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I've always identified as gay... But I think I might be graysexual?


blowjoe

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I have been attracted to guys all my life, never women. I experience aesthetic and sexual attraction, and I masturbate. But right now I am very confused...

With all my past relationships, I have barely ever cared about sex. It is not that I do not enjoy it, but I would much rather be doing something else (just hugging or whatever), no matter how attracted to the guy I am. This also varies - sometimes I would like to have sex, most of the time I do not. I often find myself feigning illness or some other excuse just so I don't have to bother.

I hate hook ups - never had one, never will - have absolutely no interest in that. The thought of dating scares me, not because I do not want to be physically and mentally close to someone because I VERY MUCH DO. But because sex! But at the same time, I enjoy sex and I do not feel repulsed from it.

I just feel a little alienated as I feel like I am between some sort of gay and asexual spectrum....

Is this even possible?

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nanogretchen4

It's totally possible to be graysexual and gay. It's also totally possible to be gay and have a lower than average libido, or not be into casual sex or certain sexual activities.

I'm bisexual and demisexual, by the way. Welcome to AVEN.

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Welcome to AVEN.

Every one of our journey is unique.

How we arrive to the question about whether we are asexual or not is also unique.

We have all dealt with this question, but the answer is uniquely ours.

I hope by reading our stories and meeting some of the awesome people in the site you will arrive at the very least to better questions.

Under the section Asexuality subsection Questions about Asexuality is a great place to start.

I saw this video a few years ago I think you might find it interesting.

https://youtu.be/9eUfSocTX7c

I hope some of the above helps.

Have a beautiful night.

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So you do desire sex at times and don't just enjoy it? Do you know what, if anything, triggers this desire?

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So you do desire sex at times and don't just enjoy it? Do you know what, if anything, triggers this desire?

No idea... I'm really finding it hard to put how I feel into words. Like don't get me wrong, I am kinky af, but that doesn't mean I feel completely homosexual. I can be aesthetically attracted to someone, but no more. I'm only sexually once I get to KNOW them. Even then, I don't feel an urge to have sex with them. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it or I am repulsed by the idea, if it happens.

I don't know :(

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Maybe a sex indifferent demisexual, or simplified, maybe a Gray-homosexual. And since you said you don't feel anything past aesthetic attraction, perhaps you're aromantic too.

How long exactly does it take you to reach this required bond? If it's past 5 dates then it may be unusual (as that seems to be the norm nowadays and not 3), but if it's around there then that'd be normal and not demisexual, but with the sex indifference that'd still qualify as Gray-sexual.

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Maybe a sex indifferent demisexual, or simplified, maybe a Gray-homosexual. And since you said you don't feel anything past aesthetic attraction, perhaps you're aromantic too.

How long exactly does it take you to reach this required bond? If it's past 5 dates then it may be unusual (as that seems to be the norm nowadays and not 3), but if it's around there then that'd be normal and not demisexual, but with the sex indifference that'd still qualify as Gray-sexual.

Definitely longer than 3 dates, but I still have sex on the third date (usually) just because it is kinda expected. I enjoy it, but would much rather not and in an ideal situation I would like a lot longer (a month or two of dates ideally). Also let me make it clear I DO experience things past aesthetic attraction - I meant when I first meet someone I do not experience the sexual side of it. After time, I feel romantic attraction and after that comes sexual. I very much like physical intimacy, but not the sex from the get go! Do you understand where the confusion is coming from now? Haha.

Very difficult finding gay guys who are willing to accommodate that though...

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Yah, demisexuals can sexually compromise before their sexual desire emerges.

How long does it take you to feel romantically? Maybe you're demiromantic too.

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With all my past relationships, I have barely ever cared about sex. It is not that I do not enjoy it, but I would much rather be doing something else (just hugging or whatever), no matter how attracted to the guy I am. This also varies - sometimes I would like to have sex, most of the time I do not. I often find myself feigning illness or some other excuse just so I don't have to bother.

I've never been in a relationship, but I can kinda relate to this...but I feel that if I was ever to be in one, I'd really be more interested in things like hugging/cuddling/kissing than anything sexual. That said, my feeling on sex is basically "never say never".

I hate hook ups - never had one, never will - have absolutely no interest in that. The thought of dating scares me, not because I do not want to be physically and mentally close to someone because I VERY MUCH DO. But because sex! But at the same time, I enjoy sex and I do not feel repulsed from it.

I'm with you on hookups, Zero interest in such activity, I've never had one & never plan to.

The thought of dating/relationships scares me too, but for different reasons a few being:

* The fear of ending up heartbroken when ( not if but when ) it doesn't work out.

* The simple fact I've never dated and am not good with any sorta social interaction.

* Someone finding out (assuming I was dating a guy, not a girl)

I feel like I am between some sort of gay and asexual spectrum....

Similar here, feeling I'm somewhere on both the bi and asexual scales
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I think this sounds more like a libido difference than anything in the asexual realm. I can definitely see why you would consider a grey label - when people ask why you're not as much into sex as they are, it's a simple answer that asserts it's who you are rather than anything about them. If going by grey-sexual helps you understand yourself and communicate your desires better to potential partners, I say go for it. :cake:

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SallyisAGoodGirl

I have been attracted to guys all my life, never women. I experience aesthetic and sexual attraction, and I masturbate. But right now I am very confused...

With all my past relationships, I have barely ever cared about sex. It is not that I do not enjoy it, but I would much rather be doing something else (just hugging or whatever), no matter how attracted to the guy I am. This also varies - sometimes I would like to have sex, most of the time I do not. I often find myself feigning illness or some other excuse just so I don't have to bother.

I hate hook ups - never had one, never will - have absolutely no interest in that. The thought of dating scares me, not because I do not want to be physically and mentally close to someone because I VERY MUCH DO. But because sex! But at the same time, I enjoy sex and I do not feel repulsed from it.

I just feel a little alienated as I feel like I am between some sort of gay and asexual spectrum....

Is this even possible?

I can relate.

This is embarrassing. But I am 26, and a virgin. At first it was not much of a problem. I live in a country where waiting after marriage is glorified, and so thus I have no problem, and moreover my former partners also never push me to do it (I was lucky I guess).

But then I hangs out with girls who claim themselves as "sex-positive" and the like. They discussed about their sex lives and there was times I feel... Out of place. I start to think that my sexual desire aren't conventional.

The thing is, I pretty much feeling romantic and sexual desire separately. Weirdly enough, I cannot feel sexual desire by people I like. I masturbate by looking at porn and smut, but I never get off by the imagery of celebrities I like, let alone my partners. I love kissing, and hugging, and cuddling, and sleeping together in bed sans sex. I love being intimate, but I cannot bring myself to think about sex with my partners whom I love.

Now I haven't dated anyone for 3 years. At this years, everyone's start talking about marriage, and the thought of it repulsed me. I simply cannot have sex with people I like, let alone my future spouse whom I respect and love (I personally won't mind never getting married because I hate kids and I have mental and body image issue myself, tho).

From what you describe, OP, you might be graysexual or demisexual. And It's possible to be homoromantic graysexual/demisexual.

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