences (hair length, eye color, etc.), it helped me become more aware of myself and what I look for in others when it comes down to that person. The only thing I've been sure of is that I'm usually more attracted or drawn to males than females but the rest is a bit hazy aside from what I've already mentioned.

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dragon_cake

... I honestly don't know. I don't have enough experience to say.

I'm sorry if my description or topic mislead you to think only experiences count :(

Anyone is qualified to answer since it's just sharing our ideals and expectations for friendship or romantic goals

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Squirrel Combat

Yeah, my ideal relationship/friendship includes some preferences in what the lady looks like. For reasons of outdoor adventures and endurance, I'm not likely to find myself that interested in someone who is fat and out of shape, or a homebody. No way!

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Greekgeek1213

I'm 17 and my ideal relationship is me getting married (more like a friendship marriage, but a marriage none-the-less) with a guy and having a family (through artificial and adopting means) :) Basically a regular family without the need for sex or romance from my marriage partner :)

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I'm 15, and my ideal relationship would probably be to be married to another Jewish girl, and be super emotionally close (maybe or maybe not romantically).

I kind of would like the person to also be amazing at math, but sometimes I'm overly competitive, so this could prove to be a problem. Definitely someone I can have deep intellectual conversations and sing with though. And someone who loves Discworld books!

Right now I'm dating my best friend, and even though they don't quite fit all of these things, I would love to spend the rest of my life with them :)

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I'm 25 and would like someone with decent enough communication and problem solving skills so that we can resolve issues that come our way, and can maintain their own emotions for the most part, meaning they don't require me to maintain their emotions for them. Also, someone who loves anime (not necessarily as much as I do).

I don't include anything else in my ideal relationship, like house skills, job, etc, because I find those aspects to be as shallow as wanting someone with a huge rack or great muscles. I find that people these days fantasize about unrealistic partners and put too much of that fantasy onto real ones, causing harm to good, but imperfect people. Reality isn't as fluffy and nice as tv shows and movies make them out to be, and truly caring about someone means not requiring them to do everything for you or be everything you like. If it's someone truly important, you'll find ways to work with their inabilities and be happy at the same time.

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"Ideal relationship" lol. Such a thing doesn't exist. That's why successful relationships are built around equal parts compromise and acceptance of your partner's flaws, because they should be as accepting of yours. To be fair, it's perfectly reasonable to have "deal breakers" and specific wants but checking off a laundry list of traits that a potential partner must have is chasing rainbows. Accept the people in your life for who they are (minus the abusers) and sometimes you'll find that what works for you in relationships maybe wasn't what you thought at all.

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This was just supposed to be a topic for open discussions of sharing our thoughts of different kinds of relationship but there seems to be some who take it the wrong way. I shouldn't have to say this but majority of us are aware that there are no "perfect" relationships which is why I wanted to make a topic that would make others feel more free to express themselves and what they have in mind to discuss similarities and such. Personally, I'm not gonna judge those who desire certain appearances because everyone has different preferences, attractions, etc.

Please refrain from any urge to criticize others or any sort of attack as this was meant to be a safe place to share in what we know what we look for in a relationship and feel free to change our views in a relationship through others' different perspectives.

There's a reason it's titled "Ideal" and not "Perfect".

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Someone who smiles and can make me laugh (...and doesn't want sex all the time). That pretty much sums up my ideal relationship. I'm 22 :)

What I have found in life is that even when you think you won't like a certain trait of someone, when you get to know them that trait can make them interesting to be around rather than annoying. Likewise, sometimes you can spell out your perfect relationship letter by letter, but then when you are in it you quickly get bored since you have everything you want, or you find out that your perfect idea has its flaws and you want something different.

The best thing to do is have a small basic set of guiding principles for who you are looking for and then when someone more or less fits that you talk to them and get to know them better to see if you click or not.

That's very possible!

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"Ideal relationship" lol. Such a thing doesn't exist. That's why successful relationships are built around equal parts compromise and acceptance of your partner's flaws, because they should be as accepting of yours. To be fair, it's perfectly reasonable to have "deal breakers" and specific wants but checking off a laundry list of traits that a potential partner must have is chasing rainbows. Accept the people in your life for who they are (minus the abusers) and sometimes you'll find that what works for you in relationships maybe wasn't what you thought at all.

Honestly, I think I'm far better off alone than with someone who doesn't fulfill my checklist criteria. I'm definitely in support of looking for supreme quality in a potential mate, even if that makes the quantity of candidates minuscule; and if that means 0-1 lifetime total relationships, then so be it - to me, that is infinitely preferrable than wasting time on a relationship with unsuitable people.

(Seeing as I already had one for a few years, I think I already got lucky... and I've accepted the idea that no further partnerships will be coming. Being single is the baseline standard; learn to appreaciate it. :) )

Compromising on that would mean not standing up for myself... and seeing as I'm the most important person in my life, always, that's simply not gonna happen.

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I don't really know what my ideal relationship would look like in terms of romantic or sexual interactions with a partner (or partners I guess - I haven't ruled out the possibility of a polyamorous setup) because both of those things are for me closely associated with a fairly traumatic past relationship. So my attitude to whether either or both would be part of my ideal is possibly subject to change as that experience retreats further into the past and (hopefully) takes up less brain space.

But in terms of other stuff, I think my ideal relationship would be with someone who shared a similar sense of humour and liked the odd things about me, and someone I could do fun stuff with. It'd also have to be someone I was emotionally close to, who respected me and my boundaries, who could look after me a bit when things got a bit crap (and vice versa of course), that sort of thing.

So basically I think that was a really long-winded way of saying that my ideal relationship is one that's founded on strong friendship and mutual respect.

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